🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[blue gopher snakes]

I love it for us that she is hating Italy and too proud to admit it.

Looking at her choices of gelato, my guess is for the first she had a vanilla and chocolate and being Tess is in no danger of it melting off the cone before she gets to the second boule, then stracciatella. She'll probably have a Mr Whippy for the next one.

OK, any real Italian gelato, even if its not in Italy, is miles ahead of most ice cream, but why get flavours you can get at home? She really needn't have left LA. Pistachio and hazelnut are my all time faves but they have some totally nuts flavours over there, while still being real flavours (unlike random combinations of dessert items), saw one place selling black liquorice. You couldn't pay me to eat that, not to be confused with black sesame in Japan, which I'd gladly pay to eat.

Its always really confused me why people go to super foodie locations if they don't plan to branch out. Especially if, in the case of this tour, the food is pretty much the only thing Tess is taking part in.

I want video of Tess getting absolutely BLITZED on limoncello and rolling down 3 flights of stairs to the amusement of 100 Italian grannies.

 

[Narwhal]

LOK, any real Italian gelato, even if its not in Italy, is miles ahead of most ice cream, but why get flavours you can get at home? She really needn't have left LA. Pistachio and hazelnut are my all time faves but they have some totally nuts flavours over there, while still being real flavours (unlike random combinations of dessert items), saw one place selling black liquorice. You couldn't pay me to eat that, not to be confused with black sesame in Japan, which I'd gladly pay to eat.

To be fair, chocolate and vanilla may be the same on paper but once you taste them in such a "pure" (for a lack of better word) way you gain a new perspective. As in a, "jesus fuck, the stuff I eat back home is terrible compared to what I'm eating here" kind of way.

Or at least it would be for somebody whose taste buds aren't as fried as Tess's are.

At any rate, I'm kind of disappointed so far as I was hoping to see Tess have a nervous breakdown on camera but it seems like she's pretending everything is grand. Meh, hopefully she'll cave in and record a video just so I can have the opportunity to shit on her.

 

[Constellationzero]

A whale caught in a net. Also wtf is that skirt and t shirt outfit? I know her thighs have got to be setting shit on fire with all the rubbing they're doing.

I just want you to know that every time--and I mean, EVERY TIME, Ryan piggy toe gap Hooves has to use the terlet, that fringe is a-goin' in there.

And when she shits...it's never a solid one. Just a sad FACT of deathfats.

And that other outfit (the sherbet one)? I hear fucking CALLIOPE MUSIC. I feel like I'm breezing through Baraboo, Wisconsin on the way to the Tommy Bartlett Show.

 

[Trombonista]

Is that giant fringed diaper supposed to be swimwear, or evening wear?

Because if she sat on a dining chair in that horror, in the middle of the scorching Italian summer, I think the staff might actually revolt when they discovered the puddle of yeasty sweat she left behind.

Fortunately, it is swimwear. Otherwise, she'd be mistaken for Italy's fattest prostitute.

 

[multiverse]

OK, any real Italian gelato, even if its not in Italy, is miles ahead of most ice cream, but why get flavours you can get at home?

Sorry fren, slight disagree: I think that by sampling the basic vanilla of any brand, you can compare the quality more easily. A vanilla gelato is my test for any maker before branching out.

But I DO concur that there are many very rad and unusual flavors of gelato to experience, and it is a major treat to do so for any foodie worth their salt! I've had the privilege to live in an area with Italians making all their wackiest, most delicious gelato flavors, and it is a treat indeed. / slight disagree rant

 

[glioblastoma multiforme]

I think that by sampling the basic vanilla of any brand, you can compare the quality more easily

A yeah for sure, but we know that consideration won't be made by Tess.

Pretty much goes for any producer of consumer products: if you can identify a reliable yardstick, you'll be set deciding whether to purchase from them.

also, @Narwhal definitely agree that properly made vanilla or chocolate gelato is an entirely different experience to shitty, say Walls for britbongs, ice cream of the same flavour. I just hope she got one of the slightly different chocolates- I've seen them offered based on chocolates with up to 90% cocoa- but given the colour that would be extremely unlikely.

 

[Gay Mouth]

Each

And

Every

One

Of

These

Women

Are

Morbidly

Obese.

Except

For

Sissy Spacek.

 

[Mike Hunt]

My god what the Italians must thinks to see a herd of garishly clad orca fats waddling down their cobblestone strada.

The stench is probably something fierce, too. It's not just Ten Ton Tessie who's a deathfat in the group. Even the most hygenic of deathfats can't keep their yeasty folds from stinking up in the summer heat.

 

[Alpaca Autopsy Expert]

Tess is the heaviest one in the group—- ouch, that’s gotta dent her ego

 

[Simon]

Each

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And

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Every

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One

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Of

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These

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Women

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Are

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Morbidly

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Obese.

