⏳ Historical Elagabalus / Heliogabalus / Marcus Aurelius Antoninus / Sextus Varius Avitus Bassianus - Rome's Worst Emperor Was A Mentally Ill Pagan Sex Pest AGP Dune Coon Troon Backed By BlackRock. Some Things Never Change.

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Mister Mint said:
Elagabalus was also very supportive of the sex work industry. Supportive in that he would put on a wig and lipstick, go to bars, and try to get men to pay to fuck him. He also kept a special room at the palace aside open just for this purpose where he would stand, naked, outside the door and talk softly to passersby, trying to find some Johns to pay for sex with him.
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I always thought this was too weird to be true, wouldn't it be very easy for him to get stabbed by some resentful roman?
 
REGENDarySumanai said:
Hilariously enough, Rome has dealt with a lot of lolcows, both with their emperors and popes. The Borgia family and Pope Stephen VI, for example.
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Digging up a Pope's corpse for a trial is a totally sane and rational thing to do, I have no idea how you could say that about Stephen VI.
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I don't believe half of what was said about Elagabalus simply due to the fact that they're all recycled stories about Nero and Caligula, both of whom the Senators similarly hated.

@7.62x38mmR

Don't forget that Justinian's constantly fucking around with religion alienated Egypt and Syria, who decided to just go all in with the Caliphate since they didn't care how the kaffir were worshipping Christ as if a god as long as they paid the jizya.
 
I thought Caligula was the biggest lolcow of the Roman Empire, guess I was wrong, but he too worth a thread.
I like the idea of historical figures who were lolcows. Great thread.
 
Imagine being a troon faggot from ancient times that got humiliated, killed by soldiers, your own corpse dragged across the streets and not even buried ceremoniously but rather thrown into a river, that even nearly 2000 years later, you're still mocked and laughed at.

I can't think of a worse fate.
 
I had heard about Elagabalus from podcasts but I had no idea how in depth his antics were. What an absolute lad, handing out bloated dog corpses as lottery prizes and releasing tame lions into people's rooms is pretty fucking funny. Good work OP.

It's crazy to think as long as you weren't an insanely idiotic asshole and put forth even a modicum of effort as an emperor, you are automatically in roughly the top third of all Roman emperors.
 
No matter where you stand politically, these historical lolcow threads about rulers are a great reminder that leaders without guardrails turn into degenerate monsters whatever the flavor.
 
Sheikh said:
You just know God realised at some point that Arabs needed Islam, if only to ensure this didn’t happen again.
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And now black rock sits at wall street... well at least Muslims kept the literal back rock... not sure the other way around would be better...
 
Mister Mint said:
Literally the world's most rich and powerful person. Whores himself anyway.
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Thank you, Elagabalus. Let no one believe the lie that trannies prostitute themselves out of necessity. Any troon that does it, does it voluntarily for the affirming female rager it gives them to be assfucked by violent johns.
 
Dr. Butt said:
Thank you, Elagabalus. Let no one believe the lie that trannies prostitute themselves out of necessity. Any troon that does it, does it voluntarily for the affirming female rager it gives them to be assfucked by violent johns.
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When you sip your morning coffee, check farm notifications and then Dr. Butt talks about trannies getting assfucked out of nowhere.
Wisdom like yours is why I leave banger threads like this one on watch.
Carry on, jungle king.
 
Just like I bought Josh’s Chris commemorative medal, I also have a coin of Elagabalus, because lolcow numismatics is a burgeoning field of study.

Also, Severus Alexander was an effete mama’s boy, and did nothing to stop the increasingly fast decline of the Roman Empire. He’s only better in comparison to the Worst Emperor Ever.

Great thread, OP, thanks for covering the first lolcow I ever followed.
 
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