💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556
lindsayfan said:
unironically a banger, incredible the amount of talent on the farms

EDIT:
@Null if you're looking for some MATI music, whenever it restarts...
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The farting chipmunk music actually sounds better in this case.

Uber driver reviewer said:
That’s because it’s brined dog food tier trimmings glued together, the brine makes him think it’s gud. Salt + juicy = A+ Gud to jack
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Actually it's a real cut of beef. No meat glue or anything. It's just not a "ribeye" as they claim it is and it's 1/3rd water by weight with salt and bromelain which is a tenderizer.

Uber driver reviewer said:
Was just at a Morton’s a few weeks back In NYC treating myself to lunch . It wasn’t disappointing but they could had done better. The bar made a decent old fashioned though.
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Morton's is an old school kind of steakhouse which is perfectly fine. I have no issues with it except it's upscale but I would never call it high end. It's in that hazy middle between that lower end upscale and higher end mid-scale places. It's good. It's not great. There are much better places you can go to even in Tennessee.

And how difficult is it to make an Old Fashioned? It's sugar, bitters, orange slice, cherry and bourbon, whiskey, rye or even brandy. You can muddle the orange if you want but it's not necessary. Personally I prefer a Manhattan. Practically the same drink but sweet vermouth instead of sugar and hold the orange. Use scotch instead of whiskey and it's now a Rob Roy. Or if I'm in a steakhouse I want an absolutely filthy dirty martini.

I am Jack's dead arm said:
Ultimately Morton's, Ruth's Chris, McCormick & Schmucks, etc are chains. Yeah, better than Applebee's but you're not having a first class meal. Most of the stuff is your usual Sysco/US Foods prepackaged/reheated fare, just gussied up a bit.

But Jack's the kind of tard that even if he did go to a legit steakhouse, he'd drown the meat in A1.
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Exactly. Dunno where they get their beef from though, I doubt it's Sysco as these places live and die on their meat. They tend to have a partnership going on with some big name butchers and only buy the Triple Grade A type beef so it's better than Applebee's or Texas Roadhouse but it's still a chain and chains live by the idea that if you order an item on side of the country and travel across it ordering that same item will result in the meal tasting the same. These places strive for consistency.

Don't get me wrong Morton's, Ruth Chris and whomever are perfectly fine if you want a steak. But they're not the best out there.
 
Falcon Sebben said:
And how difficult is it to make an Old Fashioned? It's sugar, bitters, orange slice, cherry and bourbon, whiskey, rye or even brandy.
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It’s less so a difficult than a money and items issue. Do you really want to spend that cash on all the ingredients to have one drink? You can probably re-use the ingredients for something else but that involves drinking more.

Also the Manhattan is definitely a better drink in my opinion.
 
Whenever I'm out in Jersey to visit my Jews I go to one of the kosher steakhouses in Lakewood. Helps that all my clients can eat there as well and then I can bill them for the dinner. Now those are good, never been disappointed with anything I've had there.
 
eatler said:
You can probably re-use the ingredients for something else but that involves drinking more.
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Jack's the only person I can think of who buys giant bottles of booze and then pretends he's not drinking the rest of it. If you want to try something and you're not sure if you'll drink it again or use the ingredients, go to a bar and order it. If you enjoy it enough to want to make it casually, stock your home bar with the ingredients.
 
i will say for texas roadhouse: i haven't been in a while but at least up through the pandy, it was a good deal in terms of price vs quality. that's not saying it's high quality, just that it's not bad for what ya pay.

on the other hand a good cocktail is definitely a "waste of money" at best, but if you can afford it and the bartender is competent, there is nothing else like it. even a martini, seemingly the simplest thing in the world to make, is somehow far more delicious when made by a good bartender. it's magic, not science.

alternate-universe jack who's an alkie instead of a food addict could do "lazy man's old fashioned" in a big empty plastic sysco bucket. he uses a bottle of rubbing alcohol, one of his beloved IPAs, a splash of walmart brand sunny delite and handfuls of white sugar. tipping the plastic vat up to his face, he gurgles, smacks his lips, and assures the viewers "i'll gihive most of dis to my church. hic!"
 
