🗑️ Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[brahsparagus]

Porcine perp pursuing Portugal propositions (possibly pubescent) prostitute, prompting previously pleasant pigmented Portuguese party poopers, professional pirates, pimps and pushers to pummel Piggy's pie hole and purloin Porker's purse.

Predictably, previously proud protagonist publicly provides photographic proof of predicament, prompting playful peals to proceed from patrons and partisans.

 

[Thirteenfifty]

You know, people keep talking about his eye, but the more I think about it, I'm really curious as to his dental trauma. Trauma to the mouth can be really brutal, and if he really did have teeth knocked out of his head, as we believe, from experience, that's going to fuck with him psychologically, especially if he needs to get dentures. If the damage is severe enough his two options are going to be dentures, which will absolutely fuck with his self image and are extremely annoying to use, or implants, which are truly comically expensive, and will involve a serious surgery of drilling surgical steel anchors into his jaw. Needless to say, Ralph will not be able to afford the twenty grand without insurance to have implants.

Make no mistake, waking up and looking in the mirror to see a fucked up squinty eye and a mouth missing half of its teeth will absolutely fuck with his head, and it will only get worse as time goes on.

Reminds me of when boogie2988 got those goofy chicklet looking tooth implants and uploaded the nasty surgery pictures on YouTube. They took out all his teeth and you see what looks like screws sticking out from his bloody exposed jawbone

 

[moocow]

One thing I've noticed over my years of travel is that certain Americans don't know how to blend in with the locals

It's absolutely incredible how people can even fuck it up. Even as a standard-issue Amerifat all I have to do to stay out of trouble in foreign countries is not be a complete fucking cunt. Seriously just have some basic manners and you'll automatically be ranked higher than 90% of foreign visitors. Take the time to learn about where you're visiting and actually talk to people (if they're not busy) and usually they fuckin' love you for it. IMHO it takes some serious effort to provoke actual violence from the locals (even the criminals). I can't imagine how abrasive and offensive Ralph must have been to whoever busted him up.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=qr5jQpO8JZw:1541To the people that say Lisbon is "safe". Ehh.. It does look like a shithole. In Vagrant Holiday at 41 minutes into the video, the dude gets in trouble with drug dealers in a central plaza in Lisbon and then gets punched. Granted, he was being an idiot.

The guy in that video is a complete retard. As a general rule, if you don't want trouble, anywhere in the world, don't put yourself in situations that could lead to it.

I love the Vagrant Holiday series. His whole shtick is tourism on a shoestring budget and a lethal allergy to paid lodging. He absolutely knows he's being a retard and an idiot, is fully prepared to accept the consequences of his stupidity and dives in with his eyes wide open about what he's in for. Yeah, he does stupid shit, but not really anything deliberately antagonistic and he's smart enough (generally) to run the fuck away rather than engage in combat like dipshit Ralph did.

But yes, you're exactly right -- it's really easy to stay out of trouble in foreign countries.

Be polite, friendly, pleasant, non-disruptive, pay attention to your surroundings, actually listen to people and (god forbid) actually do research before (and during) your trip about the places where you're traveling, and the locals will genuinely appreciate it. Ask a local where the closest Burger King is and they'll write you off, but if you ask for directions to a local dive with a good reputation, they'll love it even if you butcher the pronunciation. People will fucking bend over backwards to show hospitality to a tourist who shows gratitude for it and displays genuine interest in them and their home.

 

[A Cardboard Box]

Reminds me of when boogie2988 got those goofy chicklet looking tooth implants and uploaded the nasty surgery pictures on YouTube. They took out all his teeth and you see what looks like screws sticking out from his bloody exposed jawbone

Yeah they're literal screws. They're actually screws on both ends. The bottom end is impact drilled into your jaw after they flay the flesh away from it to get a better angle, and the top end is used to screw the false teeth on. Surgery is a lot more like carpentry than medicine, and this goes for all types of surgery. Like if his orbital is fucked up enough, they are gonna put a steel plate with screws in that bitch and he's gonna have a built in steel barometer from now on.

