A cryptid's desperation: My search for a shred of original content
Opening shot with Amber wearing some lace/poofy velvet nightmare. We are informed it is January 14th. Tries to make us believe ppl give a shit about her cameo and explains her godawful outfit as her just going through her closet. She does a premier protein taste test and BAHAAHA, says you need protein when losing weight because you also lose muscle mass. Buddy, that's true if you're a regular sized person, or hell, someone muscular who's trying to cut. You, whose BMI eclipses your IQ, will be fine. Amber tastes it and SHOCKER, the raspberry protein shake tastes like protein and raspberry. The rest is irrelevant Amber talk.
It is now the next day, January 15th, and she is wearing some black tarp. BAHAHAHAHA, she didn't wash her hair for a full week, claiming it helps her hair (and totally not because she's a lazy fat fuck). Says she won't do it again because it makes her feel "soda pressed" because it reminds her of the days of yore. Is also upset at herself, it's the 10th day of semaglutide, but her fatass was too hongry to remember to weigh herself before eating.
Skip to next day, it is January 16th, she's wearing this ugly see through pattern shit. More bullshit about the cookie crumble thing, sperging about the usual suspects and one of the other fat lesbos posting a picture with a crumble cookie. And the walnut account thing also has a cookie. Get new material. Post editing lynn also claims that supposedly, Walnut sent an email to Jordy stating that walnut isn't Amber, and also invites walnut to dm her on instagram. Back to claims of feeling violated, and then starts sperging about some shit idk, I genuinely struggle to understand what she is on about, maybe I'm too out of it to understand rn. I think she's saying someone's impersonating her? Anyway, she then goes for another jab at Brittany cuz her hair looks stanky.
New shot of her on the couch, we're getting an Amazon haul. Says she wants to play on her Switch more, particularly the new Mario Party (alone, I assume), but one of her JoyCons was fucky so she bought new ones (I guess this one was filmed b4 they revealed the Switch 2). Also got herself a puzzle to do. Stickers for scrapbooking. We next see her start her puzzle.
Oh, joy. We get her medical sperging. Says people want to portray her as misinformed and stupid, and I've just about fucking had it with fatty and her annoying "uhrgruuhuh the semaglutide expires". Shows some clip of some other reaction bitch called Libby explaining how it does expire after such and such days, but I think fatty is just too stupid to know that you can draw from vials with syringes without exposing them to air and compromising the medicine. Idk, I'm probably just talking out of my ass here. It's not like it fucking matters anyway. Fatty ate through Ozempic before.
Finally gives us her weigh in of 504.8lbs (still fat lol). Talks about how she is maintaining as though she doesn't have a BMI of 100+ (estimated). More food noise bullshit. Bla bla blah support bye.
Fuck, I'm bored now.
