The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[Oxyjen]

Not only did we know about it, it was featured on the front page.

My bad. Ok it was just straightforward kiwi harvesting.

 

[FinnSven]

do agree that making products out of yarn would have increased the audience interested in buying their products. Penny told the Today Show that they were turning the alpaca wool into "yarn, socks, hats, dryer balls, insoles, all kinds of fun stuff that we can then take to market" but I think that was one of his grand plans as there's zero evidence the Tranch ever sold anything besides yarn and "name an alpaca". Trying to turn their crappy yarn into crappy hats would have just been an even greater sunk cost, since none of them knit and they'd have had to hire someone for that.

I would guess that Penny was hoping that troons or pooners would have shown up who if not reasonably competent with knitting and garment manufacturing already, would have been keen and motivated to learn.
It’s another of those things which can “work on paper”, but the reality is mismanaged animals, crazy fuckers showing up who can’t hold down a job in Starbucks without a meltdown, so expecting them to learn and become proficient at a skilled and specific manual trade is a stupid dream, combined with at least two useless freeloaders in a harem, then all the drama which happens when mentally unstable individuals end up living together without at least one sane and sensible authority figure around.
They alienated their neighbors, and barely did any real research into what they really needed to do, instead stockpiling weapons and estrogen.

The two major tragedies were the deaths of the animals, and the fact that we never got a Troon Waco.

 

[Norman B. Normal]

It was all so predictable in retrospect. Start with the fact that troons who legitimately had something going on with their lives were never going to drop everything and move off the grid to the middle of nowhere, so from the very beginning the pool of potential farmhands was limited to the dregs of society, people with no skills or prospects and no desire to acquire either one. Then there's the fact that the most visible resident of the ranch by far, the one person most responsible to spreading the gospel to a wide audience, is a hyperactive manchild who does nothing but post dozens of times a day about licensed plastic children's toys and about how performatively horny he is, and never posts about doing any work or contributing to the upkeep of the ranch. So it was the least surprising thing in the world that mentally ill troons would see this and figure the Tranch was some kind of magical paradise where they could go and play with toys and join polycules and get in touch with their womanhood and never have to get up at 4:30 in the morning and do chores when it's below freezing outside. When those pipe dreams ran headlong into reality, there was no way things could have ever ended up any other way.

I can give Penny credit at least for always being pretty honest about ranching being hard work and needing people who were willing to pitch in and help out, but he was never the one they were listening to.

 

[FinnSven]

It was all so predictable in retrospect. Start with the fact that troons who legitimately had something going on with their lives were never going to drop everything and move off the grid to the middle of nowhere, so from the very beginning the pool of potential farmhands was limited to the dregs of society, people with no skills or prospects and no desire to acquire either one. Then there's the fact that the most visible resident of the ranch by far, the one person most responsible to spreading the gospel to a wide audience, is a hyperactive manchild who does nothing but post dozens of times a day about licensed plastic children's toys and about how performatively horny he is, and never posts about doing any work or contributing to the upkeep of the ranch. So it was the least surprising thing in the world that mentally ill troons would see this and figure the Tranch was some kind of magical paradise where they could go and play with toys and join polycules and get in touch with their womanhood and never have to get up at 4:30 in the morning and do chores when it's below freezing outside. When those pipe dreams ran headlong into reality, there was no way things could have ever ended up any other way.

I can give Penny credit at least for always being pretty honest about ranching being hard work and needing people who were willing to pitch in and help out, but he was never the one they were listening to.

Tommy Tooter even asked Penny if he could come live there.

While it was understandable that Penny said no, Tooter at least has some half arsed experience with being a hippy and living in communes.

He at least could be capable of getting up at 04:30 to milk the dogs.

In situations like these with normal humans, while the dregs make up the bulk of applicants, there are a few exceptions with people who are capable and really want to spend a year or two living on a farm.
Like a kibbutz or some hippy communes.

The problem with a troon focused one is that the kinds of people who seek this sort of adventure are usually more stable mentally, secure in themselves and unlikely to troon out.

