💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[the khat quaffer]

That sounds really depressing, though, at least for Jack. I'd hope it would be something funnier. Let's save that kind of death for Boogie.

He can go the way of Henry VIII.

tl;dw died of sepsis, bedsores, boils that had to be lanced on the regular, extreme obesity (>400 lbs), intense foul odor that could be smelled down the hall.

 

[An YTMND User]

Oh, this motherfucker is gonna die alone for sure.

 

[Bassomatic]

Oh, this motherfucker is gonna die alone for sure.

Bonus points if it's on his scooty puff.

I couldn't picture how funny it would be Tammy has to go do something and finds his ass croaked, at least then the under taker would have to change his dirty crapped briefs for once.

Here lies Jack, he never learned his Grandson's name and was fat.

 

[LaughJoke2.0]

He can go the way of Henry VIII.

tl;dw died of sepsis, bedsores, boils that had to be lanced on the regular, extreme obesity (>400 lbs), intense foul odor that could be smelled down the hall.

To be fair to Henry VIII unlike Jack he was an athlete once until a Jousting accident caused a leg wound that never properly heal, and it was too risky back then to amputate. This wound and his boils are usually attributed to his smell. His weight gain was also due to the accident as he always had a big appetite but before the accident, he was burning calories every day with his sporting activities now couldn't walk and had to be literally cared around so he wasn't burning shit.

Jack was always a fat gluten he just got worse.

 

[Shartavius]

You know who can't tip a fedora?

 

[Slavic Patronym]

He can go the way of Henry VIII.

tl;dw died of sepsis, bedsores, boils that had to be lanced on the regular, extreme obesity (>400 lbs), intense foul odor that could be smelled down the hall.

The similarities between Jack and Henry VIII are so fun to think about.

Jack:

• Has a younger nepo-kid he spoils (Junior = Edward)
• Has an older better kid he ignores (Garrett = Elizabeth)
• Has a current wife who hates him
• Has an ex-wife who hates him
• Leverages his own version of Christianity to suit his needs
• Holds court with men who can barely stand him
• Propagates false, flattering images of himself
• Is obsessed with appearing manly
• Needs a special chair due to his morbid obesity
• Has a traumatic brain injury
• Ignores doctors who beg him to eat less meat
• Will be killed by his self-soothing perma-lust for food

All we need is for Jack to fall off his steed (i.e., wheelchair) in front of hundreds of people and have it land on top of him.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

He can go the way of Henry VIII.

tl;dw died of sepsis, bedsores, boils that had to be lanced on the regular, extreme obesity (>400 lbs), intense foul odor that could be smelled down the hall.

And it didn't stop there. Guy "exploded" in his coffin as his body decomposed all the gasses and stuff burst out as they were conducting the funeral procession.

Whether there was an actual explosion or not we don't know. Some say the coffin cracked or ruptured from this and dogs were said to have followed along licking up the fluids that leaked out.

 

[Pig Cups]

"Yes! Now I can marry my black boyfriend!"

Has it ever been officially established that Jim Traynor is black? I always pictured him as a well-built white guy not too far from her in age. The kind of dude who drives a Silverado, keeps himself nicely fit/looks fantastic at his age, and sports graying, short hair.

I would prefer for her not to have a negro lover, but it doesn’t come from racist thinking. In my fantasy, Tammy ends up with a complete alpha of a man. A full-on white Adonis with a chiseled jaw, at least 1.5 decades younger than her. Said guy is young but virile, and has a thing for older women. He sweeps her off her feet and brings her into his world- living on a massive working ranch with a beautiful, rustic mansion. He’s the kind of guy to take her hunting on the land, bagging something to butcher and cook himself for their dinner. He’s intelligent, super wealthy, has plenty of appreciable assets, but still enjoys spending chunks of the year traveling domestically and internationally. He also takes excellent care of himself, and anyone he considers family/friends. This guy is the kind of man that she’s overwhelmingly proud to be on the arm of as she struts into church- her other lady church friends look at him and feel involuntary dampening in their knickers.

He quickly makes her feel more like a woman than she has in 30 years- eating her pussy so masterfully, that it causes her to have an earth-shattering epiphany where she questions WTF she was even fucking doing with herself during the entirety of her marriage to Fatso. At that point, she embarks on a self-improvement journey, guided with the loving support of her new beau. She changes her diet and becomes an exercise fanatic, adopts a skincare regime, does cold plunges and saunas, gets involved more in the community, and wears some real clothes. She transforms from a dumpy mess into a desirable cougar (okay, maybe she’s more puma at this point…).

You may ask yourself, why do I wish such incredible fortune upon a woman that I so thoroughly despise? Simple- to spite Jack. When he’s dead and looking up at her from where he’s going to be, THAT’S the image that he’ll be forced to endure. Sure, Jack doesn’t like black people and thinks white people are superior. As much as it would make him seethe to see Tammy getting blacked, I think that he’d feel more angry, jealous, and emasculated if she was with a fellow member of the master race who exceeds him in every metric.

