Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Women's Hotel has sunk to a staggering 2.88 on Goodreads. Christmas at the Women's Hotel has three ratings and one review, thanks to the advance reading copies; the review is:


This delighted reviewer is...a manly man named Ben.

https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/6968225-ben

One of Ben's current reads is Gentlemen of the Woods: Manhood, Myth, and the American Lumberjack.

(I don't think Ben is a Malory sock puppet, though it's curious that Ben's profile photo is a drawing rather than a photograph and of course one never knows who's a dog on the internet.)

Like women who endure childbirth and then go on to do it all over again, I have been blessedly mindwiped of the pain of reading and reviewing the original novel, and I might be drawn in for the novella, in the hopes that a smaller canvas might have forced Malory to create an actual plot. But I'm more than happy for someone else to take on the task.

That sounds like a pooner-pattern reading list. They love lumberjacks. Not sure if it's because of the Monty Python sketch or the paper towel mascot, but I've narrowed it down to those two.

 

[Bookwork]

Plaid flannel. Don't leave out the plaid flannel. And Doc Martens. What was once the Pacific NW lesbian's signature lumberjaqui look is now adored by many a manly pooner.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Plaid flannel. Don't leave out the plaid flannel. And Doc Martens. What was once the Pacific NW lesbian's signature lumberjaqui look is now adored by many a manly pooner.

These pooners really have the AGP fetish. Instead of admitting they’d like to fuck a big strong lumberjack, they decide they want to be the lumberjack. It’s just like the male gooner troons dressing up like slutty teen girls.

Years ago I used to think AGP was a male only thing, but it obviously plagues a significant number of the (non- lesbian) Pooner demographic. (I was pretty shocked when I discovered how popular m4m fanfic was among teen girls in 2015.)

I think during adolescence the wires get crossed and sexual desire gets mixed up with self-identity formation. To bad doctors haven’t come up with a HRT to fix that, instead of enabling it.

Mallory is an odd case, a late blooming Pooner. She seemed to fear, loathe and then covet masculinity. She probably just needed a romance with a strapping, unpretentious, unapologetic grown ass man in her 20’s that wasn’t a member of her echo chamber. Instead her fear and desire led her to marry a pretentious, mentally ill, middle aged, failed man who wants to fuck anyone but her.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

That sounds like a pooner-pattern reading list. They love lumberjacks. Not sure if it's because of the Monty Python sketch or the paper towel mascot, but I've narrowed it down to those two.

"Ben" is also reading an adult self-help book on autism and has a Mary Oliver quote pinned.

Mary Oliver. Ladies and gentlemen, what more is there to say?

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

That sounds like a pooner-pattern reading list. They love lumberjacks. Not sure if it's because of the Monty Python sketch or the paper towel mascot, but I've narrowed it down to those two.

Out of curiosity I clicked their "fav" list. It's hysterically, stereotypically, turbo woke pooner. No one has read even 1/10 of the dreck on the list, but it's a very accurate list of books a woke queer woman thinks should be liked or authors that should be supported.

I have a sneaking suspicion it's just an account created for PR purposes, their own job or just industry networking ass kissing. 99% of the list is new books. Nobody likes the tidal wave of dreck churned out by the publishing industry that much. The few pre-2000 books posted are a few college classics (Vonnegut) and ofc Harry Potter. It's downright shameful tbh.

 

[Potatis Salad]

Mallory posts a throuple pic. Caption says:

at great personal sacrifice i am posting this group photo where one of my eyes is almost closed because Lily thinks her hair looks better in it. if you saw a different group photo of us earlier today please disregard it. I thought Lily liked her hair in that one but she didn’t. “Post this one,” she said, “but only if it’s convenient.” what she doesn’t know is that this is incredibly convenient for me because i get to look generous AND like i am secretly handsomer than i look. so who’s really coming out ahead here

A mother in her mid-40s still spending time debating over which Instagram selfie better shows off her hair. Bleak.


Joe spotted in un peau d'lipstique for the first time in a while. Is he experiencing a flare of his AGP?



Side note, Lily's Michigan hovel is STILL under contract!

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Mallory posts a throuple pic. Caption says:

A mother in her mid-40s still spending time debating over which Instagram selfie better shows off her hair. Bleak.
View attachment 7736898View attachment 7736899

Joe spotted in un peau d'lipstique for the first time in a while. Is he experiencing a flare of his AGP?
View attachment 7736901


Side note, Lily's Michigan hovel is STILL under contract!

