- Joined
- Jul 9, 2022
unabomber manifesto for trannies
Till Kottman / Tillie Kottman / Maia Crimew / Maia Arson Crimew / deletescape / antiproprietiary / cybertillie - 23 year old autistic trans script-kittie, wannabe cybercriminal currently in the fuck around stage
- Thread starter The Real Slim Shady
- Start date
-
🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
-
Want to keep track of this thread?
Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
Create account
unabomber manifesto for trannies
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2020
This is grossly insulting to Kaczynski, he may have been a fucking terrorist but he actually bothered to punctuate and organize his text. (And who shills their ko-fi in a manifesto?)
For that matter, he would have choice words about people like Till:
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2022
New maia lore dropped on his tumblr. Turns out he was cracked on reddit because the memes on /r/egg_irl were too relateable.
View attachment 5102294
source (archive)
Till is built different, so he can eat grass.
View attachment 5102321
source (archive)
He considers himself a therian too
View attachment 5102342
source (archive)
Also, new tits photo, for your viewing displeasure. Spoiler: they look even more like a fat guys chicken-induced breasts.
View attachment 5102294
source (archive)
Till is built different, so he can eat grass.
View attachment 5102321
source (archive)
He considers himself a therian too
View attachment 5102342
source (archive)
Also, new tits photo, for your viewing displeasure. Spoiler: they look even more like a fat guys chicken-induced breasts.
View attachment 5102306
View attachment 5102301
(archive)
(direct link, redirects to tumblr.com which requires login for +18 content)
View attachment 5102301
(archive)
(direct link, redirects to tumblr.com which requires login for +18 content)
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
You're not tricking me bitch. For once I had the sense not to click the spoiler. Suck it you fiend!
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2022
I think attachments did not upload properly.
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2023
I refuse to believe that anyone thinks this creatura is a biological woman
https://crimew.gay/notice/AVBhhESlxs9YCW8tvM (archive)
https://crimew.gay/notice/AVBhhESlxs9YCW8tvM (archive)
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2022
Maia Crimew: The video review
Till has a youtube channel where he posted a few videos so far. Here is my commentary of all five of them
nyancrimew - be gay, do crime @ sleepy fest 2022. - Till does graffiti (one)
nyancrimew @ camp boneyard 2 - music video
emo boys kissing pleading face
Till just pointed his camera on his screen and put on some youtube video of emo boys kissing (for 9 minutes). Then a cardboard box item from some game appears and a piece of music plays with the lyrics "I've been sleeping on a cardboard box". That's the whole video.
intervmeowing the catgirl hacker indicted by the USA - interview by htmljones
My SRF TV segment but I fansubbed it myself and evelyn made it actually good [ENG]
Till has a youtube channel where he posted a few videos so far. Here is my commentary of all five of them
nyancrimew - be gay, do crime @ sleepy fest 2022. - Till does graffiti (one)
The video starts with Till filming himself in a COVID face mask quietly muttering "Let's go, girl". He then makes a single graffiti, in the most amateur way possible, with the cheapest spray paint. He does not know how to hold a can so he has to redo most strokes as they did not cover the wall. He also writes in some retarded primary school cursive instead of block capitals, and he can't even hold the camera straight so we get to see only a glimpse of the graffiti until the last shot. Then he pokes fun at the person who cleans it up.
This is the first 1:30 of the video. A title card then informs the viewer that Till got cramps and he won't make more graffiti. Instead he fills the rest of the video with "random footage", which happens to be a sped up video from 1UP crew. 1UP are one of the top graffiti crews in Europe. The whole soundtrack is probably one of his music mixes.
one of the original 1UP videos Till used: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_Sxq5LPtPM
Local archive:
This is the first 1:30 of the video. A title card then informs the viewer that Till got cramps and he won't make more graffiti. Instead he fills the rest of the video with "random footage", which happens to be a sped up video from 1UP crew. 1UP are one of the top graffiti crews in Europe. The whole soundtrack is probably one of his music mixes.
one of the original 1UP videos Till used: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_Sxq5LPtPM
Local archive:
nyancrimew @ camp boneyard 2 - music video
Video art to his music mix featuring shots from Luzerne.
