💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 903 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,557
EatBeforeYouEat said:
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What is he even going for with this? Fatass is so in love with himself that anytimes he thinks he looks good in a selfie he has to shoehorn it into multiple social media posts no matter how inappropriate the context is. Also, check out William Martinez announcing himself as a new active troll on Jack's page. Jack has filtered out this comment (you can manually override the filter) which is surprising since he usually goes for the delete button instantly
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densedance said:
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An epic video Jack? Is tomorrow the day you finally have a stroke on camera?
 
Adamska said:
violently rip and tear this thing apart in the same style of Jack consuming this nightmare mix of flesh, tissue and chicken period NOM NOM!
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So will you YouTube yourself making this wonderful dish when you learn the recipe? Do you think Rob will even touch this with a 50 foot pole? There’s some Jack recipes I don’t think he could save and this is one of them.
 
Narwhal said:
I love Rob but I hope the colour of his right hand isn't really that red IRL and it's just colour correction to troll Jack.
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It looks like he was gripping the carrot real hard to look like Jack trying to chop things, because when it cuts to the next scene of him chopping the rest of the carrots and stirring the pot his hand is normal looking.
 
A Bit Concerning said:
Does anybody want to guess what it's actually made of? It looks like a bunch of scrambled eggs, prepackaged cheese, ground beef (or possibly sausage?), and some pepperoni all on one of those precooked pizza crusts (which Jack will claim is actually carnivore) all burnt to an appetizing crisp in the oven.
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The toppings are just whatever cheap meats Tammy could find. The mystery is what the 'crust' is made of. Looks floppy, but that could just be all the grease from the toppings. Sure as hell isn't going to be an actual pizza crust, even pre-cooked shit doesn't look that bad. Maybe a mix of ground chicken, shreddy cheese, and way too much egg?
 
That pizza looks like every episode of Kitchen Nightmares combined, which is a fucking achievement.

If God loves pizza, he's making a special place for Jack that's beyond Hell.
 
A Bit Concerning said:
Does anybody want to guess what it's actually made of? It looks like a bunch of scrambled eggs, prepackaged cheese, ground beef (or possibly sausage?), and some pepperoni all on one of those precooked pizza crusts (which Jack will claim is actually carnivore) all burnt to an appetizing crisp in the oven.
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The crust is likely more retarded cheese alchemy bullshit, since Jack keeps proving his insanity by trying to constantly attempt to make a cheese crisp taste like bread and sulk while lie about it being gud in the process. This is likely thickened with some form of meat or something horrid.

From there is an unholy blasting of shreddy cheese, breakfast and spicy sausage, hamburger, and pepperoni. There doesn't seem to be a sauce, but if there would be one, I'd probably go with it being a white sauce or just butter or bacon grease.
 
densedance said:
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10 years of doing this and still has no idea of how to take an appealing photo. you'd think with the amount of retarded gadgets he buys he would eventually spend some money on a quality camera and lighting, but no that is obviously less important than reviewing the 500th as seen on tv blender.

not that I'm trying to imply that anything could actually make this meat and cheese slop look good, of course.
 
The Fillet Mignon at Winston's on the Queen Mary is a fucking magic trick, I swear. People talk about "not needing a knife" for tender steak, but the fillet mignon at Winston's parts with a fork. That's not hyperbole in any way.
It's not the best steak I've ever had, but I'm an ornery fuck, and what I like in a steak is likely trailer trash grade compared to that filet mignon. I just like different things. I'll take damn near burnt steak tips over a fine sirloin. Someone mentioned A1 a while back, and it reminded me of shitty steaks and watching star trek with my dad. A1 is a magic potion.

Even the price was reasonable. The only thing I disliked about Winston's was the dress code, but I came prepared. Eating is not a formality, and one should not require a fucking sports jacket to eat a steak.
I'll rock formal pants and nice shoes any day, but I'll be dipped in shit before I wear a tie to dinner. A dress shirt is the most I'll do. And that one was silk.

Charging for butter is faggotry.
 
RL Steinbeck said:
For posterity. Kind of jarring to hear him acknowledge his dead arm considering how often he tries to pretend it's still functional.
jscalf.mp4
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The rare moment of self-awareness. He makes a good joke and he knows people would think it's funny. He jokes but I can see him amputate his dead arm and try to trade it for food.
 
A Bit Concerning said:
Does anybody want to guess what it's actually made of? It looks like a bunch of scrambled eggs, prepackaged cheese, ground beef (or possibly sausage?), and some pepperoni all on one of those precooked pizza crusts (which Jack will claim is actually carnivore) all burnt to an appetizing crisp in the oven.
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He's made something similar before using canned chicken for the base and holding it together with either eggs, shreddy cheese or both. That's why he had to bake it first so the "crust" would set.

AnOminous said:
Incidentally here's a recipe for one of these where the picture doesn't look revolting like Jack's:
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That actually looks decent but I can see where that guy went right and Fatty went wrong.

For the decent looking carnivore pizza he takes actual raw ground chicken as well as things like pork rinds and eggs then blends them together to form a paste. Fatty takes canned chicken and mixes it together with eggs and probably shreddy cheese and hopes for the best.

Judas Connor Moon said:
He jokes but I can see him amputate his dead arm and try to trade it for food.
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Of course. His arm is useless. Might as well get some value from it.
 
Crossover with the Sonos thread.

Tried making a song about Jack. Still scuffed as fuck, I'm impresded with this rough draft.

- Scalfani's Gulch -

[Intro]
The year is 2049.
Nashville now goes by one name - Scalfani's Gulch.
Upon the throne sits decayed flesh held ever animating by the demon within.
God-Emperor Jack reigns as the immortal Slop King.

[Verse 1]
Through smog-filled streets he lumbers without end
Leaving ruins where kitchens once had stood
Though five thousand strokes couldn't take him at last
The Wendigo's command keeps his corpse ever-masked

[Hook]
Lord of slops eternal, the Slop King on high
Your ruined form rules in a squalid sty
The beast has long claimed your every part
Now only the drive to gorge holds your heart

[Verse 2]
From his tower of offal the gnashing does sound
As plate after plate hits the filthy ground
Technology keeps this ghoul uprising
While the demon within holds his soul for devouring

[Repeat Hook]
 
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