🗑️ Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[Particle Bored]

https://mobile.twitter.com/GatorTimeYT/status/1486853682033577989

Portugal Anúncios Classificados OLX

Portugal oferece anúncios classificados locais para emprego, à venda, imóveis, serviços, comunidade e eventos - Publique o seu anúncio classificado grátis

m.olx.pt

Super Sleuth Gator

Wow, Gator posts this 20 minutes after it appears on KF but he totally never reads here guys!

A week long stint after surgery to repair an orbital fracture seems long to me, especially since COVID has made space even more premium. This might be because he is visiting from across an ocean and doesn't really have anywhere to properly convalesce at, but I suspect there are other injuries he isn't talking about or the staff is concerned about his blood pressure and need to keep an eye on it before putting his fat ass back on a plane.

It's not about basic recovery. It's about flying and pressure changes in potential air pockets within the skull.

 

[Schlomo Silverscreenblatt]

I have .019 bitcoin to spare in snatching a ralph relic for the future lolcow museum. Gator better dig deep in his piggie banks.

 

[Keranu]

I’m pretty sure I just found the man purse put up for sale on the Portuguese equivalent of Craigslist earlier today. Can someone with better knowledge of the language and culture please take a look?

Portugal Anúncios Classificados OLX

Portugal oferece anúncios classificados locais para emprego, à venda, imóveis, serviços, comunidade e eventos - Publique o seu anúncio classificado grátis

m.olx.pt

And Ralph’s bag for comparison is here: https://mobile.twitter.com/theralphretort/status/1429640319356788739

You have got to be kidding me!!!! How did you find this! This is glorious, hallelujah!!!

 

[Slav Power]

I’m pretty sure I just found the man purse put up for sale on the Portuguese equivalent of Craigslist earlier today. Can someone with better knowledge of the language and culture please take a look?

Portugal Anúncios Classificados OLX

Portugal oferece anúncios classificados locais para emprego, à venda, imóveis, serviços, comunidade e eventos - Publique o seu anúncio classificado grátis

m.olx.pt

And Ralph’s bag for comparison is here: https://mobile.twitter.com/theralphretort/status/1429640319356788739

OLX is present in a whole bunch of countries, we also have it in Poland. It's a really weird company that technically is headquartered in Amsterdam, but their parent company is in Cape Town, and they have offices all around the world, because of how many markets they operate in. But that's just a little off-topic ramble, carry on.

 

[Chris Mclean]

Yep, the guy with the fedora and a f-f-fanny pack. Both eyes. Alright.
View attachment 2923847

So whos hyped for tomorrow?

 

[Absurdity]

Kino Casino: Curse of the Man-Purse

 

[Duke Nukem]

Ralph got drunk mouthed off to a group of drunk Portuguese people and got his ass kicked and robbed. I am sure of it.

So basically he experienced a taste of the worst day of Elliot Rodger's life.

Except he probably didn't wander into a random house party, but instead, tried to get an underage local girl to sleep with him in broken Portuguese.

Seriously, I can see getting your ass kicked in Thailand or Russia, or even some pub in the UK. But PORTUGAL???

 

[FuzzMushr00m]

Consider the following: some weeks ago Ralph bragged about biting a kid during a fight in elementary school. Gunt being Gunt I think it's fair to assume he didn't change one bit in over 30 years and he tried to bite the attacker.

This is why they kicked his teeth in and cracked his skull, they clearly went for maximum non-lethal damage, it wasn't just a robbery.

 

[Sexy Potoo]

Here is a video of what Ralph has to look forward to for his surgery:

Spoiler: Go to 3:25 for fun squelching noises!

 

[RollerGator]

https://mobile.twitter.com/RekietaMedia/status/1486859225271877635

Rekieta owns Ralph

 

[Pump Meat]

It's not about basic recovery. It's about flying and pressure changes in potential air pockets within the skull.

Giving an iffy recommendation not to fly doesn't mean you need to stay in a hospital bed.

 

[AnOminous]

Seriously, I can see getting your ass kicked in Thailand or Russia, or even some pub in the UK. But PORTUGAL???

It's actually even more pathetic than getting mugged in Tokyo.

