ghoulishenvyy- Nebulous Masc (He/They/It/Any) [score hidden] 9 hours ago
Queer community has been unwelcoming to bi and trans men for like ever. they seem to think queer = lack of masculinity
[–]Throwawaymightdelet3 [score hidden] 9 hours ago
In the past year i feel like its gotten worse
[–]Zombskirus- Transsex Male - Out '17, T '21,

'23, Hysto '25,

??? [score hidden] 9 hours ago
I would say yes. I've seen more transmisandry/transandrophobia these past few months than I ever have I think. This idea that we don't experience oppression or that we have it overall easier is ridiculous and only proving trans men/masc erasure as real and very prominent. People seem to think they can combat our claims of erasure and oppression with... more erasure and oppression, yet dont see the irony in that lol.
Statistically, and anecdotally, we experience a similar rate of personal hate crimes and oppression as any other trans person. We experience some hate crimes and oppression less than others, and higher than some others. But it also is very nuanced and dependent on: Are you binary? Are you masculine? Do you pass? Are you straight? Etc. But one thing stays the same: We all face oppression, especially under societies and governments that aim to oppress all trans people, and, rather, all minorities.
You absolutely can find better and healthier queer friends. I'm surrounded by many queer friends of so many different identities, backgrounds, etc who respect, understand, and listen to my experiences as a trans man, including my oppression. You deserve friends who will do the same! I would absolutely speak with your friends about how seriously this effects you, and all trans men/mascs. I hope they make an effort to understand and change their behavior.
[–]Throwawaymightdelet3 [score hidden] 9 hours ago
I am autistic tho so making friends is already sooo hard and takes me yrs
[–]Zombskirus- Transsex Male - Out '17, T '21,

'23, Hysto '25,

??? [score hidden] 9 hours ago*
Oh 100%. I get it a lot, I struggle to make friends, too. Fixing to be diagnosed with autism finally too haha. But it's absolutely possible, and you absolutely deserve better! Yeah, it'll take time, and it'll likely be difficult, but it'll be worth it
Accomplished-Row6215- 21 | trans man | 16 weeks

[score hidden] 6 hours ago
yeah I’ve personally noticed this too. From my anecdotal experience, I had the most direct verbal transphobia other queer people from, all of which were ironically nonbinary sapphic women (not misgendering, they identify as specifically nb women, genderfluid, and demigirls, which is valid).
I had to drop a close friend because she (she/they) kept saying that “trans men don’t experience misogyny,” and when I told them she needed to educate herself, she IMMEDIATELY combatted with the claim that I was “invalidating their transness” for criticizing them. I dropped another RIGHT after I came out to them, because their response (and i quote) was “why….? why a binary trans man,,, and not nonbinary…?” And then got mad when I WAS OFFENDED! Then had another person act weird when I started my HRT, and she said I would be “peak androgyny” if I only got top surgery, and didn’t “ruin my looks with hormones.” Safe to say she’s gone too. After I came out as a TRANS MAN, I lost almost ALL of my sapphic afab friends except too: a fellow transmasc and hilariously a cis lesbian (and the only other lesbian I knew at the time before I came out).
That being laid out, my theory on why this is a current phenomenon is honestly projection and misdirected hatred towards patriarchy.
Women, fems, trans people, (and really anyone else who aren’t cishet men) rightfully are weary of men and male spaces. What seems to be overlooked is that masculinity ≠ patriarchy, and therefore, ANYTHING that’s deemed “too masculine” is immediately dogpiled and heavily ostracized. Butches face this issue, gay men face this issue, non-passing transfems, drag kings, nonbinary amabs, muscular women, nonbinary afabs on T, and even women of color. Blindly hating on anything deemed overly-masculine, in return, makes for a highly-exclusive space that’s CRAWLING with terfs, racists, and gender essentialists (which we see a lot in centrist-leaning spaces and media, and even be described as White Feminism). It’s such an easy pipeline to fall into unknowingly, because it’s rational to hold hate for the patriarchy, and it’s even MORE rational to want a space away from patriarchal ideals… but if you don’t put in the work to break down those ideals within yourself first,, you’d only reestablished those ideals within your own space (queerphobia 2.0 but woke).
As for my Projection theory, it’s admittedly a lot less politically-educated and more anecdotal. When I used to frequent nonbinary spaces, a TON of those individuals were pre-t, pre-op, very feminine afab people (which there’s NOTHING WRONG with that, nonbinary people never owe ANYONE androgyny, and what matters is being safe and authentic). Despite this being harmless, there was always a toxic hierarchy ingrained into the space, without fail, and it would always center around 1. Who’s the most oppressed, and 2. Who looks the most ‘attractive’ and ‘cool’ person despite being trans (keyword: despite). Anyone who wasn’t conventionally attractive was seen as much lower within the hierarchy, and often alienated. Once you start including a medically transitioning person in that space tho,,,, the hostility ramps UPPP!! After seeing this over and over and over again, I personally feel like it’s because these individuals are threatened by the idea of someone else being “more + differently oppressed” than them, while at the very same time, also encountering their own internalized transphobia. It’s always an oppression olympics for them, because they themselves invalidate their own identities in exchange for social conformity. I personally try to avoid these spaces like the plague now, but when I accidentally attended a kink space with this vibe, the tone immediately shifted to nothing but “oh my gosh, you’re soooo trans!!” To “umm,, um,, uh,,, you have insurance that covers your T!!! And you’re intersex!!!! That means you have it easier than EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM!!!! gasp” It wasn’t a great experience, but after going to several events, you can start to really tell what’s actually queer, and what’s like “cis women and women-lite only!!”
Yeah so that all being said, tldr, I’ve personally learned that these toxic behaviors stem mainly from misplaced/unchecked hatred for anything masculine, as well as a heavy dose of projection of their own insecurities on their transness. When meeting another trans person who isn’t like their ideals, it makes them realize they their exclusive views dont apply to everyone, and it threatens their entire ideological foundation on how a trans person is supposed to look… and that intimidates a LOT of exclusionists/gender essentialists.
EDIT: whoops, accidentally wrote an essay

I’ve just been very passionate about this subject lately, and was very excited to share!!
[–]EcstaticDinner5962 [score hidden] 8 hours ago
personally i feel this way as well. i don't associate with the trans or queer label for this reason :/ only flag i outwardly use occasionally is the gay man flag because i feel it's the only one that fits me