Recovery from serious dental implants is pretty brutal, and if poorly done it can ruin your life by doing things like "splitting your jaw in half" and "leading to friction causing bone erosion and infection"

 

[SheogorathJ]

So he must have ran his mouth then.

Hot take, what if he ran his mouth against a Portuguese cop? If they are anything like French, Italian, Spanish or really any Med police, they do not fuck around. What if he got his fucking ass kicked by a cop by being a drunk ass? It's not like he hasn't assaulted cops before and spent time in prison for it. Maybe he tried getting uppity/aggressive with one of them and then quickly learned that instead of arresting his drunk, tourist ass, they just kicked the shit out of him?

Edit: Something from 4 years ago, might be something to this theory.

There are 5 degrees of police in Portugal, and they are scarier the upper the echelon they are, you definitely can't run your mouth to the Gendarmerie the same way you would to the Municipal Police. But if it had been the police, it would probably be news. Even the mugging, being this brutal, should be news, but it is not.

I mean this is news:

GNR detém homem pela posse de duas armas e uma moca em Águeda

Homem tinha arquitetado um plano para se vingar de um alegado amante da mulher.

www.cmjornal.pt

"Gendarmerie arrests man for the possession of two illegal weapons and a big stick in Águeda
The man had aquired the big stick to hit his wife more effectively and the firearms to kill the man he suspected his wife was cheating on him with"

 

[Paddy O' Furniture]

This, people really do not like Americans in Europe, I dont know if the whole of Murika is like this, but the only American tourists Ive ever encountered are incredibly loud and stupid, the brashness doesnt work over here.

Canadians don't even like Americans because they seem to believe that their laws apply everywhere. Every American should be given one of these shirts upon leaving the country.

 

[Chris Mclean]

View attachment 2926551

Sorry if this is late but he's really fucked.

StitchesBustinOnAPlane - WingsOfRedemption AKA Jordie Jordan [fQ3Anxm3yp0].mp4

The Gypsies are saving him from getting fucked by the feds lmao.

 

[Janny Jewsh]

There are 5 degrees of police in Portugal, and they are scarier the upper the echelon they are, you definitely can't run your mouth to the Gendarmerie the same way you would to the Municipal Police. But if it had been the police, it would probably be news. Even the mugging, being this brutal, should be news, but it is not.

if people sent enough links to news agencies in portugal they would probably report on his mugging

 

[AnOminous]

The origins of of this trip were stupid enough, but every action Ralph took in this just confirmed that he is a fat redneck wigger manlet trying to cash cheques with an ego much larger than his body could ever cash. The more one thinks about the purpose of this trip, combined with the results of this trip, is guaranteed to destroy one's sides.

This wouldn't be anywhere near as funny if Ralph didn't constantly puff himself up like a bullfrog and make Billy Badass boasts, and if he hadn't gone to Portugal as some kind of weird own that made sense to nobody but himself. I picture him in those shades talking shit right before getting hit, a couple punches with the shades on and then a solid volley of jabs after they fell off. Then they steal his fag bag just to humiliate him even more, throwing it away immediately afterwards.

 

[NotFatChild]

An actual subhuman, to the point self-preservation is pushed aside for wigger pride.
As a europoor who's always lived in the more diverse parts of town (cheap housing, sue me), I can definitively say you have to go out of your way to annoy the local street gangs to the degree Ralph did.

is all of europe detroit now

 

[Drive-By Comment]

tl;dr and in a hurry. Does the hick have insurance for this?

 

[Hüftpriester]

No updates on the surgery? It was supposed to happen early in the morning and it's already 3pm in Lisbon. I'm assuming Ralph and Meigh would want to reassure the Killstream faithful that their mensch made it through with flying colors. I was expecting to wake up to this news today. I wonder what's going on

 

[SheogorathJ]

if people sent enough links to news agencies in portugal they would probably report on his mugging

They would need to confirm it was a mugging first, and I highly doubt there are currently no journalists trying to understand why there is an American man occupying three hospital beds in Lisbon at the moment.

