I (M42) have penile fibrosis and my wife (F40) is not helpful or cares to help with it
I coming up on 42, went from 160lbs to 210lbs in the last 5 years, have pre diabetes, high blood pressure, and am getting checked for cholesterol.
All these things lead to penile fibrosis, basically the tissue in my penis is taught now instead of spongey and stretchy. My erections are uncomfortable, the quality is poor, bendy and pliable, and I can’t get hard from sight or thought bc I need hands to help force blood flow to the glans.
A urologist gave me a routine that could help that involves gain an erection, stretching / jelquing it for 2 - 5 minutes while clenching kegels, return to flaccid, then repeat 2-3 more times.
It actually works wonders and right from the 1st time I did it I was diamonds and close to my old size and girth. This is a great sign that I can recover as the other health issues are worked on. But then the wife complication.
She thinks it’s weird and embarrassing. She has walked in on me doing the exercise 3 times in the past month and treats it like I’m a teenager hiding in my office jerking it. I asked her if she wanted to be a part of it and she scoffed. I said won’t that be sexy, you be my sex muse for my stretches then I’m all the way hard just for you. She laughed and said penis stretches are not sexy and a neither is putting effort into an erection.
I said I think aging with you is sexy and left the conversation at that.
But I’m really confused bc we don’t have dead bedroom or bad sex life, if anything she makes herself way more physically available to me than I hear from other husbands, she flashes me all day long, and she wants penetrative sex all the time. I like foreplay more than her, and it doesn’t have to be vaginal sex for me all the time but that’s the only way she likes to finish. She can’t even finish from a toy anymore or masturbate herself.
4x in August she tried masturbating and couldn’t finish and woke me up to finish her.
So I have no clue what the issue is and wish I didn’t even share with her.
edit - thank you for the comments and it’s ultimately going to be what she wants to do, I understand people’s initial tilt right towards defending women not doing something they don’t want to bur there seems to be some initial toxicity in the other direction that penises just aren’t sexy and we reluctantly interact with them. 2 points
A) I’m not great looking but I’m pretty good for a middle aged dad. I’m not a letcherous blob trying to make a slave girl touch me. I’ve got a dad bod, was muscular and only have a 35” waist at my new weight; she still gets compliments about me at work and our kids school, though that doesn’t matter I’m just trying to paint a different picture from the toxic one I suspect ppl inferred. What does matter is
B) I’m trying to have healthy sex my wife is requesting and this is my new foreplay. It’s the way my body gets a full firm erection now, and I think treating it differently is like telling men they don’t have to warm up the woman or use lube. Maybe I didn’t make that part clear the stretching routine helps in general over time but right now it is the only way to give me a full erection in the immediate