Are you lost needing femoid advice post here - For the poor bastard's who dare or are just curious

[DickMain]

So much fucking unpaid emotional labor in this thread, for a conclusion @Rekeita's Kidneys could have easily come to pages ago. And he still thinks he's the smartest one here


The other women here are a lot more patient than me, lol

I just wanted to pitch in some experience I've had my bad lol

 

[Absolutego]

Mind if I send it as a DM?

go for it

 

[DickMain]

i don't know an appropriate thread, but i'm wine-drunk, i opened a dating app, said 'no thanks' and got a 'you missed a match!' alert and felt like shit and closed it immediately. does this hurt peoples' feelings (on the other end)? i hope it doesn't, and i'm sorry. these apps suck.
(e. if they work for you awesome if you're on the fence i'm not dooming don't let me turn you off of it)

I'm gonna quote myself here now that I'm sobered up/slept (I was over in Incel Hate for whatever reason). So I've been out of the dating pool for a long time. The neighbor girl and I chat a bunch, and she'd spoken of how she uses these sort of apps and suggested I give it a go, so I made an account for a couple. I don't focus on them too much, I poke around on them maybe once a week, but are they supposed to be pay-to-play? I was under the impression that these things were free, but it seems like I 'ran out' of comments/introductions you're able to send to people and they're begging me to spend. Now I'm not dooming or anything over it, but I'm starting to think these things aren't 'it'. Because it feels like I'm not able to engage in conversation with anybody I see without it asking for money.

I put up a handful of photos I think I look pretty normal in, and some of hobbies I think are cute/fun (baking, it was baking sweets). The women I see on here are (1. completely above my league lmao) usually hosting these big, fun group photos of stuff like rock climbing, kayaking, traveling, things like that, and I don't really have any of that. Am I just kind of dead-on-arrival here, or is some part of it that I'm not paying for the apps and therefore have 0 visibility (which when I say that sounds like the most massive cope)? So far I'm not really enjoying these apps, but I'm not ready to lay the blame completely on them and I'm holding out that some part of it is something I can fix and wanted to see if any women have advice on their time using them.

 

[Hubelublub]

I put up a handful of photos I think I look pretty normal in, and some of hobbies I think are cute/fun

I'd normally advise against online dating for any sane person, but the advice for online dating also applies for the first few dates and getting to know someone.

Don't sell yourself based on what you think they will find attractive. You are not a salesman, you don't want them to buy your product, you are trying to find a partnership of two human beings. Be you, and look for someone who matches you. Share photos that look like you, and talk about hobbies that you like to do.

Trying to mind read women is pointless anyway. We're far too complicated.

 

[Mandy Stroyer]

Things like exposure therapy, for example.
If you're scared of the grocery store, going in person under safe circumstances (or even building up from something like a video game version) may be more helpful than 1000 hours of "but WHY are you scared of the store?"
It's like, if you fall out of a tree and break your arm, identifying which branches you hit on the way down doesn't magically fix the injury.

And that's if the therapist knows how to properly do exposure therapy. Most therapists do not, you'd need to see an OCD specialist. Seeing regular therapists prolonged the problem. Being told I couldn't be helped until I was medicated (as someone with a Y-BOCS score of 38 to be fair) just to be turned away again when medicated only made me feel worse. That's added onto the fact a lot of people with OCD are afraid of even thinking, let alone speaking, about their fears because it's more likely to make them happen.

Most people with OCD will not seek help on their own, or will after about 17 years of ongoing symptoms because they are so convinced they are in the right about their fears. It's usually been a lifetime of cognitive distortions convincing them that getting progressively more extreme in their compulsions is helping. The term has been co-opted by self diagnosed retards who just like organizing their pens for decades. I remember being paired up with such a girl in high school and wanting to ask if she has to do that or else her family will be burnt alive, which is why I spent an hour every night repeatedly opening and closing any door, cabinet, and drawer in the house. It's not a quirky personality disorder you can be talked out but something that eventually becomes so detrimental and time consuming that you can't leave the house. A CBT therapist might be good for the first few sessions for someone who is not convinced it is an issue but if you got someone to therapy in the first place, I'm sure they already know.

