💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Shartavius]

I was going to say it's because only the good die young.

When I read the various reactions and attempts to make sense of Jack's or Kay's insistence on fucking simple things up for no good reason, it helps me better appreciate that the common personality disorders we're largely desensitized to observing in others in the course of our day manifest in some rather dramatic ways in the mentally retarded.

I've made this comparison before; and likely will again: Jack is like if the experiment in Flowers for Algernon was intended to instead make a low-functioning retarded man more retarded; just to see how much more obnoxious, disruptive, and destructive he becomes. If it wasn't for Jack's regular trips to the ER, I would suspect his skull of being filled with worms that starved to death.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

Just when I was starting to think that Jack has been far too boring lately, he drops bangers like Vanilla Cottage Cheese Protein Ranch and Satuèd Medical Waste Meatballs.
I think Jack fits well into my theory that whatever Higher Power exists keeps certain people around as a cautionary tale for others. Or maybe entertainment.

 

[densedance]

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[Super Hans v2]

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Why is the pot so tall? It might be in the pressure cooker, but then how is it half burnt and half raw? And how in the fuck did he burn the oil so bad it's caked on hard? Did he chug 95% of the merlot before adding the last splash?

I'll show this to my cook friend and give him a stroke.

 

[The Stranger]

Why is the pot so tall? It might be in the pressure cooker, but then how is it half burnt and half raw?

I think Jackass is "sautéing" them in an enameled cast iron stock pot

 

[Whaler]

This is one of the most disgusting photos he's posted so far.

That pan is going to need to be thrown in the trash when he's done. That oil is burnt into a near solid state and the meatballs aren't even finished cooking yet. It's going to have a weird smell and give anything cooked in it afterwards a slight off taste. But yes, I can't believe he thought it was a good idea to post that.

 

[souschef]

Why is he using meatballs instead of actual cuts of meat? The whole cooking method just seems complete botched.

It'd work fine with meatballs, it's temperature (and skill) issue

He could sear the meatballs then cook in low temp on the sauce, or make the sauce separately and bake the meatballs after searing them, then coating on sauce like it's done with cocktail meatballs

 

[AltisticRight]

I really like to have pasta with small meatballs. They carry a bigger hit and punch than minced meat (I'm lazy, I just use Italian sausages) and tastes pretty good.
It's likely not "real traditional" Italian cooking but it's still pretty good.

 

[souschef]

Any method is fine as long as you're controlling temp

Way i see it, Jackoff wanted to make a sauce reduction, but he's too fat and impatient so he cranked up the heat so it reduces faster then burned everything (while managed to jump steps and throwing raw meatballs in the reduction)

Could be a good sauce, merlot is usually my go to red meat sauces, but no nice ingredient works if there's an idiot on the stove

 

[SNEED.EXE]

Judging by the contents of that image, I assume Jack's brain has fallen out of his head and into the toilet, and has multiplied due to a bizarre chemical reaction involving yesterday's Lazy Man Meal.

The caption suggests Jack's sense of smell isn't what it used to be, but maybe that's for the best.

 

[Slavic Patronym]

It's like he gets part of the recipe but not why you do it.

This is exactly it. The great thing about cooking is how once you overcome that initial barrier to entry -- which is really only internalizing a few why's and how's -- the world is your oyster. Spend two weeks straight coming home from work and reverse searing and deglazing and sautéing your dinner... learn which foundational flavor profiles link with seafood (which often overlaps with chicken and pork) and beef ... and you truly are a better cook than many if not most people.

It's like Bob Ross always said: Once you learn the principles, you lose the fear of making mistakes and you don't need to paint by numbers -- the canvas is where you can lose yourself and create your world. Transpose that to cooking and I'm sure many great chefs have said the same. Learn when, where and how to do the basics, and cooking is fun as hell because you constantly create and improvise -- and just about anything you make for someone with your own two hands, they are going to love.

But Jack never learned the why's and how's, so cooking isn't joyful to him. It's stressful, because his main concern is avoiding mistakes, as those will lead to corrections and then to narc wounds.

 

[souschef]

Judging by the contents of that image, I assume Jack's brain has fallen out of his head and into the toilet, and has multiplied due to a bizarre chemical reaction involving yesterday's Lazy Man Meal.

The caption suggests Jack's sense of smell isn't what it used to be, but maybe that's for the best.

Jack actually died for a while in one of his strokes and went to hell. He though he went to heaven, that's why he think heaven smells like burnt garlic and orange

This is exactly it. The great thing about cooking is how once you overcome that initial barrier to entry -- which is really only internalizing a few why's and how's -- the world is your oyster. Spend two weeks straight coming home from work and reverse searing and deglazing and sautéing your dinner... learn which foundational flavor profiles link with seafood (which often overlaps with chicken and pork) and beef ... and you truly are a better cook than many if not most people.

It's like Bob Ross always said: Once you learn the principles, you lose the fear of making mistakes and you don't need to paint by numbers -- the canvas is where you can lose yourself and create your world. Transpose that to cooking and I'm sure many great chefs have said the same. Learn when, where and how to do the basics, and cooking is fun as hell because you constantly create and improvise -- and just about anything you make for someone with your own two hands, they are going to love.

But Jack never learned the why's and how's, so cooking isn't joyful to him. It's stressful, because his main concern is avoiding mistakes, as those will lead to corrections and then to narc wounds.

Good post

Once you learn the foundations, the why's and how's it becomes fun and stops being intimidating. But such thing demands care, either because you love it or live from it, to Jack is a glorified hobby that he pretends to enjoy. Like i said before itt, the kids i mentor are more capable than him, because they're actually want to learn and have joy doing it

 

[Aunt Carol]

The sugar alcohols they use to sweeten that stuff gives a lot of people the squirts. Enjoy incontinence, Jack.

