Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

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This is less advice and more just curiosity. Do a lot of women really get "the ick" or feel its a red flag for a man to have mostly women friends? I often see stuff like that online, but it doesn't really line up with my experience. Figured this is as good a place as any to solicit opinions from strangers.

I've had friends of both genders throughout my life, but pretty much all the long term friends I've had in life are women. I chalk this up to two things. I'm rather introverted, and women are a lot more likely to be proactive in maintaining friendships. I also think it is because I just find women easier to talk with most of the time, for reasons I still don't have a full grasp on. Most of my same gender friends have just been circumstantial friends, like people I went to school with or coworkers that I developed a friendship with, and we tend to lose touch as soon as that isn't a factor anymore, whereas women seem a lot more open to and willing to be proactive about staying in touch afterwards. I've never had it come up in romantic relationships, but I've been with my fiancee for years now so I also haven't been dating in a very long time. I've talked about it with a couple of close friends and fiancee before, but obviously there is a bias there as they already know me, so there isn't that first/early impression thing. The only people that have ever expressed anything negative about it have been other men, and even then its never gone beyond friendly banter. It seems like most women, and people in general, just don't care once they get to know you in reality. I'm wondering if this isn't a generational thing, or just one of those online "trueisms" that get shared.
 
BallsGuevara said:
This is less advice and more just curiosity. Do a lot of women really get "the ick" or feel its a red flag for a man to have mostly women friends? I often see stuff like that online, but it doesn't really line up with my experience. Figured this is as good a place as any to solicit opinions from strangers.
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It's context-dependent. I've had a number of male friends and relationships who are similar to what you describe about yourself in your spoiler. I usually chalk it up to one of two things:

  1. Sign of a sperg streak, or at least a tendency to immerse themselves in work/interests instead of a social group. Men like this are more likely to choose friends based on hobbies rather than "trusting them as an ally" or something. Like you said, they often have a hard time maintaining friendships unless the other person is socially proactive. Might not be a red flag among nerdy women, spergs, or other women who run in those circles.
  2. Sign of being sensitive to other people's needs, lack of machismo, and possibly a dislike for male-typical socially abrasive behaviors. This can be a sign that he views women as normal people - good! Afaic it becomes a red flag if he is performative about it ("I'm an empath" "male feminist"), or if there are signs he doesn't view his female friends as individual people with valuable perspectives. Some men do understand that having female friends "approving" them gives them cover to do bad things, and that is probably where the red flag comes from.
 
BallsGuevara said:
This is less advice and more just curiosity. Do a lot of women really get "the ick" or feel its a red flag for a man to have mostly women friends?
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If he's genuinely friends with them, no. If it's clear he's purposefully surrounding himself with women then yes.
 
w.a.m.s. said:
It's context-dependent. I've had a number of male friends and relationships who are similar to what you describe about yourself in your spoiler. I usually chalk it up to one of two things:

  1. Sign of a sperg streak, or at least a tendency to immerse themselves in work/interests instead of a social group. Men like this are more likely to choose friends based on hobbies rather than "trusting them as an ally" or something. Like you said, they often have a hard time maintaining friendships unless the other person is socially proactive. Might not be a red flag among nerdy women, spergs, or other women who run in those circles.
  2. Sign of being sensitive to other people's needs, lack of machismo, and possibly a dislike for male-typical socially abrasive behaviors. This can be a sign that he views women as normal people - good! Afaic it becomes a red flag if he is performative about it ("I'm an empath" "male feminist"), or if there are signs he doesn't view his female friends as individual people with valuable perspectives. Some men do understand that having female friends "approving" them gives them cover to do bad things, and that is probably where the red flag comes from.
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Some of that definitely fits. I never liked like partying or anything, so I tend to make new friends with people I interact with via work or hobbies. Most of my interests are rather spergy too so those are usually the kinds of people I get to know. I'm probably percieved as lacking machismo because I find hookup culture pretty gross and I'm not interested in the details of other people's sex lives, which, especially for young men, is seen as a masculine thing to brag about. I run across that less now that I'm a bit older though.
Big Miss Steak said:
If he's genuinely friends with them, no. If it's clear he's purposefully surrounding himself with women then yes.
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I didn't really consider that angle, but I'm not surprised its a thing. Intentionally cultivating a friend group with a purpose in mind seems creepy, friendships are supposed to develop naturally.
 
