💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[densedance]

 

[Tiresome]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=sg615M9gXBA

Synopsis: Jack is a gurgling blob of crippled crap and too ignorant to figure out how Yootoobf works. Jack did a live and fucked it up, only two people showed up because he's only got two paying members out of his half a million subscribers. Jack is in favor for putting honey on his brussel sprouts. (SUGAR) NO MORE AUNT MYRNA. YOUTUBE IS NOTHING BUT DRAMA. YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS TO EARN MONEY, UNFAIR. Jack is sorry for being an idiot. Merry Christmas. Jack will be back 10am next Saturday if his arteries hold out.

 

[Potato Burrito]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=sg615M9gXBA

Damn even the wendigo is on its fourth stroke in this. How is this enfeebled meat sack still sentient (barely)?

Tammy just needs to take him out back and Old Yeller him already, this is sad. Give him a nice sendoff in his own smokers as high as they'll go.

 

[The Cunting Death]

So Fatty, wtf are you then?
View attachment 5586014

One, no true Scottsman.
Two, you're the embodiment of every Bible belt Christian dad of the last 40 years.
Three, you're already categorizing them you fat cunt.

 

[Aunt Carol]

With Jack's delusions of grandeur, love of Bitmoji and general thirst for merch, it's surprising he hasn't commissioned a custom figurine or plush.

I haven't done the research, but I assume places like YouTooz have standards and crowdfunders like Makeship would need promises about the size of his audience. Tammy could order Jack a one-off customized Funko Pop, but she'd probably have to explain over and over why they don't have a garage full of them.

 

[p1138]

Synopsis: Jack is a gurgling blob of crippled crap and too ignorant to figure out how Yootoobf works. Jack did a live and fucked it up, only two people showed up because he's only got two paying members out of his half a million subscribers. Jack is in favor for putting honey on his brussel sprouts. (SUGAR) NO MORE AUNT MYRNA. YOUTUBE IS NOTHING BUT DRAMA. YOU HAVE TO DO THINGS TO EARN MONEY, UNFAIR. Jack is sorry for being an idiot. Merry Christmas. Jack will be back 10am next Saturday if his arteries hold out.

So he set his livestream to "members only" and was surprised when only members could see it... and somehow that's youtube being stupid? The fact that he could do a livestream and just NEVER look at the statistics or chat to notice that there's something wrong... lol

His voice is raspy because he finished a 30 minute live broadcast to nobody.

ENGLISH ONLY PLEASE!

3:30 in he's still crying about setting his live stream to members only and having no members... looks at the numbers now but didn't look at them then other than to think it was "weird" no one was there...

The fact that Aunt Myrna is alive... that means he could capitalize on the party cheese salad and have it done "right", but of course he won't Back to crying about how when you kill engagement that youtube doesn't show your videos to people, like turning off the comments and getting no views "isn't fair" because it wants drama... no dumbass it wants engagement.

5:45 STILL crying about youtube "doing it's little tweaks, I don't think it ever will" what the fuck does that even mean? It's a random half of a sentence, and there's nothing in the chat that he could be responding to except maybe the shadow ban comment? but he definitely isn't shadow banned, he's just a fucking idiot.

Back to talking about his throat being dry and sore because he spoke for a while. Not because he's a stroked out retard.

 

[Human Butthole]

Gave myself a radial nerve injury on my right hand and I feel like Jack with a useless limb. Can't even turn a doorknob the shit hurts so bad. At least now I know what it's like to be Jack. Temporarily though.

 

[Lou's Sentient Backfat]

Gave myself a radial nerve injury on my right hand and I feel like Jack with a useless limb. Can't even turn a doorknob the shit hurts so bad. At least now I know what it's like to be Jack. Temporarily though.

But unlike Jack I would assume you plan to do what is needed to regain function in your injured arm. Jack just decided to do fuck all and hope for the best.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Jack is in favor for putting honey on his brussel sprouts. (SUGAR) NO MORE AUNT MYRNA.

Yeah but it's mostly fructose which, while sweeter than sucrose, has a lower glycemic index. Not that that matters to him. He just craves sweet and can't eat processed sugars anymore.

Gave myself a radial nerve injury on my right hand and I feel like Jack with a useless limb. Can't even turn a doorknob the shit hurts so bad. At least now I know what it's like to be Jack. Temporarily though.

We've all had to suffer through bouts of that. But at no time do you, or anybody else, blame it on outside forces. You were probably being stupid or it was an accident. Jagoff likes to say he did everything right and it's due to things outside his control that caused it.

Guy literally can't take responsibility for anything.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

