The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

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Who are the top three strongest characters in the Kevin Gibes Inflated Universe (KGIU) canon?

  • Gash Coyote

    Votes: 103 4.5%

  • Rioley

    Votes: 279 12.1%

  • Penis

    Votes: 417 18.1%

  • Loathsome Dung Eater Jen

    Votes: 300 13.0%

  • Boner

    Votes: 300 13.0%

  • Kevin Gibes

    Votes: 684 29.7%

  • The Elusive Earl

    Votes: 716 31.0%

  • Landon Hiscock

    Votes: 266 11.5%

  • The Korps LARP Brigade

    Votes: 205 8.9%

  • Kiwifarms Militia

    Votes: 1,149 49.8%

  • Kindness

    Votes: 669 29.0%

  • Trans Cucumber The Child Abandoner

    Votes: 313 13.6%
  • Total voters
    2,306
WHYYYYY did josh have to feature this, I don’t wanna read 20 pages of alpaca genocide and troon jokes (:_(

I didn’t realize it until now, but I miss the Tranch. I miss this thread. Hell, I even miss running here with daily updates of random bullshit, like Penny going to the dentist or them (unintentionally) demolishing an old house. This thread and the lovely regulars single-handedly got me through extremely depressing moments. We laughed, we cried together, we learned together, in our Tranch thread. We laughed at Bonnie running away with Alyssa, we learned all about farming techniques (i wouldn’t say we learned about guns because 90% of the shit said here about them was wrong), we cried at the loss of Bonnie’s dog and all the alpacas that never stood a chance. I miss you guys, it won’t be the same. We will NEVER get such an entertaining and wild thread again, though many will try to rival what we had here.

Edit: I haven’t read everything yet, but I will def share my thoughts if they haven’t been already shared on the state of this place. I’m fairly confident I’m going through a midlife crisis, so naturally after seeing the zillow photos in the original listing, I realize what a lovely house it is. I would be down to move into this house if it was priced appropriately (read: the troon contamination in the house and the mass alpaca grave in the field). And if I farmed. I ain’t playing around with no goats on no damn field all day.

Edit 2: Before anybody points out what I know due to obsessively following and contributing to this thread over the years: No shit, I’m getting 2 separate crime scene cleaning teams and 5 different priests to bless the property if I were to buy it.
 
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I wouldn’t buy the house because of the amount of autism once contained within those walls. Their lolcow aura will rub off on whoever lives there. They’ll probably deal with weens and online activists who think they’re transphobic for years to come. I pity the fool who buys the property.
 
Oxyjen said:
Look what’s back on the market… price has been re-evaluated a lot lower, but it’s still appreciated a good bit.

Paul has done a hell of a job clearing up, it has to be said. “Owner is motivated to sell”.

Nostalgia time!


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Fuck that house looks like it was made of cheap wood that was bought from Home Depot. Jesus at least the kitchen looks decent.
 
Looks to have potential but the likely lingering troonshire odor and the ghostly cries of the starved Alpacas makes this a miss.
 
Apati said:
Kind of place I’d love to live in, minus the shear degeneracy that has forever stained the property. Looks good though. Whoever gets it will be happy, hopefully oblivious to its history
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I don't know if this was a deliberate misspelling or not, but Shear Degeneracy would be a great title if anyone actually makes an honest TUR documentary one day,

Procopius said:
Somehow a bunch of men with no penises managed to use a toilet with no seat and leave a piss stained ring around the bowl.
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"Gender-affirming" surgeons aren't particularly careful with how they clip off urethras, so a lot of post-op males have stream issues that could potentially cause a mess. I wouldn't be surprised if at least one of the dainty ladies was left with a piss stream that looked like the puppet vomiting scene in Team America World Police.
 
On a Journey said:
But why would they ever do carpet instead of starting with rugs? It’s not like rugs were invented in the 90s. IMO built-in carpeting only makes sense in bedrooms, maybe living rooms, and even then I’d rather put down a rug or just wear slippers when it’s cold than deal with it.
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Because when carpeting, shag or otherwise, really gained in popularity in the 50's and 60s, people would put it everywhere in the house. If you think about it, prior to this, floors had to be mopped. Wood floors had to be finished and polished. And there were no fancy Swiffers or electric floor scrubbers. Grandma/Mom had to whip out the ol' mop and bucket and get to scrubbing. They view carpeting as a godsend, because rotary vacuums had already been invented so you didn't have to take your area rugs outside and beat them.
But, as we have seen...they didn't really think things through. Hell, I remember going into kitchens when I was a kid that had been carpeted. Fucking nuts.
 
These pictures give a liminal space kind of vibe, especialy the weird bathroom with the piss carpet.

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Obi Wan Kenobi said:
pretty optimistic to say its piss, honestly
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There was a literal shit-eater in the tranch polycule, so maybe he's just a sloppy eater.