Around the 5 minute mark we get to see some footage from inside Till's flat, the video is morphed due to visual effects but you can see his furniture are basically metal storage shelves. Till lives in a warehouse.
Around the 5 minute mark we get to see some footage from inside Till's flat, the video is morphed due to visual effects but you can see his furniture are basically metal storage shelves. Till lives in a warehouse.
emo boys kissing pleading face
Till just pointed his camera on his screen and put on some youtube video of emo boys kissing (for 9 minutes). Then a cardboard box item from some game appears and a piece of music plays with the lyrics "I've been sleeping on a cardboard box". That's the whole video.
intervmeowing the catgirl hacker indicted by the USA - interview by htmljones
Some moron interviews Till about his recent indictment. Till rambles on about:
- why the Saxony carnival is an extreme right wing show because people are allowed to dress up as other culture.
- that his first name Maia is inspired by mxmtoon.
- that billionaires could be surveilled for fun to shame them for being billionaires and not doing shit. He is agains surveillance of anyone but if it's for fun it's OK (Hey Till come to Kiwifarms then)
- that police does not do anything
- trans people are better at everything
- he does not believe in copyright
- he thinks that if you are really a part of the Underground you need to be cringe about it
about 1/4 of the video is "copyright bad"
- why the Saxony carnival is an extreme right wing show because people are allowed to dress up as other culture.
- that his first name Maia is inspired by mxmtoon.
- that billionaires could be surveilled for fun to shame them for being billionaires and not doing shit. He is agains surveillance of anyone but if it's for fun it's OK (Hey Till come to Kiwifarms then)
- that police does not do anything
- trans people are better at everything
- he does not believe in copyright
- he thinks that if you are really a part of the Underground you need to be cringe about it
about 1/4 of the video is "copyright bad"
My SRF TV segment but I fansubbed it myself and evelyn made it actually good [ENG]
It's a fansubbed episode of SRF TV's "Offensive Digital" episode 1 "The hackerin" (the female hacker). Nothing of note in there except for the fact that episode 2 of the series is about female Twitch streamers. (The streamer in the video is actually female).
You can see Till's flat and his natural voice in the interview.
www.srf.ch
Inserting it here as a local archive because the original is in german.
You can see Till's flat and his natural voice in the interview.
Serien - Offensiv digital
Die digitale Transformation formt neue Denkmuster. Ein Porträt innovativer Menschen, die digital eigene Wege gehen.
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2022
Skinwalking a Twitch streamer
Couldn't get any more autistic if he tried.
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2022
Till Kottmann interacts with Patricia/Eric Taxxon, the Breadtuber and tranny furfag musician who jerked off in a Discord VC full of minors and got away with it (onion):
source (a)
Orteil (the creator of Cookie Clicker) gives a shoutout to Till (the "holy fucking bingle" hacker):
source (a)
Till reads Homestuck:
source (a)
Till is otherkin because he "vibes" with being an animal. No seriously that's the entire reason.
source (a)
Translation: It's cool and trendy to be otherkin in my Internet corner of mental illness.
Till recognizes that he overshares a lot and grew up on the Internet:
source (a)
Speaking of moobs:
source (a)
source (a)
No matter how many pictures he takes, he still looks unambiguously like a man. Speaking of which, he got clocked while shopping:
source (a)
And Till's reaction when people correctly say he's ugly?
source (a)
Someone like Till who is wanted by several governments is what I would describe as an ugly soul, but ok.
Till and his troon friends raided and trolled some cryptofag NFT discord server:
source (a)
source (a)
Cowtipping like this is unfunny and retarded.
At first I thought this anon was making up shit about having a "capitalist pig" aunt that hates Till's existence, but it sounds like a reference to a book or film of some sort? Not sure.
source (a)
Either way, fake and homosexual.