A Visit From The Wendigo

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the home,
The smell of cheese salad invaded your nose.
The bags of our garbage were piled up on the curb,
Full of leftovers, raw meat and dessert.
The children were locked up all tight in their rooms,
Beth Sue softly crying, and Russ trolling troons.
And Mama and I, stumbling home from the bar,
Had just settled down to shoot up some tar
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my AR to see what was the matter.
I lurched to the window, to flip off the sheriff,
And kick up the standoff I thought was apparent.
The moon on the breast of the junk cars outside,
Gave off too much light for the lawmen to hide,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a shambling figure, with antlers like deer,
And a wide gaping mouth, with juices aflow,
I knew right away, this was the Wendigo!
More rapid than sloths, his scooter it came,
And he called his companions, each one by their name:
“On Zoe! On Bre, I’m dragging in Hope,
Come Junior, come Tammy, and come on in close!”
He was dressed in a tee shirt (“Jesus greater than Earth”)
And his belly stuck out, with ridiculous girth.
His face was so swollen! His lips lolling wide,
And his withering arm hung loose by his side.
His clothes stained with juice, and a bag at his feet,
He pointed to the smoker he left as a treat.
“You can cook all your pulpork, every meat you hold dear,
And still have enough for your chili next year.”
Some packets of freeze-dried beef for my kids,
And my wife got Alibaba knives from “BELSID”.
“This last one’s for you,” the Wendigo slurred,
And gave me some meat that once was a bird.
Its color was pale, the juices ran pink,
And underneath all the butter, I detected a stink.
So the Wendigo coughed, and choked on his spit,
To tell all his family it’s now time to split.
As they dragged him away, he made one last cry,
“I love all you guys, and I’ll see you next time!”

 

[That Damned Tiger]

A Visit From The Wendigo

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the home,
The smell of cheese salad invaded your nose.
The bags of our garbage were piled up on the curb,
Full of leftovers, raw meat and dessert.
The children were locked up all tight in their rooms,
Beth Sue softly crying, and Russ trolling troons.
And Mama and I, stumbling home from the bar,
Had just settled down to shoot up some tar
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I grabbed my AR to see what was the matter.
I lurched to the window, to flip off the sheriff,
And kick up the standoff I thought was apparent.
The moon on the breast of the junk cars outside,
Gave off too much light for the lawmen to hide,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a shambling figure, with antlers like deer,
And a wide gaping mouth, with juices aflow,
I knew right away, this was the Wendigo!
More rapid than sloths, his scooter it came,
And he called his companions, each one by their name:
“On Zoe! On Bre, I’m dragging in Hope,
Come Junior, come Tammy, and come on in close!”
He was dressed in a tee shirt (“Jesus greater than Earth”)
And his belly stuck out, with ridiculous girth.
His face was so swollen! His lips lolling wide,
And his withering arm hung loose by his side.
His clothes stained with juice, and a bag at his feet,
He pointed to the smoker he left as a treat.
“You can cook all your pulpork, every meat you hold dear,
And still have enough for your chili next year.”
Some packets of freeze-dried beef for my kids,
And my wife got Alibaba knives from “BELSID”.
“This last one’s for you,” the Wendigo slurred,
And gave me some meat that once was a bird.
Its color was pale, the juices ran pink,
And underneath all the butter, I detected a stink.
So the Wendigo coughed, and choked on his spit,
To tell all his family it’s now time to split.
As they dragged him away, he made one last cry,
“I love all you guys, and I’ll see you next time!”

Merry Christmas, you filthy animals.

 

[AnOminous]

Jack is in favor for putting honey on his brussel sprouts. (SUGAR) NO MORE AUNT MYRNA. YOUTUBE IS NOTHING BUT DRAMA.

Shurgur bad. Honey no shurgur. Honey gud.

What a phenomenal fucking sped.

 

[p1138]

Shurgur bad. Honey no shurgur. Honey gud.

What a phenomenal fucking sped.

It's almost like I called it exactly how it was when I said fatty doesn't consider anything to be SHUGUR unless it's plan granulated or maybe powdered sugar.

Yeah but it's mostly fructose which, while sweeter than sucrose, has a lower glycemic index. Not that that matters to him. He just craves sweet and can't eat processed sugars anymore.

Do you really believe this man knows wtf a glycemic index is, or the impact of the quantity of sugar he consumes is?

Also, it seems Fatty has set his FB page to only allow members to scroll through it I guess. Jr must have noticed the uptick in the ability to mine it for gold.

 

[Adamska]

Jack is so useless that he can't even press down on a Magic Bullet. And even if he could, he wouldn't because bigger chunks of FUD means GUD.

More like Jack's so goddamn retarded he almost broke it twice in the same video. Also he was so stupid that he blamed fucking up making an omelet on it rather than just sucking at cooking eggs. He from that point was aiming to make it look bad and looked for ways to say it sucks.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

More like Jack's so goddamn retarded he almost broke it twice in the same video. Also he was so stupid that he blamed fucking up making an omelet on it rather than just sucking at cooking eggs. He from that point was aiming to make it look bad and looked for ways to say it sucks.

How the fuck do you break a magic bullet? You just put shit in and press until soup, right?

 

[Adamska]

How the fuck do you break a magic bullet? You just put shit in and press until soup, right?

If you press the button too hard or put too much shit in it at once you can derate and break its spinning motion. It's a bit fragile in this respect, but you can easily tell if that will happen by not slamming the button down like a retard and doing quick pulses.

 

[The Grimace]

How the fuck do you break a magic bullet? You just put shit in and press until soup, right?

the clear plastic tabs can be fragile with age, but that's the best i can think of

 

[Falcon Sebben]

If you press the button too hard or put too much shit in it at once you can derate and break its spinning motion. It's a bit fragile in this respect, but you can easily tell if that will happen by not slamming the button down like a retard and doing quick pulses.

The motor in those things is weak as hell. I had a friend that had one and he literally burned out the motor from trying to blend something.

 

[Tiresome]

Merry Christmas, Jack! I hope you got what you deserve, an ass-wiping from Mommywife, a sack of leftover roller taquitos from Junior and a new cheap Chinese smoker from Brianna that you'll never get around to using!

 

[SpiceyHuman]

Get you Christmas!