💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Breadbassket]

It’s the son from the new God of War video games. Pop culture parents were a mistake.

At least he isn't named Dovahkiin.

 

[Radiator Grilled Cheese]

Question: Did they name this child "Atreus" because that's Kratos' son's name in the recently popular videogame franchise God Of War? Because the only time I've heard of anyone with that name, it was there.

The only Greece that Junior knows is bacon Greece, so probably.

At least he isn't named Dovahkiin.

Who will get bullied the most: Sephiroth Smith, Dovahkkiin Jones, or Atreus Jaison Scalfani?

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

That kid is going to be even dumber than his dad and grandfather. Fuck me, this is awful.

 

[ChonkyNeko]

Posted on instagram by Jack Jr. and provided by a helpful source,

Jack has just become a grandfather
View attachment 7762608

Good luck, kid.
You're gonna fuckin' need it.

 

[Cœlesti]

that name is atrocious

 

[AnOminous]

Could be worse with dork parents, I know a mechanic named Anakin. Good guy but jeez what a shit name.

They named him after a guy who started his career by murdering a bunch of children, was a completely whiny pussy, and ended up a genocidal maniac who blew up entire planets just for shits and giggles?

Parricide should be legal if you pull shit like that, and if you name your kid Anakin or Johnny Niggerhitler Jones or Manson Malone or whatever, you pretty much asked for it.

The only Greece that Junior knows is bacon Greece, so probably.

Who will get bullied the most: Sephiroth Smith, Dovahkkiin Jones, or Atreus Jaison Scalfani?

Futa Fluttershy Johnson.

 

[Remember to dilate]

 

[Jaded Optimist]

My Grandma died yesterday, and I swear to god she better not have been reincarnated as this fucks kid.

 

[AnOminous]

My Grandma died yesterday, and I swear to god she better not have been reincarnated as this fucks kid.

Unless she committed utterly heinous crimes, she did nothing to deserve that.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Studies have shown that if you give your kid a unique name, they're more likely to do poorly in life. So this kid has that going against them as well as being a Scalfatty.

 

[Hojicha]

The white race is saved!

He's Italian!

 

[Sneedmiser]

If Jim actually is dead his soul is inside of that baby.

 

[ChickenFriedFan]

I’m glad he lived long enough to see his grandchild, just don’t let him feed him ever.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

I’m glad he lived long enough to see his grandchild, just don’t let him feed him ever.

The poor kid would get salmonella or something

 

[Fishmalk Observer]

I see it the other way. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, so this kid will have an iron stomach they can study in adulthood, kinda like that guy who let hundreds of snake bite him.

 

[GamerGateSurvivor]

I’m glad he lived long enough to see his grandchild, just don’t let him feed him ever.

Some time in the future, a young Atreus will ask Jack Jr. "Daddy, why do you cook all of our steaks well done?"

Jack Jr. takes a break from sawing at his tough-as-shoe leather cut of meat to say "Because that's how Grandpa Jack taught me to do it."

Atreus looks confused as he asks "But my friends at school showed me Grandpa Jack's old videos. They showed me a burger so raw the cow was still mooing and..."

The sound of Jack Jr's fist pounding the table silences his son. "Yeah and I spent half my childhood on a toilet because of all the illnesses I got from his cooking. I'm not making the mistakes that man made. Do you understand?"

Atreus stares silently at his plate, poking at a piece of meat that slides around his plate like a hockey puck. "Can I have some A1 Steak Sauce so I can pretend this thing's not dryer than the Sahara Desert?"

"Yes, son. And I'm proud of you for not asking for ketchup."

 

[the khat quaffer]

Damn, just lost the betting pool for the kid being born a niglet.


Jr. better start moving more product at the box factory. Fuckhead that I am, I am nevertheless happy for Jr. et al. A baby is a wonderful thing.

@REGENDarySumanai is this feature worthy? I heard many days ago that Null doesn't find Jack interesting in the slightest.

Studies have shown that if you give your kid a unique name, they're more likely to do poorly in life. So this kid has that going against them as well as being a Scalfatty.

Someone Who Isn't Me was given a difficult to pronounce name. Let me tell you, it fucks with your adolescence. This person hated every first day of school, hated every substitute teacher day, hated field trips, but as an adult people seem more chill and politely ask how to pronounce it.

Atreus just reminds me more of the band Atreyu, who I've not heard in a very long time. Jr. woulda been in elementary school when they were big.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Looking at Jack Jr's rap videos, this comment made me laugh pretty hard

 

[Gay Sex Enjoyer]

Studies have shown that if you give your kid a unique name, they're more likely to do poorly in life.

Double points if it's from pop culture.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

@REGENDarySumanai is this feature worthy? I heard many days ago that Null doesn't find Jack interesting in the slightest.

Not really, he's no Trisha Paytas or other crazy cow.