My stainless steel buttplug is picking up AM radio stations in my asshole - I hear Baptist sermons all day long

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You should take that shit out of your ass and listen to those sermons.
There’s a snowballs chance in hell it might set you right but at least you won’t be sodomising yourself.
 
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nippleonbonerfart said:
TBH receiving messages from Jesus in your butthole is not really a superpower.
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See, if you want to listen to FM, you’re going to have to have a Guatemalan ejaculate onto said butt plug. Don’t ask me why, but Guatemalan semen seems to be more effective than your basic household Czechoslovakian semen.
 
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Try listening to gospel while sucking a male prostitute off who lives 250 miles away. Afterwards, go back home entirely naked, insert a metal rod (conductive of electricity) into the back of your arse all while you're still listening, condense it in cold water, and then back yourself into a wall plug so that the rod enters the socket. If you live in a country that uses plug switches, flick it on and off twelve times at the exact rate of 1 switch flick per 250 milliseconds.

Congrats, you have achieved fuck all except turning yourself into a sin-committing Minecraft-flipper.
 
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