[–]Numerical-Wordsmith
“She’s not grieving her daughter. She’s grieving the fact that she can’t adjust to me being her loving son. She’s been doing this for years, and it’s not healthy.”
[–]synthroidgay
Don't engage with it beyond telling her to please seek therapy to help her cope with something that's been yrue for four entire years and that having a funeral for you when you're still alive is really morbid and upsetting.
↳ [–]Calahad_happened
This is the way. Keep this where it belongs: on HER plate, as HER mental health housekeeping. Personally, I wouldn’t even say “seek therapy”. I’d further remove myself from her care taking by being as bland as “Wow mom that seems like a lot of feelings. I hope you feel better. I gotta go, Henry is deworming the cat.” And then don’t call her; let her call you, and hang up when she gets back on her bullshit. “Ok mom! Hope you feel better soon! The truck is on fire gotta go.”
You say you need your mom - what you need is to be loved, cared for, seen, and respected. You need affection, attention, space, boundaries, and intimacy. Your mom is not in a place to provide ANY of that right now. Maybe not ever. The ideal mom and the human who gave you birth are very very different people. The tasks on your own mental health plate are to fill that mom shaped hole with community, friends, therapists, love, food, medicine, fulfillment, and rest.
[–]am_i_boy
If my mom did this I would pretend she is dead too. Just like she's pretending I'm dead.
"Clearly you think I'm dead. So I'll make that a reality for you. You're dead to me now too. I'm not going to tolerate someone in my life who literally pretends I'm dead when I'm right here. I love you and it hurts me to do this but this is not okay and until you understand why this is terrible and apologize with your whole heart, I am not coming back. I am not talking to you. Goodbye. You can just pretend I died instead of acknowledging I left."
[–]Dismal_Gur_1601
Ummm that’s insane?? I’m literally so shocked at how absurdly awful that manages to be.
Just completely shut it out. I would honestly not be able to continue that relationship at the present but if that’s not going to work for you, I would significantly limit contact. Make it beyond clear that her actions are the reason for that.
And most of all, surround yourself with support. You’re not “crazy” for thinking this is completely batshit insane. You deserve to be a fulfillled, authentic human being just as much as any one else. Sending so much love and support man.
[–]gab0201
Your mother is clearly not mentally stable and/or sane. Yes, parent do have to process the fact that their child is transitioning, but grieve?? No.
My brother had a fucking hard time adjusting, but he never pulled up that kind of bullshit like “my sister is dead”.
[–]ossiferous_vulture-
I would stop talking to her since I am dead.
[–]burbywurby
Fuck, I am so incredibly sorry you have to go through this. Honestly I don’t prescribe to the “be patient she’s grieving” ideology. Sure, being patient to some degree is beneficial if your goal is to preserve the relationship, but you need some clear boundaries in place for this relationship to be even remotely sustainable. If it feels safe enough, I would encourage you to tell your mom how you feel (i.e., I’m still here and I need you). If she can’t handle that I agree with other folks who are saying that this is something she needs to deal with on her own and you cannot be involved.
[–]Fit_Peanut3241
That's incredibly dramatic and sick.
[–]Term_Remarkable
If she wants to have a funeral, let her know it’s to ever knowing you again.
Transitioning is
not about HER. Make her deal with her feelings without the drama and attention-seeking bullshit.
[–]moonroxroxstar [score hidden] 2 hours ago
Make a huge deal of showing up at your own funeral and pretend you've been raised from the dead like Jesus. This is the only answer.
↳ [–]ijustcametoseecats [score hidden] 2 hours ago
Yes and wear something kind of kinky and slutty. Like a harness and devil horns
[–]Ebomb1
If you are able to go no contact, I definitely would. This is deranged.
[–]rowan_gay
My mom tried to do this, so I told her she could....as long as my uncles, who ACTUALLY had dead daughters, were there and heavily involved. I mean, obviously, she should want to do it right, after all. Suddenly, I was a monster for even insinuating the idea, but it shut her ass up quickly, and she dropped it for good.
I tried being nice, and she didn't budge, so I started traumatizing her back. Nazi bitch can drink lead paint as far as I care. It was probably her drink of choice growing up anyway.