Oikos Triple Zero is stevia, not sugar alcohols. Still a bizarre choice.

Speaking of stevia and its devotees, has Jack ever tried Walden Farms ana-chan dressings and dips?

They're not paleo carnivore, but they're no-carb, so maybe they'd fit in under the "sugar-based spice rub" loophole in Branch Carnivorism.

 

[AnOminous]

Oikos Triple Zero is stevia, not sugar alcohols. Still a bizarre choice.

The vanilla part is what makes it absolutely insane, even though that's been overshadowed by Jack's horrifying charred and raw at the same vile "meatballs" he probably destroyed his enamel coated pot with.

But Jack never learned the why's and how's, so cooking isn't joyful to him. It's stressful, because his main concern is avoiding mistakes, as those will lead to corrections and then to narc wounds.

And the way to avoid those wounds is to learn. And to do things right. Not spastically act like a retard and start crying like a baby any time people try to help you.

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

He could easily get a waterproof rug from Amazon and have somebody slap it on that porch for him to give it some kind of life and color. I guess since Jack ever hangs around out there he can't be bothered to make it look nice.

Jack will generally complain about the weather if he is outside.

In Catholic Mexico? No, let's be real, he went to try to convert people to murderchurch-style evangelism.

Yeah and he got thrown off by snowcones and sperging about cheap ice cream Connie used to buy. The guy who “doesn’t do sweets”

 

[p1138]

Jack's new video of him making ranch dressing is posted now, and he's included vanilla Greek yogurt in the recipe, instead of plain. It's Oikos Triple Zero, and has this little flower on it, like I found online is the vanilla flavor (as you can see in the pic, here.) The plain flavor of this same brand doesn't have the flower or the cream/yellow colored border on it. What an amazing chef!

This is the SECOND time he's done this shit with vanilla yogurt. The last time it was the chicken enchilada wraps or whatever the fuck. I can only assume that just like last time Tammy is retarded and they think vanilla = plain

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It's amazing how he can make half cooked food somehow look like he shit raw ground beef into a bucket.

 

[Adamska]

Yeah I tuned out this week too. I get the feeling this is the fat low functioning Narc method to starve the hatebase method you see in other morons. I can think of a few who do this too, since they'd rather seethe about having no audience than get shat on by a few.

All I do know is it's hilarious he still buys vanilla flavored yogurt for anything since he cannot be bothered to even pause to find the unflavored stuff. He did the same thing when he got vegan cheese and tarded out.

Holy shit, faggot baker Dylan Hollis found the proto party cheese salad!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=o8BcNz2xOsIWill post local archive soon

There's another recipe or two that Gay Baking Man did over the years that look like they'd be the prototype of the Party Cheese Salad. It was a common midwestern thing due to the rise of aspics and gelatin, and trying to figure out what can go well with what was part of that time.

Judging by the contents of that image, I assume Jack's brain has fallen out of his head and into the toilet, and has multiplied due to a bizarre chemical reaction involving yesterday's Lazy Man Meal.

The caption suggests Jack's sense of smell isn't what it used to be, but maybe that's for the best.

I can just imagine the smell of burning wine, with the sugars still in it forcing the slop-balls to stick to the pan. And you know that he still puts way too much oil or grease into this shitslop he's going to make.

And not a shocker he didn't follow directions. He didn't bother in 2007, so it makes sense he'd not bother 20 years later.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Any method is fine as long as you're controlling temp

Way i see it, Jackoff wanted to make a sauce reduction, but he's too fat and impatient so he cranked up the heat so it reduces faster then burned everything (while managed to jump steps and throwing raw meatballs in the reduction)

Could be a good sauce, merlot is usually my go to red meat sauces, but no nice ingredient works if there's an idiot on the stove

It's such a fucked up recipe.

Brown your meat, set it aside when done.

Add your aromatics like onion, carrot, garlic and whatever else to the pan to cook those down a bit. Deglaze with the wine. Add your meat back to the pot and add some tomatoes, herbs and whatever and let it simmer.

This is exactly it. The great thing about cooking is how once you overcome that initial barrier to entry -- which is really only internalizing a few why's and how's -- the world is your oyster. Spend two weeks straight coming home from work and reverse searing and deglazing and sautéing your dinner... learn which foundational flavor profiles link with seafood (which often overlaps with chicken and pork) and beef ... and you truly are a better cook than many if not most people.

It's like Bob Ross always said: Once you learn the principles, you lose the fear of making mistakes and you don't need to paint by numbers -- the canvas is where you can lose yourself and create your world. Transpose that to cooking and I'm sure many great chefs have said the same. Learn when, where and how to do the basics, and cooking is fun as hell because you constantly create and improvise -- and just about anything you make for someone with your own two hands, they are going to love.

But Jack never learned the why's and how's, so cooking isn't joyful to him. It's stressful, because his main concern is avoiding mistakes, as those will lead to corrections and then to narc wounds.

Exactly. Learn the basics. Learn what happens when you do this. Add this. Change that. Get the basics down and once you have them... the recipe becomes a suggestion. Fatty just looks at it, throws it all together and then hopes for the best.

 

[Whaler]

Jack will generally complain about the weather if he is outside.

My point was Jack doesn't care since it doesn't matter to him. Most normal people don't like the visible parts of their house looking like a prison cell and like having splashes of colors to add some personality to their house.

 

[Quixotic Man]

How the fuck do you mess up braising meatballs? That is way too much liquid to sautee anything, and you don't flambe with wine, so I am assuming he meant braise.

You can braise a meatball in pretty much any kind of sauce or liquid and it will turn out okay. He could have mixed some wine with some stock and dropped the meatballs in low and slow and they would have turned out okay.

Also is Jack no longer carnivore?