💪 Tough Guys Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

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Pizdec said:
Most US carriers only finance out for two years. The phone is likely paid off and out of warranty, not that it would be honored cause his dumbass admitted he went swimming with it. Even if he paid for some sort of post warranty insurance they'll still make him fork over money to cover a new one.
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Samsung offers its own financing for their gadgets as well. For the pricey phones like the Fold line, they'll do 3 years 0% interest unless your credit is astonishingly bad (fatty's credit is most assuredly not bad enough to actually be turned down for a line of credit from Samsung).

They also do trade-ins. If you bought a Fold 4 last year, they'd give you a $900 credit towards the purchase if you sent in a working Note 20 Ultra Hyper Mega Championship Edition Alpha EX Plus Turbo (i.e. whatever their high-end Note was called two years ago). The "acceptable condition" terms are pretty forgiving too; so long as the screen itself isn't cracked at all, any other part of the phone can be cracked or defaced and they'll still take it.

They do this because it keeps consumers on a treadmill continually buying each of their new releases and -- more importantly -- keeps them buying Samsung products. That Fold 4 sounds utterly ludicrous at that insane $2,000 price tag, but it's not as hard a sell if it can be had for "only" $1,100 and a trade-in for last year's flagship model.

To the kind of consoomer who falls for this shit, it's a convenience: Sammy ships you the new phone and grants the trade-in credit immediately, lets you transfer your stuff from the old phone to the shiny new one, and pays the shipping cost to be rid of that old dog so you don't even have to keep it in a drawer. If you don't send it back, they charge you the full credited amount. If you send it back but it's in worse shape than you claimed, they charge you the difference.

Of course, it's also a trap, since you're so busy "cycling" your phone out for the new one every year you fail to notice your account balance over at Sammy's financial arm is never actually going down. Trading in your old phone doesn't pay it off, after all, and that 0% interest promotion "only" lasts 2 or 3 years. Treadmill long enough and suddenly you owe a Korean electronics giant thousands of dollars at 29% interest and all you've got to show for it is a cellular phone.
 
Firstname Lastname said:
Pig has been vacationing in Mexico. He might have destroyed his own phone.

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No, CHILD, I did NOT destroy one of the most valuable things I own by being too retarded to understand the concept of water damage. Instead, it is YOU who has destroyed YOUR cellphone in a vain attempt to livetweet your swimming experience. MY phone is JUST as functional and undamaged as my career as a science fiction writer.
 
Swiss46 said:
He's so addicted to Twitter he probably wanted to be tweeting while swimming.
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Right again, child. The atalkers think they can criminally harass Pat by calling him fat, that he won't read it because he's supposed to be enjoying himself in the warm Gulf waters, but they underestimated Mister One Point Seven Weighted. The stalker children have no place to hide, as Pat can and will inform them prison is coming, regardless of time, place, or state of submergence. Samsung is clearly part of the organized criminal conspiracy that wants Pat dead, for making his phone susceptible to water like that.
 
Fetish Roulette said:
No, CHILD, I did NOT destroy one of the most valuable things I own by being too retarded to understand the concept of water damage. Instead, it is YOU who has destroyed YOUR cellphone in a vain attempt to livetweet your swimming experience. MY phone is JUST as functional and undamaged as my career as a science fiction writer.
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It's really weird how Ralph and him share that same trait, blaming others for shit they did just five minutes ago. . That and obesity.
 
Patrick awakens, seeing nothing but fluffy white, light blue, and a big golden fence. He gets in a long line of people, gradually getting closer and closer to the gate. Finally, Patrick's turn nears, and the bearded winged man with a large book before him speaks.

"Thank you for your patience, my son. Might I ask your name?"
*scoffs* "I am not going to just give you my name, child. That is none of your business."

"It really is, but in any event- "child," prissy mannerisms, obese, reeks of stale beer and bar food... Patrick Tomlinson, I presume?"
"You must be a fan of mine! Would you like an autograph on your copy of In the Black? Who do I make it out to?"

"That certainly won't be necessary, but my name is Peter."
"Well, if you're not a fan and you know me, that must mean... YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE STALKERS! I hope you like prison, little baby Peter child. Stay where you are and wait for the knock."

sigh "I'm not a stalker, I'm the gatekeeper of Heaven. Please, can you at least tell me how you died?"
"I'm obviously not dead, stalker. If I was, how would I be talking to you? That is not how death works."

"Okay, look, I'm gonna level with you, we know exactly how you died. We just ask because we want you to feel a bit more in control as you make peace with things. It says here you were making chocolate toast in a bathtub and it fell in and electrocuted you, further knocking out electricity to the Milwaukee Children's Hospital."
"THAT WAS A WATER-RESISTANT TOASTER, CHILD! SUCH A THING WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED, NOR WOULD I BE SO WEAK THAT THAT WOULD HAVE KILLED ME! IF THAT'S TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT, YOU REALLY MUST BE A STALKER!"

