Well I'm not a big fan of Vietnamese they are very asian.
Lol...yes, quite, I'd say, being from Asia and all. (However, he was an incredibly good and wise man. I can't overstate his impact. He would definitely be in my first 3 picks for my "if you could have a dinner party and invite anyone, dead or alive, whom would you invite?" list.)
If all life is suffering then it's better just to die now and not waste the time.
That is the opposite of the point and the truth. We suffer because we want - because we are dissatisfied. This is the philosophy of Buddhism, and the Four Noble Truths, with the Eightfold Path, are the path away from suffering. I'll give you the AI slop summary. It won't resonate because there's much more to and about it, but here's the high-level:
The Path to End Suffering:
The Four Noble Truths offer a solution to suffering by:
- Acknowledging that life is suffering.
- Identifying the cause of suffering (desire and attachment).
- Recognizing that there is an end to suffering.
- Following the path (the Noble Eightfold Path) to achieve this end, known as nirvana.
Yes but if they would just tell me things in the first place then I wouldn't be anxious. my brother told my parents, so why couldn't he tell me. Why is it always me that is ignored. It's not random, it's on purpose and happens every single time.
why is it always me
Again, you have to take accountability for and take action in your own life. You can't make other people do anything. But if knowing where you need to be and when is important, it's on you to find out. If you try and no one responds, then you've done what you can do. But if you don't take action, you're contributing to your own anxiousness and frustration - you're basically making your life harder than it needs to be.
I'll also add that the more you take that approach, the more people will respond. Humans are quite trainable in terms of getting them to treat you in certain ways. You can ignore your worries or hurt feelings or fears that they don't care about or respect you and instead just reach out. You'll either get the information you need and can plan your day anxiety-free, or if you don't get a response, then you can take back your day and go for a walk or something (or sleep) during the time you expected to be at lunch. This is called self-assertiveness, and it's part of self-respect and a critical piece of self-esteem.
What you've done instead is decide that it's on them to take initiative or take care of you in the sense of feeding you information, and have also internalized their behavior as specific to you and pointed/ negative. And you may be right or you may be wrong about whether they are courteous or whether it means something about you or how they feel about you. But stop doing that. Act differently, and eventually they will treat you differently. Time to come over for lunch doesn't need to be something you let get you down or feel persecuted about. I get it's been years or decades that this pattern has occurred - so you can change that. Yes, it feels awkward and uncomfortable at first if you're not used to it, and you may well have decades of resentment or bewilderment about it. SO WHAT. Change it. And I also guarantee you that the better you get at asserting yourself, the less you'll be swirling and bothered about what it means that they did or didn't do x or y.
BTW, all therapists aren't Jewish, and they don't want you dead. A CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) therapist doesn't even want to dig into your psyche so much as to help you do things like taking baby steps towards doing what I described above, or other little things that can at least make your day-to-day a tiny hair less frantic and burdensome.
You need to show yourself you can do something to impact your life for the better. You think, or say you think, you have zero power in your life. Yet you got yourself a job and bought a house. You pay your bills. You shower and shave and get dressed. Not everyone can do those things.
You also display immense powers of refusing to do anything even to try to shake up your routine or not be stuck in helplessness. I literally gave you links and stores to buy yourself a scarf so you aren't freezing all winter. You had 65 reasons why you could not do so, why it was dangerous or intolerable or "impossible." Yet nothing made it impossible except your decision to say NO. Just because you phrased it as "I can't" or "the world makes it impossible and there's no point anyway" doesn't mean you weren't exercising power. You clearly have the capacity for entrenched, dogged will. You just use it in an inverted, poor-me, harmful way.
So there: you do have power, and you do know how to exercise it. You didn't want to get a scarf, because if you did you'd have one less justification for feeling deprived and miserable, one less reason to clutch onto doom, one more excuse not to take a 30-second walk outside.
Not doing that, or not going to a sports store (brick or online) to buy a tennis ball, or not pausing for 30 seconds to breathe the air and look around between your car and the door to work (idc if the view is grim and has brown people in it; you could just look at the sky or something), is you exercising power. It's self-harming power, but it is power. You actually possess a lot of it, but it's become important for you to believe you don't. You're lying to yourself. And you're missing the forest for the trees - but deliberately. At least own that.
this one, something it would sit well behind one of your works:
