💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Shartavius]

I can’t be the only one who failed to immediately recognize that the sinister, black bullshit covering those steaks was both seasoning and the intended amount of it. It looks like someone broke a MagnaDoodle in half over them.

 

[Baby Yoda]

What I think would really help fix Jack's ghey arm would be if you opened up his skull where his stroked brain is and fucked the bloody stroke brains. Then you could jizz in his head and the wriggling sperms would fix Jack's mind, like stem cells repairing.

 

[LaughJoke2.0]

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Yes fatty, we know. So what's the point of KERMIVUR then when you constantly cheat because you're so fat and obsessed with food you can't control shit? Just drop the act. If you think this ridicolous 'diet' makes you look better and smarter - keep telling yourself that.

This might be the most honest thing he's ever said fatties get into Low Carb diets because they believe it means they can eat all the meat, eggs, and dairy they want.

edit: for spelling error.

 

[Shartavius]

What I think would really help fix Jack's ghey arm would be if you opened up his skull where his stroked brain is and fucked the bloody stroke brains. Then you could jizz in his head and the wriggling sperms would fix Jack's mind, like stem cells repairing.

It’s easy to picture Jack signing off on an “intercranial meat injection” procedure with Down Syndrome-levels of enthusiasm sustained even after the top of his skull is popped off like a Pringle’s can. Then again, his skull’s probably soft enough at present that you could drag a tortilla chip through it and come away with a scoop of whatever Dr. Dreadful shit his right eye has gelatinized into.

 

[densedance]

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

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Jack is angy

Jack is…..mad at the internet

 

[WTBOnlineFather]

Jack is angy

Jack is…..mad at the internet

He's worked up, he's upset

 

[Mundane Ralph]

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

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Now that’s some cope

 

[Super Hans v2]

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The only way that Jack's weight could start with a 2 is if his height starts with a 4. Lardass is about as tall lying down as standing/leaning up.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Jack's probably got himself on an industry blacklist after that incidemt.

I'm pretty sure some Chinese company that sells shitty products would send Fatty some product to review because they don't care.

I can’t be the only one who failed to immediately recognize that the sinister, black bullshit covering those steaks was both seasoning and the intended amount of it. It looks like someone broke a MagnaDoodle in half over them.

He always dumps like half the container of "seasoning" on his food because he wants to taste the salt and the spice and the sugar. Spices should enhance or complement the taste of your food. Not cover it up completely.

Now that’s some cope

When your life is as shitty as his is you need anything you can to deal with it.

 

[LustrousMelons]

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lol lmao

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

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lol lmao

His BP and blood sugar are still high. He’s so deep in denial right now. He could lose weight and follow his doctor’s orders but……..NAH

 

[AnOminous]

He always dumps like half the container of "seasoning" on his food because he wants to taste the salt and the spice and the sugar. Spices should enhance or complement the taste of your food. Not cover it up completely.

He has repeatedly called shit a "rub" when he just retardedly dumps it on the meat and doesn't even cover the entire cut or, you know, actually rub it in.

His BP and blood sugar are still high. He’s so deep in denial right now. He could lose weight and follow his doctor’s orders but……..NAH

It won't be long before he's back in the hospital bitching and complaining like an angy baby about how they're not serving him enough MEAT GUD. Or in the graveyard never bitching at all any more, other than in Hell.

 

[Super Hans v2]

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lol lmao

I don't know which could be funnier, that whatever shitty text to speech app Jack uses catches how angy he is but still can't clean up his grammar, or that he's so pissed that he puts in the 5+ minute effort it takes his retarded ass to type out a sentence but never realizes it's been in caps lock the whole time.

 

[AnOminous]

I KNOW IT'S IMPROVING MY HEATH.

Genuinely spoken like a non-demented man of normal intelligence, not a stroked-out brain-damaged retard.