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Rekeita's Kidneys said:
Any way to make up for it? Or just give up on the apps?
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I had a professor with severe lupus. He was blind in one eye (it was this milky, kind of opaque appearance that completely covered the whole eye), scarring on his face, and had a limp.

As crazy as it sounds, he was irresistible to some of my classmates. He was VERY charming, he was hilarious, he was a very interesting man and above all, he owned his disease. I remember he told us about his wife and how they met, and he said his trick when meeting women was being upfront in his bio and taking pictures with either animals or doing something cool, so his appearance wasn't the entire focus.

It's about the "vibe" that you give. You could tell he was a confident man and, despite what retards like Andrew Tate say, personality is more important.

But also, apps in general suck ass, so don't beat yourself up about it. I met my gf through my hobby. She is not my type, but because we spent so much time together and I actually got to know her, I ended up falling for her. If I'd seen her on an app, I would've swiped left. I guess sometimes the "old fashioned way" works, so give it a try.
 
Regina Togaf said:
Thanks for the insight frens !

Recently my girlfriend has initiated said difficult conversation. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be; we both agree on the current situation and what needs to be done, even if it takes a long time to change my weight. Since we both understand each other, I think that we both handled it well and there was no argument about the topic, just solidarity.

It does feel bad that she is not as attracted to me physically, but you reap what you sow.

I want to ask a follow up question ! What should/could she do on her part in order to be helpful/supportive during these trying times where I am fat and retarded?
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Don't expect her to do the work for you. I'm sure you won't; in your posts you seem like a jolly nice fellow (no sarcasm, nor lies: you genuinely do). My ex husband and I had the same talk and one of the nails in the coffin of our marriage was that he 1. Expected me to cook all the food 2. He expected me to do all the grocery shopping and 3. He expected me to write down the calories for EVERYTHING so he could log it for My Fitness Pal.

He would also become very very angry if I ate "bad" food near him or if I used "bad" food habits in his vicinity. You have to accept the world won't change because of your new habits and lifestyle.

I'm sure you can do this. It's a marathon not a sprint. Very best of luck to you.
 
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Rekeita's Kidneys said:
How should I take photos of myself for the dating apps if I'm facially disfigured?
It's hard enough IRL being treated like a circus freak because my immune system decides to just destroy itself willy-nilly (that and the unwarranted "advice" from boomers thinking it's acne drives me up the fucking wall)... but I digress

Friend IRL is trying to get me back on that shit since I think he can tell I'm a little down on my luck.

I'm in decent shape, have plenty of muscle and shit but I'm not the kinda fag to show off I guess lol.

Any way to make up for it? Or just give up on the apps?
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Appearances on dating apps are everything, much more than dating in person. Because of your """acne""" women are gonna swipe left. Make your friend be your wingman. Plus what is your """acne""" actually, I'm curious?
 
Kyle Parson said:
Appearances on dating apps are everything, much more than dating in person. Because of your """acne""" women are gonna swipe left. Make your friend be your wingman. Plus what is your """acne""" actually, I'm curious?
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Verneuil’s disease. Basically the follicles on my body love to get clogged up, body attacks them, I get large cysts that fucking hurt a shitton and end up either popping them or they go down on their own.

I have scars all over my face where any hair would naturally grow (so beard, top of head etc) from this bullshit over the years.

And yeah, it's all appearances unfortunately. I just wish the women would actually read the bios like I tend to do because there's a human being behind the fucking photos.

There's probably TONS of women I wouldn't have swiped on unless I read their profiles and found that I liked what they had to offer besides just t&a.

