🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

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AnOminous said:
I know I've said this before, but is there some special store specifically for sex offenders where they buy these glasses? Because I've never even seen these in glasses stores for normal people.
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He most likely is getting these glasses provided for him by the state. The frames themselves are donated. So when they look like ugly, grandma glasses from the 80's, that is because they are.
 
Our favorite low-energy coelolcow strikes again! This time, he took something like 28 months to come up with a retort, and said retort was basically his classic, standard ree-ing. Beautiful.

If Jonny Windowlicker got his ideas about what college was like from movies like Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds, I find it amusing that he doesn't think about how different his college experience was from those movies. Sweetie-Pie didn't have any friends - I'm not certain that he's had a single friend since elementary school, to be completely honest - and apparently spent most of his time in his room waiting for the chinaphone to ring, hogging the common area TV to watch children's television, making an ass of himself in the cafeteria or just outside of dorms, and attending free campus events that he made miserable for everyone else. He was never invited to any parties or anything like that, that's for certain.

Someone is clearly attention starved. I guess he's bored without being able to walk the dog to nap behind the grocery store dumpster, or maybe he's finally watched everything he can get for free via the "Buck Rogers" Fire TV stick bequeathed upon him by Donald Trump, since I doubt he can pick up enough cans to pay for Netflix, Disney+, etc. Alternatively, supply chain issues are keeping him from getting his desperately needed brain medicine.
 
I was legitimately wondering a week or two ago if he had died, had his internet cut down, had finally gotten his desperately needed brain medicine, or had been hauled off to jail or an asylum. It had been awhile since he'd gone that long without even a boring post, and I kind of got used to his burst of activity (relatively speaking) during late summer/early fall.

A Breath Like Mustard Gas and Roses sounds even dumber than the titles of the other garbage he's written. Not that I expect anyone to ever read it, much less buy a copy, but it would be interesting to see if anything in his peanut brain has actually changed, or if this is yet another revenge/fap fantasy about ASU/Ashlaaay/Dale/etc. My assumption is the latter.
 
Picklechu said:
I was legitimately wondering a week or two ago if he had died, had his internet cut down, had finally gotten his desperately needed brain medicine, or had been hauled off to jail or an asylum. It had been awhile since he'd gone that long without even a boring post, and I kind of got used to his burst of activity (relatively speaking) during late summer/early fall.

A Breath Like Mustard Gas and Roses sounds even dumber than the titles of the other garbage he's written. Not that I expect anyone to ever read it, much less buy a copy, but it would be interesting to see if anything in his peanut brain has actually changed, or if this is yet another revenge/fap fantasy about ASU/Ashlaaay/Dale/etc. My assumption is the latter.
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He spent two years trying to desperately write out a post to "own" me.

Of fucking course it's going to be about the time he got catfished and lied to himself about how it was a real people relationship that the college for some reason created.
 
Can we talk about the binder? Because the binder fucking kills me. Surely his magnum opus is in this filthy middle school binder. Who printed this beautiful cover for him? Surely not Sweet UpChuck. Nobody told him how to use a printer! And the name is spelled right.

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Actually now that I look at it, the ceiling looks fucked. This may be a throwback to the mold kingdom. UpChuck probably has such a long nasty beard going that he's wearing it as a scarf and cape right now.
 
Ramona said:
Actually now that I look at it, the ceiling looks fucked. This may be a throwback to the mold kingdom. UpChuck probably has such a long nasty beard going that he's wearing it as a scarf and cape right now.
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Maybe he emanates some field that causes mold to sprout wherever he is.
 
Ramona said:
Can we talk about the binder? Because the binder fucking kills me. Surely his magnum opus is in this filthy middle school binder. Who printed this beautiful cover for him? Surely not Sweet UpChuck. Nobody told him how to use a printer! And the name is spelled right.

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Actually now that I look at it, the ceiling looks fucked. This may be a throwback to the mold kingdom. UpChuck probably has such a long nasty beard going that he's wearing it as a scarf and cape right now.
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Yeah, that's an old image of a younger and more dashing Blytheville Horror back when he was the crown prince of the Mold Kingdom.
 
Picklechu said:
I was legitimately wondering a week or two ago if he had died, had his internet cut down, had finally gotten his desperately needed brain medicine, or had been hauled off to jail or an asylum. It had been awhile since he'd gone that long without even a boring post, and I kind of got used to his burst of activity (relatively speaking) during late summer/early fall.
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I too was worried that our hero had succumbed to, as he refers to it, "coronabug," or, perhaps, botulism, but nay, he boldly soldiers on, informing us about how, thanks to Obama, the fartnockers at Arby's still aren't making his sandwiches properly.
 