Till is literally an anarchist:
source (a)
A couple of ironic posts:
source (a)
source (a)
Till Kottmann getting banned off twitter (twice!) and having a fedpost deleted on tumblr is the definition of somebody fucking around and finding out the consequences of his actions.
source (a)
I agree with him, because the "hacking" that he does is exactly like the unrealistic hacking they do in Hackers (1995).
The guy who routinely confesses to crimes and got banned off twitter for advocating for crimes tells others not to confess to crimes in his asks you can't make this shit up.
source (a)
And finally: Till is paranoid and has bad mental health, but it's the US government's fault! He even did an entire talk about this! But his paranoia is comforted by the fact that he's so public and visible(???) which sounds like the exact opposite of what you would do to alleviate paranoia.
source (a)
source (a)
Orteil (the creator of Cookie Clicker) gives a shoutout to Till (the "holy fucking bingle" hacker):
source (a)
Till reads Homestuck:
source (a)
Till is otherkin because he "vibes" with being an animal. No seriously that's the entire reason.
source (a)
Translation: It's cool and trendy to be otherkin in my Internet corner of mental illness.
Till recognizes that he overshares a lot and grew up on the Internet:
source (a)
Speaking of moobs:
source (a)
No matter how many pictures he takes, he still looks unambiguously like a man. Speaking of which, he got clocked while shopping:
source (a)
And Till's reaction when people correctly say he's ugly?
source (a)
Someone like Till who is wanted by several governments is what I would describe as an ugly soul, but ok.
Till and his troon friends raided and trolled some cryptofag NFT discord server:
source (a)
source (a)
Cowtipping like this is unfunny and retarded.
At first I thought this anon was making up shit about having a "capitalist pig" aunt that hates Till's existence, but it sounds like a reference to a book or film of some sort? Not sure.
source (a)
Either way, fake and homosexual.
Till is literally an anarchist:
source (a)
A couple of ironic posts:
source (a)
source (a)
Till Kottmann getting banned off twitter (twice!) and having a fedpost deleted on tumblr is the definition of somebody fucking around and finding out the consequences of his actions.
source (a)
I agree with him, because the "hacking" that he does is exactly like the unrealistic hacking they do in Hackers (1995).
The guy who routinely confesses to crimes and got banned off twitter for advocating for crimes tells others not to confess to crimes in his asks
you can't make this shit up.source (a)
And finally: Till is paranoid and has bad mental health, but it's the US government's fault! He even did an entire talk about this! But his paranoia is comforted by the fact that he's so public and visible(???) which sounds like the exact opposite of what you would do to alleviate paranoia.
source (a)
- Joined
- May 14, 2021
I saw this turbofaggot mentioned in multiple articles a couple of times, but never thought to check his website or something. He sounded fairly autistic in the articles so I figured out he must be another tranny in tech.
Always happy my troonradar works fine, after finding this thread. Reading through this thread he seems like another random scriptkiddie who trooned out, but jesus fuck his pics just make me physically sick to my stomach. His new name is cringy as fuck as well, he will never be taken serious with a dumb name like that, especially in a fairly conservative country like Switzerland. Hope the SVP (Schweizer Volkspartei, the "zomg literal nazi party" aka based as fuck) wants to push more anti tranny laws, as the milk from this faggot would be hilarious.
Always happy my troonradar works fine, after finding this thread. Reading through this thread he seems like another random scriptkiddie who trooned out, but jesus fuck his pics just make me physically sick to my stomach. His new name is cringy as fuck as well, he will never be taken serious with a dumb name like that, especially in a fairly conservative country like Switzerland. Hope the SVP (Schweizer Volkspartei, the "zomg literal nazi party" aka based as fuck) wants to push more anti tranny laws, as the milk from this faggot would be hilarious.
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2022
This troon had another HN front page link recently with commenters sucking off his feminine penis.