Heck, it doesn’t even have to take place that much longer in the future- I hope that she meets this guy before Jack dies and dumps his uselessly immobile ass into a nursing home, with Jack being forced to watch from the window as she skips out of the building, jumps into one of his vintage convertibles, and they speed off to get married.

Junior’s headcannon of himself is as black gym rat on the DL who can rhyme and can amass a n-rich sneaker collection

This is the Kiwi Farms. You can say ‘nigger’ here.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Nah Junior’s headcannon of himself is as black gym rat on the DL who can rhyme and can amass a n-rich sneaker collection without having to work, and plenty of young white dudes to play grabass with.

His Christian rap career was hysterical

 

[Polska krowa]

His Christian rap career was hysterical

Seven and a half years have gone by so quickly...

 

[AnOminous]

It's fine if this is a deistic argument that you're making, but it doesn't really work if you're arguing for the Abrahamic God - ultimately, if the opening passages of the Bible are allegory that shouldn't be taken literally, what does that make the passages that follow?

It pretty much is a deistic argument. It's not about a specific God but the general concept of a God. If God has one fundamental aspect, it has to be being a first cause. As long as you can ask the question about anything that happened "what happened before," and there's no list of answers for that question that isn't "God did it," you haven't disproven God.

I fully believe we'll find something pre-Big Bang and the question will still remain.

 

[An YTMND User]

You know who can't tip a fedora?

View attachment 8058134

My fist wouldn't know the difference between his face and a punching bag when he does that fucking face.

 

[AnOminous]

You know who can't tip a fedora?

View attachment 8058134

I see this and I want to see his head split open with an axe. This fuckin guy. This absolute unit. DIE, JACK!

 

[a terminal posture]

Jack for reason uploaded a JotG on Monday, but he has taken it down. Did anyone manage to grab it?

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

View attachment 8059544

Jack for reason uploaded a JotG on Monday, but he has taken it down. Did anyone manage to grab it?

He never uploaded anything. He just didn’t specify what Monday it’s going to be. This is a YouTube expert thing, you wouldn’t understand.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Has it ever been officially established that Jim Traynor is black?

No but most people here say he is and I agree because that's funnier.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

View attachment 8059544

Jack for reason uploaded a JotG on Monday, but he has taken it down. Did anyone manage to grab it?

Scruffy Jimmy in front of all of YouTube, in his faded black T-shirt, dicking around on his non-Apple phone constantly.
Blurry beetza and stretched out letters.
Ear gauges protruding

Very, very disrespectful.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Jack still bitches about politics despite supposedly saying he'd drop it (dead topic but this man really has no self control)

 

[Shartavius]

Jack still bitches about politics despite supposedly saying he'd drop it (dead topic but this man really has no self control)

Understanding Jack's endless contradictions and hypocrisy requires one to recognize that the moron used social media to train himself to expect food as a reward for making himself angry.

There's no capacity for shame there (concerning Tammy paying for all of it) to disincentivize the practice - In fact, Jack thinks less of anyone who doesn't live as he does (one buddur stake at a time). For Jack, the Internet exists as a marital aid that helps him use anger to work up an appetite; and he regards it as win-win simply because his wife is obliged to subsidize it (and he'll fill his diaper throwing a toddler tantrum if she does anything to give the impression she isn't immediately going to pacify him with piles of MEETZ that is GUD).

From Jack's perspective, his reasoning is sound: Saying something will happen leads to food. The thing he said would happen not happening simply doesn't figure into his immediate needs. And, though he prioritizes food insecurity over intellectual insecurity, he will also eat to feel better about feeling like a dum-dum. He even eats to feel better after a stroke or heart attack - Gorging is the only means of licking his wounds that even occurs to him.

Granted, Jack was a fat fuck with terminal food insecurity issues before he started posting images of his gaping cake holster everywhere - But using the Internet to make himself angry enough to eat was the only way he was ever going/willing to relate to modern technology; and likely resents Internet-connected device keyboards and touchscreens for not having peet-zuh and pullpohrk buttons instead of letters.

This fat, bad man's "job" is to make himself angry about how tough his "job" of pretending to be successful on the Internet is; just so someone else (Nostrils McGee) will swipe a credit card for all the food he's entitled to, now that he's mad. He even browbeats Tammy into buying food for his "job"; so he can get mad over how all the wasted food turned out, and demand she swipe her credit card for more food to take his mind off all that food she swiped her credit card for.

 

[the khat quaffer]

No matter your faith, Jack exists to test it.

Aunt Jemima's Witnesses: Jack exists to taste it.

Bonus points if it's on his scooty puff.

I couldn't picture how funny it would be Tammy has to go do something and finds his ass croaked, at least then the under taker would have to change his dirty crapped briefs for once.

Here lies Jack, he never learned his Grandson's name and was fat.

Even more bonus points if the holy roller's scooter runs out of juice in an intersection and gets hit by a Krispy Kreme catering van.