💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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TheBookCrusader said:
Can I get that PM? I've been dying to see this monstrosity ever since I accidentally stumbled upon ImpishIdea and binge read all of Rorschach's Maradonia sporks (he also did a great sporking of Fifty Shades).

I especially want to find out how many of Maya and Joey's cheap god-mods made it into the film; off the top of my head, I recall that they bathed in water that made them invulnerable to everything but poison ("BUT WHAT ABOUT POISON?!"), hats that allowed them to turn invisible and leap like the Hulk, a key that doubled as a face melting laser, and in a later book became the greatest swordswoman and archer...after training for less than a week.
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Only Maya and Joey go into the lake instead of their whole army due to lack of extras.

FatNero said:
They got the hat at the end.

And Gunther spent a really long time lingering on his daughter naked in the lake.
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She does appear to be wearing a green shirt in the closeup.
 
It's YUGE

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Since it's an extremely safe bet that no sequel will ever see the light of day, I'm left wondering how whomever involved would have incorporated Defender (Joey's uber cheap key-laser). I'm envisioning Joey holding an oversized key made from a 3D printer, "firing" at the enemy (cue bad burst of light special effect), and then cutting to the enemy rolling on the ground in agony--despite bearing no discernible injuries.

Also, I really want Oraculus's snake staff. I hope Gerry auctions it off when he attempts to recoup his massive losses.

Maradontia said:
Only Maya and Joey go into the lake instead of their whole army due to lack of extras.



She does appear to be wearing a green shirt in the closeup.
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Anyone else think that Gerry originally tried to get his daughter to go the route of pasties, ala Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body?
 
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littlebiscuits said:
http://www.gloriatesch.com/

Oh, she updated her website. And look, she has a new career! She's a jewelery designer now!


Oh good, they're on sale.

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And then there are these...

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Someone needs to tell this girl you can get those things for 15 bucks on etsy.
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'Beautiful Bohemian Jewelry from Turkey'

Is that even possible?

Also, jewellery is spelt wrong and we now know why she married Niko. So Gloria could claim her shit is Turkish.
 
TheBookCrusader said:
Anyone else think that Gerry originally tried to get his daughter to go the route of pasties, ala Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body?
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It's odd either way. Also, you can edit your post instead of double posting.

littlebiscuits said:
http://www.gloriatesch.com/

Oh, she updated her website. And look, she has a new career! She's a jewelery designer now!


Oh good, they're on sale.

vq8L67.jpg


And then there are these...

IJfsu0.jpg


Someone needs to tell this girl you can get those things for 15 bucks on etsy.
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"Big Boobs" healing energy necklace.
 
littlebiscuits said:
Someone needs to tell this girl you can get those things for 15 bucks on etsy.
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Yeah but they won't be imbued with magical goddess healing energy. You're not paying for the 15 cent beads, you're paying for the enchantments and healing buffs!
 
CWCissey said:
'Beautiful Bohemian Jewelry from Turkey'

Is that even possible?
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Sure, Tukish jewelry can be awesome (and I guess it can look bohemian to somebody who's not too informed about different cultures). They have a long tradition of making cool, fancy and colorful stuff. This shit, however, looks more H&M Kids or Claire's than Turkish.

Also, jewellery is spelt wrong and we now know why she married Niko. So Gloria could claim her shit is Turkish.
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Actually, jewelry is an acceptable alternative spelling of this word.

I could even buy those necklaces are Turkish, but they'd be some low-class tourist shit they've gotten for a few dollars on the street. And honestly, most tourist shit looks way better.

She still hasn't sold those crowns (no wonder why), not a single one - there was only one of each from the start. She saw that nobody buys her overpriced shit and her idea was to...add more overpriced shit to the shop?
Also, I don't think good Trump-voting Christian girls should be selling "healing" "energy" necklaces...
 
I'm kind of surprised that the first thing she hasn't done out the gate is start developing a Turkish Maradonia sequel. We all know this guy's going to be making some Maradonia shit soon.
 
"Jewelry" is how we spell it in the US. I don't think she means "Bohemian" like the area of the Czech Republic, but "bohemian" like artistic hippie types.
 
130 bucks for something that looks like it came from a middle school arts and crafts fair. And here I thought that the 60 dollar Elephant in the Room marriage counseling aid featured on Shark Tank was the most overinflated piece of crap ever.

Now I want Gloria to go on Shark Tank. Mark and/or Barbara and/or Kevin would tear her a new one when she brought up all her other failed ventures to explain why her sales total was zero.
 
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