[2024] Kiwi Farms Physical Newspaper - Possibly the dumbest idea I've ever had, 2023 edition

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

I'll tell you how to print it.

Make an Amazon account for publishing, use whatever you gotta.

Do the largest size book they have.

For paperbacks, you can also enter your own custom trim size. Width must be within 4"-8.5" (10.16-21.59 cm). Height must be within 6"-11.69" (15.24-29.69 cm).

Upload your copy. YOu can have some nefarious but sexy Kiwi do the layout in InDesign if you need to.

Add the cover. We have plenty of good artists.

Do NOT print it. Don't hit the final save.

Instead, hit the "Order Proofs"

This will let you order copies to your home or whatever drop box you have set up.

Then, never go to PUBLISH. Just keep it in DRAFT mode.

Now, nobody knows who your printer is. You get it printed (I think Cream and B&W ink is cheapest) and sent right to your house. You'll know how much each issue will cost, so you can bake in the price. Hell, you could do a full color magazine if you wanted, and know how much it costs up front.

I did this a few times to make some books I needed. Mainly custom TTRPG books.

Hope this suggestion helps.

 

[Zeva_Adom]

If you need help with mailing within Europe i would gladly help.

 

[frap]

I'll tell you how to print it.

Make an Amazon account for publishing, use whatever you gotta.

Do the largest size book they have.



Upload your copy. YOu can have some nefarious but sexy Kiwi do the layout in InDesign if you need to.

Add the cover. We have plenty of good artists.

Do NOT print it. Don't hit the final save.

Instead, hit the "Order Proofs"

This will let you order copies to your home or whatever drop box you have set up.

Then, never go to PUBLISH. Just keep it in DRAFT mode.

Now, nobody knows who your printer is. You get it printed (I think Cream and B&W ink is cheapest) and sent right to your house. You'll know how much each issue will cost, so you can bake in the price. Hell, you could do a full color magazine if you wanted, and know how much it costs up front.

I did this a few times to make some books I needed. Mainly custom TTRPG books.

Hope this suggestion helps.

This is a nice idea but Amazon have distinctively recognisable proofs with a not for resale watermark wrapping the cover, so nefarious parties will definitely know. They’ll cry to Amazon and Amazon will nuke the account regardless of published status. That’s if Amazon’s own bots don’t get triggered by the content first.

(Yeah I’m considering self-publishing something and dealing with Amazon already seems like it’ll be a massive headache)

 

[Billy Bob Dick]

This is a nice idea but Amazon have distinctively recognisable proofs with a not for resale watermark wrapping the cover, so nefarious parties will definitely know. They’ll cry to Amazon and Amazon will nuke the account regardless of published status. That’s if Amazon’s own bots don’t get triggered by the content first.

I know for a fact that there are humans involved in the Amazon review process as you near project completion, looking over your formatting and pagination and whatnot. For that reason alone plus all the others mentioned, you'd be better off going to FedEx.

 

[FuckedOffToff]

Its not about just about hiding the printer, the KF material while fact based and often with evidence or legal 'opinion' still resonates as a 'taboo' with a lot of people.

The thing is, a lot of the opinion and stories printed here are the same as what you can find on Twitter, now that Elon has taken over, except with slurs included.
It's the reputation, the consolidation of information and archived material that everyone hates. The fact that the farms lays bare everyone's sins, doesn't censor the absolute truth, and fucks up the narrative for both trannies and the powers that be, that's why the deplatforming happens.
If the publication is kept at arm's length from the website, the information in it won't actually be that shocking, or taboo, at most it's going to be slightly subversive, and the US has a long storied history of slightly subversive publications, so that shouldn't be a problem. It has the chance to be seen by new, unbiased eyes, too, which is actually a good thing.
It's all going to be how it's presented.
There's no sugar coating the fact that is going to be hard work, a lot of niggly little nightmarish problems to solve, probably a money pit, and completely buttfuck insane, but I feel saying these things just encourages Null.
It'll probably be ultimately satisfying though.

 

[Dysnomia]

I like the idea. I haven't bought a paper in a long time because my local news is all urban nightmare crime. It would be nice to read about lolcow stuff at my leisure.

