I’m exhausted. I’m so worn down. I’m at the end of my rope. I hate having to choose between heritage and community. I hate being systematically/functionally excluded from these spaces. I hate how people act toward me, I hate the fetishization of my body because I’m short, brown, and curvy by OTHER TRANSFEMS! I hate the barely-concealed hostility toward me because I’m Palestinian and so many of you blame us, even subconsciously, for the fears that your rights will be taken away. I hate being made to feel like we don’t matter to you. We’re an afterthought. You bring us up only to defend our oppressors. When I mention to American transgender people my racial background, they look at me like an abused puppy, no matter what I say about my past. Your immediate assumption when I say I’m transgender and Arab is that I’m abused, that I hate my culture, that my people have mistreated me. and yeah, I was abused, I was kicked out! It still doesn’t mean that it’s okay to assume that shit!
I hate when mods of
this subreddit weigh in and act like our lives and our families’ lives don’t matter. I hate when people in this subreddit
can only convey their words through making throughly American problems in America about us and our peoples. I hate when American transgender tourists
speak and act as if they, a (likely) white American with an American passport are going to face anything like the scrutiny placed on queer and trans arabs in their own countries, who, despite the restrictions and repression, have built thriving queer/trans communities in nearly every country in the Arab World.
The naked hostility, the fetishization, the distrust, I feel like I shouldn’t identify with any kind of transgender community who firmly and clearly shows me exactly how unwelcome I am. I live in America. I will face the same, if not greater, consequences as you as a result of this election; because of the attitude of these communities, I will have to pick and choose what parts of myself are more important than others. The open disregard and hostility in this sub—not dealt with by mods, fyi—toward us turn this space whiter and whiter. It truly is an echo chamber of milquetoast liberal opinion, one full of people unwilling to give up their western personal comfort and safety to prevent the deaths and immiseration of millions. And this is why this space never truly can be a reflection of the multitude of transfeminine experiences; because its white members will disregard and aggress upon any PoC who doesn’t “know their place” when push comes to shove, when priorities conflict.