 

[Whaler]

It won't be long before he's back in the hospital bitching and complaining like an angy baby about how they're not serving him enough MEAT GUD. Or in the graveyard never bitching at all any more, other than in Hell.

I'm pretty sure after stroke 5 he won't be coherent enough to be bitching and complaining about not getting enough meat. Tammy will end up getting him a See N' Say and his meals will be based on whatever animal rattles off when the arrow stops moving.

 

[VenomPlug]

Ah the classic I JUST KNOW, JUST TRUST ME OK? Every hardcore addict does that at some point. I'm not drinking, just trust me ok? I'm not taking drugs, jst trust me ok? When it's been obvious you aren't doing shit. Also those Kermivor stats he posted...dude, deathfats will bever tell you the truth, and especially about their weigth. Look how Boogie2988 did it - by putting one foot on the scale. And boom he's magically not 400 or 300 or whatever. No different with Strokey here, take all this shit with a huuuge grain of salt.

 

[fag0rz]

Companies typically send you their product after you buy it. Jack hasn't had a real sponsorship in years. His last legit one was probably the omelete flipper thing he said blew itself up and got sued over by the sponsor to retract the claim since he refused to follow the directions and the obvious happened.

Jack's probably got himself on an industry blacklist after that incidemt.

If Jack ever filmed himself destroying a product I made and calling it worthless I'd sue the shit out of him too. Nothing good comes from any affiliation with Scalfanis.

I think my all-time favorite CWJ product spotlight is the Magic Bullet. Jack tries to cook an omelet, burns it, blames the Magic Bullet for this, and then makes "salsa" which is inedible green slime because he can't follow his own recipe and adds way too much cilantro and jalapeno. Jack also nearly breaks the Magic Bullet several times by pounding it with his fat fists (his arms both worked then) before he calls it a waste of time. He always brags about not reading the instructions because book-lernin' is for girls and not for a manly carnivoar BBQ pit master like himself.

I think the video he had to redo was the 5-Minute Chef. Jack ruined everything like he always does and then announced the product was defective. I suppose the 5-Minute Chef company gets a pass because back then there wasn't all this video evidence that Jack is less skilled at tool use than an orangutan.

 

[Shartavius]

He has repeatedly called shit a "rub" when he just retardedly dumps it on the meat and doesn't even cover the entire cut or, you know, actually rub it in.

This comment led me to the realization that Jack never learned to wash his hands after he became (further) disabled:

-He uses one hand to point to the giant canister of white sugar, MSG, smoked salt, molasses, and onion powder he wants Tammy to open for him.

-Jack then turns purple as he strains to wrap his palm around the cylinder shaker and grip it with enough dexterity in his rubbery arm to turn it upside-down over his GUD MEETs - Greatly resembling an octopus in the process, minus the intelligence.

- Jack lets gravity do the work of piling tasty poison on his GUD MEETs. However, Jack considers rubbing the stuff in to the meat to be a two hand job; because he's using his one working appendage (including his penis) to dump. He refuses to set the rub tub aside and then use his free hand to mush the pile of sugar into the surface of the meat like a toddler patting together a sandcastle; because then his hand will be covered in more than the usual layer of shit.

And if a two step process is beyond Jack's reasoning/seasoning, then a third step of running his hand under a hose, dunking it in a toilet and shaking it around like a marlin tail, or karate-chopping it between his ass cheeks and then clenching while he runs his hand through his crack like a credit card is out of the question. Basic protocols of hygiene may as well be rocket science to him: Something only faggots do.

So either Jack refuses to rub the salt pile in because his hand will remain crusted until the next time Tammy pours boiling water over it, or he's just mentally going blank in the middle of dumping it on and asking Tammy if the MEET's ready, yet, while wondering why he's smelling burning chicken feathers again.

Look how Boogie2988 did it - by putting one foot on the scale. And boom he's magically not 400 or 300 or whatever. No different with Strokey here,

The difference is that Jack lacks the proprioception necessary to place one foot on the scale without falling over into a garbage can.