🗑️ Trashfire PPP: Pig's Passage to Portugal - Update 1/26 - Ralph got his ass kicked and murse stolen. Turns out, the citizens of Portugal are NOT big fans of the Killstream

[Max Free]

This man won't live to see 40.
Which is a shame, really.

 

[Ero]

I dont think it was over drugs or prostitutes, the retard probably walked around using his phone in the middle of the night and got culturally enriched.
Hes lucky they didnt stab his fatass.

Most likely it was just him being himself in a club after a few drinks and the people got fed up.

 

[Drive-By Comment]

Yeah don't know about moors. But in those tourist places drunk tourist getting mugged is ... well Wednesday.

*Local baddies see easy target, that is it. I have couple of friends who have been mugged in Spain. One of them got drugged, not robbed though because he was not alone and fellas noticed he was on another planet before turning into zombie. My friends have habit of seeking out those authentic local bars. And they end up in ones that have heroin under the counter and customers to match and transvestite bar tenders slapping their cocks on table and asking if boys want anything else. True story. In that bar they were going to get beaten real bad... but pro tip. Wear Premier League shirt if area is popular with Brits. Those drunk fucks will fight for you.

 

[Disheveled Human]

Quite, Im pretty sure if I was retarded I could get the same thing happen to me in New York or any american city.

Yeah but you speak the fucking language.

 

[Clockwork_PurBle]

Ralph you're short, fat, and have a gay little man purse. Of course they saw you as an easy target!

 

[AGuntyPaajet]

The Harvest

 

[Haint]

36 years old, almost 40, with an abandoned child and one soon to be abandoned on the way, people.

That's a West Memphis white trash redneck for you. Can't take the hood from the man.

 

[Pisstrooper]

It is definitely not a "safe" country, look at what happened to Ralph in 3 days. I have heard many stories from my family about how fucked up Lisbon is its really not safe I would rather spend the night out on the streets of italy. Pulling government charts up with there fucked up rating system just isn't reality. Lots of drug addicts and poor people looking for marks in that city.

I don't know, you could be right, I've only ever been to Italy and I felt relatively safe. Safer than some cities I've lived in America honestly. Anywhere is dangerous for tourists since they're essentially the ideal target for crime/exploitation for a list of reasons. I've just never really heard Portugal or Lisbon discussed as a particularly dangerous place, just that drugs are legal. I have however heard how dangerous Italy can be, and it seemed pretty safe to me.

Also using Ralph's experience as any indication of a country's safety is absurd, much more so than gubment charts, as he is wildly belligerent and could probably get his ass kicked in a Buddhist monastery.

 

[fuck whales]

Yeah but you speak the fucking language.

everyone speaks english in places where english tourists are one of the main sources of income, very rare to find someone who is under 80 years old who isnt fluent in spain or portugal

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Lmao good. Ended the way we hoped

Oh, it’s not over. He’s still in Lisbon, with no cash and no plastic, a ground hamburger face and a solid 16 hours of travel ahead of him this weekend.

I wonder if he will try to change his flight to get home asap or will stay longer because he needs a few more days to nurse his wounds before attempting to travel home.

 

[TitchBitties]

I refuse to believe he chased anyone anywhere. Also "I kept fighting beyond what is considered normal" fucking hilarious tough guy line, even better than "I just see red man"

 

[fuck whales]

You have to be a real soft target to get hit though. I remember one time I was piss drunk in Munich asking people what the hell I need to do to find my way back to my hotel, I ran into slavs squatting outside of some shithole liquor store, I took five trains until I got close enough to stumble my way back, and then I couldn't find my room so I just passed out in the hall of the hotel because I had been drinking with strangers all day. The worst thing that happened to me is I felt like absolute shit the next day and at some point someone woke me up and asked if I wanted some water, and I just told them I locked myself out so I'd have to wait until morning when the lobby office was open.

I'm not a big guy, but I have the benefit of being polite when drunk.

yeah, you really do have to go some to get targetted, granted im not an american with an automatic target on my back, but I remember one time in Spain where Id fucked up my knee because I slipped while drunk and was hopping back to the hotel, some dealers tried to get me to buy some shit, I explained that I wasnt really in the mood because my leg hurt, and they ended helping me back to the hotel which was only 500 metres or so away.

Worked out well, because I did end up buying some stuff off them the next night and it was decent, so that was great customer service from them, the point being you have to be real obnoxious to get your ass beat.

 

[Thisismyusername]

Intro to the fight

 

[buttmunch]

cant even imagine ralph doing a run c'mon, niggers outta breath talking on his show

 

[bearycool]

Intro to the fight

*proceeds to tackle and grab the MURSE*

package secured, boss. We have the bean burrito of a Fanny pack.

 

[Disheveled Human]

everyone speaks english in places where english tourists are one of the main sources of income

No they don't, some do but the people mugging your ass don't have jobs and are probably not bi-lingual. Americans are the most retarded ignorant people on the planet.

 

[fuck whales]

No they don't, some do but the people mugging your ass don't have jobs and are probably not bi-lingual. Americans are the most retarded ignorant people on the planet.

Im english, and they do. Ive been to portugal at least 100 times over the years, and the people who mugged him are almost certainly africans, and they do pretty much all speak english, because their long term plan is to come here and claim benefits.

 

[Shig O'nella]

I'm looking forward to the next bit of the saga.
Ralph flying into DC from an international destination with a face in the full bloom of bruising is going to have customs crawling up his asshole for sure. Hope he's not stupid enough to pick up a bit extra for the pain beforehand.

And I do owe an apology to various Gunt fans. I thought Ralph was a bit boring to be a cow. Was wrong, big time.

 

[bearycool]

No they don't, some do but the people mugging your ass don't have jobs and are probably not bi-lingual. Americans are the most retarded ignorant people on the planet.

Angloparlentes we call them when we enter hispanohablante territory.

For example: “ese pinche puta angloparlentes tiene el murse enorme para la sobremesa. vamos a pelear este pinche idiota enorme.”

Doesn’t take much for me to enter the mindset, even though it’s not authentic Portuguese I’m speaking.

 

[Bloitzhole]

Pretty great country. Highly enjoyable cuisine (especially if you like seafood) and climate.
Two issues for a Gunt in Lisbon:
[...]
B) Pickpockets. That LV manpurse ain't safe, and I'm fairly certain he's not the kind of tourist that acts and dresses inconspicuously. I imagine he's more like...well, a lot of obviously American tourists (especially given his *ahum* girth)

CALLED IT.