💀 Horrorcow Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta / "u/Early-Leopard-8351" - Polysubstance abuser, child doser, dog killer. "Lawtube pope" turned zesty Dabbleverse Redditor streamer. Swinger "whitebread ass nigga" who snuffs animals and visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold. Still not over his ex Aaron. Wife's bod worth $50.

[WhimsicalTrolli]

Decided it was time for Nick to get a parody

Modern Cuck
Parody of Modern Love by David Bowie
Written by Cal Rollia

(Intro)
I know when to pedo guard
And when to act dumb
And get things done

(Verse 1)
I became the cleanup boy
But things don't really change
I'm more soy than Ron toye
But I never wave bye-bye
I try
Oh I Try

(Verse 2)
My marriage is on the rocks
My viewers are in the slumps
I'm more soy than Ron toye
But I never wave bye-bye
I try
Oh I Try


(Chorus)
My coomer takes makes me (A Modern Cuck)
Bottles shoved beside me (A modern Cuck)
Rectum broken (A Modern Cuck)
Got sued by monty and have to appeal on time (appeal on Time)
Literally marvel (appeal on Time)
My hairline receding (appeal on Time)
Tarnish my integrity as a fraud & man
No convictions (fraud & man)
Alcohol addiction (fraud & Man)
I guess that makes me a modern cuck

(Verse 3)
I'm not a whitebread nigga
My viewers are in the slumps
I'm more soy than Ron toye
But I never wave bye-bye
I try
Oh I Try

(Chorus)
My coomer takes makes me (A Modern Cuck)
Bottles shoved beside me (A modern Cuck)
Rectum broken (A Modern Cuck)
Got sued by monty and have to appeal on time (appeal on Time)
Literally marvel (appeal on Time)
My hairline receding (appeal on Time)
Tarnish my integrity as a fraud & man
No convictions (fraud & man)
Alcohol addiction (fraud & Man)
I guess that makes me a modern cuck

(Bridge)
(Modern cuck) bottles shoved beside me
(Modern cuck) Rectum Broken
(Modern cuck) have to appeal on time
Modern cuck) Literally marvel
(Modern cuck) My hairline Receding
As a fraud and man
(Modern cuck) no convictions
(Modern cuck) Alcohol addiction
(Modern cuck) makes me a modern cuck

(Outro)
Modern cuck, Modern cuck, Modern cuck
Modern cuck
Modern cuck, Modern cuck,Modern cuck, Modern cuck
Modern cuck
Modern cuck (bottles shoved beside me) Modern cuck
Modern cuck (Rectums Broken) Modern Cuck
Modern cuck (bottles shoved beside me) Modern cuck
Modern cuck (Rectums Broken) Modern Cuck
My coomer takes makes me (A Modern Cuck)
(Modern cuck, Modern cuck, Modern cuck, Modern cuck)

 

[Captain Manning]

Decided it was time for Nick to get a parody

FINALLY!

I was about ready to go on your profile and poke you with stick. People have been posting song parodies here for a while now, and you've been slackin' Trolli!

(And yes, I like your parodies).

 

[RotPockets]

My point was just that long-term trends will be less effected by the specifics of the rounding of numbers.

I’m under the impression it just ignores any fluctuation under 1000, unless you reach a million then it doesn’t register until it reaches a change of 10000 subs, since this is how YouTube presents sub counts. I don’t believe it rounds the numbers it just doesn’t bother changing until 1000 is either lost or gained. As of right now he is losing an average of -67 subs a day and the -1000 losses are coming more frequently.

https://playboard.co/en/channel/UCbkjX3E0IhuUfPzL0FjSPaw/subscribers

 

[Anticipointment]

2) The teacher taking away his transformer toy
3) The teacher making him eat jello

These “classic” Nick stories don’t track with his ODD “diagnosis”.

As has already been mentioned in this thread, ODD is a diagnosis given to children, so the fact that he uses that as an excuse for adult behavior doesn’t fly.

However, if he did have ODD as a child, from what I’ve heard about kids who have been diagnosed as such, they aren’t going to eat anything they don’t want to.
If something precious to them is taken away, especially in a situation they deem to be unjustified, it would result in a violent sperg out that would require several adults to stop them from hurting themselves or others.

None of Nick’s childhood stories align with anything even close to the reactions of a kid with ODD.

What is up with Rekieta?

He hasn't promoted the show on his Twitter. In fact he hasn't tweeted anything today, he tweeted only once yesterday (a reply to Drexel) and his last tweet before that was from Thursday night.

There was also that curious cancellation message from Thursday night.

What's going on? Has he said anything on Locals?

