💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
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Hungry Homeless Handjob
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2021
One of Jack’s habits that’s becoming more grating to me is the way he sings this “do de do de do” thing anytime he’s doing some mundane part of a video. As if he can’t stand to not have his fat mouth flapping for more than a few seconds, so he feels the compulsive need to fill silence with some stupid Homer Simpson-esque gibberish.
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2013
Considering that once he showed a Rice Krispy treat and some other sugary snacks as "post workout fuel" shows he's not actually doing any of this properly.
Not a Hollandaise. It's a Bearnaise sauce. Same thing but it uses a reduced white wine vinegar flavored with shallots, peppercorns, tarragon and sometimes chevril. You take 1/4 cup of that and reduce it down to about a tablespoon.
You make your Hollaindaise as you normally would but use the vinegar reduction in place of lemon and then add a handful of chopped tarragon to the sauce. And you can make it directly over the heat and pull it off, put it back and so on. But you shouldn't do that if you're starting out. Once you get a feel for it you can and it's much faster.
A lot of these vegan guys that compete either started on meat and went vegan later after they got their gains or they're on the juice.I'm curious about how Junior would react knowing that a vegan, Clarence Kennedy, can out-squat him, or would something like that make Jack more butthurt? (Yeah I know, Clarence Kennedy is on gear, but still, that shit's impressive)
306kg/675lbs ATG Pause Squat - no belt, no knee sleeves
►I'm now doing online coaching. Link for more details: https://www.weightliftingfix.com/product/online-coaching-4-weeks-reduced-price/►Programs and other stu...www.youtube.com
Of course he Jacks everything up.
When making poached eggs you make a whirlpool in the water then dump the egg in so it doesn't fly apart and the water gets all eggy. Helps to keep the egg together.
And you're supposed to cook the damn egg yolk to make Hollandaise. Salmonella is still a thing Mushbrain.
Trust me, it was about the food and how much he enjoyed it. She never talked about how handsome he was but she loved to see him cook.
I just want to hear him bitch and moan about trying to find a rooster and not being able to do so and so he just uses a regular chicken. Although you can if nothing else is available but if you really want Coq Au Vin your options for poultry are in descending order:
- Rooster
- Capon
- Stewing Hen
- 1/4 chicken thigh and drumstick
- Chicken breasts.
Joycondrift
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 27, 2021
Tri tip to 205.. Jesus christ.
Tri tip should be cooked to medium at best.
Tri tip should be cooked to medium at best.
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
I'll just do some brief runthroughs on the meatloaf and the tacos.
Meatloaf Madness
1. Jack's wearing the long lost Tangerine, Orange Idiot Cap, and anal grease and Cafe Sign are still up.
2. Julia recommended and preferred mixing her beef with turkey. Of course Jack instead wanted pork because it has more fat and Julia Childs did state it was an alternative you could use.
3. In all honesty his ingredients barring his obsession with using fucking shreddy cheese and nuclear garlic is right; you don't use the rice if you use pork.
4. I strongly suspect Jack has confused Julia with Paula Dean due to stating she always used butter. Strokebrain strikes again.
5. Jack gets angy due to forgetting about two ingredients in the list and loud talks about them. He is genuinely enraged that he fucked up in not introduced them due to his virulent and severe narcissism.
6. So Jack on the onions hideously goddamn failed due to being too lazy to mince, and due to being a retard who only sees the range top on the oven in two states: Off and Max Heat.
6b. Onions are way too big for the meatloaf and you're just going to get horkin' chunks. My family recipe meatloaf actually doesn't mind having larger bits, but still they'd need to be halved and quartered.
7. So anyways Jack burns them since he doesn't understand that "softening until they just start to brown" is different from "sautee until they char".
8. And yes, the others were right and Jack did speed up the music when he was mixing this shit together. What only one seemed to have caught was he was a moron who did not crush his atomic garlic into a paste so you didn't get full chunks of that shit in your mouth.
9. "I mixed it... I stuffed it..." ~ Jack on meat twinks
10. Jack actually gets the internal reading wrong on when you pull out the loaf; he says until its 165, but actually the magic number is 155. This is because if you let it cool down, the internals will rise to the proper heat level.