LMAO, this photo is solely about the most flattering Joe selfie of the set, not Lilly. It’s an incredibly unflattering photo of Lilly.

I’d bet money Mallory’s face and expression is identical in every selfie from that set. I know her teeth are real but they always look like dentures to me. Her smile usually seems frozen and plastered from self-consciously practicing it too much.

 

[Dr. Butt]

un peau d'lipstique

gimme my hats, america

 

[Autistic Nonetheless]

I once saw a very tied Stephen Fry agree to have his photo taken with some younger fans, and seeing Joe here hunched between them wearing a doily and trying to looks less frightening does remind me of that.

You know he insisted on this photo. He is the only one who looks alright here

 

[monstrous bubo]

Joe spotted in un peau d'lipstique for the first time in a while. Is he experiencing a flare of his AGP?

He’s also put on some fancy rags, done his hair and shaved, although the five o’clock shadow remains. Getting ready for teaching again I suppose.

Tard Baby’s jumper merits a look. It is not from a current Gucci collection so she may well have picked it up on sale. A new one would be north of $1200, but even on sale it would be idiotically expensive. It is from the men’s collection, btw. Here is a full frontal of this absurdity



I actually feel stupider for seeing that.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Tard Baby’s jumper merits a look. It is not from a current Gucci collection so she may well have picked it up on sale. A new one would be north of $1200, but even on sale it would be idiotically expensive. It is from the men’s collection, btw. Here is a full frontal of this absurdity

Nice to see their money managing skills are as dire as ever.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

He’s also put on some fancy rags, done his hair and shaved, although the five o’clock shadow remains. Getting ready for teaching again I suppose.

Tard Baby’s jumper merits a look. It is not from a current Gucci collection so she may well have picked it up on sale. A new one would be north of $1200, but even on sale it would be idiotically expensive. It is from the men’s collection, btw. Here is a full frontal of this absurdity

View attachment 7738883

I actually feel stupider for seeing that.

Lmao. I’m sure Mallory looks down her nose at the people who wear gear with GG logo pattern, she is advertising she is the cool type of rich that appreciates the “artistic merits” of fashion, not just the money flex.

Spoiler

I gave up on luxury brands a few years ago. The whole point was to pay a premium for good design and high quality. $1200 Gucci sweaters today are equivalent to the quality of 1990’s Gap sweaters. (I know my weaves, gauges and material) So now I just buy second hand goods in good or barely used condition that were made before fast fashion and Asian manufacturing domination.

 

[Anasa Tristis]

Mallory posts a throuple pic

Looks like she's embraced her receding hairline with that new 'do.

what she doesn’t know is that this is incredibly convenient for me because i get to look generous AND like i am secretly handsomer than i look. so who’s really coming out ahead here

Right. Nice cope there, Mal. Nobody's buying that, BTW.

Here is a full frontal of this absurdity

Hoo boy. Talk about deliberately hideous. So Mal's larping having fuck you money for high fashion like Sideshow now?

 

[monstrous bubo]

So Mal's larping having fuck you money for high fashion like Sideshow now?

Most of her clothes thankfully are just drab and lumberjack larp, but Joe bragged about turning her into a label whore here. My rule of thumb is that the more aggressively ugly a piece, the more likely it is to be high end fashion. This one was easy to trace and price because it said Gucci on the front, and is actually a real Gucci design.

 

[Potatis Salad]

He’s also put on some fancy rags, done his hair and shaved, although the five o’clock shadow remains. Getting ready for teaching again I suppose.

Tard Baby’s jumper merits a look. It is not from a current Gucci collection so she may well have picked it up on sale. A new one would be north of $1200, but even on sale it would be idiotically expensive. It is from the men’s collection, btw. Here is a full frontal of this absurdity

View attachment 7738883

I actually feel stupider for seeing that.

I don't think anyone in the throuple is buying much Gucci these days, Mallory has had that sweater since at least 2018, or maybe it was Joe's to begin with? She probably only recently fits back into it.

 

[FarmVille]

Most of her clothes thankfully are just drab and lumberjack larp, but Joe bragged about turning her into a label whore here. My rule of thumb is that the more aggressively ugly a piece, the more likely it is to be high end fashion. This one was easy to trace and price because it said Gucci on the front, and is actually a real Gucci design.

That sweater isn’t “high end fashion” it’s the garbage labels spit out that’s “expensive” but still cheap enough to be bought by poor rubes.