"There's no such thing as a- okay, that's not important. Look, this is the good place. Can you please tell us why you believe you would belong here and not the other place, the bad place?"
"My books have brought joy to thousands of people, if not millions."

"Let's see... it says here you actually sold 875 books total between five publications, and only seventeen people total read them, of which 2 of those genuinely enjoyed them, one of them being you and the other being your mother?"
"False, little stalker child. I'm not sure where you source your information, but it's clearly nonsense."

*exasperated sigh* "Okay, look. We both know you're not coming here between threatening the lives of your ex-wife and unborn daughter, the company you kept, and the general hatred and stupidity you brought into the world. Just go get in the other line. You're wasting time for those who actually have a shot."
"I will do no such thing. You go wait in the other line, Peter child. You have been instructed, many thousands of times, to cease contact with this ethereal spirit. Continuing to do so constitutes felony grave robbery. Do not contact this ethereal spirit again."

"Security..."
 
LobsterBoy669 said:
This whole "KF wants people to unalive themselves" idea is completely retarded. It's like saying kids go to the zoo because they want to watch the monkeys die. It doesn't make even the slightest bit of sense. Suicide isn't funny (usually).

Patrick is a big fat monkey, and I like to watch the big fat monkey dance and scream and throw his shit at the glass. It's amusing to watch his big fat monkey antics. If the big fat monkey dies, my entertainment dies with him.

I really, really wish these Anti-Kiwi Farms retards would get that through their thick skulls. I don't want Patrick to die: I want him to dance and holler for my amusement. Big difference.
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Normally I agree with this position, but I have to admit I'm somewhat curious to see how Patirck would fuck it up.
 
Broadside said:
Yeah you can afford to accidentally drop it in the bath (I've done this a fair few times) but knowing Pat- and everybody laugh at the fat retard for this- he genuinely thought he could go for a swim with the phone in his shorts lmao.

Also note how this "firebrand" debates people; it's just one liners and insults. I think he just wants to be SEEN fighting the bigots but knows 100% he'd crumble in an actual debate where he couldn't fall back on "the science is settled" and other appeals to authority. He's never had an actual debate in his life.
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Wrong as always, atalker preemie. I often debate with myself over whether to get the meatloaf or the fried chicken when dining at Hooligan's*. The meatloaf makes my toilet pay for insulting me on Twitter. The fried chicken grease can be used as bait for pepperoni ingredients. Enjoy prison.

*-I know the Yelp reviews for this place were mentioned a good while back, but I didn't look at them until just now. Goddamn did I laugh.
 
There is a non-zero chance that Pat was boasting about his “waterproof” phone at a Mexican bar, someone called bullshit and Pat tried to “win” by tossing his phone in the pool. He really is that retarded and weak.
 
I find it hard to believe that a phone the Fat Rick, who is really fat and greasy has held and handled is not so caked in layers of grease thick enough to just protect it from any and all water completely. Also said alleged pool probably put the Exxon Valdez to shame after he left.
 
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LurkTrawl said:
It's funny how so many cows on this site don't get that they're entertainment.
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Their egos can’t take it. There’s no way (in their minds) they’re so unimportant, so clownish. They must be so vital and magnificent that we want them to die.

There’s some projection going on as well. There are people out there cows wish would commit suicide, and they think everyone feels that way.

IDanceonTrannyGraves said:
Imagine the smell.
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Don’t go to hell, kids!
 
Firstname Lastname said:
Pig has been vacationing in Mexico. He might have destroyed his own phone.

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Considering Patrick says that he "believed the manufacturers specifications" he probably intentionally brought it into the water and didn't know that to swim with something it needs to be pretty water resistant since the water currents during swimming generate way more pressure than just sitting in stagnant water.

Like for watches you need at least 100 meter water resistance to swim with one.
 
FamicomGorby said:
Considering Patrick says that he "believed the manufacturers specifications" he probably intentionally brought it into the water and didn't know that to swim with something it needs to be pretty water resistant since the water currents during swimming generate way more pressure than just sitting in stagnant water.

Like for watches you need at least 100 meter water resistance to swim with one.
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A minute and two feet could be just dropping it in the pool, but explicitly noting that he believed the specifications (while apparently not understanding them, because 1.2 GPA) does make it likely that he tried swimming with it.
Sure hope he's in full denial mode, childing all the geeks that tell him that such a rating does not mean he can swim with it.
 
Fat just thought his phone could take as many liters a day as his liver.
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