10b. She also provided times so you could just set them to be done in like an hour and twenty minutes. Since Jack went hard on the temp and given what it looks like when it's done, I strongly predict he put the thing in the oven at a hotter temperature and lied about that.
11. Jack rationalizes that he didn't need to put in any rice into it. He says it's because you use pork instead of turkey... I say it's because he is scared of the concept of having more yucky not-meat in the food.
12. Final result looks over done on the top but edible on first glance, which to me is a case of either higher heat or him being retarded and putting it near the broiler.
12b. Also the reason you would probably have it on a pan? Because it allowed all parts of the exterior barring the bottom develop that patina.
13. Jack says it looks beautiful, I think he needed to let it rest a bit more. Also that horkin' chunk of garlic is gonna fuck with the flavor profile.
14. "It's just fallin apart literally" ~ A sign he over cooked it or needed more binders
15. Jack had to fade-cut because he hated it, and then after trying to hype this event just barely remembered he needed to protect his ego and lie about how he totally nailed it by pretending his sense of taste works.
So yeah, good job dumbass you fucked up one of the easiest recipes already. Anyways, I promised two so here's the diagnostics for:
The Taco Terror
1. Jack's wearing a new shirt. In honor of @Jack of the Lantern , I'm dubbing it the Panhead since Jack is subnormal. Orange Idiot cap is still on, the Cafe sign and bacon grease still out.
2. Jack is desperately trying to hype and sell his dead channel to an audience of none; his desperate need for adoration is not being met.
2b. Jack end the desperate cry for help by blatantly goddamn lying about watching Julia Childs. I don't think he ever did given he only got into cooking to sell his scam sauce.
3. So Jack's using pre-seasoned steak for this. They're covered with rosemary and pepper, the former of which I'd not use for tacos at all.
4. Jack shockingly is right about how indirect heat doesn't always mean smoking. In this case though we'll need to see if he actually knows where to put the steak though.
5. Jack of course is going to eyeball the amount of seasoning for this shitshow, meaning he'll want a big goddamn pile of it.
5b. You know what I do? I season the meat in the mix I make as I go, since I can tell by density of seasoning when I'm good. Any excess I just keep or toss depending on how much I've made and how much I've used.
6. Anyways, Jack's seasoning shit he's supposedly making into taco meat with steak/barbecue rub rather than actual taco seasonings like chili powder, paprika, cumin, and oregano as examples.
7. Jack uses way too goddamn much of the rub mix in the bowl, since he's a special needs person who needs to cover the bottom to feel like it's enough.
8. After using what seems to be 1/5th a whole fucking container of steak rub, he puts on Anti-Tammy hot seasoning and lies about caring about if others think it's too hot, FUCKING SWEETENER ON THIS FUCKING THING TOO AAAAAA-
8b. No, seriously. He puts a fucking sweetener on the meat. I've used sugar before, but if this is for tacos, it's fucked. Hell, if you're expecting it to be a good barbecued meal you're fucked with these flavors.
9. Jack can't be arsed to fucking mix the powders together and half-assedly swirls them together. Ironically, this is where I uses a fork since it helps blend them together.
10. The entire hunk of tri-tip is DROWNING in the seasoning. Goddamn it already looks terrible.
10b. "It looks beautiful" ~ A retarded narcissist who is lying about the chunk of lignite he extracted from a mining pit
11. Jack has confused this tri-tip for beef brisket. Strokebrain is strong today.
12. Jesus Christ that hot stone is the filthiest fucking thing I've seen besides that smoker's lung Jack is trying to cook. Fuck me, I'd rather eat out from a dumpster than from that horrid thing.
13. Jack actually doesn't know how you do indirect heat and tries to blather through explaining it. It's actually dirt simple: you start your grill and then you kill the fire in it and cover what you're cooking inside so the heat is retained.
14. Jack intentionally took Hope outside just so he can get a shot of her in a desperate attempt to get some usage out of her as a prop. What an asshole.
15. And Jack screwed up. Indirect heat means the grill is not actively on but nice and hot. Good jerb.
16. By the way, it's super obvious he grills so rarely with anything not a pellet smoker that he's not sure quite how to do it. And this idiot wants to LARP at being a pitmaster...