As you say, the Troons that are working, usually work in pretty comfortable software development teams and can afford all the toys, junk food and makeup they want.

They will also probably have parents who if not full on supportive, they just functionally ignore them and allow them to go on living in the basement.

A lot of them probably would also reason that if Trump did unleash anti troon murder squads, they could just wear jeans and a leather jacket and tie their hair back outside of the office or home.

 

[LavenderMenace]

I don't think I've ever seen this happen.
View attachment 6713697
Tranny freaks really are a protected class. They can get away with fucking everything. Can you imagine say, a diehard Trump simp gay sex commune murdering over 200 innocent animals?
It'll be in the news for the next 4 years.
Never forget troonblinka and what they did to the alpacas.

I was just about to comment about this. I've been using Youtube since the start and I've never seen this type of censoring from youtube....

I think the creator can have a setting on for monitoring comments under the video and maybe this is a glitch?

 

[Drama Fan]

Someone made a true crime documentary on the Tranch
https://youtube.com/watch?v=Bw597xbZVcY

They open up with a lie, come on. Some of the Alapacas did survive. Looks like they spent more effort editing than researching.
Also what's the vocal version of a face for radio? A voice for the telegram? Just get back in the wagie cage if you're going to be this bad at youtube.

 

[AnOminous]

While it was understandable that Penny said no, Tooter at least has some half arsed experience with being a hippy and living in communes.

He has some experience getting thrown out of them, like when the Rainbow Gathering chucked him out for being too degenerate even for them, because even they don't like pedo dogfuckers.

 

[FinnSven]

He has some experience getting thrown out of them, like when the Rainbow Gathering chucked him out for being too degenerate even for them, because even they don't like pedo dogfuckers.

The tranch loved ‘em though.

Tommy, Jen, Kev and wedge could have made some utterly horrible porn.

 

[AssignedEva]

The tranch loved ‘em though.

The tranch loved the idea of cute animals. Which is why they got ducks and left the ducks with a paddling pool of water, or got sheep and then took all the newborn lambs inside to cuddle and play with (causing the ewes to reject them), or got goats and let the goats attack the other animals, or briefly tried to establish a horse rescue. After Penny kicked the field serfs out, you could hear Kevin whining about having to actually feed the livestock in a couple of the videos.

Even the harder working tranchers tended to love the idea of being successful ranchers over the welfare of their animals, which is why Jarrod spent his time trying to start "permaculture" and foraging pinecones, instead of making a manger or using their pellet machine and just dumped hay on the ground (where it got trampled, and the stronger alpaca hogged it from the weaker alpaca). Speaking of which, he's apparently back at school despite being a homeless "worker"

 

[Crex Crex]

STOVE PICTURES​

View attachment 6646893View attachment 6646932
Jen decided to show off the pizza he made, so it's time for the threads favorite game of judging the Tranch stove. As you can see the new stove still has all the knobs (unlike the tranch members themselves).

PASTANIGGER OPINION:
There is too much cheese and mozzarella, I can barely even see the mushrooms and pepperoni. Ideally, you should put the other toppings above the mozzarella. It also looks like the pizzas have been overcooked as the mozzarella and cheese have formed a burnt crust all over the other toppings. These things probably taste like bread glued to a charred wooden plank.
3/10, the dough doesn't look bad.

 

[Godchu]

Is this real? Was an alpaca really named Aleroth Griffon Paisley (AGP)?
View attachment 6713384View attachment 6713385

100% a joke. This is the original post:

Spoiler: Large Image

View attachment 2615643

 

[KuwabaraTheMan]

The tranch loved the idea of cute animals. Which is why they got ducks and left the ducks with a paddling pool of water, or got sheep and then took all the newborn lambs inside to cuddle and play with (causing the ewes to reject them), or got goats and let the goats attack the other animals, or briefly tried to establish a horse rescue. After Penny kicked the field serfs out, you could hear Kevin whining about having to actually feed the livestock in a couple of the videos.

