💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Uber driver reviewer]

Wasn’t Jack supposed to resume bible study on YouTube? What happened to that?

It would be nice for him to do something positive rather than sit around whinging with his beluga brother or cousin frank

 

[TheMovieGuy]

PLEASE FORGIVE DIDNEY

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Live action remakes of animated movies are utterly disrespectful to the source material merely because they exist at all. The same goes for pretty much every videogame adaptation. The people that seriously engage with them and are shocked when they turn out bad are just fucking stupid, so no wonder Jack is going up to bat. Please, Father, forgive the soulless billion dollar company for making WOKE.

Josh should do a brief 10-12 minute MATI segment on Jack’s steady decline

The scant few times Josh has mentioned Jack I get the impression that he really doesn't give a fuck, even less than he seems to care about most of the things he covers that aren't explicitly something he keeps up with. So I could take it or leave it!

 

[Tiresome]

The scant few times Josh has mentioned Jack I get the impression that he really doesn't give a fuck

The guy rages at bread and cheese, I can't imagine he'd be happy to spend much time on the living avatar of garbage American eating.

 

[DeadwastePrime]

Yep, they change the movie to have Nani drop Lilo off with a neighbor and go to learn marine biology in California. It literally runs against what the original movie's theme was.

wild they have her go study marine biology in california when shes in hawaii and theres a shitload of programs there for studying marine biology. like at most she'd just have to go to another island which'd still be stupid but more believable

 

[Shartavius]

Jack however doesn't give a shit about how anti-family this move was because he's tired of pretending to hate Disney at all. He's that fucking retarded; he can't even watch movies anymore.

Jack's boycotting fantasies he lives out on his social media are strictly performative and for the sake of pretending he's less handicapped and ineffectual/impotent than he is; which is why he can never remember to keep his stories straight.

Once a week, Tammy has a long day of cubing up a huge amount of bleeding meat and cheese for her big baby Jack to aspirate during the shitty haircut she gives him while his glasses are on, then wheeling him out to a restaurant within the vicinity of one of the Regal Cinemas for a giant, non-carnivore meal with multiple appetizers and entrées (just in case Jack feels like filming it for his utoobs), then wheeling Baby Jack into the theater to see whatever the hell is playing that day (children's films are preferable); so Jack can sit there and struggle to see or comprehend any part of the movie while he eats two jumbo buckets of popcorn Tammy has to periodically leave and refill between disrupting everybody else's theater experience by yelling what's happening onscreen into Jack's ear with the long strands of gray hair she missed earlier jutting out of it like wheat stalks covered in questing ticks.

Then, after huffing and puffing to quickly wheel Jack out of the theater and into the nearest women's restroom stall so he can fart and throw up until every other lady has run outside for help, Tammy drives her baby back home to deposit onto his end of the Blue's Clues couch draped with the blanket barrier in case he makes a boom boom; so he can film himself "reviewing" the movie he can't remember making Tammy re-explain to him on the drive home. Finally - with such a productive day having taken its toll on Jack -, Baby is ready to have Tammy wheel him to bed, so he can fart and throw up. I also suspect Tammy of having breastfed Jack daily since she was pregnant with Junior twenty five years ago; with each tit now resembling W.C. Fields.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I really can't imagine why he would include a scene of dumping his ingredients in a blender that's focused on his gimp hand.
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It's a meme, MOM. Ask a young person to explain it to you.
[OBJ]

 

[Falcon Sebben]

PLEASE FORGIVE DIDNEY

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Like I'd trust Fatty's opinion on anything. Faggot is all about forgiveness when it suits him while shitting on anything he doesn't like.

Fatty likes Disney so Disney is good. End of story.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

I think that bagel video was the food equivalent to the Holocaust. Thousands of Jewish deli owners cried out in pain.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

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Horrifying even by Jack's barely existing standards. How can you make food look this unappetizing?! Looks like heaven smells like freshly squirted-out diarrhea just going by this picture.

Most humble man on the Internet
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That fucking bitmoji is even more obnoxious than the one he usually uses.

 

[Pig Cups]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=4xtq06vbGQU
New food news except I don't know what it's about because the volume is so low. How can a former 'professional dj' and owner of a Tech Time channel with several microphone reviews be so ass at volume equalization?

I know he mentions the odd food recall when it happens, but his fixation on goyslop fast food in nearly all of these segments make him look even more like the utter bovine consoomer simpleton he is.