- Joined
- May 14, 2021
So uhm, some random autist on 4chan found this issue, and this fucking piece of shit gets all of the credit because he wrote a unreadable blogpost about it, without any proper capitalisation and weird grammar. Maybe I am sperging hard, but the font color choice against his bright pink faggoty website is completely unreadable and hurts my eyes (just like his nudes). This guy can't write proper English to save his fucking life, or at least try to write proper English (like I am trying right now).
Yeah, that makes complete fucking sense.
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2020
No woman would post her double chin at an angle like that. Face blindness claims another autistic male.
It's a virtue in their world since it means you're pissing off
Honestly, in this post it seems like the commentor was trying to say that several governments want him sexually, which is a horrid thought.
If he's stupid enough to do it, his followers would be just as if not more stupid and attention seeking as he is. You have to be braindead to put up with all his tardposting in between his "drops" (aka being the fall guy lol).The guy who routinely confesses to crimes and got banned off twitter for advocating for crimes tells others not to confess to crimes in his asks
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2023
Till is the antithesis to what a hacker should be. It's infuriating and watching people link his shitty ass website drives me up a wall.
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2022
He self-bragged about it on his Akkoma instance (mastodon for hipsters). he self posted his website to HN
https://crimew.gay/notice/AVWTkvCXna4Pca7OCm (archive)
Here's the afromentioned post on his website about another leak, six days ago, this time leaked by someone anonymous on 4chan's /g/:
https://maia.crimew.gay/posts/optimeyes-leak/ (archive)
He did not write much at all, no more than an average person who could have downloaded the leak themselves. Empty post.
His fediverse post original (archive)
I noticed someone has already archived two of these pages on the archive, thank you for staying vigilant!
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2023
aw sick a mental health rant! there's a lot of normal, very well adjusted things in it. a pretty funny read, in all
https://maia.crimew.gay/posts/god-im-fucked-up/ (archive1/archive2)
https://maia.crimew.gay/posts/god-im-fucked-up/ (archive1/archive2)
my public image is a little misleading. always silly, always cheerful, a source of fun and positivity. im glad i get to appear like that, motivate other people and bringing joy to many. but it really doesn't represent at all who i am on the inside, even though it gives myself energy as well. so yea, let's dive a bit into the fucked up world that is my mind.
i feel like it's important to contrast how i (like to) appear, with what all the shit i've been through has actually done to me. i get lots of comments all the time about how impressive it is that im still so cheerful and seemingly okay after everything i've been through and it might give you the impression that all this shit isn't scary as fuck. i want people to at least know the psychological cost of doing the kind of things i do. this isn't really a call for sympathy or attention, but i felt like i should shed some light onto how im actually doing.
it's an early morning in early 2021 as i get woken up by my doorbell and three loud bangs on my apartment door. the whole week leading up to this friday has been a wild up and down of manic press communications about verkada and eventually forcing myself to sleep with a daily dose of diazepam sometime around 7am. i had only just flipped my sleep schedule back again, using yet again more benzos, when i was woken up by what i immediately knew was the cops in front of my door. i had been expecting this moment for like a month at this point.
i open the door, in underwear and still half asleep, next thing i know i am pinned to the adjacent wall by two masked police officers. "IS ANYONE ELSE HERE? IS ANYONE ELSE HERE?" they yell at me until i confirm im alone three times. "im assuming you know why we're here, right?", i am told by the cop who appears to be in charge. im still basically naked as they seat me on a chair in my kitchen. about 6 police officers enter my apartment, carrying multiple boxes and paperwork. it takes about 5 minutes until someone asks if i would maybe want to wear some clothes, i am not allowed to get them myself. the two masked officers bring me the first thing they can find in my wardrobe, extremely warm winter clothes, i guess i'll be forced to sweat my ass off for the next few hours.
i am informed that the US government has charged me for "conspiracy, wire fraud, and aggrevated identity theft" and that all my electronic devices are going to be confiscated. the local police doesn't actually have all that much info and they end up having to call the district attorney at multiple points during the raid to clarify certain things. for the next two hours i'm sitting in my kitchen, watching all my devices get put into boxes, and my PC getting ramdumped. in the end i have to sign a bunch of stuff, and the cops awkwardly leave, letting me know that usually they'd take me to the station with them, but since this is a weird international case they just wished me a good weekend (lmao) and left.
