🗑️ Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[Stephen Hawking]

This is the healthiest The Gunt has ever been.
Think about it.

No trash burgers, just hospital food.
No booze, so he might be withdrawing but sober for the longest hes ever been.

A broken skull is the least of his problems overall.
I hope for a speedy recovery so someone else can cave in his skull again.

 

[PaladinBoo]

This is what will finally end Ethan Ralph. He already has significant substance abuse issues. He is now being provided a trough of pain medication to get him into orbital surgery, who knows what else is going on with his jaw and this will continue into recovery. A ready supply of cheap & easy opiods.

When he returns to the US a local doctor will happily write a prescription for pain medications initially. He is going to get UNCONTROLLABLY addicted hard core. This won't be a case of he does drugs when and if he gets access to them. He will absolutely have to have them.

This will result in the end of the relationship with pantsu, baby coming or not. He won't be able to handle the baby.

His future path of self destruction will be glorious.

This could be avoided if he showed some restraint in taking those opioids. But that isn't in his nature.

My step dad broke his arm on New Years Eve. He was given oxycodone but restrained himself when taking them, only having 2 of them a day instead of the 1 every 4 or 5 hours a day. Is Ralph going to show the same level of restraint? Answer:
Fuck no! He is going to be downing those pills like a kid does with candy. I am starting to get a little worried about him now. It is one thing to just be hooked on alcohol but both pain meds and alcohol? That is a dangerous combination.

 

[AnOminous]

Given the placement of contusions and the odd abrasions, factoring in an orbital fracture, it is entirely possible he was rendered unconscious by a sudden blow and promptly hit the concrete, but I think it is really likely that someone or someones continued to work his face over if that happened.

I initially thought those contusions below the eyes were fingernail scratches, but someone posted a picture of sunglasses he was wearing earlier in the vacation and they're perfectly located to be caused by those sunglasses taking a couple solid punches while they were still on.

So I'm going to guess given the time that he was rocking that whole Corey Hart "Sunglasses at Night" faggotry, something happened, he talked some shit, and he got some hit.

 

[High Tea]

What happened to his women's pendant? He was wearing it in the pictures in the cafe.

 

[Terrorist]

This is his Quarry King moment

What I’ve chosen to believe (because it’s the funniest option) is he got vertigo scaling the slight inclines of Lisbon, passed out, and rolled back down like a boulder. It’s like pottery….

 

[MelloYello]

Since when do you need facial reconstructive surgery from shit that isn't a horrendous beatdown? His skull was literally shattered, dude.

He's got a point, the odds of a skull fracture resulting in traumatic brain injury, or being fatal, are quite high.
If the Gunt walks away from this with nothing more than being slightly more deformed than usual, he got off lightly.

 

[Punished Brent]

This is why you don't engage in sex tourism

 

[Absurdity]

Portuguese Pimp Slap of Divine Justice! Today, the existence of God has been proven. Amazing. So....

Dead within a week?

 

[Fools Idol]

>orbital bone shattered requiring major surgery
>nose broken
>two black eyes
>several front teeth knocked completely out. most likely swallowed and will be shat out later
>definitely major bodily injuries (ie cracked/broken ribs) that haven't been revealed yet
>this is not a bad beating
>this is fine

I just can't fathom some people's sense of deductive reasoning.

Fuck bro. Ralph deserves everything he gets but I kind of feel sorry for him now.

 

[TurdFondler]

It's all I can see

 

[Stephen Hawking]

Ralph: Oh no, a minor incline.
Robber with purse:

 

[SheogorathJ]

This is why you don't engage in sex tourism

There is a safe way to do it, it's called https://www.apartadox.com/classificados-acompanhantes-Lisboa-Portugal
It really isnt that hard.

 

[ClipBitch]

There have only been two Kino Kasino episodes and Ralph has already almost been murdered. The future is bright.

 

[JULAY]

Barcelona, especially in the summer, is full of gypsies. They work in groups that usually include small children who will also beg inside restaurants for money.

Another tactic is having gypsy women in pairs flirt/make eye contact with someone and then pick pocket them while doing so. They usually do this to drunk tourists as they're an easy mark and less likely to notice right away that all their shit is missing. If this happened to Ralph and he tried to beat on them, they would have kicked the shit out of him.

If Ralph got his ass handed to him by a couple of women, It'd be like Christmas came early. That man hates women so much.

That was pretty much my experience, gypsies everywhere. They're so brazen that it boggles the mind. I do love the idea of a fat loud American midget getting the shit kicked out of him by a gang of angry Gypsies though.

 

[FMW13]

Fuck bro. Ralph deserves everything he gets but I kind of feel sorry for him now.

I don’t. I’m not even A-logging him when I say this. Dude had this coming for a long time.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Just think Ralph’s muggers probably thought getting to beat the fuck out of obese fat American plus $250 and a designer purse was pretty good for a night’s work but if one of their mates recorded the beat down, or some drunken bystander deciding to worldstar hip hop the beating…they have footage worth five figures.

Imagine if Andy had a Portuguese bro contact him offering to sell exclusive footage of Ralph’s ass kicking for $10k. The Kino Kasino could probably crowd fund that in 20 minutes to get the opportunity to see Ralph finally getting the beat down he richly deserved.

 

[NotYourMom]

The stolen man purse is a lost collectors item now, much akin to the Sonichu medallion.

Ralph really doesn't get the respect he deserves as a lolcow.

I’m pretty sure I just found the man purse put up for sale on the Portuguese equivalent of Craigslist earlier today. Can someone with better knowledge of the language and culture please take a look?

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And Ralph’s bag for comparison is here: https://mobile.twitter.com/theralphretort/status/1429640319356788739

 

[Hüftpriester]

This is the healthiest The Gunt has ever been.
Think about it.

No trash burgers, just hospital food.
No booze, so he might be withdrawing but sober for the longest hes ever been.

A broken skull is the least of his problems overall.
I hope for a speedy recovery so someone else can cave in his skull again.

This nigga has most likely been getting the opiate drip for the past 10 hours. In no way is he at his healthiest, lol. He's actually probably pretty close to death and surely would be dead if someone didn't find him face down on a Portuguese street.

 

[Retink]

My step dad broke his arm on New Years Eve. He was given oxycodone but restrained himself when taking them, only having 2 of them a day instead of the 1 every 4 or 5 hours a day. Is Ralph going to show the same level of restraint? Answer:
Fuck no! He is going to be downing those pills like a kid does with candy. I am starting to get a little worried about him now. It is one thing to just be hooked on alcohol but both pain meds and alcohol? That is a dangerous combination.

Who knows, maybe Ralph will be lucky and the painkillers won't effect him as much. I like alcohol a lot but painkillers never had a big effect on me, which always sucked going into any kind of procedure with local anesthetics. I remember one time in college a buddy got injured and they gave him Vicodin, but he wasn't in that much pain so he shared some with his friends like myself. I took it and it really didn't feel like it had an effect on me. Then again, the first few times I smoked weed it didn't feel like anything was happening but the then one time it hit like a truck.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

Going cold turkey off alcohol in the hospital could kill him unless he’s able to communicate to the doctors that he’s used to being blackout drunk daily and needs a medically supervised detox. And we know he’s not man enough to even try to have that conversation.