Even the harder working tranchers tended to love the idea of being successful ranchers over the welfare of their animals, which is why Jarrod spent his time trying to start "permaculture" and foraging pinecones, instead of making a manger or using their pellet machine and just dumped hay on the ground (where it got trampled, and the stronger alpaca hogged it from the weaker alpaca). Speaking of which, he's apparently back at school despite being a homeless "worker"
View attachment 6715323

Let's not forget how they ignored breeding and animal husbandry and pregnancies just magically happened constantly. Or how the baby lambs were obviously raped by the goats cause the troons were too stupid to separate the animals.

 

[stupid frog]

or literally got booted from Soundview

I think Tranchers owe them money.

Does it mention Kevin's spending habits?

 

[Oxyjen]

100% a joke. This is the original post:

Thanks for that, I hadn’t seen it originally.

Genius.

 

[AfghanBlue]

A handful of the alpacas did survive and were brought to the current property. I think it's wrong to say their goal was to make money on the alpacas, when they were never profitable, the point of the animals was to reinforce the larp.

Still blows my mind how they just slowly Bergen Belsen'd HUNDREDS of alpacas.
Even if they just sold them like one by one, to people who fancied one or two alpacas as pets, they could have made a hundred or so dollars off them each. Rather than just... Slowly starving them. Like picking the legs off a spider and staring at it with their dead autism eyes in their grim boy-hoods.
But bigger and cuter than a spider, and with hubris as opposed to natural psychopathy, but still springing from the same source of narcissism and retardation that at the very least, got them to cut their cocks off and have to cope about it forever. At least they suffer a bit too.

 

[Shakespeare]

Still blows my mind how they just slowly Bergen Belsen'd HUNDREDS of alpacas.
Even if they just sold them like one by one, to people who fancied one or two alpacas as pets, they could have made a hundred or so dollars off them each. Rather than just... Slowly starving them.

How many people do you think want to buy alpacas in the US? The reason for why they managed to get so many alpacas in the first place is that there's almost no market for alpacas nowadays. People were literally giving away entire herds to get rid of them.

 

[Ghostse]

Never forget troonblinka and what they did to the alpacas.

This deathcamp was Alpacaschwitz.
Troonblinka was an entirely different Troon Failure

I think the original idea was that they'd use the money generated from alpaca wool products to then run a pro-bono transgender safe haven, and the GoFundMes were to help them get equipment to get into the black. Then there were various other attempted projects (the recycling project, the Navajo Lakota charity programme, general handyman/renovation work) which went nowhere due to incompetence, and by then they'd gotten addicted to the income off the GoFundMes. But Penny's original aspiration was they'd make loads of money off of being a profitable ranch, he just did no research on the fact that alpacas are not profitable and then kept accepting free alpacas (and one vicuña).

The alpacas were for propaganda which is why it was insane they had over 200 of them on that lunar landscape. They really just needed enough for some videos and to have at least some small amount of product they could show because they were never going to make money on it.

I think the idea was pretty clearly to get the operating expenses principally covered by grifting and e-begging and make a little side scratch for day-to-day living expenses and $500 Transformers from the wool and eventually items made from troonspun.

As far as it seemed at first, they (Mostly Penny, but Bonnie too, Kevvie and Jen are fucking idiots so just took Penny at his word) really seemed to believe in their pipedream of reliable and ethically sourced wealth from Alpaca wool, with arriving Troons keen to work as hard as Penny after a week or two of being dysphoric, getting over their issues rapidly and becoming earth mothers with a natural way and attunement to the land and animals.

I think the idea was eventually to get a bunch of lumpentroons to do the hard labor while they would be the Waddle SS, rolling around in ill-fitting plate carriers keeping them safe from "Earl". They very clearly eventually wanted to make their own wool-crafts but started by selling the wool because that was cheapest.

IIRC they never tried to sell the unspun roving. Initially they were getting the Soundview Fibre Mill in Washington state to process the wool into fingering yarn, and when a Kiwi tried an early batch it turned out to be surprisingly decent (decent, not great) quality if somewhat overpriced.

I thought one of the kiwis who ordered said it was dirty and full of hay, etc.

I can give Penny credit at least for always being pretty honest about ranching being hard work and needing people who were willing to pitch in and help out, but he was never the one they were listening to.