Diabeetus69 said:
Because when carpeting, shag or otherwise, really gained in popularity in the 50's and 60s, people would put it everywhere in the house. If you think about it, prior to this, floors had to be mopped. Wood floors had to be finished and polished. And there were no fancy Swiffers or electric floor scrubbers. Grandma/Mom had to whip out the ol' mop and bucket and get to scrubbing. They view carpeting as a godsend, because rotary vacuums had already been invented so you didn't have to take your area rugs outside and beat them.
But, as we have seen...they didn't really think things through. Hell, I remember going into kitchens when I was a kid that had been carpeted. Fucking nuts.
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I had a science teacher who clued us into exactly what had shifted in the mind set due to a question.

It was a combination of several factors.
Hardwood floors are cold, drafty, hard and show dirt very well; tongue-and-groove wasn't "a thing" everywhere. The solution used to be rugs. Carpeting - or more specifically what we think of when we say carpeting which is Wall-to-wall carpeting - was undesirable because you can't take it outside and beat the dust out of it like rugs. Rugs were expensive, so if you didn't have rugs you were seen as poor as well as having dirty floors.
They also didn't have the 'natural, durable sealants' we have today, and often those hardwood floors were under a half-inch of varnish, which often yellowed. This is why you see some painted over hardwood floors. They weren't built as well - remember how many stories have that "loose floorboard" hiding spot?
But the real killer was old heating. You might have coal heating, or a coal-fired heater in some rooms or a fireplace and you'd have coal dust & ash and around your heat sources you would have big dirty splotches of coal dust. the exposed floor around the rug provided a more easily cleaned surface to keep the worst from getting on the rugs. This is a good part of the reason why old buildings love radiators.

Starting in the 50s you started to see three technologies become widely available: mechanical synthetic fabrics, forced-air central heating, and the vacuum cleaner.
Thanks to mechanization from WWII, wall-to-wall carpet could be made cheaply of durable materials. It was soft, insulative, and lasted.
Adding this, improved forced-air heaters - now using natural gas or electric - could heat a home with no ash, coal dust, or oil smoke. The shift from these is why the air in the US doesn't look like the air in Shanghai anymore (well, it never did because populatuons never reached those densities, but you know what I mean; my teacher remembered the air noticeably clearing from middle school to highschool as people moved from coal furnaces).
And finally the wide availability of the vacuum cleaner. You didn't have to call a special cleaner now or be rich enough for a maid. Housewives could maintain their carpets and vacuuming was easier than hauling heavy rugs outside and beating them.

And of course the new american economic dominance that gave people the money to afford these new innovations.

You are seeing a shift back to hardwood for a few reasons.
First, you can get better floors now. Before if you wanted hardwood (and not varnish) you needed to basically oil-sealant with a lighter oil and reapply that oil regularly as it was worn off. Now you have tons of sealants that better allow the wood's beauty and 'softness' to be felt, while lasting more than a year or couple months.
Second, better construction science. Yes, they built houses better but not at scale and often the interior finishing left many things to be desired. You didn't have the insulation & air-movement you have now, even if they had better materials and (in individua projects) better craftsmanship. A lot of the issues with hardwood floors have been solved by making better floors with better insultation so they aren't drafty and the joists don't flex causing the boards to come loose. This is why when you get an original 1930s floor with a little work with contractor it comes out so amazing - the best materials, with quality original craftsmanship, but modern final fit.
Third, changing lay outs. Rooms are bigger than they used to be because they can be heated/cooled better. Its easier to move that mop around, and hardwood/tile doesn't trap dust.

You can also get nice-looking hardwood floors for a cheaper (by % of house) price now. My grandparents had a carpeted bathroom, and underneath was just plywood, much cheaper than getting a real hardwood floor in the 1970s. Which they didn't want because wall-to-wall carpeting through out - for them - was luxurious.
 
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Procopius said:
I think I've got all the pictures from the listing here. Looks like they never got round to fixing the broken bathroom they grifted for. Or they went out and bought some matching stained ceiling tiles. The toilet pics are the weirdest. Somehow a bunch of men with no penises managed to use a toilet with no seat and leave a piss stained ring around the bowl. Those photos show up on Zillow, but the local agent has had second thoughts and pulled them from his listing. They've not tried to restore the burnt terrace but just patched it up and hidden the damage. I wonder if the buyers will ever learn how many of us laugh out loud to the little line: Interior Features: Heating: Propane- Other

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Here's the local listing (and archive) if you're curious. Good luck to realtor Josh. If you ever want to share any stories then feel free.
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> "HOA-Yes"

There is an HOA in this desolate hinterland? Because I felt lonely just looking at those photos - not another soul for miles around.
 
Buying a unicorn ranch on Zillow was not the kind of joke that one would expect in 2024, but the amount of times I had to see “Dead Alpaca Storage” or “Total Alpaca Death” jokes get to be overwhelming after a while.
 
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