- Joined
- Nov 10, 2022
I remind everyone that Jack's idea of a diet was to spend the first seven months of 2024 tweeting fake bathroom scale weights, blood pressure readings, and blood glucose levels - all while eating whatever he wanted, and sometimes remembering to edit out footage of himself eating non-meats. However, he disturbingly reinforced this lie by supplementing his normal, all-garbage diet with entire, raw chuck roasts cut into cubes, one to two pounds of block cheese cut into cubes, and entire Costco rotisserie chickens...which he would brag of eating in a single sitting. Our inference was that Jack had convinced himself that a higher percentage of his diet being meat and dairy would signify "leaning" carnivore, despite the ingesting of thousands of additional calories each day being counterproductive to anything health-minded.
Because Jack is mentally deficient, the consistently hilarious quality of his lies about his weight loss numbers included claiming to have plateaued after three weeks (from 278.6 lbs to 267), before deciding to claim he had lost fourteen pounds all at once in the seventh month [colonic irrigation?]. It should be pointed out that Jack's purported weigh-ins were bullshit; because he is physically incapable of standing upright on a scale without resting 50+ lbs of his gunt against a wall or kitchen island for support.
And because he never bothered to google what realistic blood pressure or glucose levels are, he would regularly pat himself on the back (were it possible) for reporting deadly, high-risk numbers which, in a normal human being, would necessitate ER visits. Note that, because Jack was making these numbers up for the sake of impressing strangers on Twitter who hate him, his actual numbers are inferred to have somehow been even worse (otherwise he wouldn't have needed to lie about them trending downward by a point every single month that he was pretending to diet).
For the above reasons, many of us remain surprised that Jack has continued to live. Others have concluded that Hell currently lacks the necessary accommodations and accessibility options to meet Jack's particular needs; and keeps postponing his enrollment date until they are able to have him reincarnated as his own grandson: An antichrist which will chew its way out of Brianne and be born laughing like Rich Evans.
Because Jack is mentally deficient, the consistently hilarious quality of his lies about his weight loss numbers included claiming to have plateaued after three weeks (from 278.6 lbs to 267), before deciding to claim he had lost fourteen pounds all at once in the seventh month [colonic irrigation?]. It should be pointed out that Jack's purported weigh-ins were bullshit; because he is physically incapable of standing upright on a scale without resting 50+ lbs of his gunt against a wall or kitchen island for support.
And because he never bothered to google what realistic blood pressure or glucose levels are, he would regularly pat himself on the back (were it possible) for reporting deadly, high-risk numbers which, in a normal human being, would necessitate ER visits. Note that, because Jack was making these numbers up for the sake of impressing strangers on Twitter who hate him, his actual numbers are inferred to have somehow been even worse (otherwise he wouldn't have needed to lie about them trending downward by a point every single month that he was pretending to diet).
For the above reasons, many of us remain surprised that Jack has continued to live. Others have concluded that Hell currently lacks the necessary accommodations and accessibility options to meet Jack's particular needs; and keeps postponing his enrollment date until they are able to have him reincarnated as his own grandson: An antichrist which will chew its way out of Brianne and be born laughing like Rich Evans.
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