Can we kidnap and ransom Santa?
- Thread starter SandyCat
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- Joined
- Jan 7, 2022
More powerful men than us have tried and failed.
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2018
Who do we send the ransom demand to?
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2022
His elderly wife. She controls his finances.
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2018
Then who eats the cookies I leave out, Elliot?
- Joined
- Nov 19, 2020
You can try, but when he Ho-Ho-Holocausts your ass, you're going to be sorry!
- Joined
- Mar 29, 2019
You'll just get a different type of elf on your ass.
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2020
Kidnap the Sandy Claws?
I wanna do it, lets draw straws!
I wanna do it, lets draw straws!
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2020
I mean... You could try... But why would you want to?
Reasons why kidnapping and ransoming Santa would be a bad idea
1. He lives in the North Pole, just in case you didn't know, that's in the Artic and would be very hard to get to, let alone find him. It's very cold.
2. He has a sled and magic reindeer, which can fly. So he could easily escape and evade capture
3. Santa is very corpulent and heavy, thus we need a big bag, and many men to haul him away, also consider this with the first two points, and understand that this would be a very difficult task, requiring perfect planning and advanced logistics, something that we probably do not possess given the current IQ of the average Farmer.
4. He keeps a list, he checks it twice: Capturing santa is in fact naughty, not nice.
5. I don't think the Elves can be trusted, while we could attempt capture through a more diplomatic, political route, I refer to bribing the Elves to betray Santa to us... But I have a feeling that they are as fickle as the wind and would just as likely doublecross us and try and capture US for ransom!
6. Who the fuck are we ransoming to? The Elves? They don't give a shit, Rudolph and his reindeer hoes are all broke ass niggas and Mrs. Claus is out of the picture. Santa has no known relatives or friends, his colleagues are all useless and hold nothing but contempt for that oversized bearded pleb. Who do we ransom him off to? The US. Government maybe? What's the end goal here?
Reasons why kidnapping and ransoming Santa would be a bad idea
1. He lives in the North Pole, just in case you didn't know, that's in the Artic and would be very hard to get to, let alone find him. It's very cold.
2. He has a sled and magic reindeer, which can fly. So he could easily escape and evade capture
3. Santa is very corpulent and heavy, thus we need a big bag, and many men to haul him away, also consider this with the first two points, and understand that this would be a very difficult task, requiring perfect planning and advanced logistics, something that we probably do not possess given the current IQ of the average Farmer.
4. He keeps a list, he checks it twice: Capturing santa is in fact naughty, not nice.
5. I don't think the Elves can be trusted, while we could attempt capture through a more diplomatic, political route, I refer to bribing the Elves to betray Santa to us... But I have a feeling that they are as fickle as the wind and would just as likely doublecross us and try and capture US for ransom!
6. Who the fuck are we ransoming to? The Elves? They don't give a shit, Rudolph and his reindeer hoes are all broke ass niggas and Mrs. Claus is out of the picture. Santa has no known relatives or friends, his colleagues are all useless and hold nothing but contempt for that oversized bearded pleb. Who do we ransom him off to? The US. Government maybe? What's the end goal here?
- Joined
- May 21, 2020
The goal is to have Santa give what we want. Not just some lousy present's of shaving cream,toys for little Jessica, or a skateboard for Johnny. No, we want something that would change our world. We want the impossible gifts Old'Saint Nick has been hiding from us for too long. Like OP's shortstack gf dream, I know that fat fuck can make it happen.
- Joined
- Dec 22, 2021
Instead, just sue him for all he's worth, for running over Grandma with his reindeer.
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2018
I tried, and tried, and tried, and failed.
He is sublimely clever and has countless body doubles. I kidnapped him two dozen times, only to turn out it was a double and nobody cared to pay me. If they ever dig beneath my barn they shall find these jolly impostors.
He is sublimely clever and has countless body doubles. I kidnapped him two dozen times, only to turn out it was a double and nobody cared to pay me. If they ever dig beneath my barn they shall find these jolly impostors.
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2022
The only surefire way to kidnap Santa Claus is to lure him into a false sense of security by letting him kiss your mother. When he rides that one horse open sleigh your mother calls an ass, he will be vulnerable.