“Guiyz, McDonald’s is gonna be open later. Maybe they wanna make it a party spot? I dunno…”


>First, if you’re going for the educational, news reading format, do your research and get your goddamned facts in order. Hearing ‘maybe’ and ‘I dunno’ peppered throughout makes you and your video come off as beyond useless.
>I could still see someone using McDonald’s to hold a birthday party for their young child where a handful of the kid’s friends show up, but I think the glory days of that are over. The current dining concept is so cold and threadbare, and the retirement of the PlayPlaces makes it an even less appealing option.

A more interesting McDick’s story Jackoff could’ve brought up would’ve been that they’re retiring the five beverage-focused CosMc’s concept locations next month.

LAZY MAN'S HEALTHY BAGELS​

(05/23/25)

Original:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=gX0lSAaUivgPreserve Tube: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=gX0lSAaUivg

Spoiler: Local Archive:

gX0lSAaUivg.mp4

3:10 “Alright, guiyz. Time to be honest, ‘cuz I always am.”



Said without a hint of sarcasm.

 

[Shartavius]

I remember the promise of the Internet in the 1980s and 90's. Little did we know that Jack would insist it exists for him; and to allow him to sedentarily portray a fictionalized version of himself that is unfailingly honest and correct (as a consequence of that honesty), and can stand. The thread subheader may as well be "Delusional fat fuck who refuses to die, uses the Internet to try to fool people into believing he can walk or has non-composting value."

 

[Slavic Patronym]

Happy Memorial Day to my fellow Americans.

My grandfather served and he left us too soon; I never had the chance to meet him, but his memory is strong in my mom's heart.

Throwback to the time Jack's livestream honored "Memoria" Day (visible only in the thumbnail) and he started it by saying he doesn't understand the difference between it and Veterans Day.

 

[p1138]

A more interesting McDick’s story Jackoff could’ve brought up would’ve been that they’re retiring the five beverage-focused CosMc’s concept locations next month.

Do you think Fatty knows what the fuck CosMc even is? Also the playplaces are a giant liability since it isn't like anyone supervises them, cleans them, etc.

LAZY MAN'S HEALTHY BAGELS​

(05/23/25)

Original:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=gX0lSAaUivgPreserve Tube: https://preservetube.com/watch?v=gX0lSAaUivg

Spoiler: Local Archive:

gX0lSAaUivg.mp4

Can't believe I missed this shit. 4:47 for the video length, isn't actually doing anything for the first third of the video.

Retard admits they're cooling off, still can't just fucking wait and burns himself trying to take one out. Couldn't separate his pans, claims he's honest, covers the food with a fucking NEXT WEEK graphic at the bottom, talks with his mouth full(food damn near falls out), claims eggs and cheese and chicken blended(seems fucking vile), is like a "sous vide egg" and somehow he's nailed the flavor.

 

[Adamska]

is like a "sous vide egg" and somehow he's nailed the flavor.

The entire point of it was to somewhat mimic the effect of a bread tho.

Nice to see me calling it quiche alchemy bullshit again was spot on. Because that's just a sadder version of quiche or a hell omelet.

 

[Daddy Strokum]

Isn't a sous vide egg just an egg? How can his 'bagels' be compared to a plain egg? Am I missing something?

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Isn't a sous vide egg just an egg? How can his 'bagels' be compared to a plain egg? Am I missing something?

Yeah. You're not a retard.

 

[a terminal posture]

Isn't a sous vide egg just an egg? How can his 'bagels' be compared to a plain egg? Am I missing something?

Whenever you have a breakfast buffet with scrambled eggs, the eggs were probably cooked from a big Sysco scrambled egg sous vide pack. Which is why they are usually terrible. No idea where Jack picked up this 'sous vide' nonsense, although his infamous Lazy Man's Omelets were technically cooked sous vide I don't think he even realizes it then or now.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

Shot/Chaser

 

[Shartavius]

Yeah. You're not a retard.

Not to discredit anyone, but most any retard cooking on Youtube or TikTok grasps fundamentals or basic matters of cause-and-effect better than Jack does, if only because they're willing to learn from mistakes.

 

[Dizzyuntildeath]

Not to discredit anyone, but most any retard cooking on Youtube or TikTok grasps fundamentals or basic matters of cause-and-effect better than Jack does, if only because they're willing to learn from mistakes.

Good to know the bar of entry is "can you match wits with a toddler"?