less than a week later i wake up to hundreds of dms and massive chaos on social media, i am once again going through a news cycle, the third time in just two weeks. my US indictment has been unsealed and there is a big press release on the justice.gov website.
i have been made an example.
the first thing i did at the time, within hours of getting raided, was talking to media, making sure i control the narrative, reconnecting with friends (i had thankfully written down some phone numbers physically a week earlier) and just meeting up with a good friend in person to wind down. to this day i am glad i pretty much immediately switched into communications mode and worked with press, it made sure the US didn't have much of a chance to completely turn the narrative against me. but what it also meant is that i never even really started to process what happened. i just did what i told myself i had to, kept resurfacing this trauma over and over again as i talked to press.
i had always been mentally ill and traumatized for as long as i can remember, it's probably a big part of what even lead me to this in the first place. but so much of what i still struggle with now, over two years later, just started in that week and the paranoid weeks leading up to it. i mostly don't remember anything from what happened in 2021, the things i do are all just little factoids i read about myself on the web or things i reconnected from stuff friends told me about. 2022 is honestly also not that much better, and to this day i can watch memories of moments fleeting away from me as i am making them. my memory recall ability has never been particularly great, so i honestly didn't really think about this too much as a trauma thing until recently.
i was having yet another breakdown over how i often just can't even remember the good memories anymore of things i know happened just a few days ago. everything is fleeting and my life just kinda moves past me. so yea by now im pretty sure i have some funky dissociative amnesia or something thanks to the US government, woooo! it's slowly getting better as my life overall is honestly going pretty great lately. but i bring this up first, before all the paranoia and flashbacks (and the fact that i cant travel), because it's honestly this that has made it the hardest to rebuild my life after 2021.
and yea, so, the paranoia. one of those things i thought i had mostly gotten over, but so once again 2023 rolls around. im finally motivated and energized enough to start doing some work again, somehow pretty much the first thing i find is the nofly list. a massive find, probably one of the biggest leaks of the year. at first im taking it well, im enjoying having done a thing again, im glad i finally found one of the things i have been looking for for 2 years (albeit by accident) and happy i get to make another impact. i of course also did enjoy the attention it got me personally, even though that wasn't ever really my goal and just happened because the internet decided to turn me into a meme.
but then it kept getting bigger, i was home alone, and the flashbacks for 2021 started coming in. what if this is it, what if i get raided again, what if they take all my shit again and i once again lose all my friendships to trauma. my days were once again full of lots of media work, answering hundreds of emails and dms a day, always appearing cheerful, my sleep schedule once again fully adjusted to the US. i also had panic attacks, lots of them, every single night. the benzos barely helped anymore, i probably have too much tolerance for them by now, what if i mix them with ambien as well, eh at least i can sleep this way. i slip back into alcoholism. on the outside this is where i am slowly turning into this cheery big online trans poster girl i am now, and hey like, in a way i was at my peak at the time. i did the work i enjoyed, it was fulfilling, i felt like i had a purpose. but also god those nights were awful. i realized just how much more trauma i still have to work through, and i feel like in a way even just the fact that nofly happened and im still fine now, helped a lot. i can do my work safely. i need to time it right, i need breaks, and i need a support network (which thankfully i have, i love you all <3). but i still have so so much work to do.
honestly, i think the only reason i didn't just commit suicide after the raid and indictment in 2021 was spite. i can't let them win, i can't give in, i can't let them break me. i need to be here because others couldn't, i need to be here to tell the tale, i need to be here to keep fighting, i need to be here for my friends. why i keep going now, why i keep doing this work now? still a lot of spite, but it's also really fulfilling, i love being able to do the impactful work i do. i love being able to inspire people. and now that i have a bit of a platform to work with, get things out there, have them be heard, i only have to fight even more.