 

[Bookwork]

Oh boy, oh boy, kiwis. Here's your chance to see the Dan Man in person on August 19. Get him to autograph your arm like it's a tatt by a manly tattoist in a sweaty t-shirt who loves writing about his husband's mistress's babby.

Spoiler: Text handcrafted by artisanal keyboarders during a DDOS attack

Green Apple Books PRESENTS
CHARLIE JANE ANDERS

CHARLIE JANE ANDERS
NATIONALLY BESTSELLING AUTHOR
LESSONS IN MAGIC AND DISASTER
WITCHCRAFT IS HARD, FAMILIES ARE HARDER

IN CONVERSATION WITH DANIEL M. LAVERY
LAUNCH EVENT FOR
LESSONS IN MAGIC AND DISASTER
TUESDAY, AUGUST 19 * 7PM * 1231 9TH AVE (INNER SUNSET)
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https://www.charliejaneanders.com/

Thread 'Dreadnought: The Quest for Cringe'

Apr 2, 2023

So, there's this little YA book about a trans superheroine (feel free to add scare quotes around the second half of that word if you want) that I first read back before I was peaked. I thought it was... alright. I thought it had some some good elements, but a lot of jank. I definitely gave it more latitude than I would other books because it was from a "marginalised voice." You know, cuck shit. Anyway, I've decided to reappraise the book from my new perspective for the amusement of you good Kiwis.

Oh, just a note, the main character of this is a MTF, and after their magical transition...

• White-Kettle Shufflepunk
• Replies: 379
• Forum: Art & Literature

Reactions: x 9 x 4 x 7

 

[monstrous bubo]

Tranny and pooner bitch about their families. Sounds like a good time for permanent adolescents.

Here’s what Charlie Jane’s latest is about

Spoiler: spoiler alert

In the vein of Alice Hoffman and Charlie Jane Anders's own All the Birds in the Sky comes a novel full of love, disaster, and magic.

A young witch teaches her mother how to do magic--with very unexpected results--in this relatable, resonant novel about family, identity, and the power of love.

Jamie is basically your average New England academic in-training--she has a strong queer relationship, an esoteric dissertation proposal, and inherited generational trauma. But she has one extraordinary secret: she's also a powerful witch.

Serena, Jamie's mother, has been hiding from the world in an old one-room schoolhouse for several years, grieving the death of her wife and the simultaneous explosion in her professional life. All she has left are memories.

Jamie’s busy digging into a three-hundred-year-old magical book, but she still finds time to teach Serena to cast spells and help her come out of her shell. But Jamie doesn't know the whole story of what happened to her mom years ago, and those secrets are leading Serena down a destructive path.

Now it's up to this grad student and literature nerd to understand the secrets behind this mysterious novel from 1749, unearth a long-buried scandal hinted therein, and learn the true nature of magic, before her mother ruins both of their lives.

TL;DR queer literature nerds save the world.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Tranny and pooner bitch about their families. Sounds like a good time for permanent adolescents.

Here’s what Charlie Jane’s latest is about

Spoiler: spoiler alert

In the vein of Alice Hoffman and Charlie Jane Anders's own All the Birds in the Sky comes a novel full of love, disaster, and magic.

A young witch teaches her mother how to do magic--with very unexpected results--in this relatable, resonant novel about family, identity, and the power of love.

Jamie is basically your average New England academic in-training--she has a strong queer relationship, an esoteric dissertation proposal, and inherited generational trauma. But she has one extraordinary secret: she's also a powerful witch.

Serena, Jamie's mother, has been hiding from the world in an old one-room schoolhouse for several years, grieving the death of her wife and the simultaneous explosion in her professional life. All she has left are memories.

Jamie’s busy digging into a three-hundred-year-old magical book, but she still finds time to teach Serena to cast spells and help her come out of her shell. But Jamie doesn't know the whole story of what happened to her mom years ago, and those secrets are leading Serena down a destructive path.

Now it's up to this grad student and literature nerd to understand the secrets behind this mysterious novel from 1749, unearth a long-buried scandal hinted therein, and learn the true nature of magic, before her mother ruins both of their lives.

TL;DR queer literature nerds save the world.

If a 15 year old girl wrote this, kudos. I'm sure she has a brilliant career to come, if she can get over some of the egotism and cliche and mature in her writing.

If it was anyone older than 15, I'm sorry, it's terminal. There's no hope. Maybe find a job at a shoe store.

 

[A Sentient Cloud]

I've said it before and I'll say it again, at least Mal is taking wild stabs at writing literary fiction instead of queer young-adult romantasy like every other "author" of her generation.