Why did humankind kill off the elephant birds

[Mackerel Fish Stew]

Bros, we could have been riding around on real life chocobos rn.
Why were our ancestors so fucking selfish in wiping out the giant horse birds?
Seriously, my #1 dream job would be giant ridable bird rancher. Yet Middle Ages retards deprived me of this opportunity forever.

 

[I am vomit]

Literally no one is stopping you from going full chocobo rider on an ostrich.

 

[Mackerel Fish Stew]

Literally no one is stopping you from going full chocobo rider on an ostrich.

Ostriches aren't strong enough, the elephant birds were much bulkier

 

[I am vomit]

Ostriches aren't strong enough, the elephant birds were much bulkier

Okay lose weight then fatass. They can carry 198 pounds.

 

[urr13 account]

There's a company thats working to clone Woolly Mammoths right now, maybe after the pull that off they can get started on cloning elephant birds.

 

[Mackerel Fish Stew]

Okay lose weight then fatass. They can carry 198 pounds.

For farming purposes this is not enough, the majority of customers nowadays would be over that weight limit.

 

[School Shooter]

We know what you want that bird for you sick fuck

 

[Open Window Maniac]

We know what you want that bird for you sick fuck

He wants to use it as a mascot for his website Elephant Bird Farms. He's trying to one up all the other internet forums named after ratites by going for the largest flightless bird there ever was.

 

[I am vomit]

For farming purposes this is not enough, the majority of customers nowadays would be over that weight limit.

You could have a career telling fatties to fuck off

 

[Mackerel Fish Stew]

We know what you want that bird for you sick fuck

Damn you exposed me, the elephant bird would indeed make a great crispy-skinned Christmas roast. Imagine the flavour profile of the giblet gravy

 

[Blouie]

There was probably a good reason to kill em all

 

[Beak Thing]

Okay lose weight then fatass. They can carry 198 pounds.

TBF you're kind of screwed if you want to bring any baggage though. Need a lot of water in that climate.

Re: elephant birds - they were probably a huge pain in the ass/otherwise just useless so people killed and ate them.

 

[AMHOLIO]

Humans are hunters. We see something big, we go "OOK, me kill big thing! Fun!", and that's how animals get hunted to extinction. Good thing is that it made us top dog on the planet and we have a lot of security in our numbers, bad news is the cool animals die.

There's a company thats working to clone Woolly Mammoths right now, maybe after the pull that off they can get started on cloning elephant birds.

I remember the Thylacian cloning project failed because they didn't have a close enough relative to carry the genes of the species. Apparently, the closet living relative to these large fucks is... the Kiwi. Which means we would have to make generations of increasingly tall Charles Barkley kiwis.

He wants to use it as a mascot for his website Elephant Bird Farms. He's trying to one up all the other internet forums named after ratites by going for the largest flightless bird there ever was.

So mutating the mascot would be a real, legit metaphor!

 

[Mackerel Fish Stew]

Re: elephant birds - they were probably a huge pain in the ass/otherwise just useless so people killed and ate them.

They lived in fucking Madagascar. Much like the dodo, explorers seemingly ate them just because, even though they tasted like shit.

 

[Table Country]

Because we could.

 

[Mackerel Fish Stew]

Because we could.

truth

 

[Beak Thing]

They lived in fucking Madagascar. Much like the dodo, explorers seemingly ate them just because, even though they tasted like shit.

Well yeah, but people arrived there thousands of years ago. Elephant birds just give off a pain in the ass feeling like the cassowary or emu.

There's a lot common sense in killing and eating pretty much anything you see ashore since those explorers were undoubtedly suffering from scurvy. Even eating shitty tasting dodo still cured their illness.

 

[Mackerel Fish Stew]

Well yeah, but people arrived there thousands of years ago. Elephant birds just give off a pain in the ass feeling like the cassowary or emu.

There's a lot common sense in killing and eating pretty much anything you see ashore since those explorers were undoubtedly suffering from scurvy. Even eating shitty tasting dodo still cured their illness.

The cassowary and emu still exist despite being arseholes. Also scurvy is cured by eating fruit and veg, namely citrus, not fatty boom boom birds? Can you cite a source on how eating dodos cured or prevented scurvy? Dodos went extinct in the early 1700s but the cause of scurvy was only discovered in 1753 and not popularised until the 1800s, it just doesn't add up.

 

[Beak Thing]

The cassowary and emu still exist despite being arseholes. Also scurvy is cured by eating fruit and veg, namely citrus, not fatty boom boom birds? Can you cite a source on how eating dodos cured or prevented scurvy? Dodos went extinct in the early 1700s but the cause of scurvy was only discovered in 1753 and not popularised until the 1800s, it just doesn't add up.

True, but they were discovered later and were a lot tougher than the dodo. Even today cassowaries can wreck your shit if you get too close.

Regarding dodos, every animal aside from primates and a few others like some bats and Guinea pigs can make their own Vitamin C. So they saw dodos, realized they could kill them and eat them only to find out that strange illness they were suffering from was going away all of a sudden. They might have even thought the bad taste was whatever cured it.

Remember these guys had been at sea for months without any fresh food, let alone meat, as well. A bunch of big birds and eggs standing around unafraid of humans is kind of a common sense choice.

 

[Ultrapenguin]

Flightless birds will not continue to be treated as slaves and foodstuff, mark my words.