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Helvítis Túristi said:
Facial pain? That can really mean anything. Dental issues, nasal issues, headaches, and other things can cause facial pain. He should be more descriptive, but that's asking for something he can't even do for his reviews. I'm not sure about if it looks like he's getting enough sleep. It's kinda hard to tell when he's a bug eyed freak.
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FACE PAIN BAD
LESS FACE PAIN GUD

I like how he completely makes up a new metric every week to say how his meat diet is good to own the haters. I want him to add "NUMBER OF FACE OUCHIES" to his weekly updates.
 
Super Hans v2 said:
Has Jack ever complained about, and wtf does he mean
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Gulls on Film said:
I like how he completely makes up a new metric every week to say how his meat diet is good to own the haters.
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This is the answer. Jack knows he doesn't have any more mobility to brag about, or any less mushmouth, and that his CBG and BP are just numbers that are unimpressive and very easy to lie about. He could lie about his weight, or claim (but not demonstrate) non-scale victories, but it's obvious that he doesn't look any less fat.

But... his eczema! Which he never mentioned before! It's great now! Same with his "face pain" that he also never mentioned! Eczema isn't any fun, but if that were really what Jack was changing his diet to fix, the decision would be like planting tulips in front of a house that's currently on fire.
 
Not gonna PL too much, but due to family stuff and my ex being a nurse in a memory care facility, the "face pain" is a sign of dementia and/or Alzheimer's. Basically basic functions start shutting down and people can have a "stuck" face where it's in the same expression no matter how they feel. He's scowling/frowning 24/7 and it's physically manifesting.

Eat some veggies Jack. We all hate you but need to see the final form.
 
eatler said:
It’s less so a difficult than a money and items issue. Do you really want to spend that cash on all the ingredients to have one drink? You can probably re-use the ingredients for something else but that involves drinking more.

Also the Manhattan is definitely a better drink in my opinion.
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A good home bar should have at least one of those liquors not to mention the bitters. And liquor can last for years.

I've got three types of gin in mine depending on what I want to make.
 
Andoxico said:
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Nice Diastolic hypotension you stupid lying fuck. Literally would about pass out with that reading, and not something to brag about.

Also a normal person should panic at how wide that number is given it fluctuates between 100 or so. That's literally asking for SIXTH IMPACT or however many he's been through given how that weakens points in the vessels. I really don't get why he throws such a fit and refuses to take any form of Beepee meds at all with shit like this.

And for those wondering about his face pain, it's from his most recent stroke. He had a brain stem one, which in this case has caused his nerves to constantly feel like it's on fire and or tingling. It's actually fucking suffering if you get something like that. So yeah...
 
Adamska said:
Nice Diastolic hypotension you stupid lying fuck. Literally would about pass out with that reading, and not something to brag about.

Also a normal person should panic at how wide that number is given it fluctuates between 100 or so. That's literally asking for SIXTH IMPACT or however many he's been through given how that weakens points in the vessels. I really don't get why he throws such a fit and refuses to take any form of Beepee meds at all with shit like this.

And for those wondering about his face pain, it's from his most recent stroke. He had a brain stem one, which in this case has caused his nerves to constantly feel like it's on fire and or tingling. It's actually fucking suffering if you get something like that. So yeah...
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The funny thing is that Jack is so proud that the precious bottom number is "gud and dropping". When you consistently have such a wide difference between your top and bottom numbers like Jack does its not a good sign. Some common causes of this are heart valve issues, anemia (unlikely given all the raw meat he eats) or just very stiff athersclerotic blood vessels which I'm guessing is most likely reason Jack does.
 
His eczema which cleared up after the first week... his face is still "clearing up" 2 and a half months later? And the SHUGUR number... if he'd just stop lying or at least stop coating his chuck roasts in candy... it actually would drop.
 
Leftover Mayo said:
How the fuck could his blood pressure ever drop too low? He doesn't exercise period and he is severely obese still.
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I think blood pooling can cause it? If bloods not coming back in circulation, effective pressure is lower. Of course, blood pooling is a really fucking bad thing unless you like blood clots and constant pain.
 
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