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Holdek said:
I too was worried that our hero had succumbed to, as he refers to it, "coronabug" or, perhaps, botulism, but nay, he boldly soldiers on, informing us about how, thanks to Obama, the fartnockers at Arby's still aren't making his sandwiches properly.
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So I'm more annoyed he has a new puppy after he killed his last couple by intentionally going to a place where two aggressive dogs were roaming free. And yes, he openly confessed he went down that road more than once and recognized those dogs who killed his. No he didn't care until his actions had consequences.

And now he's literally feeding that poor thingand his last old dog his old fast food, especially taco bell which HE HIMSELF THOUGHT WAS ROTTEN because that's a healthy diet amirite? And this douchebag thinks he deserves pity...
 
Adamska said:
And now he's literally feeding that poor thingand his last old dog his old fast food, especially taco bell which HE HIMSELF THOUGHT WAS ROTTEN because that's a healthy diet amirite? And this douchebag thinks he deserves pity...
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He fed his last dog rancid meat out of dumpsters.

Look, I know dogs will eat anything, but that can't be healthy for them, right?
 
Holdek said:
He fed his last dog rancid meat out of dumpsters.

Look, I know dogs will eat anything, but that can't be healthy for them, right?
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It isn't. Dogs are just as capable of contracting food poisoning as people.

And yes, Jon did that. He also slept in those alleys like a bum randomly for no reason a sane and healthy mind could come up with. And he still thinks that's normal.
 
Adamska said:
It isn't. Dogs are just as capable of contracting food poisoning as people.

And yes, Jon did that. He also slept in those alleys like a bum randomly for no reason a sane and healthy mind could come up with. And he still thinks that's normal.
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Despite his denials, he probably has severe depression due to his fixation on events that happened twenty five years ago. He probably has little motivation and sleeps a lot, and his brothers roust him because that's not healthy. So he "takes the dog on a walk" and sleeps behind stores because he has little interest or motivation to do anything else. Or he could just be insane and doesn't see what that's weird to the rest of humanity.

His views on college never cease to amaze me, because I went to college at the exact same time period he did (I'm like three months older than him), and I doubt ASU was some bastion of debauchery and sex. And I'm still connected to the university system, and I can tell you college is pretty much the same as it was in my time, except some skills taught in my day are obsolete, and now they have classes for stuff that didn't exist when I was in college.
 
DrJonesHat said:
Despite his denials, he probably has severe depression due to his fixation on events that happened twenty five years ago. He probably has little motivation and sleeps a lot, and his brothers roust him because that's not healthy. So he "takes the dog on a walk" and sleeps behind stores because he has little interest or motivation to do anything else. Or he could just be insane and doesn't see what that's weird to the rest of humanity.

His views on college never cease to amaze me, because I went to college at the exact same time period he did (I'm like three months older than him), and I doubt ASU was some bastion of debauchery and sex. And I'm still connected to the university system, and I can tell you college is pretty much the same as it was in my time, except some skills taught in my day are obsolete, and now they have classes for stuff that didn't exist when I was in college.
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But you don't understand; college was totally and exactly like what it was on the TV, and TV never lies. Everything else in the world does, but not the TV that raised Jonny the moonfaced loon.
 
Adamska said:
But you don't understand; college was totally and exactly like what it was on the TV, and TV never lies. Everything else in the world does, but not the TV that raised Jonny the moonfaced loon.
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TV never lies, except when it shows sketches that don't exist that get you fired from the student newspaper.
 
Adamska said:
But you don't understand; college was totally and exactly like what it was on the TV, and TV never lies. Everything else in the world does, but not the TV that raised Jonny the moonfaced loon.
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What's funny is that he actually did go to college. In person. For four years. And yet he still sticks to the fantasy version of college in his memory. This makes me think that he's crazy. Did he interpret the events contemporaneously in such of fashion? Or is he casting back through crazy-colored glasses?
 
Jonny has always had such a flawed theory of mind that he does, in fact, think other students spent years getting china-phone calls to masturbate to. He's always been oblivious as to what other people do, and like, and feel. Other people and their experiences do not interest him in the least, and never have. His self-absorption is total and seamless.
 
Ramona said:
Can we talk about the binder? Because the binder fucking kills me. Surely his magnum opus is in this filthy middle school binder. Who printed this beautiful cover for him? Surely not Sweet UpChuck. Nobody told him how to use a printer! And the name is spelled right.

View attachment 2857730
Actually now that I look at it, the ceiling looks fucked. This may be a throwback to the mold kingdom. UpChuck probably has such a long nasty beard going that he's wearing it as a scarf and cape right now.
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Sorry to be late, but that crap on the ceiling is at least a couple years' accumulation of old cobwebs, covered in dust. If he's in a kitchen, they're layered in airborne cooking grease, too.

I've done hoarder house cleanouts, and thick, dirty cobwebs like that are a given among mentally ill people who live in abject, self-imposed squalor—as Sweet most assuredly does. I don't remember how long he's lived in his latest hovel, but however long he's been there is how old the oldest of those cobwebs are.
 
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