17. Jack is amazed that charcoal is hot and cooks much better than pellet cooking.
17b. "It's the real deal guys" ~ A manchild who hoards a dozen smokers and grills and almost never uses them
18. So poor Hope is sad that she isn't getting walks or play time, and Jack, asshole that he is, films despite her crying audibly.
19. Jack tries to justify putting bacon in this "cilantro-lime dressing". We all know it's just because he wants maximum MEAT.
20. Jack laughs at his decision to add spices and lard to the dressing, the former ensuring Tammy won't eat HIS PRECIOUS.
21. And of course Jack doesn't show us him emulsifying and blending the components together. God forbid you show us the amounts and how that doodad works.
22. Homoerotic Jack wants us to take a peek at his meat. I wanna die.
23. The final result looks burned to shit and back. It looks like an infected lung, it really does.
24. Jack meat worships for a bit and then fade cuts to him pretending that he actually ate it. He does not actually show himself eating this so he is blatantly and retardedly lying.
25. Oh damnit he actually is making this a taco. Welp, fuck this then. Also, you probably want the meat bits more finely chopped to be honest.
25b. Not that it matters, this is fucked from the flavor profile and overseasoning he pulled.
26. "If this is good-" Fuck off with this lie Jack. We KNOW you're going to say it's good anyway. You are mechanically incapable of admitting fault because you have an excess in pride brought about by your cluster B personality disorder. You literally cannot admit something tasted bad it makes you think you look bad.
26b. Besides, you intentionally seasoned this so Tammy'd hate it. She hates spice, and likely hates cilantro. Fuck off you idiot.
27. Again, Jack proves hes a narcissist. He already is proclaiming it's worth it despite not eating it yet. This is the second time this video he has blatantly lied about something he allegedly did not eat yet.
28. Jack is so impatient with shoving that taco down his throat he partially missed his own mouth and had to turn it to ensure he got some more tortilla.
29. Jack makes up tasting anything out of that cacaphony. Not that his sense of taste works after the three strokes he's had.
So yeah this one was amazingly bad.
Meatloaf Madness
1. Jack's wearing the long lost Tangerine, Orange Idiot Cap, and anal grease and Cafe Sign are still up.
2. Julia recommended and preferred mixing her beef with turkey. Of course Jack instead wanted pork because it has more fat and Julia Childs did state it was an alternative you could use.
3. In all honesty his ingredients barring his obsession with using fucking shreddy cheese and nuclear garlic is right; you don't use the rice if you use pork.
4. I strongly suspect Jack has confused Julia with Paula Dean due to stating she always used butter. Strokebrain strikes again.
5. Jack gets angy due to forgetting about two ingredients in the list and loud talks about them. He is genuinely enraged that he fucked up in not introduced them due to his virulent and severe narcissism.
6. So Jack on the onions hideously goddamn failed due to being too lazy to mince, and due to being a retard who only sees the range top on the oven in two states: Off and Max Heat.
6b. Onions are way too big for the meatloaf and you're just going to get horkin' chunks. My family recipe meatloaf actually doesn't mind having larger bits, but still they'd need to be halved and quartered.
7. So anyways Jack burns them since he doesn't understand that "softening until they just start to brown" is different from "sautee until they char".
8. And yes, the others were right and Jack did speed up the music when he was mixing this shit together. What only one seemed to have caught was he was a moron who did not crush his atomic garlic into a paste so you didn't get full chunks of that shit in your mouth.
9. "I mixed it... I stuffed it..." ~ Jack on meat twinks
10. Jack actually gets the internal reading wrong on when you pull out the loaf; he says until its 165, but actually the magic number is 155. This is because if you let it cool down, the internals will rise to the proper heat level.
10b. She also provided times so you could just set them to be done in like an hour and twenty minutes. Since Jack went hard on the temp and given what it looks like when it's done, I strongly predict he put the thing in the oven at a hotter temperature and lied about that.
11. Jack rationalizes that he didn't need to put in any rice into it. He says it's because you use pork instead of turkey... I say it's because he is scared of the concept of having more yucky not-meat in the food.
