🗑️ Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[MuhCree]

Lusitani tribesman scare off Anglo-Roman Gunturion (Colorized 150 B.C.)

 

[Chongqing]

Ralph obviously didn't learn the basics of self defense

I DON'T KNOW YOU THATS MY PURSE

also "I fought well beyond the limits of a normal human" or whatever, no you didn't you pig, you got exhausted because you're fat as shit.

I love it, Ralph flew to portugal to eat a burger king and get his ass beat.

Saying, "I don't know you," is actually the best chance you have at escaping a street beating in any country, according to a youtube video I saw about Russian gopniks. It's pretty much the same psychology everywhere.

 

[Mr E. Grifter]

Opiate addiction arc begins!

I wonder how badly he was beaten up, I imagine most of us have lost a fight in our lives I've never needed painkillers, never mind prescription ones that fuck you up!

It's hard to tell, he's being tight lipped for the first time in his life - his teeth might be all fucked up after all...

 

[Franz Joseph]

The same shit would happen to Ralph if he left the “tourist area” of any city in America drunk off his ass at night and alone trying to score drugs or whores.

This is true. Just go to any area of a US city that's populated by wonderful magic Americans and you're not one of them and see what happens.

 

[Escalating Violence]

Damn looks like Warski sent in his amigos to "take care" of Ralph on his trip.

 

[instythot]

I hope he comes to germany next time so he can get his ass kicked by syrians. Oh gunt, you have so much to DO still, do not die on us.

I would unironically subscribe to "Ethan Ralph tries to charm the locals world tour"

I hope piggy recognizes the business opportunity he has, buys a GoPro and stops pretending he's coming home to the horse or his foal

 

[What the shit]

Ralph really stood out like a sore thumb in Lisbon. He couldn't have chose a worse time to go.

 

[Space Cooter]

Cocaine decisions.

 

[kaien]

It’s sort of amazing because Ralph is from the crime riddled shithole of West Memphis which is way more dangerous than Lisbon. Ralph has become seriously deluded and really thinks he’s some minor celebrity and tough guy that can “do as he pleases” because he’s a KANG.

I have this notion that he heard all the guff about "decriminalization" and decided that meant scoring hard drugs would be as safe and easy as buying a beer at the mini-mart.

 

[Kickster]

Edit: Also is it me or are all spanish speaking countries cursed now. Not just the American ones but now the European ones as well.

Calling portugal a spanish speaking country would get you a good beating
Hey maybe that's what happened

 

[Disheveled Human]

Yeah when you get your skull caved in they give you pain medication, that's how fucked up he got and he is spinning it like a win. This guy is unbelievable.

 

[nickgotgroyped]

What you fuckin aylawgs need to understand is that a decent southern man like ralph would never try to hurt no young lady, he just wanted to nab a good souvenir for his woman.

 

[Freeman]

Ralph was too afraid to knock on Chris Chan's door and he expects us to believe he chased after a mugger and took on four guys, get the fuck outta here, you got bitch slapped by a pimp and he took your purse for inconveniencing him.

 

[Yaks]

Ralph really stood out like a sore thumb in Lisbon. He couldn't have chose a worse time to go.

Going to Lisbon in general is just a poor decision. You only go there if you want to sell cocaine or get punched in the face for no reason.

 

[Fwiffo]

Walking right into a thread that I know no context of, have never posted in, and probably echoing what a dozen other users have said but anyways…

He absolutely did not chase down a mugger and then face his mates. Because he’s still alive. They wouldn’t just soften up that doughy face, they would knife him. More likely he ran his mouth at a bar and someone slapped him around.

 

[What the shit]

Going to Lisbon in general is just a poor decision. You only go there if you want to sell cocaine or get punched in the face for no reason.

Ralph is just this fucking impulsive and stupid. His only reason for going was because him and Warski fell out so he felt the need to one up him in the most mediocre way possible. He reaps what he sows for being such a fucking dumbass. Portugal is a wonderful place but of course if you're Ralph, never do your due diligence to see what to avoid and what to do in case something happens.

 

[instythot]

Ralph was too afraid to knock on Chris Chan's door and he expects us to believe he chased after a mugger and took on four guys, get the fuck outta here, you got bitch slapped by a pimp and he took your purse for inconveniencing him.

Alternatively: Owner of guest house or neighbors fed up with a constant stream of dealers and questionably aged hookers of questionable genders in a normally quiet residential area

 

[Wazzupnerds]

Getting addicted to painkillers is the ultimate ayyyylawg destroying move

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

You guys don't get it, this was just Ralph's plan to score drugs.

(yes I'm 10 pages behind)

 

[Techpriest]

This has to be an intelligence deficiency problem. I've been to southern Europe several times and never robbed or attacked. I have a elderly family member who had their wallet stolen in Rome once, but I have no clue how you manage to consistently find yourself in trouble like the Gunt does
Ethan Ralph would likely manage to end up in hospital while vacationing in Denmark lol

Ralph is the wet dream of any street punk. Professional pickpockets roll through plenty of standard tourists and the like without getting noticed, but for your young man with criminal aspirations and not enough brainpower to run con games, Ralph is just such a tempting target. He’s loud, he’s obnoxious, he’s obviously flashing cash, he has no idea what he’s doing and he’s very likely trying to get involved with illegal activities. He’s the best sort of mark, one the local cops won’t really put too much effort into chasing down whoever lifts their wallet or beats the shit out of them for roughing up one of their prostitutes.

Ralph being Ralph, he thinks that there’s no way he’s going to be targeted. He’s a celebrity with tens, no, DOZENS of people on the internet who watch him. Ralph is also obnoxious enough for them to have likely skipped part one of the game, where you get your mark to actually do illegal shit to make it less likely the authorities give a shit if you rough them up. So, his new best local friend takes him back behind an alley and tells him hand over the money. Ralph being Ralph doesn’t just ditch the cash he’s got in his man purse and hope they’re fine with that. No, Ralph either doesn’t hand it over or decides it’s a smart idea to try and start a fight in an alley someone led you into to stick you up. Unarmed. Alone. And this punk decks him, takes the cash and purse, he and his friends kick the gunt in the ribs a few times and leave. That’s probably what happened.