To record myself would require taping a phone to my head.
I am not getting any time back, it's all filled in with everything else I have to do.
Lol, no, just set it up facing generally where you are in the kitchen or whatever room you're in. You can pick the thing up and take it with you, you know. The point is not a 4k recreation of every second, but to find out what you do, how much of it is actively doing something, and how much is not.
Look, you often sound mystified by what you do and at a loss as to how to do any differently. The first step in any analysis is understanding the starting-point data. If you don't know the current real data, you (meaning anyone) have no clue where there are opportunities. And since your morning routine/ time requirements are completely out of line with absolutely everyone here, and everyone everyone here has ever known, then it stands to reason that there are likely dead zones in your morning where you're not keeping it moving. But you don't know, because you're in it. So you could benefit from seeing it from the outside, objectively. It might be that you're in motion the whole time, and there are ways to shortcut some things. Or it might be that you're getting distracted and lost in other things at points. Or it could be that you put things down in unpredictable places so you are spending time looking for stuff. Could be anything. But you don't know.
But it is a severe impingement on your sleep and general feeling to get up at 2 am and spend hours just to get out the door, especially when then looking at a long day and a feeling of overwhelm when you come home. If you could get even a single extra hour of sleep, and move through the morning more efficiently, you'd feel better, guarantee.
This is a very small thing to do, and it's passive - you don't even have to keep notes. And hey- maybe "a day in the life of FW" is your next video arc; you never know. It wouldn't get you banned, though.
Usually you don't make videos just for yourself though do you? It's not the same as painting something to hang on your wall.
I don't know. I expect people make videos for a lot of reasons. Maybe it would be enjoyable to watch later.
I think I tried D3 before and it make me feel sick. I'll see if i can find D3 K2. Everything is stopping me going outside.
OK, well, then, don't take a double dosage. I do, along with about 30 (not exaggerating) other things every morning, and none of it bothers my stomach (non-gummy multi-vitamins do, though, go figure). The D/K I take are small gel caps, about the size of a pea. Easy to take. So maybe a gel variation (vs powdery pill) might be worth a try, idk. You eat breakfast, so take it just before you eat. And MILK. I drink at least a full cup each day, often more.
The demon spawn kid kicked his ball over my fence intentionally 10 seconds after he went outside. I threw it back to him. He went out of sight. 10 seconds later his mother is yelling at him to get down from the fence and that the ball is lost. So he must have kicked the ball over the neighbors fence. He is intentionally kicking the ball over fences to give himself an excuse to climb into peoples property so that he can kick the ball around there and break things. The kid is fucking insane.
Sounds like a kid being a kid, tbh. He might also be a terrible kicker and his mom (and you) mistakes his poor skills for intention.
He might also just be interested and curious about his neighbors. Maybe you could buy some cookies and offer him one if his ball comes over again.
How do I take accountability
Dear, by not blaming external forces for 100% of everything, and by taking any one of the 8 million suggestions that have been made to by people who have experienced some of the struggles or pains you have. Even if no one has lived
your life, they have lived
a life, and probably have learned a few problem-solving skills along the way, as well as some easy solutions to some of the things that are on the simpler end of the scale.
Until you stop reflexively objecting to and discarding everything that could and very possibly will improve your days as both impossible and pointless, you aren't taking accountability for your life.
I can't do anything to improve my life. I'm trapped in an endless cycle of misery. Every day I'm unhappy and I have no choice but to be in those unhappy situations and experience the agony. It's out of my hands.
You could change the information you intake. You could walk outside. You could eat lunch at work. You could film your morning to find out where time goes. You could find a single positive thing to believe. ...I could go on forever. Your fundamental error is that you believe - and you reinforce all day, everyday in your thoughts - that you have no choice, no agency, no ability to impact anything - and that it's pointless to try.
You could also go be honest to a doctor and a CBT therapist to get some damn supportive help.
You know me Dorothy I am fucked, I just need to die, my life is not worth living, it's not fixable, there is nothing for me here, I just need to kill myself
Stop that shit. Literally everything except the first 4 words of the quoted are lies. I don't know why your brain is telling you those particular lies, but it is, and they are lies.
That's a tricky thing about brains. They are both our greatest asset and our greatest detractor.
So here's a thing: the brain seeks safety, in the familiar and the small, even when the familiar and small hamstring us or put us in misery. However, the brain can be retrained. We can give our brains courage or train them so they can feel safe even while doing different things or thinking slightly differently. Further, changing actions can change feelings and thinking. So taking even teeny-tiny actions can open a lot of mental doors. No, you don't need to see the end-point, but if you start with one or a couple tiny tweaks, your horizon broadens and brightens. Agree or disagree, doesn't matter; it's fact.
Does that approach
solve all your or the world's problems? A) no, but B) it does make them better and makes life a better experience for you.
Stan is right; this is a super picture. Really nice.
And I'm so happy to see a smile! High recommend you do it as much as possible, whether you feel like it or not. (Now don't spoil it by telling me you were actually grimacing in pain or that it was a trick of light, or some other nonsense.).
DOOMER PILL ALERT