12. Final result looks over done on the top but edible on first glance, which to me is a case of either higher heat or him being retarded and putting it near the broiler.
12b. Also the reason you would probably have it on a pan? Because it allowed all parts of the exterior barring the bottom develop that patina.
13. Jack says it looks beautiful, I think he needed to let it rest a bit more. Also that horkin' chunk of garlic is gonna fuck with the flavor profile.
14. "It's just fallin apart literally" ~ A sign he over cooked it or needed more binders
15. Jack had to fade-cut because he hated it, and then after trying to hype this event just barely remembered he needed to protect his ego and lie about how he totally nailed it by pretending his sense of taste works.
So yeah, good job dumbass you fucked up one of the easiest recipes already. Anyways, I promised two so here's the diagnostics for:
The Taco Terror
1. Jack's wearing a new shirt. In honor of @Jack of the Lantern , I'm dubbing it the Panhead since Jack is subnormal. Orange Idiot cap is still on, the Cafe sign and bacon grease still out.
2. Jack is desperately trying to hype and sell his dead channel to an audience of none; his desperate need for adoration is not being met.
2b. Jack end the desperate cry for help by blatantly goddamn lying about watching Julia Childs. I don't think he ever did given he only got into cooking to sell his scam sauce.
3. So Jack's using pre-seasoned steak for this. They're covered with rosemary and pepper, the former of which I'd not use for tacos at all.
4. Jack shockingly is right about how indirect heat doesn't always mean smoking. In this case though we'll need to see if he actually knows where to put the steak though.
5. Jack of course is going to eyeball the amount of seasoning for this shitshow, meaning he'll want a big goddamn pile of it.
5b. You know what I do? I season the meat in the mix I make as I go, since I can tell by density of seasoning when I'm good. Any excess I just keep or toss depending on how much I've made and how much I've used.
6. Anyways, Jack's seasoning shit he's supposedly making into taco meat with steak/barbecue rub rather than actual taco seasonings like chili powder, paprika, cumin, and oregano as examples.
7. Jack uses way too goddamn much of the rub mix in the bowl, since he's a special needs person who needs to cover the bottom to feel like it's enough.
8. After using what seems to be 1/5th a whole fucking container of steak rub, he puts on Anti-Tammy hot seasoning and lies about caring about if others think it's too hot, FUCKING SWEETENER ON THIS FUCKING THING TOO AAAAAA-
8b. No, seriously. He puts a fucking sweetener on the meat. I've used sugar before, but if this is for tacos, it's fucked. Hell, if you're expecting it to be a good barbecued meal you're fucked with these flavors.
9. Jack can't be arsed to fucking mix the powders together and half-assedly swirls them together. Ironically, this is where I uses a fork since it helps blend them together.
10. The entire hunk of tri-tip is DROWNING in the seasoning. Goddamn it already looks terrible.
10b. "It looks beautiful" ~ A retarded narcissist who is lying about the chunk of lignite he extracted from a mining pit
11. Jack has confused this tri-tip for beef brisket. Strokebrain is strong today.
12. Jesus Christ that hot stone is the filthiest fucking thing I've seen besides that smoker's lung Jack is trying to cook. Fuck me, I'd rather eat out from a dumpster than from that horrid thing.
13. Jack actually doesn't know how you do indirect heat and tries to blather through explaining it. It's actually dirt simple: you start your grill and then you kill the fire in it and cover what you're cooking inside so the heat is retained.
14. Jack intentionally took Hope outside just so he can get a shot of her in a desperate attempt to get some usage out of her as a prop. What an asshole.
15. And Jack screwed up. Indirect heat means the grill is not actively on but nice and hot. Good jerb.
16. By the way, it's super obvious he grills so rarely with anything not a pellet smoker that he's not sure quite how to do it. And this idiot wants to LARP at being a pitmaster...
17. Jack is amazed that charcoal is hot and cooks much better than pellet cooking.
17b. "It's the real deal guys" ~ A manchild who hoards a dozen smokers and grills and almost never uses them
18. So poor Hope is sad that she isn't getting walks or play time, and Jack, asshole that he is, films despite her crying audibly.
19. Jack tries to justify putting bacon in this "cilantro-lime dressing". We all know it's just because he wants maximum MEAT.