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Except

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For

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Sissy Spacek.

God, so dumpy, every one of them. Look at what they're wearing, look at all the flowers and ruffles, all of the bingo wings, so gross. I reaffirm my position that no amount of money could have persuaded me to go on that trip. It looks like the stench is room clearing.

 

[Touch Fuzzy Get Dizzy]

God, so dumpy, every one of them. Look at what they're wearing, look at all the flowers and ruffles, all of the bingo wings, so gross. I reaffirm my position that no amount of money could have persuaded me to go on that trip. It looks like the stench is room clearing.

Room clearing is an understatement. Europe is having its biggest heatwave (so far) this summer. Where she's at will be pushing 40, so about 100 F. If their hotel doesn't have air conditioning, they're going to start dropping like flies.

 

[unwieldy_object]

I love it for us that she is hating Italy and too proud to admit it.

Looking at her choices of gelato, my guess is for the first she had a vanilla and chocolate and being Tess is in no danger of it melting off the cone before she gets to the second boule, then stracciatella. She'll probably have a Mr Whippy for the next one.

OK, any real Italian gelato, even if its not in Italy, is miles ahead of most ice cream, but why get flavours you can get at home? She really needn't have left LA. Pistachio and hazelnut are my all time faves but they have some totally nuts flavours over there, while still being real flavours (unlike random combinations of dessert items), saw one place selling black liquorice. You couldn't pay me to eat that, not to be confused with black sesame in Japan, which I'd gladly pay to eat.

Its always really confused me why people go to super foodie locations if they don't plan to branch out. Especially if, in the case of this tour, the food is pretty much the only thing Tess is taking part in.

Tell me you're not nordic without telling me. Black liquorice is delicious and you can find so many different varieties here and that you judge it by American black liquorice make me feel sad for you.

 

[The Lychee Queen 2.0]

This might be the most autistic thing I've ever done but something about Tess's photos of Matera was still sitting weird with me. I thought it was really weird how she had almost no pictures, and the ones she did have were...odd.

In particular, this one:

What Matera is known for is its ancient, almost Biblical appearance (hence why it was used as a stand-in for Jerusalem in The Passion of the Christ). People were literally still living in straight up caves until super recently. The building facade Tess is in front of is part of its NEW town (which tbf seeing as this is Italy is still pretty damn old). She's not actually in the historic part of Matera in this pic, but she's definitely playing it off like she is. Especially with the other pictures of her showing herself as if she's fully immersed in the thousands-of-years-old part.

So she's eating gelato, in the new town, about a minute's walk from where the (small) tour busses will drop day trippers. There's a really famous gelato place in Matera that has a great view and people often stop there on their way down into the city (as this part is at the top of the hill). I actually still have it saved on Google maps.

Here's the view from I Vizi degli Angeli, Matera's most famous gelato spot:

(Not my picture, I took it off Google Reviews.)

Look familiar? Here's Tess's shot for reference:

The picture of her with the railing, aka this one:

comes from her taking this ~~~path into the city~~~ from the gelato place:

( The dotted lines represent staircases.)

I mean, I wasn't expecting shit from her on this trip, but even this deserves a slow clap. She's in a city like truly nowhere else on the planet, and she took maybe a grand total of MAYBE 400 steps that day in between hoovering down vanilla gelato. She didn't even go into the city AT ALL on a tour she's supposedly the hostess of. She sat slurping gelato and took like three pics. My God. Thank you, Tess for gifting us with your presence on this trip. I know you already regret it, with the heat and tiny portions and lack of deep fried main meals and horrible unending uphill slopes, but please keep posting. I promise you'll prove us wrong.

In all seriousness tho, anyone else on this trip who literally simply couldn't go downhill to explore a true world wonder simply because they refuse to cut down on their portion sizes, would be terrified at their lack of mobility and likely be convinced to lay off the sheet cakes for a bit. Not our Tess. Man I knew her mobility was in dire straights, but this is really, really bad.

 

[Simon]

Ryann posted horrible pics of her standing around Italy, eating, in some vineyard, standing around & eating. I only post these because the rest are boring as shit. She's awful at taking pictures, especially for being in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. Stellavision really fucked up hiring her.

 

[NoReturn]

Good kitty, but why was Tessy crying?

 

[Barbarella]

Do you think Tess wears hideous outfits like that swirling boob one so that when people stare and point, she can pretend it’s because of her clothes?

We usually see her in a hoodie or tee shirt so why she’s suddenly broke out the ugliest, most unflattering things in existence seems strange. We know she can dress like Anna in leggings and a tee, which wouldn’t be cute either but would be more comfortable for walking from ice cream shop to ice cream shop, but no, she has to add something repulsive and offensive to her already repulsive and offensive size.