 

[Pitbull Victim]

Answer Me! was already mentioned as a possible source of inspiration (and funny enough Ethan Ralph was actually feuding with Jim Goad at one point), so I would also suggest Apocalypse Culture, which feels like KF's caveman ancestor.

 

[Rain Team Pepe]

Answer Me! was already mentioned as a possible source of inspiration (and funny enough Ethan Ralph was actually feuding with Jim Goad at one point), so I would also suggest Apocalypse Culture, which feels like KF's caveman ancestor.

Certainly something like this,
A quarterly summary of Sagas. Chantal and the sequence of events that lead up to the situation at the time of publishing.
KingCobraJFS top 10 drink combos of the year.

 

[DammitPerez]

YOu can have some nefarious but sexy Kiwi do the layout in InDesign if you need to.

I'm just a kitten but I've actually worked at real newspapers doing the print layout so if I can help...

Came also to say that Walter Kirn has launched a quarterly called County Road that sells for $8.50 a pop even though it's on shitty newsprint paper. So maybe a quarterly isn't such a mad idea after all. The REAL trick would be getting it distributed to stores. I found County Road in a rural general store.

 

[BallsMcLongDong]

North Dakota, where the cope comes seething in the brain,
Where they sneed, seed and feed
Where the cope comes seething in the brain
I'm down for it. Return to monke. Return to print. The internet is now for faggots, and everyone knows faggot soybrains hate reading.

And it would mean more to call another user a niggerfaggot if I had to pay $2 to make it a classified ad and wait a month to have them rate me autistic.

 

[abul toilu]

I'll be a paper boy and ride around on a bike to deliver the paper to my neighborhood

 

[Healthy Boy Brand]

Sounds like a great idea, personally I'm a big fan of alternative print media, I buy fanzines to this day.

 

[Woodchipper]

And it would mean more to call another user a niggerfaggot if I had to pay $2 to make it a classified ad and wait a month to have them rate me autistic.

A classified section is a brilliant idea. It'd help fund the publication and be really fun for the readers+submitters

 

[Johnny Apple Sneed]

my apartment is nicer than any place i've lived in the us nigger

i've done merch before
i can hide who the printer is by mailing it through 3PLs.
the purpose is to establish business in ND, not make a shitzillion dollars.

did you even read the fucking thread or are you just a faggot?

Damn Nigga chill it’s just retard. You been extra Mati lately.

 

[Trig.Point]

my apartment is nicer than any place i've lived in the us nigger

i've done merch before
i can hide who the printer is by mailing it through 3PLs.
the purpose is to establish business in ND, not make a shitzillion dollars.

did you even read the fucking thread or are you just a faggot?

Do you really need a 3PL? The issues are going to be identical and relatively low value, in fact you'll probably get away with declaring them as no commercial value for international shipping. Regular bog standard mail is all you need.

If you use a 3PL they'll most likely frank them or use some sort of postage printed directly onto the envelope, which will identify them, even if you use a Post Box as a return address. It's a perfect opportunity for a bad actor to cheaply identify the 3PL, particularly if they know the 3PL has mailing details they can go after.

Perhaps just treat it as a Mail shot. Someone can easily put the newspaper in an envelope, apply an address label and physical stamp and send them on their way, the return address could be a PO Box. 500 copies would be a few hours work.

Obviously you still need a way to process payments, but maybe this is a good opportunity to push people into using crypto.

 

[vomitusdeux]

Can I write a detailed article about what tranny surgery really is with photos to complete the set?
This isn't a joke. I'm not shitposting.

 

[Neo-Nazi Rich Evans]

I look forward to the erotica section, featuring Kevin Gibes' amhole and other hot pictures from the SRS thread.

this post made me think of kiwi personal ads. my god do i want that to be a reality. it would get so entertaining to see award kiwis and cows making personal ads for each other. please saint terry please let this come to pass.

 

[Vulkan]

I for one would love to read shitpost in print while on the John

 

[Dark Horse]

I didn't get the troon platoon on my doorstep after the patch sale so I am optimistic with the address security. I often get the village newsletter. Printed media is definitely still a big thing in the UK.

 

[siegemeister675]

Will you publish based political sperging?