Maybe Kayla reads here & has discovered that Nick has been going behind her back with a local hooker & it has led to a martial crisis.

Edit: missing word

 

[WhimsicalTrolli]

FINALLY!

I was about ready to go on your profile and poke you with stick. People have been posting song parodies here for a while now, and you've been slackin' Trolli!

(And yes, I like your parodies).

I think I hit a plateau in Ralph parodies & didn't want to put out subpar work. Tor wasn't easy to navigate for parody posting so I took a retirement.

 

[Sam Losco]

Maybe Kayla reads here & has discovered that Nick has been going behind her back with a local hooker & it has led to a martial crisis.

If that's true then he has the worst fucking opsec ever for a cheating spouse. If he fucked that women, it was probably with Kayla's ok and maybe she just got pissed that it got reveled to the world.

 

[Swole McPole]

My guess is that Nick's routine is going to be his old go-to stories:

1) Lifting the fat chick over his head and tearing his shoulder during cheerleader try-outs
2) The teacher taking away his transformer toy
3) The teacher making him eat jello

I'm expecting someone just like Jimmy Valmer off South Park.

Hey, what's the deal with these black people, huh?
They're highly intelligent, they make an enormous contribution to the American economy and their women are beautiful and cultured.

I was having a drink at my local bar, Gay 90's last night when a biological man walked into the women's bathroom.
He had every right to do so. Women can have penises too, right?

My friend Vito, just got himself a new fourteen year old girlfriend.
As long as he avoids penetrative sex with her, he should be fine, right? Minor Attracted People need love too. I've told him, "I'm a lawyer, Vito. As long as you follow my advice, you'll be fine. Follow the example of my good friend Drex and don't put her on OnlyFans until she turns 18, amirite?"

I've been Nick Rekieta, you've been a beautiful audience and I'll be available to sign your Balldos for $20 a pop after the show.

 

[200MB]

Inside the venue.


I guess Aaron Imholte has something to do with the event? JFC, you know you've fallen off when you're slumming it with the Steel Toe Morning Show. I say slumming it but Nick is now the same caliber as these losers.

 

[Balldo's Gate]

Based on what I'm reading on Twitter. unless there was some kind of fakeout, Chrissie Mayr cancelled sometime in the last day and the warmup acts got top billing. There doesn't seem to be actual word that she cancelled though.

If that's true then he has the worst fucking opsec ever for a cheating spouse. If he fucked that women, it was probably with Kayla's ok and maybe she just got pissed that it got reveled to the world.

Welllll... It's not super obvious who that person is and his opsec has been proven to be terrible.

 

[ChromaQuack]

Based on what I'm reading on Twitter. unless there was some kind of fakeout, Chrissie Mayr cancelled sometime in the last day and the warmup acts got top billing. There doesn't seem to be actual word that she cancelled though.

Oh, can you imagine if the only one who ends up going for it is Nick? three whole hours of the best stand up a non-practicing lawyer with no law firm from central Minnesota can offer.

All those Balldo jokes and slurred words, so much potential.

 

[Geared Chris]

What is up with Rekieta?

He hasn't promoted the show on his Twitter. In fact he hasn't tweeted anything today, he tweeted only once yesterday (a reply to Drexel) and his last tweet before that was from Thursday night.

There was also that curious cancellation message from Thursday night.

What's going on? Has he said anything on Locals?

It's his post "apology" menstural cycle.

- Last Tuesday was his drunken olive branch to Null & texted him while pissing.
- Last Wednesday he was on Coomalot's stream when he had a mea culpa about July.
- Now he's MIA until Monday.

Pretty sure something similar happened after the apology to Mandy. Anyone know the date of that stream? It's around late May 2023.

There doesn't seem to be actual word that she cancelled though.

Probably cancelled. She's pregnant.

 

[Strix454]

So the venue is a bar at a bowling alley in central minnesota. And Nick is opening for the " 4'6 Filipina Firecracker" Lila Hart.

Oh boy......

 

[Neetorino]

What is up with Rekieta?

He hasn't promoted the show on his Twitter. In fact he hasn't tweeted anything today, he tweeted only once yesterday (a reply to Drexel) and his last tweet before that was from Thursday night.

There was also that curious cancellation message from Thursday night.

What's going on? Has he said anything on Locals?

The Thursday night cancelling is the last post on his Locals, not sure if @Himedall All-seeing Waifu has anything in the Locals chat logs point to updates. I'm just as confused as everyone else, this level of radio silence is highly unusual for Nick, especially before a live event. Maybe he's not all that pumped to be doing it after all?

Oh, can you imagine if the only one who ends up going for it is Nick? three whole hours of the best stand up a central Minnesota non-practicing lawyer can offer.

