- Joined
- Feb 17, 2017
First thing I thought of!
🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud
- Thread starter BILLY MAYS
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🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
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- Joined
- Dec 27, 2020
Book signings in LA, Nashville and Chicago. Is it normal to have "tickets" to get books signed at events? I thought they just set up a table at a bookstore, mall, etc.
Tess can't control the camera angles or lighting when others are filming her. There will be some unintentionally funny videos on social media from her remaining fans. We got great photos from the fatty Italy trip.
Tess can't control the camera angles or lighting when others are filming her. There will be some unintentionally funny videos on social media from her remaining fans. We got great photos from the fatty Italy trip.
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2024
Only for super famous authors where they expect a lot of people and don't want to immediately run out of stock and get overcrowded.
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2024
I'm looking forward to watching this fail, too 
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2024
Say the woman who gets dressed for both "legit" modelling job and her "side" job of farting on cakes for johns.
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2020
That stupid cow should be encouraging people to buy as many books as their little hearts desire and she should happily sign every single one of them. Lord, does this looney think she’s going to be on any best sellers list and there is going to be a run on her effort?
What an absolute unit.
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2024
Tess' biggest problem (aside from being the size of a rhino) is that her narc ego won't let her admit that her best days are behind her, and even at her career peak she was not some huge household name like she thinks she is.
Her sponsorship deals with Flabletics and other companies didn't result a noticeable uptick in sales for those businesses, nor more work for her. Tess' capsule collection bombed so hard that it was sold at a heavy discount within a month.
I'll bet she demanded a huge print run, and then Messy Tessie will be sitting around with a few dozen unsold books at these events, reading to some fat chicks and some guys with fat fetishes who hope to hire her for her "side services".
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2022
It's amazing how often this is the fate of Lolcow penned books. Their big egos insist on a huge print run that remains unsold, tldr they're collecting dust on dollar store shelves within a year (for example, Lindsay Ellis' Turner Diaries meets giant psychic space chicken YA romance series. In case you're confused, she wrote quite a bit of the series after being involuntarily institutionalized so...)
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2024
I remember that Lindsey's firs book sold juuuust well enough for the publisher to give the go ahead for the two other books in her planned set of five books but they bombed hard. It's likely that the healthy sales got a boost by her simps thinking that just because she can make 3 hour videos about how she wants to bang Starscream from the Transformers, that she can write a decent book...only for them to discover that NO SHE CAN'T and then "forgetting" to buy the second and third books. Lindsey has since then become a stay at home wine mom and hasn't put up a video on YouTube since July 2024 and sporadically posts videos on Nebula, which has only a userbase of 680,000 people but most likely lets her screen out comments or users she doesn't like.
The same went for Zoe Quinn. She shat out a book about being the center of the Gamergate drama, which her game journo buddies and simps hyped to the heavens (even as going as far as getting it nominated for a Hugo against the legendary URSULA K. LEGUINN) and getting optioned for a film. Then it showed up in dollar bins within weeks, she didn't get a Hugo, and the movie option lapsed. Now she's showing up year later after going in hiding, trying very hard and failing to regain the fame and Patreon donations she was raking in at her 2015 apex.
So if lightning does strike a third time, maybe this will be the final nail in Tess' career coffin, and she'll finally waddle off back to her home town of Cousinfuckerville and die of heart failure in a dilapidated trailer within 5 years.
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2022
According to insiders who posted in her thread, Lindsay got a 3 book deal (with an option for renewal) based only her Youtube streaming numbers (note: it was during the mid 2010's period when any Youtuber with over a million+ subs was being handed a book deal by mainstream publishers. Heck, Kylie Jenner scored a book deal!) . Lindsay's 3 books had nothing to do with sales numbers (even book 1 sold very poorly). & she complained last year on Bluesky about her book series not being renewed due to poor sales, so clearly that chapter of her life (pardon the pun) is finished.
Fun fact: Lindsay's currently working on a Holocaust
She even went to Germany this past spring to do "research" (...I guess count train tracks, like Eric Hunt?)Didn't Zoe Quinn's Hugo nomination lead to a bunch of drama about the Hugo Award nominations being easy to rig? Or am I thinking of a different scifi author lolcow?
Possibly? The rumors about Tess' uh...services? Side hustle?
