🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

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How much does Ryann weigh?

  • 300-350lbs (Panda Bear)

    Votes: 27 1.0%

  • 350-400lbs (Bull Caribou)

    Votes: 147 5.3%

  • 400-450lbs (Heart of a Blue Whale)

    Votes: 383 13.8%

  • 450-500lbs (Pigmy Hippo)

    Votes: 555 20.0%

  • 500-550lbs (Domestic Pig)

    Votes: 425 15.3%

  • 550-600lbs (Baby Grand Piano)

    Votes: 329 11.9%

  • 600-650lbs (Vending Machine)

    Votes: 205 7.4%

  • 650+ (A Fucking Planet)

    Votes: 698 25.2%
  • Total voters
    2,769
multiverse said:
she's got to be someplace she doesn't want anyone to see
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She could always post in front of a palm tree wearing something trashy, so it's more than being broke and stuck in a hotel. She's depressed about her financial situation, and probably panic binging on Little Debbies all day.
multiverse said:
She's also not filming herself waiting in the school pickup line, so it's unlikely Bowie is going to school.
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So depressing, but sadly common with homeless families. Tess is probably in a cheap motel far away from Bowie's school, and she's too depressed to get him to school on time in the morning. He's probably watching TV or playing on a tablet all day.

Poor Bowie is going to spend Halloween lonely and stuck in a shitty motel with his binge-eating slag of a mother.
 
Clotso Coof said:
She could always post in front of a palm tree wearing something trashy, so it's more than being broke and stuck in a hotel. She's depressed about her financial situation, and probably panic binging on Little Debbies all day.

So depressing, but sadly common with homeless families. Tess is probably in a cheap motel far away from Bowie's school, and she's too depressed to get him to school on time in the morning. He's probably watching TV or playing on a tablet all day.

Poor Bowie is going to spend Halloween lonely and stuck in a shitty motel with his binge-eating slag of a mother.
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Hopefully she's not going to try and mooch off Rylee.
 
multiverse said:
Damn, she's got to be someplace she doesn't want anyone to see - and she clearly doesn't have the cash to go to Starbeetus and undulate around in her jeep while smirking into her phone.

She's also not filming herself waiting in the school pickup line, so it's unlikely Bowie is going to school. I wonder if they lost his placement when they left the Long Beach Apartments address.
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I thought Bowie was at a private school now? They don't care where you live, they don't abide by the local school districts.
 
Her merch is being released soon, I guess. Of all the wtf about these photo choices, the pants give me the biggest wtf of all

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She really thinks that shit is going to sell? Even trailer trash would find it tacky.
 
Her poor sons, having to see their whale of a mother and her ass on a t-shirt.
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She doesn't give a fuck if Rylee and Bowie are embarrassed, it's all about HER.
 
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Did she think that the, for lack of better expression, Gravy Train, was just going to keep rolling along?
even with real celebrities, time isn’t kind. What if fat is cured and suddenly everyone is dropping the pounds, do people want a reminder of the gluttony era? She‘s run the course,, she needs to pivot to the next income stream or work on getting a real job.
 
What is easier and cheaper than whatever random percentage of a majority-bot following, payed out in a fantasy dreamland? Moving your fat ass back to Mississippi, where you will not be top 5 of the trashiest spectacles in the room, but your son will have some stability with family nearby, and you can drop the bullshit and just be a human person.

God forbid we give up anything for our children, or have the self awareness to understand when an already foolish dream is flat out retarded, and curve (or in this case, 12-point turn) into a simpler, less expensive way of being before you’re literally homeless for fucks sake.
 
yousoundlikeanasshole said:
Her merch is being released soon, I guess. Of all the wtf about these photo choices, the pants give me the biggest wtf of all

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This elder millennial knows joggers are NOT what the gen z or alpha kids want, right? And they certainly don't want the style of pants their moms wear. And they definitely don't want mom pants with photos of some obscenely fat nobody plastered all over them. They might buy them ironically if a big TikTok star was the seller.

She failed bigly the last time she tried launching a micro-line of clothing with her visage plastered all over it - the items were discounted to fire sale prices within a week of launch.