He was also the one doing the militia LARP the hardest so I don't think there was anything realistic about his aims.

 

[glass_houses]

Still blows my mind how they just slowly Bergen Belsen'd HUNDREDS of alpacas.
Even if they just sold them like one by one, to people who fancied one or two alpacas as pets, they could have made a hundred or so dollars off them each. Rather than just... Slowly starving them. Like picking the legs off a spider and staring at it with their dead autism eyes in their grim boy-hoods.
But bigger and cuter than a spider, and with hubris as opposed to natural psychopathy, but still springing from the same source of narcissism and retardation that at the very least, got them to cut their cocks off and have to cope about it forever. At least they suffer a bit too.

How many people do you think want to buy alpacas in the US? The reason for why they managed to get so many alpacas in the first place is that there's almost no market for alpacas nowadays. People were literally giving away entire herds to get rid of them.

Penny is an animal hoarder; they're always oblivious to the actual horrific condition of their many animals while they strut around proclaiming that they're the best animal rights guardian in the world.

 

[S.C.U.D.]

They just ran into a series of compounding problems. The way they sheared the alpaca involved unnecessary expenditure (circus tent, cookout, hiring farmhands to help because half the tranchers didn't want to shear the alpaca besides getting a couple of photos) which upped their price point. They never went to any fiber festivals - possibly because they didn't do enough research to know such things existed - and just tried to sell the yarn through Etsy. They neglected the alpaca which meant the staple length was then too short and the fleece was low quality, which meant it started clinging to dirt and vegetable matter despite washing, and made it harder to spin into consistent lengths, plus the dye jobs they attempted were hideous. They also went for thicker yarn that was functionally useless, and again because the malnourished alpaca weren't growing healthy wool, it tended to felt up (they may have also switched to a cheaper fibre mill or literally got booted from Soundview because the yarn they sent in was too low quality - it seems likely they'd also tried to cut costs by washing it themselves). They then attempted to sell some awful yarn at DenFur, but did it while treating it as an excuse to go to DenFur so they spent loads on hotel rooms and hanging out not working while also spending money on ranch hands to look after the alpaca while they were away. I think there was also an attempt to offload it on their Patreon subscribers.

They also repeatedly stated that most of their income came from wool sales, however the Etsy sales figures easily disproved that. I looked into it years ago (it's somewhere in this thread) and over the lifetime of their Etsy store they didn't even make half in sales (that's gross revenue, NOT profit) of the wool that they did from the first big GFM grift, that's not counting the several lesser GFMs that raised a couple thousand dollars each they would do later.

Their lies about being fully sustainable from alpaca wool sales were faithfully repeated by the media without question, of course.

 

[FinnSven]

I think the idea was eventually to get a bunch of lumpentroons to do the hard labor while they would be the Waddle SS, rolling around in ill-fitting plate carriers keeping them safe from "Earl". They very clearly eventually wanted to make their own wool-crafts but started by selling the wool because that was cheapest.

That’s inarguably how it ended up, but I am sure there was a period of rose tinted optimism on Penny’s part.

A vision of bright clear Colorado skies, rainbows in the horizon, happy alpaca lambs gamboling, Kevvie feeding a rejected one with a bottle looking maternal, manly doods with knitting needles making jumpers and insoles, Jen making delightful folksy farm food of his own recipes, persecuted transgenders showing up and being cured of all problems the instant they set foot on the land, capitalist cis Nazi chuds coming to the gate begging to be allowed a slice of the vast alpaca fortunes only for Penny to tap his pistol so they flee.

Then being named Woman of the Decade, not just Transwoman, but Woman of the Decade.

JK Rowling would present the award and then hand over rights to the Harry Potter everything and approve Penny’s re-write of Hogwarts being an alpaca ranch and Harry being a trans man, JK grudgingly admitting that she was 100% wrong.

Then he woke up in a pool of bushmills vomit, between two snoozing farting men without dicks, in sheets which have never been washed, to go and count how many alpacas died in the night, then dig a hole before Kevvie wakes up and demands more tropical punch.