Hercules: He'll be played by a black guy and will be lead around by Persephone who will girlboss all over the gods. Hades will be a Trump stand-in
Tangled: She'll shave her head and will be a girlboss. I never saw the original so I don't have much to work with. NiggerPrincess and the Frog: She'll fight against an evil White man who looks like Trump that's trying to buy the restaurant. She'll girlboss him and win in the end.
Frozen: All niggers, except the evil people. "Let it Go" will be rewritten by Lin Manuel Miranda as a hip hop track. I never saw it, is it about two sisters learning to love each other or something? Maybe they'll go full degen and make it an incest love story.
Hercules --> Tiny Soyboy Hercules is more heroic than Gigachad Hercules. Will make him a feminist who simps for Meg.
Frozen --> The peasants / commoners are evil White supremacists who won't accept Niggers so it's totally valid when the Queen causes a famine (through eternal Winter).
I heard some mongs try to defend the new ending for Nani because she gets a portal device that Jumba had or some shit so she can just visit Lilo when she's available, and this is shown in the midcredits.
The placement of it in the movie smells like a change brought about because of test screenings, and it also smells like the two hack writers trying to have their cake and eat it too.
Hercules: Meg saves herself from Hades' pit, which doesn't make Hercules immortal/a god. Instead of Herc choosing the mortal life for himself like in the original, Meg basically makes that choice for him and he has to be OK with it. Phil in a womanizer in the original, so of course they have to make him gay in the remake and expect for their gay audience to applaud it. And Pedro Pascal will be Hades, just to give a big ol' "fuck you" to James Woods. lol.
Tangled: Rapunzel cuts her own hair at the end, because we can't have the man do anything heroic anymore.
Princess and the Frog: Tiana will be a full-on orphan, and she'll say that she learned her work ethic from her mom, because we can't get inspiration from our fathers anymore. The remake will also do a character assassination on Tiana by making her an entitled bitch rather than a hard worker.
NiggerPrincess and the Frog: She'll fight against an evil White man who looks like Trump that's trying to buy the restaurant. She'll girlboss him and win in the end.
Poor Tiana. She don't deserve that. She just wants to have a restaurant where she can cook. Its bad enough she already is a frog for 79% of the animated film. Now I want chicken and waffles.
Just watch, not only will what you said happen, but they will have her enter the corporate world and the film will be a soapbox commentary piece on da independent wamin. At this rate just make it an Eve's Bayou type plot.
Poor Tiana. She don't deserve that. She just wants to have a restaurant where she can cook. Its bad enough she already is a frog for 79% of the animated film. Now I want chicken and waffles.
OG movie was a bit woke already with the main male character becoming an useless comic relief at the last second. I fear what would a remake do. The villain would most likely suddenly become white, for one, becasue magical negroes are racist (except when wokes do that, like that terribad movie of society of magical negros).
Fro reals though, Princess and the frog could actually be improved with a remake by changing the main character from Tiana to Naveen.
Tiana is a good character but her journey to defeat Dr Facilier makes little sense with the lesson she supposed to learn (working hard is good but you need to relax and enjoy life too). Naveen otherhand needs to learn to take responsibility for his life and his mistakes kick the story going so him defending the Shadow Man offering him an easy out does make a satisfying character grow story.
I know they won't do it because BLACK princess but still.
Hideous Sebastian, hideous Flounder, hideous dwarves, hideous Stitch, all fine, but hideous Gantu is just going too far?
My theory is that Gantu is huge and coordinating shots with characters with big size differences is possible but too much effort for a soulless cash grab project.
I'll do Frozen since that's my least favorite in this list.
The parents live but they still lock up their daughters after Elsa ice-cursed Anna and merely retire from the throne, give the crown to Elsa and fuck off to some tropic island. When Elsa fucks it up they try to come back only to get captured by the Duke and Hans and thrown in a dungeon, telling the kingdom they "died at sea". Fast forward to when Elsa gets thrown in the dungeon, she reunites with her parents and she scolds them for not being really dead and all their fault for all this happening. And they say she's 100% right of course.
The lesson is this: Even though the special kids can also be spoiled brats, fuck you for trying your best with them and trusting them when they reached adulthood to be functional. Also they'll make Anna and Elsa adopted sisters so they can be gay for each other.
My theory is that Gantu is huge and coordinating shots with characters with big size differences is possible but too much effort for a soulless cash grab project.
The Monsterverse movies have proven this is doable, it's just that Disney is literally fucking slothful and too prideful on top of being soulless. Those seven deadly sins are deadly for a reason.
This has been a thing for a while though. I remember the 2011 version of Mr. Popper's Penguin with Jim Carey and the family was divorced and thinking it was fucking weird because I was forced to read that book in elementary school and didn't remember that shit being in it.
Hilariously enough I know a couple of women irl who actually could've pulled off her look when they were younger. Then they started having kids. Latina genetics be like that.
There’s another level of retardation for Nani leaving to go to college! So she leaves for I believe California to study marine biology. “What the hell? She’s in Hawaii, right in the Pacific Ocean! Shouldn’t there be a school for marine biology there?” You may be asking. And you’d be right!
There’s also the Marine Institute!
Nani literally left her sister and home island to study in a worse state, because Hollywood/Disney writers think California is the world for some reason. And I don’t give a fuck that she has a portal gun to visit, you know Disney shoehorned that into the mid credits when test audiences complained.
Update, people are saying that those universities in Hawaii are literally the best places in the WORLD to study marine biology. This is literally the writers being California brained.