Good advice from everyone here, truthfully I just need to find somewhere better to find decent women... Fuck even just friends in general. I'm quite isolated ATM unfortunately.
 
Idle question: Thots who go for the artificial look with lots of surgery, fake tan, lashes and loads of face injections: Why do they only seem to go out in manky pyjamas and no makeup? Their faces look really sore and inflamed from all the injected shit, their hair looks unbrushed. Its such a weird juxtaposition of effort/no effort.

Plenty of non-thot women go out dressed casually and not wearing makeup and they still look 1000× more groomed than the orange beautician types.

Why do this specific subset of women who obviously care a lot about their appearance to the point they spend a lot of money to create a look, then spend most of their time in public making zero effort to look even normal?

I asked my wife but she says she doesn't know and to stop looking at thots.
 
Clovis said:
Idle question: Thots who go for the artificial look with lots of surgery, fake tan, lashes and loads of face injections: Why do they only seem to go out in manky pyjamas and no makeup? Their faces look really sore and inflamed from all the injected shit, their hair looks unbrushed. Its such a weird juxtaposition of effort/no effort.

Plenty of non-thot women go out dressed casually and not wearing makeup and they still look 1000× more groomed than the orange beautician types.

Why do this specific subset of women who obviously care a lot about their appearance to the point they spend a lot of money to create a look, then spend most of their time in public making zero effort to look even normal?
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It might have something to do with bleached hair being damaged, so it's more likely to look dry and ratty when it's not styled. And lips with filler are very noticeable without lip color because you can see how the filler goes past the vermillion border. I think women with enhancements are more attention-grabbing in general, so you are more likely to notice them, whether they are done-up or not. For example, if you see a woman out with her hair in a bun and no makeup you might not even notice her. If you see a woman out with her hair in a bun and no makeup, but she has big eyelash extensions, you'll notice. Perhaps it's something to do with them not being able to be fully undone. They are either are all done up and glamorized, or they are in this sort of strange limbo in-between. Even when they roll out of bed, they still have the fake boobs, big lips, spray tan, fake lashes, hair extensions, etc. so it might give a sort of uncanny appearance when combined with things like dark circles, unstyled hair, casual clothing, where as someone without all that just comes off as normal. I guess they sort of look like someone who left the house in the middle of getting ready, so it looks strange. They also might have less energy to get dolled up on the daily because they spend a lot of time and effort on their appearance in other instances.
Clovis said:
I asked my wife but she says she doesn't know and to stop looking at thots.
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Lol based wife. You should listen to her.
 
What are your opinions on age gap relationships? I have seen men that go after 16/17 year olds to be called pedophiles or creepy. Men on this site, 4chins, or anywhere that's even slightly right will be on the side on men who do this and say that it was perfectly normal back in old times. I wanted to know from the women on this site what they think about it.
 
Rekeita's Kidneys said:
Verneuil’s disease. Basically the follicles on my body love to get clogged up, body attacks them, I get large cysts that fucking hurt a shitton and end up either popping them or they go down on their own.

I have scars all over my face where any hair would naturally grow (so beard, top of head etc) from this bullshit over the years.

And yeah, it's all appearances unfortunately. I just wish the women would actually read the bios like I tend to do because there's a human being behind the fucking photos.

There's probably TONS of women I wouldn't have swiped on unless I read their profiles and found that I liked what they had to offer besides just t&a.

Good advice from everyone here, truthfully I just need to find somewhere better to find decent women... Fuck even just friends in general. I'm quite isolated ATM unfortunately.
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Does anybody else in your family have Verneuil’s disease, if so are they married? There might be hope.
 