 

[DickMain]

I'd normally advise against online dating for any sane person, but the advice for online dating also applies for the first few dates and getting to know someone.

Don't sell yourself based on what you think they will find attractive. You are not a salesman, you don't want them to buy your product, you are trying to find a partnership of two human beings. Be you, and look for someone who matches you. Share photos that look like you, and talk about hobbies that you like to do.

Trying to mind read women is pointless anyway. We're far too complicated.

Oh, for sure. The photos I have are me at some events that I used to go to and baking in the kitchen (a pastime I actually do enjoy unironically lol). I feel pretty good about my photos representing my genuine self. But, yeah, I haven't even gotten far enough to actually go out with anybody on them. I've only had a very small handful of matches the apps say I have, but they won't let me see them without paying, and at some point I apparently passed on one that it had just shown me in the recommendations and the 'you missed a match!' alert made me feel like shit for how that gal might have felt.

I don't know how to express it, but it feels shitty to be looking at somebody putting themselves out there and saying 'naw no thank you' and swiping, and then getting that alert. I keep trying to convince myself 'don't sweat it, it's just the same as when I hit like on somebody and get passed, it's okay to say no'.

 

[pork and beans]

Therapy for those (and similar ones) can also be upsetting and stressful. Things like exposure therapy, for example

Yes, exactly.

The way many methods of therapy deal with those disorders is atrocious in my opinion. They are conditions often born as a maladaptive coping mechanism to seek (a harmful and false allusion of) control. What those methods are essentially doing, is forcing the patient to give up that control.... but trust the therapy or the therapist blindly, instead. It doesn't actually address the core issue... and in addition, can end up making the individual feel trapped and with even less freedom than before. And yes, trying to get to the root of it via questions is equally useless. Patients already know, most of the time, and those disorders cannot be fought away with rationality, which seems to be something many professionals don't get. Oftentimes patients with those issues do a lot of research, information seeking or just rumination on their own behaviour, anyway.

That exposure and the discomfort it brings MUST be reached in order to improve, but forcing the individual is not always the right call. That's why many patients get better in treatment and relapse immediately after being discharged. I think in some cases, that is a road that an individual must be willing to start themselves, and although outside help can be helpful, the limitations it brings are not always a good thing.

A CBT therapist might be good for the first few sessions for someone who is not convinced it is an issue but if you got someone to therapy in the first place, I'm sure they already know.

Could not have put it better myself. Exactly.

 

[Thé au lait]

are they supposed to be pay-to-play?

It ain't a non-profit, I'll tell you that much!

 

[DickMain]

It ain't a non-profit, I'll tell you that much!

Not to bitch and moan about them, but it really does feel that way sometimes! Like "hey if you just give us a few bucks we'll give you a few gacha coins to play with for the day and bump your profile for 20 minutes!" I'm lucky to have learned to just be comfortable on my own (after losing 'the one' out of my own stupidity and rushing into relationships that went nowhere in my early twenties), because I don't know how somebody younger/hungrier for companionship can survive these apps lol

 

[Space Police]

kek, weak.

This (You)?

I'd hit that midget puss in a heartbeat, cute face and minimal deformity.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=VTDXp5mRnWE
I would have less qualms about getting with a midget bitch than with any of these girls, there's "petite" and then there's "getting the cops called on you every single time you leave your house with your girlfriend". They legit look like children, i don't even want to know what creeps they attract on a night out in town, dudes in the pics already look sketch as fuck.

I seldom watch porn nowadays

I remember seeing more than one video on efukt where it's a gangbang or bukkake shot and it's turning into a legit "WURLD STAH WURLD STAH!" nigger brawl because blacks can't act professional. Frankly ridiculous.

Nigger, i've been with my girlfriend for 16 years now, fuck off with this bullshit. Your moid hate is shining through again.

Why haven't you put a ring on her finger yet?