 

[chemicallydriven]

portuguese here. made an account on kiwifarms just to share a few thoughts after looking into it

-the phone number of the bag seller is the actual attacker. do not believe a word he says about having found it on avenida da liberdade. hes leading you off his scent by playing coy. its him

-the picture of his whatsapp profile is fake. the hands on the handbag photos are him. they look slighty dark. hes probably mulatto or cuban

-i recommend emailing geral@cmjornal.pt which is a tabloid who investigates everything thrown at them. share the picture of ralph and his tweets. they do really investigate

 

[AnOminous]

But you’d be retarded to try to buy it remotely. IRL exchange with cash or you’re not getting shit for your money and/or you’re getting doxed.

Go meet someone with cash money who is part of a gang that beat Ralph nearly into a coma? What could possibly go wrong?

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Update:

https://www.ebay.com/itm/Georgino-Armani-Bag-/255356706131?mkcid=16&mkevt=1&_trksid=p2349624.m46890.l49286&mkrid=711-127

View attachment 2928810View attachment 2928811

Most likely he’s just naming a fancy street to make it sound more feasible to find a fancy man bag.

The average person who just “finds” a bag would return it to the owner when real proof was offered that it was stolen from its rightful owner. This makes me believe this dude either beat up Ralph, or more likely knows the guy who did. Someone needs to ask this man see if any inquiries can be made to obtain details about what made someone beat Ralph’s face into a Chinese potato head.

Obviously the actual face stomper needs to lay low, at least until Ralph and his new face are sent back across the Atlantic, because he did commit assault. However, nothing could stop said face stomper from posting on KF (or elsewhere) since he could safely be anonymous. Obviously he would need some sorta of proof he’s the face stomper - photo evidence (plz god) or other items just found on the street laying right next to an unconscious Ralph.

Andy needs to use his Portuguese connections and any language skills to investigate this matter ASAP. Given the purse has popped up and the seller is now aware of its infamy there is a legit chance we could get information from the based hero that gave Ralph the beat down so many have dreamed about. If he is the straight up mugger thief, as claimed by Ralph, the allure of getting paid hundreds of dollars for talking or DM’ing with an interested party would be irresistible.

Armani.. how 90's. Reminds me of shitty club kids in lower Manhattan reeking of Jean Paul Gautier.

Like so many online manchildren Ralph’s brain is frozen around age 13 or 14 so what was real cool then is still real cool to Ralph. It’s a shame Vegas didn’t have some FUBU and Abercrombie & Fitch outlets near his hotel for him to buy some impressive clothes.

 

[Janny Jewsh]

They would need to confirm it was a mugging first, and I highly doubt there are currently no journalists trying to understand why there is an American man occupying three hospital beds in Lisbon at the moment.

the police have probably been involved already at the hospital, since Portugal doesn't get much crime as you said, this must have caught their attention. from police report journalists could pick up on the story

 

[AnOminous]

To me, there are 2 ways it can go. If it's a know expensive shopping street where people go to spend large amounts of money, it's also the sort of place that as a mugger, you would want to rob people.

Muggers generally aren't that eager to seriously injure someone though, at least these semi-organized gangs. They know the cops aren't going to care much about some tourist getting his purse stolen, but if you send him to the hospital needing a team of surgeons, this has a lot more likelihood of getting attention especially in a place that prides itself on its low crime rate.

My theory is he mistook some dude and his underage daughter for a pimp and a whore out of sheer stupidity, started trying to buy sex from her, and got his ass handed to him.

 

[Kickster]

"Gendarmerie arrests man for the possession of two illegal weapons and a big stick in Águeda
The man had aquired the big stick to hit his wife more effectively and the firearms to kill the man he suspected his wife was cheating on him with"

Well "wifebeater gets illegal weapons and plans kill wife's alleged lover" does seems more newsworthy than "fat tourist mugged and beaten"

 

[AnOminous]

I dont speak Portugese, I used Google Translate lol. Though I think it is extremely unlikely one of the most expensive shopping streets has muggings.

Maybe the thief took it there to sell it but nobody wanted it so they just said fuck it and chucked it.