Her diaper strings were not designed to actually go in the water so is she going to swim? I know she’s not sitting by the pool on a 100 degree day.

 

[multiverse]

Good kitty, but why was Tessy crying?

Looks like she was stuck sitting and waiting in the same spot outside the gelato shop from afternoon until early evening, alone, because she can't handle walking any of the stairways. So she's crying because she was left to fend for herself while the other tour members did some sightseeing. There's a high potential that she was made fun of once cut off from the rest of the herd.

 

[Programmer Socks]

The picture of her eating the ice cream is one of the most repellent images I've ever seen. And that is saying a lot.

 

[glioblastoma multiforme]

that you judge it by American black liquorice

I'm a britbong and have tried a variety of liquorice sweets in Finland, not sure how it compares to other Scandinavian countries, just not my taste.

Why is she leaving screenshot captions on her Instagram. She couldn't even be arsed to get her own pictures taken?

 

[Blue Banana]

I looked up the others on the trip and found Tess in some posts that I haven’t seen here yet.

Spoiler: Posts

https://www.instagram.com/p/C95yGkgvTAh/ - edit: Tess has a beer bottle tucked into her knee crevice as if it's the most natural thing in the world. I hate it.

https://www.instagram.com/p/C9-tjrwS1kS/

https://www.instagram.com/p/C-Ap9UMpI6J/?img_index=5

https://www.instagram.com/p/C95z3xrt68F/?img_index=3


https://www.instagram.com/p/C-Fp2LkiTL4/


https://www.instagram.com/p/C-BVnSBtnsK/?img_index=7

Spoiler: Group shots, no Tess

https://www.instagram.com/p/C-BVnSBtnsK/?img_index=4

From the same post:

Spoiler: The women on the trip

I found most through tags or comments on the previous posts by the company, or by searching hashtags like #stellavisiontravel. The Tess videos above (that aren't posted by the company/founder) were posted by these two:


https://www.instagram.com/bbwroseroyce


https://www.instagram.com/melissatatetx

This old post from Melissa is irrelevant but made me chuckle:


Private or empty profiles:

https://www.instagram.com/chrissyisrad


https://www.instagram.com/aravarga

I couldn't find profiles for the others that paid to go on the trip. Two women who I almost could not differentiate between:


Comparatively average woman:


These two friends (including Sissy Spacek) who seem quite amused in every shot:


Emotional support chaperone? I couldn't find her in other shots.


Trip organizer:

https://www.instagram.com/zoestellashapiro

Photographer:

https://www.instagram.com/everydayallegra/

Opera woman:

https://www.instagram.com/courtneyamills

I also realized this trip is a fat version of an identical trip offered by the same company (same duration, cities, cost - $6995USD). They copied the info page from the regular trip and slightly tweaked it for the fat version, the itineraries are practically identical except for day 2:

Itineraries:

1. Ironically, the fat version of the tour starts with a slow-pace feminist walking tour, whereas the regular version starts with a vespa tour around the historical center and modern Rome. Guess they don’t make plus size Vespas yet.
2. The fats will meander to a coffee shop to talk more about feminism and have lunch. The normals will be walking around and having lunch in Piazza Navona, which is pedestrian only and inaccessible by car.
3. The normals will go to a museum while the fats continue having lunch.
4. Afternoon break for both groups, then the fats will watch a large woman perform a private opera show; there is no substitution for the normals because they probably want to do stuff and go places.
5. Both groups will have a garden dinner in the same “chic, woman-owned restaurant” - for the normals, the meal is described as a “luxe, modern-Italian tasting menu”, but for the fats it’s a “Roman Dinner Party”.

Spoiler: Some less entertaining differences.

Day 3 is the same itinerary for both groups, but with different wording to make sure the fats know they won't have to walk back to the hotel after lunch, and will arrive there "a short drive later" (not mentioned for normals). Dunno why the fat itinerary also includes an extra line about sharpening the olfactory senses, I assume they'd want to eat and not just smell.


Aside from a "Meet the hosts" section, the rest of the unique stuff on the fat page is a lot of self-love bullshit and pictures of fat women, to make up for how much more boring the fat trip is than the regular one (for the same $7k). I also found it amusing that the fat trip had ton of extra content on the FAQ that starts with “We are not therapists.” Sounds like people got their feelings hurt on this trip in the past, lmao.

Spoiler: Links to trip pages

Secret Southern Italy - Normal (archive)
Secret Southern Italy - Fat (archive)

Lastly, an old and uninteresting Forbes article about the fat trip, but I thought it being written by Virgie Tovar was a fun lil crossover.

Spoiler: Forbes - Tess Holliday Leads Size Inclusive Italy Tour With Stellavision Travel

The article says “Holiday was not available for comment.” (Misspelling is hers.)
Forbes - Tess Holliday Leads Size Inclusive Italy Tour With Stellavision Travel (archive)