Tess is probably fondly recalling her one big, successful scam selling "eff your beauty standards" t-shirts circa 2012-14. By the sales numbers gathered from angry customers, she grossed around $125k with costs amounting to around $10k. She and Jolene pre-sold batches of the cheap t-shirts with poorly ironed on patches via Instagram, at $50 per shirt plus shipping and tax. They then neglected to actually make or mail out most of those shirts, with Tess and Jolene blocking anyone who asked where their pre-paid merchandise was or anyone requesting a refund.

It was the t-shirt scandal that first alerted me to Tess as a lolcow. The ridiculous price for the shirts was justified by Tessie's claim that money raised by selling the shirts would be given to domestic violence victims. She used her mom's horrific abuse story to boost sales.

This was a huge problem after Tess signed with Milk Model Management in 2014, who had no warning of this PR disaster. They had already invested a ton of time booking Tess for modeling gigs, television spots, and magazine covers for the next year and more. So then they crafted a crisis management response to the scandal, with a softball interview to launch it where she apologized like a narc (i.e. it wasn't REALLY her fault, guise!) Milk hired a woman to sort out the backlog of orders and issue refunds, and made Tess announce that she had donated $1500 to a local women's shelter.

Tl;dr: Tess is hoping lighting will strike twice, and that she'll have hundreds of thousands rolling in any day now with cheap, drop shipped crap. It is a fool's hope.
 
yousoundlikeanasshole said:
Of all the wtf about these photo choices, the pants give me the biggest wtf of all
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Oversized hammer pants with a whale on them

Clotso Coof said:
Weren't spit curls on white women last sylish 20+ years ago? I haven't even seen them on ghetto black women in many, many years.
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Haha, spit curls. Haven't heard that since ought' 4, when I was watching Cry Baby and feeling real nostalgic for a time I didn't live in. Blacks call it "laying they edges" and it's currently a hygienic/grooming necessity. If you let your baby hairs around your hairline grow and puff up you're a slob, unlike gluing them down to your makeup smeared forehead. As usual Tess is off the racial and cultural mark- it's not a trend AT ALL for any white woman 10-60 to glue their hair to their forehead in a little design to ape black culture. Try again, Lardo!

Amberglow said:
Did she think that the, for lack of better expression, Gravy Train, was just going to keep rolling along?
even with real celebrities, time isn’t kind. What if fat is cured and suddenly everyone is dropping the pounds, do people want a reminder of the gluttony era?
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Yes. She actually, truly and honestly believed that not only was she special, she was more special than actual supermodels like Paulina Porizkova or Naomi Campbell. She thought she would be a cherished icon of the culture despite contributing nothing but a side show. She truly thinks she's a timeless beauty, instead of a dated reference to the ugliness worship of the late 20teens. I almost feel pity. Maybe I'll tip a quarter into her begging cup when she mewls at me at the gas station.
multiverse said:
They might buy them ironically
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That's her only chance- open ridicule. The kidz these days think it's real funny to be ironically ignorant and disrespectful. Like all generations of kids. The people 5-15 years older than them become their fodder.
Miltank said:
You’d think but sadly lots of 500+ pounders have unfortunately become pregnant anyways.
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Who? Where? 500 pounds? I've seen fatties give birth, but Tess and Amy are the rare freak exception to the rule, and I believe both had Mexican intervention. I would love to see the myriad natural pregnancies 1/4 ton women are having, so prove it.
 
Gay Mouth said:
I would love to see the myriad natural pregnancies 1/4 ton women are having, so prove it.
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Have you seen how many women on My 600 lbs Life have natural born children? Maybe half?

The biographical montage they ALWAYS have at the beginning of the episode shows that they were 400+ pounds in high school, sometimes 500+, then got pregnant and had their kids. Many had multiple successful pregnancies. Since 500 lbs women are still fairly rare, MSHPL is a good indication that young superfat women are often capable of having babies (notice I said "young").
 
Miltank said:
You’d think but sadly lots of 500+ pounders have unfortunately become pregnant anyways.
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Honestly, I was surprised that Tess not only got pregnant without intervention (she couldn't have afforded it even then, and I don't think she wanted a second child any more than her first), but got through it without any apparent difficulties, and carried a healthy baby to term.

It happens, but she's definitely an outlier.
 
Bahahaaa! Those leggings with giant TessE’s are hilarious, Awesome!
I'm tempted to buy some. Not a brag, I just have long slim legs because genetics, I’d love to wear those to the gym and double her size in the print while squeezing the thigh gap closed during a lift. Pretty sure those leggings are LuLaRoe shoddy quality.
 
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