taking the world less and less seriously and just being silly and doing what i wanna do more and more has also just given me so much energy and hope, i enjoy my work! i enjoy what i do and why i do it, and im glad i get to spread the message of staying silly to other people. it's what keeps me sane.
i realize this post is very different from what i usually put up, and insanely venty and very incomplete (maybe there will be more of these in the future, who knows) but i just felt like now is the moment to start getting incredibly honest and personal and shed some light onto the parts of my life i barely ever talk about.
many many thanks to everyone around me, all my girlfriends, all my close friends and everyone who supports me in any other way, i couldn't be here without you and i hope we get to stay silly together for much longer <3
i feel like it's important to contrast how i (like to) appear, with what all the shit i've been through has actually done to me. i get lots of comments all the time about how impressive it is that im still so cheerful and seemingly okay after everything i've been through and it might give you the impression that all this shit isn't scary as fuck. i want people to at least know the psychological cost of doing the kind of things i do. this isn't really a call for sympathy or attention, but i felt like i should shed some light onto how im actually doing.
a little story
it's an early morning in early 2021 as i get woken up by my doorbell and three loud bangs on my apartment door. the whole week leading up to this friday has been a wild up and down of manic press communications about verkada and eventually forcing myself to sleep with a daily dose of diazepam sometime around 7am. i had only just flipped my sleep schedule back again, using yet again more benzos, when i was woken up by what i immediately knew was the cops in front of my door. i had been expecting this moment for like a month at this point.
i open the door, in underwear and still half asleep, next thing i know i am pinned to the adjacent wall by two masked police officers. "IS ANYONE ELSE HERE? IS ANYONE ELSE HERE?" they yell at me until i confirm im alone three times. "im assuming you know why we're here, right?", i am told by the cop who appears to be in charge. im still basically naked as they seat me on a chair in my kitchen. about 6 police officers enter my apartment, carrying multiple boxes and paperwork. it takes about 5 minutes until someone asks if i would maybe want to wear some clothes, i am not allowed to get them myself. the two masked officers bring me the first thing they can find in my wardrobe, extremely warm winter clothes, i guess i'll be forced to sweat my ass off for the next few hours.
i am informed that the US government has charged me for "conspiracy, wire fraud, and aggrevated identity theft" and that all my electronic devices are going to be confiscated. the local police doesn't actually have all that much info and they end up having to call the district attorney at multiple points during the raid to clarify certain things. for the next two hours i'm sitting in my kitchen, watching all my devices get put into boxes, and my PC getting ramdumped. in the end i have to sign a bunch of stuff, and the cops awkwardly leave, letting me know that usually they'd take me to the station with them, but since this is a weird international case they just wished me a good weekend (lmao) and left.
less than a week later i wake up to hundreds of dms and massive chaos on social media, i am once again going through a news cycle, the third time in just two weeks. my US indictment has been unsealed and there is a big press release on the justice.gov website.
i have been made an example.
the first thing i did at the time, within hours of getting raided, was talking to media, making sure i control the narrative, reconnecting with friends (i had thankfully written down some phone numbers physically a week earlier) and just meeting up with a good friend in person to wind down. to this day i am glad i pretty much immediately switched into communications mode and worked with press, it made sure the US didn't have much of a chance to completely turn the narrative against me. but what it also meant is that i never even really started to process what happened. i just did what i told myself i had to, kept resurfacing this trauma over and over again as i talked to press.
and so the problems begin
i had always been mentally ill and traumatized for as long as i can remember, it's probably a big part of what even lead me to this in the first place. but so much of what i still struggle with now, over two years later, just started in that week and the paranoid weeks leading up to it. i mostly don't remember anything from what happened in 2021, the things i do are all just little factoids i read about myself on the web or things i reconnected from stuff friends told me about. 2022 is honestly also not that much better, and to this day i can watch memories of moments fleeting away from me as i am making them. my memory recall ability has never been particularly great, so i honestly didn't really think about this too much as a trauma thing until recently.
