Six weeks out! Will probably do another update at 10-12 weeks, but as six weeks is often cited as the "beginning of normalcy" period by surgeons and patients alike, wanted to give some updates on different aspects of surgery.
Healing / incisions / gore factor: Major healing has completed. Unless I've irritated something that day, if I were in a locker room or something, I don't really think there's anything now that screams "oh she had surgery recently." Incision lines are healed and flattening, swelling is still there but more at larger than usual labia levels vs dramatic swelling. Internally, the deheasion at the entrance of my canal continues to heal bottom-up and looks good, I haven't personally noticed any granulation. Inside my labia minora things still look fleshy and angry, but it goes down every day.
Aesthetics: I'm 11/10 happy with them. This is far from the finished product but the major healing is over and if this is what I lived with for the rest of my life I'd be happy, beyond the swelling making wiping after peeing more difficult lol. I've had biased and unbiased parties tell me it's plenty natal and while I haven't seen a huge amount of vulvas in person, yeah, I'm more than fine with this. My inner labia are calming down and getting that wrinkled appearance I wanted, there's some asymmetry but that's fine and very 'normal'. Unless swelling going down dramatically changes things for the worse at this point, all the constituent pieces I want are there, and I'm very happy with it.
Pain & sensation: I stopped OTC painkillers this week and haven't regretted it yet. Sensation is steadily returning, mostly pressure sensation with a little bit of touch sensation. External on the incision lines is nearly fully back, sensation on and around the inner labia is hit and miss, the clitoris has sensation but the extent to which is still being figured out. Internally I can feel pressure sensation but not really a "touch here and know where it is" sensation yet.
Peeing: It gets its own sub category because lmao. I have a touch of eager bladder but I'm thoroughly convinced it's a mind-body thing right now. If I'm out and about, I don't really get bothered by feeling like I need to pee, if I'm home it's very frequent. There've definitely been multiple times I head to the bathroom and accidentally piss myself trying to get clothes down, but I'm able to sleep eight hours without incident, so it's probably getting used to how the new tubing works. But I include it here for others to basically say hey, this isn't unexpected/uncommon, spend time listening to your body and sussing new sensations and motor function out.
Dilation: Dilating is fine; when I left Cleveland I was still on 30min x3 day, but my surgical team gave me permission to adjust with lifestyle, so long as depth and width is maintained. Currently I do 1hr30min dilation 2x day, because I'm at a stable depth and width, but if it gets harder I will go back to shorter more frequent sessions. I currently split sessions equally between P2/#2/#4 dilators (orange blue orange), mostly for comfort and ensuring no depth is being lost. I *can* work myself up to an initial insertion of the blue dilator but it's unpleasant and would likely result in depth being lost. I had a scare at week 4 as I traveled by train to be able to dilate, but ended up not being able to dilate as comfortably or as frequently as I wanted. I went from notching the P2 to three dots visible, but depth was restored after a few days of diligent and extra dilation. If you're reading this and you missed a day of dilation early, and now it's hard, please don't give up. Give yourself time and grace, extend your dilation sessions as long as is reasonable for your situation, and keep at it. Skin will not stitch itself together within 24 hours, certainly not the state the neovagina is in.
I'll further say that, for my own opinion based on discussions with my surgeon and research into vaginal health, I don't think "take the largest dilator you can cold" is a great mindset to be in. This is a stretchy part of the body, you should never 0 to 60 it. It's not a failure not to immediately be able to shove a 1.5in dia rod into yourself, that's how natal vaginas get hurt too. If you're gonna have penetrative sex with your partner, fingers and warm up are almost always preferable to immediate penis or penis like object shoving.
Speaking of, sex / pleasureable sensation: My surgeon doesn't sign off on penetrative sex until week 12, so I'm still halfway through to that. While my body *feels* ready for that, I'm definitely not violating that rule without his say so. Externally I've been cleared for play with partners and use of vibrators, and encouraged to do so; that sort of thing encourages the nerves to remember they can feel good instead of just hurty. I've done some grinding and found that feels best currently, as it seems to be able to hit wherever the clitoral nerves were internalized better than vibrators currently can. Vibrators feel nice but in that "getting nice touches from your partner on your sides feels" sort of way than an intensely erogenous or pre-orgasmic way. This will probably change and evolve as more nerves come online. I also haven't had an orgasm yet, but it's still early yet and I'm not necessarily trying for one ever single day.
Work / going out and about / energy: I'm on leave for another two weeks but tentatively feel up for when I do go back. I'll be working from home for six more weeks after my return, which helps a lot, and I do office work. Sitting is a pleasant experience with a good chair, with or without a donut pillow, I don't have any real pressure sensitivity there, though I definitely need to get up and walk around some as well to let things adjust. I can go out to the store or mall decently enough, though I definitely hit an energy wall after an hour or two. The hardest part honestly is my hands, which continue to be on the mend but I'm typing this with my ring fingers instead of my full hands due to continued numbness and hypersensitivity in my finger tips.
Overall: Mike and Beth did a fantastic job, and I'm eager to see what my 10 and 12 week updates look like. As always, happy to answer questions.
Id really appreciate some feed back.