Not being able to fly doesn't mean you need to stay in a hospital bed.

There's probably more fucked up with him than just his splintered monkey skull.

 

[Pres. Benjamin Franklin]

the grift that keeps on giving

 

[MySonDavid]

Okay I really gotta ask, Ralph suicide arc when?

One take is that Ralph is way too conceited and pig-headed to kill himself.
Another take is Ralph has been committing suicide for last 5 or so years.

 

[Keranu]

OK seriously we need someone that speaks Portogeuse to reach out to Manuela regarding the man purse. Either put her in touch with Sallow Dawn for the bounty or one of us will buy the purse before some fat lady does.

I will gladly contribute donations to securing this bag. This is our history, we can't let this go.

https://mobile.twitter.com/GatorTimeYT/status/1486853682033577989

Portugal Anúncios Classificados OLX

Portugal oferece anúncios classificados locais para emprego, à venda, imóveis, serviços, comunidade e eventos - Publique o seu anúncio classificado grátis

m.olx.pt

Super Sleuth Gator

Fuck off Gator, stop stealing our hard work and research and pretending you don't monitor the Farms.

 

[Burd Turglar]

I did some digging into Portugal CCTV footage and found the attack!

Spoiler: Not for the weak hearted

Turns out all that damage was done by gravity

 

[Tridgeridoo]

I’m pretty sure I just found the man purse put up for sale on the Portuguese equivalent of Craigslist earlier today. Can someone with better knowledge of the language and culture please take a look?

Portugal Anúncios Classificados OLX

Portugal oferece anúncios classificados locais para emprego, à venda, imóveis, serviços, comunidade e eventos - Publique o seu anúncio classificado grátis

m.olx.pt

And Ralph’s bag for comparison is here: https://mobile.twitter.com/theralphretort/status/1429640319356788739

This seller is going to be so confused when dozens of internet autists are suddenly messaging him about a murse. What do you get when you google Ethan Ralph from a Portuguese IP? Any chance this person is going to find his way here?

 

[Amazing Criminal]

Damn, so everyone is just ganging up on the Gunt. On some level I feel for him because he's badly wounded and almost everyone he knows is kicking him while he's down. Even if he did bring it upon himself. At some point he'll do something that will cross the threshold from funny to sad, if he hasn't already (dem keeds man).

 

[kaien]

Yeah, he’s just having a surgery done to persevere his eye sight and cranial facial structure, not cosmetic work. His face is fucked and he will have to pay a lot for cosmetic surgery stateside to just not look like Igor or Quasimodo.

As the fellow says in Raging Bull, "He ain't pretty no more."

Speaking of, pardon if this is redundant given the high volume of posts in the thread, but here's a few thoughts on orbital fractures from a boxing fan. They do happen in the fight game, but it's not a common injury. Typically it happens when you have two guys who are mismatched in terms of size and strength. Notable examples I can think of in recent history: Kell Brook went up two weight classes to fight Gennady Golovkin, a hard puncher even against guys in his own class, and had his right eye socket fractured. The lingering weakness in that area meant he had it broken again in a later fight. Likewise, when Nonito Donaire came down a couple of weight classes to fight Naoya Inoue and was clearly the bigger man in the ring, he broke one of Inoue's orbital bones. (Because Inoue is a fucking goon he actually gutted it out and won a decision.)

Another famous example may be well-known to Kiwis: MMA tranny Fallon Fox broke one of his opponents' orbitals, because, ya know, man beating on a woman and all that.

The conclusion this leads me to regarding Ralph is he probably did get knocked down and stomped. In a flailing street fistfight he would have had to get really unlucky. Boot to the left side of his head (that looks like the really swollen one) would have done the trick nicely though.

 

[Duke Nukem]

It's actually even more pathetic than getting mugged in Tokyo.

There's probably more fucked up with him than just his splintered monkey skull.

To be fair, there are a few semi dangerous places in Tokyo, but that's mostly the red light district areas. You might lose some money but getting your ass kicked is not as likely. That and you kinda gotta seek those areas out and not know what you're doing. Even the Yakuza frown upon beating and robbing tourists most of the time, so it would definitely be unusual.