i was having yet another breakdown over how i often just can't even remember the good memories anymore of things i know happened just a few days ago. everything is fleeting and my life just kinda moves past me. so yea by now im pretty sure i have some funky dissociative amnesia or something thanks to the US government, woooo! it's slowly getting better as my life overall is honestly going pretty great lately. but i bring this up first, before all the paranoia and flashbacks (and the fact that i cant travel), because it's honestly this that has made it the hardest to rebuild my life after 2021.
and yea, so, the paranoia. one of those things i thought i had mostly gotten over, but so once again 2023 rolls around. im finally motivated and energized enough to start doing some work again, somehow pretty much the first thing i find is the nofly list. a massive find, probably one of the biggest leaks of the year. at first im taking it well, im enjoying having done a thing again, im glad i finally found one of the things i have been looking for for 2 years (albeit by accident) and happy i get to make another impact. i of course also did enjoy the attention it got me personally, even though that wasn't ever really my goal and just happened because the internet decided to turn me into a meme.
but then it kept getting bigger, i was home alone, and the flashbacks for 2021 started coming in. what if this is it, what if i get raided again, what if they take all my shit again and i once again lose all my friendships to trauma. my days were once again full of lots of media work, answering hundreds of emails and dms a day, always appearing cheerful, my sleep schedule once again fully adjusted to the US. i also had panic attacks, lots of them, every single night. the benzos barely helped anymore, i probably have too much tolerance for them by now, what if i mix them with ambien as well, eh at least i can sleep this way. i slip back into alcoholism. on the outside this is where i am slowly turning into this cheery big online trans poster girl i am now, and hey like, in a way i was at my peak at the time. i did the work i enjoyed, it was fulfilling, i felt like i had a purpose. but also god those nights were awful. i realized just how much more trauma i still have to work through, and i feel like in a way even just the fact that nofly happened and im still fine now, helped a lot. i can do my work safely. i need to time it right, i need breaks, and i need a support network (which thankfully i have, i love you all <3). but i still have so so much work to do.
maia why the fuck do you keep going
honestly, i think the only reason i didn't just commit suicide after the raid and indictment in 2021 was spite. i can't let them win, i can't give in, i can't let them break me. i need to be here because others couldn't, i need to be here to tell the tale, i need to be here to keep fighting, i need to be here for my friends. why i keep going now, why i keep doing this work now? still a lot of spite, but it's also really fulfilling, i love being able to do the impactful work i do. i love being able to inspire people. and now that i have a bit of a platform to work with, get things out there, have them be heard, i only have to fight even more.
taking the world less and less seriously and just being silly and doing what i wanna do more and more has also just given me so much energy and hope, i enjoy my work! i enjoy what i do and why i do it, and im glad i get to spread the message of staying silly to other people. it's what keeps me sane.
i realize this post is very different from what i usually put up, and insanely venty and very incomplete (maybe there will be more of these in the future, who knows) but i just felt like now is the moment to start getting incredibly honest and personal and shed some light onto the parts of my life i barely ever talk about.
many many thanks to everyone around me, all my girlfriends, all my close friends and everyone who supports me in any other way, i couldn't be here without you and i hope we get to stay silly together for much longer <3
- Joined
- Mar 13, 2022
As I've said before, this whiny fag should be grateful Switzerland didn't extradite him and hand him over, ass first, to burgerland glowies. If you don't want to be traumatized and paranoid, maybe don't commit conspiracy, wire fraud, and aggravated identity theft in the first place.
However if he had any self reflection Till wouldn't have a Kiwi Farms thread to begin with.
However if he had any self reflection Till wouldn't have a Kiwi Farms thread to begin with.
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2020
Commit crime, get slap on the wrist, complain about wrist slapping
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2020
I hope he doesn't anhero because a jail saga would be hilarious. Still light but still deprives him of likes and reblogs so it's torture for him
.He's not loathsome enough to wish death, I only do that for secual predators.