umseriously said:
What are your opinions on age gap relationships? I have seen men that go after 16/17 year olds to be called pedophiles or creepy. Men on this site, 4chins, or anywhere that's even slightly right will be on the side on men who do this and say that it was perfectly normal back in old times. I wanted to know from the women on this site what they think about it.
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I dislike age gap relationships very much for many reasons. I believe the smaller the age gap, the better. The smaller the age gap, the less likely chance of divorce, the healthier and happier the relationship, less chance of things like autism and schizophrenia in children, you don't have one spouse reaching an advanced age before the other, etc. Age gaps are just unhealthy and should be avoided and stigmatized. I find it really strange how so many people who claim to be all about promoting strong families don't disavow age gaps, or they straight-up promote them, like you said. Age gap relationships almost always seem to be based on unsavory grounds, like wanting a partner you can manipulate for your own sexual or financial gratification, rather than being based on actual love and desire to create a lifelong bond and family. Or they are formed by people with maturity issues that are going to negatively impact the relationship down the line.

I generally start to side-eye when the gap is five years or greater. And that's just adults being with adults. Adults being with children is a whole other thing. I can understand a teenager dating another teenager, but I don't think they should have sex as teenagers. I cannot see any good reason for a 20-year-old to be dating a 16-year-old. Generally, the "half your age plus 7 rule" works for showing what's creepy or not, but I'd be even more conservative if you really want to aim for a successful relationship. And the "normal back in the day" thing is not really true. The median age at first marriage in the US in 1890 was 22 for women and 26 for men, for example. And even if large age gaps used to be the norm, that in itself is not enough justification. They have to actually lead to thriving marriages and families for them to be a good thing, which, from what I've seen, they do not.
 
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umseriously said:
What are your opinions on age gap relationships? I have seen men that go after 16/17 year olds to be called pedophiles or creepy. Men on this site, 4chins, or anywhere that's even slightly right will be on the side on men who do this and say that it was perfectly normal back in old times. I wanted to know from the women on this site what they think about it.
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"Back in old times" average age of marriage was 24 for women and 28 for men. An acceptable gap, and womens sexual maturity is later than pedophiles would like to believe. Ie. You don't reach peak maturity immediately after puberty.
Praraphiliacs (pedophiles) want to believe their nasty kinks are natural because whatever they want is natural. I believe nature invented shotguns for this reason.
Later in life, men are unwilling to believe their 20 year younger woman isn't attracted to them physically and wants their money, but this is always the case. And since for the man it's only physical anyway, they're both materialistic whores.
 
umseriously said:
What are your opinions on age gap relationships? I have seen men that go after 16/17 year olds to be called pedophiles or creepy. Men on this site, 4chins, or anywhere that's even slightly right will be on the side on men who do this and say that it was perfectly normal back in old times. I wanted to know from the women on this site what they think about it.
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When the topic of adult men dating teenage girls comes up, certain men will imagine themselves in the position of the older boyfriend and respond from that angle. If you asked these men if they'd be happy if their 17-year-old daughter brought home a 40-year-old man, if they're honest, they'd be less than thrilled about it. They're fully aware of how creepy it is; they just don't view themselves as creepy. The cognitive dissonance of holding these two contradictory positions makes them touchy and defensive about the issue.

To answer your question, no, it's not normal to be 29 and interested in a 16-year-old. Some teenagers may superficially resemble adults, but if you talk to one for five seconds, it's obvious you're dealing with a child. It wasn't really normal in the past, either. You wouldn't go to jail (and still won't in some places), but that doesn't mean it was seen as normal and wholesome. The US median age of first marriage in 1890 was 22 for women and 26 for men, which is actually higher than the median age in 1970 (20 and 23, respectively). Men have usually tended to be 1-4 years older than their wives, not 10+ years. Most people don't want a mentally and emotionally immature partner when they're entering a phase of their life during which serious decisions need to be made. If someone does want that, it's natural to be suspicious of their reasons.

That said, the older you get, the less creepy a big age gap is. A relationship between a divorced 60-year-old and a divorced 45-year-old is whatever. I don't think the 60-year-old is automatically a predator for being interested in someone 15 years younger. I just think that the prospect of the younger person ending up widowed within 25 years is a bit sad. However, at 45, you have enough life experience to make that decision for yourself while fully understanding the consequences. A 16-year-old does not.
 
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