Do beg the question, could Tess have a chubby chasing paypig smitten enough to buy a few thousand of her books to bump up the sales figures? 
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2024
None of her Cake Johns have financially supported her other endeavors, like her sponsorship deals or clothing line, so I doubt they'll going to go out of their way to astroturf her book sales. Sure, they will show up, buy a ticket, and purchase a book, but that's just so they can get close enough to get a whiff of her yeasty folds and maybe even slip her their phone number.Possibly? The rumors about Tess' uh...services? Side hustle?
When you factor in her taste for pricey nail and hair work, the fact that she thought a $900 gig was something to flex about, and her sporadic model work, it's apparent that the income needed to cover the rent, food, and upkeep for her and her youngest son has to come from SOMEWHERE. It's been a dirty open secret for decades that non-super models (like those in Sears catalogs) have been making extra cash under the table by "working under the table", if you get my drift.
There is a huge niche (pun intended) of dudes that want to fuck hamplanets without the shame of having to be seen with them in public, so the theory of Tess filling in her financial gap by selling her cavernous cake catcher for cash makes the most sense. It's not like her family has money, and her ex Nick was a millionaire only in Tess' dreams.
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2023
Irony so thick it has to be cut with a knife.Bonus:
Regarding the cake johns, they couldn’t care less about Tubbers’ book sales and neither does she for that matter. Tess cares about the money they send to her Venmo or Cashapp. She has likely spent whatever advance she received and any book sales goes against recovering that advance, which doesn’t help her out in the short term, which is the only thing she cares about.
I don’t think she cares how many books she sells, she just wants it to do well enough to help revitalize her dead and gay modeling career. Not like some agency says “if you sell 10,000 copies of this book, we’ll give you some gigs.” This book is all about visibility for her and the opportunities she hopes to get. The demand for a butterhog to talk about how cool it is to be fat shrinks by the day.
A few weeks ago I got a mailing from my health insurance company that was advertising how they’ll cover the costs of GLP-1 drugs and if you’re interested to talk to a doctor right away. Ozempic and the death of DEI is a 1-2 punch that has killed snacktivism. The only ones promoting it these days are those like Tubby Tess who bring absolutely nothing to the table other than their massive bulk. Her timing for this book can’t be worse so it’s going to be fun to see where this goes.
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2024
You nailed it. Even a clout chasing moron like Tess has to know that this book isn't the gateway back into the upper echelons of the modelling world. That door has shut, and it's not like she was on the same tier as other Plus Size models like Emme and Ashley Graham.
This is her Hail Mary to extend her 15 minutes of fame, because that clock is ticking. As you said, between mega-fatties no longer getting the red carpet treatment merely for existing, and Ozempic being the "magic bullet" for landwhales like her, this is Tess' only way to hold onto the last crumbs of relevance she has left. She's already used up her "I'M SUCH A GOOD MAWM!" and "I'M STRUGGLING WITH ANOREXIA!" attention grabs, so pushing out a book is all she's got left - other than getting caught in an affair with politician/celebrity or murdering someone. Tess SHOULD have done this back when the zeitgeist was in her favor, but she's a lazy cow with no talent or anything interesting to say.
This book will be gathering dust on Dollar Tree shelves next to other books by D-List celebs before the end of the year, and Tess will have no choice but to roll her ass back to her childhood home of Methmouth Hollow, making OF vids of her farting on sheetcakes from Walmart instead of the $100 Madonna Inn Champaign cakes she was so accustomed too.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen.....and can't get up.
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2024
Tess isn't terrified because she's worried about her kid's safety: she's scared that everyone will know that she doesn't really live in some posh condo in Hollywood or LA.
THE HORROR!
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2019
Instagram changed their location settings, leading to people having their exact location shown:
Serves these retards right for being on Meta.
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2023
These dumbasses don’t think to ask themselves why these apps, all the filters, etc. are free.
@Angry New Ager was able to find Tess’s new apartment location with two or three photos. If people are worried about opsec, stop fucking sharing everything about your life on social media. I know life without social media is a fate worse than death for these dumbasses but if they care about safety, they’ll delete their social media apps. We know they won’t of course because the drip feed of validation is what they crave most.
- Joined
- May 31, 2020
That waste of precious trees will make its appearance on Dollar Tree shelves within the year.
Ninja'd by Eventide