All those Balldo jokes and slurred words, so much potential.

I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone, especially when they were promised only like 30 minutes of insufferable Nick jokes max before arriving at the venue. Hope to god they've still just got him as an opening act so the stage doesn't have to get hosed down before the other chick goes on.

Probably cancelled. She's pregnant.

Well, congratulations to her, I hope all the best for her and the baby. And yeah circumstantially I agree, it seems like she cancelled. But the night is still young!

So the venue is a bar at a bowling alley in central minnesota.

Yanno, last time someone in the Sektur did an event at a bowling alley Chaggot got maced and Flamenco got doxed. If only the comedy show were livestreamed so we could get some high quality content outta Nick for once.

 

[feral cat #6385]

Based on what I'm reading on Twitter. unless there was some kind of fakeout, Chrissie Mayr cancelled sometime in the last day and the warmup acts got top billing. There doesn't seem to be actual word that she cancelled though.

View attachment 5433359


Welllll... It's not super obvious who that person is and his opsec has been proven to be terrible.

I'm sure Nick's malding will play super well to the club. Nothing can possibly go wrong.

Probably cancelled. She's pregnant.

Wow. Guess Branca did a real number on her.

So the venue is a bar at a bowling alley in central minnesota. And Nick is opening for the " 4'6 Filipina Firecracker" Lila Hart.

Oh boy......

Oh this is going to be an amazing shit show. Some Kiwi in the area needs to take one for the team and record his set. STAT!

 

[200MB]

We have a confirmed Wahoo sighting. Never a good omen.

 

[feral cat #6385]

We have a confirmed Wahoo sighting. Never a good omen.
View attachment 5433420

He's re.tar.ded right? Is the woman with him his tard keeper? Fucking christ. The genetic dead ends that make up Nick's fanbase need to Jonestown themselves.

 

[Harm]

Inside the venue.
View attachment 5433300

"Fill a room?" Doesn't look particularly packed. Curiosity got the best of me and the venue is pretty clearly advertised by Steel Joe as the Partner's Pub in Sartell.


L | A

They're in an area of the Partner's Pub known as the "Breakroom," as the building is mainly a bowling alley and a bar/lounge. This area can accommodate "100+ people" according to TripAdvisor (A).




You can tell from the booths and the tile in particular that it's the location. In their photo, they're a couple bodies shy of 75. Add Nick Rekieta and other comedian and that still leaves you 26 shy of breaking the 100 barrier. The obvious answer is they didn't seat it to accommodate so many because of the standup stage; that still won't explain the visibly empty seats. Late arrivals, perhaps.

 

[Balldo's Gate]

Inside the venue.

Rekieta comes out of social media silence to Tweet that he's in the photo @200MB posted, calling it "where's Waldo for the disabled".


(Archive)

This one was easy, his face may be obscured but readers of this thread will be able to guess what wasn't obscured that let me figure it out was him.
(He's deep in conversation with the Gator-looking fellow on the right.)



One thing that I didn't notice is that the person sitting next to Rekieta, who Rekieta looks to be deep in conversation with, is none other than Riley, who's been posting on Twitter about being at the event. I didn't even realize it was him, though I noticed the guy and thought he looked like Gator.


(Archive I, Archive II)

Guessing that means the woman sitting across from Riley blocking Rekieta's face is Mint Salad.

 

[Swole McPole]

I wouldn't wish that fate on anyone, especially when they were promised only like 30 minutes of insufferable Nick jokes max before arriving at the venue.

Thirty minutes is a long set for someone who's never done stand-up before. Don't people generally hone their act with sets of six minutes or so when they're doing open mic nights and the like?

OK, I Googled it. Working stand-ups who are trying to make a name for themselves so are working the circuits in the major cities will tend to do somewhere between five minutes and eight minutes. Thirty minutes is a shedload of time if you get up there and bomb. Which is more than possible for someone who's never done it before. What do you do, three minutes in, when you find out the audience hates you and you've got another 27 minutes to go?

And this crowd is going to have very different expectations to his YouTube audience. They know who he is, what he does, and they've showed up to see him. Random crowd on a Saturday night at a comedy club? They've come to laugh. You'd better be funny or they're going to tear him up for arse paper.

I hope somebody's filming because I anticipate disaster for Rekieta.

 

[200MB]

There's some speculation on twitter that this is Nick (center left, with his face hidden). Am I fucking crazy or is he sitting with Riley and mintsalad?

Spoiler: full photo

Edit: ninja'd.

Edit2:

(He's deep in conversation with the Gator-looking fellow on the right.)

Getting OnlyFans tips no doubt.