🗑️ Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

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What actually led to Ralph's beating?

  • Official narrative, chased robber to defend his property (Manpurse, €150) and 1 VS 4 epic fight.

    Votes: 80 3.4%

  • Beaten by the pimp of an underaged prostitute.

    Votes: 755 32.0%

  • Tumbled down the steep streets like a loose boulder.

    Votes: 153 6.5%

  • Beaten by a gang of drug dealers.

    Votes: 476 20.2%

  • Uttered something stupid in front of locals.

    Votes: 850 36.0%

  • Tried to put his trotters on Warski's sister.

    Votes: 47 2.0%
  • Total voters
    2,361
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The mental image of Ralph beaten and bloody being approached by the Grim Reaper only for it to throw it’s robes open to display a killstream t-shirt and yell Killstream is hilarious to me. Add Null in as Cerberus laughing like Muttley from Wacky Races.

Lovecraft ever right a story like that? Where some force just keeps someone alive to watch their stupidity?
 
All countries are safe if you are smart enough to stay in touristic areas and don't walk away from your group. Mexico is dangerous and you still see people going there, having a good time, and going back unharmed. The only way for you to get killed is if you walk straight to a narco and ask him drugs.

Now, with that being said, and I say that as someone who lives in a third world country and sees violence here and there, getting this hurt after being mugged is rare. These people just want to take what they want and leave fast. You get hurt by accident. The worst I've seen is when someone I know got her purse snatched by a man on a scooter. She got dragged a couple of meters and scratched her knees and hurt her elbow. Some idiots don't let go and get dragged longer.

Another way to get hurt is if you run after the mugger and actually get him. They don't wanna fight, they wanna leave. If he's not alone, good luck, because what's more likely is that they either shoot you or stab you to escape.

But being hit like this? I think its more likely that Andy actually hired people to beat his ass.
 
NotYourMom said:
I’m pretty sure I just found the man purse put up for sale on the Portuguese equivalent of Craigslist earlier today. Can someone with better knowledge of the language and culture please take a look?

Portugal Anúncios Classificados OLX

Portugal oferece anúncios classificados locais para emprego, à venda, imóveis, serviços, comunidade e eventos - Publique o seu anúncio classificado grátis
m.olx.pt m.olx.pt

And Ralph’s bag for comparison is here: https://mobile.twitter.com/theralphretort/status/1429640319356788739
Click to expand...
https://archive.md/VialZ - Somebody else already archived it?

Edit:
NotYourMom said:
I did. I might be a newfag on the farms, but this isn’t my first rodeo.
Click to expand...
Cool
 
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Rose Breeder said:
Perhaps the devil hasn't yet completed the Lord of Gunts's own, personalized hell yet, which he will inevitably get to experience to the fullest extent at some point in the future.
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I imagine, since he is a fan of Le Joker, that his personal hell is like the Joker in Arkham Knight.... being forgotten. So will the Horse be Harley?
 
Offen Ded Tardreee said:
I copied the description in a translator: Find is not stolen. Original Georgino Armani bag in good condition. New costs 690 euros
Click to expand...
"Achado não é roubado" or "find is not stolen" is a turn of phrase which basically means if you find something and take ownership of it you can keep it without it counting as a theft. Could it be the "muggers" dumped the armani bag after taking the coveted 150 euro and someone found it and put it up to be sold online?
 
FORTRESS EVROPA STANDS UNCONQUERED! BRAVE PORTUGUESE KNIGHTS BESTED THE GUNTED BEAST!
guntdefeated.png
 
Retink said:
Imagine Ralph just coming home and it's just an empty shell, even the copper wire was taken out of the walls. There's nothing left but a note in the middle of the living room, which gives the goodbye and is marked with a hoof print from the horse. She's off to live with a real man like Warski or PPP.
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At least Warski will now be riding a horse and riding up to Tonka's Truck Impound to laugh at his ass
 
Its only been a few days and Ethan has already found himself mugged, beaten, and sent to the hospital hooked on opiates.

By the time he leaves Portugal, it might be in a casket.
 
How badly is the unlicensed Portuguese plastic surgeon going to botch Ralph's already ugly face?


Is it going to be like that scene from family guy where the bully punches Meg and makes her hot, or is he going to somehow make ralph even uglier?


Discuss.
 
This has sure accelerated faster than I could have ever imagined. I'm so far behind.

He either tried to buy drugs or talked some shit. Finding that bag for sale is hilarious. If Dick and Gator are actually poking fun at him this trip is a complete loss. Tried to dunk on Andy, but hurt himself in a confusion. Amazing.

I'm fully ready for the empty house, all my shit got sold arc.
 
eaglesfan665 said:
"Achado não é roubado" or "find is not stolen" is a turn of phrase which basically means if you find something and take ownership of it you can keep it without it counting as a theft. Could it be the "muggers" dumped the armani bag after taking the coveted 150 euro and someone found it and put it up to be sold online?
Click to expand...
The bag is worth enough to take from it and drop it in front of your friend to ‘find’ and post online, no?

Is there no sort of ‘theft by finding’ law in Portugal?
 
Fandom Trash said:
Its only been a few days and Ethan has already found himself mugged, beaten, and sent to the hospital hooked on opiates.

By the time he leaves Portugal, it might be in a casket.
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He's part of this great American soil, he needs to be cremated and placed back in good ol' Memphis for the soil to be plentiful for the corn of next year.

Get them pop kernels ready
 
NotYourMom said:
I’m pretty sure I just found the man purse put up for sale on the Portuguese equivalent of Craigslist earlier today. Can someone with better knowledge of the language and culture please take a look?

Portugal Anúncios Classificados OLX

Portugal oferece anúncios classificados locais para emprego, à venda, imóveis, serviços, comunidade e eventos - Publique o seu anúncio classificado grátis
m.olx.pt m.olx.pt

And Ralph’s bag for comparison is here: https://mobile.twitter.com/theralphretort/status/1429640319356788739
Click to expand...
Somebody save the murse! We can’t let it fall back into Ralph’s Gunt. I really think we need to contact the seller for more info. Any blood stains a big plus.

Think how smashing Andy, Josh or PPP would look prancing around town with a fancy Armani purse.
 
Fools Idol said:
I can't imagine anything more pitiful than a short fat man stuck in a foreign country, covered in his own blood and in severe pain after having his man purse stolen in an attack. In the words of one fat leaf, he's been felted.
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He would hav been better off in jail. Now everyone will mock him and he’ll wind up being an oxy head on top of being a drunk. That’s is a worse fate than doing jail time or even death.
 
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