20. Jack laughs at his decision to add spices and lard to the dressing, the former ensuring Tammy won't eat HIS PRECIOUS.
21. And of course Jack doesn't show us him emulsifying and blending the components together. God forbid you show us the amounts and how that doodad works.
22. Homoerotic Jack wants us to take a peek at his meat. I wanna die.
23. The final result looks burned to shit and back. It looks like an infected lung, it really does.
24. Jack meat worships for a bit and then fade cuts to him pretending that he actually ate it. He does not actually show himself eating this so he is blatantly and retardedly lying.
25. Oh damnit he actually is making this a taco. Welp, fuck this then. Also, you probably want the meat bits more finely chopped to be honest.
25b. Not that it matters, this is fucked from the flavor profile and overseasoning he pulled.
26. "If this is good-" Fuck off with this lie Jack. We KNOW you're going to say it's good anyway. You are mechanically incapable of admitting fault because you have an excess in pride brought about by your cluster B personality disorder. You literally cannot admit something tasted bad it makes you think you look bad.
26b. Besides, you intentionally seasoned this so Tammy'd hate it. She hates spice, and likely hates cilantro. Fuck off you idiot.
27. Again, Jack proves hes a narcissist. He already is proclaiming it's worth it despite not eating it yet. This is the second time this video he has blatantly lied about something he allegedly did not eat yet.
28. Jack is so impatient with shoving that taco down his throat he partially missed his own mouth and had to turn it to ensure he got some more tortilla.
29. Jack makes up tasting anything out of that cacaphony. Not that his sense of taste works after the three strokes he's had.
So yeah this one was amazingly bad.
- Joined
- Mar 9, 2015
I never have wanted to re enact a cartel brutal video more than now. What the fuck Jack you stroked retard.
- Joined
- May 11, 2022
Oh hell no.
Get you salmonella.
OFC Mushbrain's favorite game is Uncharted. He feels like he's dominating because he "beats" the QTEs. Someone should recommend him Life Is Strange. He's a faggot, so he would be at hime with one of the faggiest "games" ever.
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2021
He play games? Didn’t he go on rants about “violent” media? Lol a guy who chokes his son is upset about violent media
- Joined
- Sep 29, 2020
The only thing this wasteful fat fuck is stretching is his waistband
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2016
Uncharted stars a white guy who routinely murders brown people in grave-robbing quests around the world.
Of course he likes it.
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2013
I'm afraid to see what he does to that tri-tip, that's a delicious cut of meat when made right and a staple of Californian BBQ. It's gonna bring me to tears to see him destroy it.
Though that being said, before leaving my last job due to conflicts with management I absconded with the secret tri-tip recipe. Maybe I should email it to Jack and request a special shoutout to the business.
Though that being said, before leaving my last job due to conflicts with management I absconded with the secret tri-tip recipe. Maybe I should email it to Jack and request a special shoutout to the business.
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2020
I know we all talk about how fat the Scalfani clan is, but holy shit the males are also apparently entirely incapable of growing facial hair that doesn't make them look like inbred yokels.
- Joined
- Jun 4, 2017
I know the thread has moved on but it bears repeating that Jack Scalfani Jr. is a homosexual just like his father, and like his father, he is unable to conceal it properly because he is also a low-functioning fatty with a lizard brain.
Hey junior, it doesn't matter how much you lift or how tough you act, you will always be this:
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2020
Super Hans
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2020
Used to. He tried out livestreaming Horizon: Zero Dawn. But stroke #3 put an end to that venture.
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2014
Damn he really looks Muslim in this. The Scalfani Ay-rab gene runs strong.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Fat.
abobe
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2021
Abu Jack al-Amriki
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2013
Oh no he's totally a gamer gaiz. Even with his gimp hand he's totally a gamer.
The only time he's actually mentioned this and it might have something to do with the sponsor being "World of Warships". The first and only sponsor he ever got.
And of course the food is fucking disgusting.
Super Hans
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 29, 2020
World of Warships is one of the sponsors literally any dumb fuck with a channel can get. You ask them for a referral code, and your pay is purely based on commission. No guesses what Jack got from that.