 

[Thé au lait]

Not to bitch and moan about them, but it really does feel that way sometimes! Like "hey if you just give us a few bucks we'll give you a few gacha coins to play with for the day and bump your profile for 20 minutes!" I'm lucky to have learned to just be comfortable on my own (after losing 'the one' out of my own stupidity and rushing into relationships that went nowhere in my early twenties), because I don't know how somebody younger/hungrier for companionship can survive these apps lol

You could absolutely compare it to gachashit, except instead of winning an SSR picture of your favorite 3000 year old little girl you win the chance to talk to another person.

The way I've always looked at those is that you're selling your likeness as a product for the company to advertise for their own profit. You don't really get anything out of it besides maybe talking to people who are too busy or too dysfunctional to go out and make friends.

 

[Thief of Tables]

Online dating is awful and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. But depending on where you live and what your hobbies are, you might not have many other options.

 

[The Feline Solution]

This (You)?





Why haven't you put a ring on her finger yet?

Kek, i still stand by that post about the midget, she's cute as a button. I already said i can't talk about why it's impossible for me to marry my girlfriend, certain family names carry certain weight, just leave it at that. You wouldn't believe the hoops i have to jump through just when i want to visit family in Sardinia.

Edit: The "i seldom watch porn these days" part is true as well, no one goes on efukt to jack off.

 

[suspended animation]

Therapy for those (and similar ones) can also be upsetting and stressful. Things like exposure therapy, for example.
If you're scared of the grocery store, going in person under safe circumstances (or even building up from something like a video game version) may be more helpful than 1000 hours of "but WHY are you scared of the store?"
It's like, if you fall out of a tree and break your arm, identifying which branches you hit on the way down doesn't magically fix the injury.

Your post is a good example of the difference between talk therapy ("but WHY are you scared of the store?") and CBT (exposure therapy is a type of CBT).

CBT is the recommended treatment for conditions like OCD. Per the International OCD Foundation :

I think some people are still a bit confused about the difference between talk therapy and CBT.
The majority of my CBT sessions have taken place outside of the office, because the focus of CBT is on doing, not on talking about the whys.

 

[DickMain]

The way I've always looked at those is that you're selling your likeness as a product for the company to advertise for their own profit. You don't really get anything out of it besides maybe talking to people who are too busy or too dysfunctional to go out and make friends.

Online dating is awful and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. But depending on where you live and what your hobbies are, you might not have many other options.

That's what part of the problem is, for sure. Work kept me cooped up with not a lot of real opportunities to meet people (and I don't shit where I eat). I could always push myself to go out to some kind of day class or something to socialize, that's some advice I tend to see thrown around and something I've not tried. The couple of IRL friends I have moved away a long time ago, and I find it hard to just get up and go places by myself without feeling kind of awkward.

 

[Space Police]

>Kek, i still stand by that post about the midget, she's cute as a button.

I really appreciate how many home-raised gegbvlls we've gotten lately; at this rate we won't need external cows!

 

[DickMain]

>Kek, i still stand by that post about the midget, she's cute as a button.
View attachment 6617747

I really appreciate how many home-raised gegbvlls we've gotten lately; at this rate we won't need external cows!

Some people pay OF girls to be mean to them. Can you believe it? You can just make an account here for free and have women verbally shit on you in minutes. It's a steal

 

[Red flag]

I already said i can't talk about why it's impossible for me to marry my girlfriend, certain family names carry certain weight, just leave it at that. You wouldn't believe the hoops i have to jump through just when i want to visit family in Sardinia.

Imagine not making her an offer she can't refuse after 16 years.

 

[DickMain]

Imagine not making her an offer she can't refuse after 16 years.

Try the Cazu Martzu, it's a flawless approach.

 

[The Feline Solution]

>Kek, i still stand by that post about the midget, she's cute as a button.
View attachment 6617747

I really appreciate how many home-raised gegbvlls we've gotten lately; at this rate we won't need external cows!

Apply yourself. Not even tagging me, shameful.

Try the Cazu Martzu, it's a flawless approach.

Don't knock it till you tried it, it's quite good.