- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I can't fucking handle Watermelon. Everything he posts on her page is pure magic.
What is wrong with that guy?
💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot
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What is wrong with that guy?
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2015
I think Watermelon should have went with "A hat."
- Joined
- May 20, 2014
Based on his interactions with Chris and his brief membership of this forum (as @VikingBoyBilly) - my impresson is that he thinks he's trolling.
- Joined
- May 27, 2013
I live in the place. It's real and alive.
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kiwifarms.net
I'M BACK, BITCHES.
[part one]
[part two]
[part three]
[part four]
This audiobook is low on my list of priorities, ergo the lengthy wait for more content. So let's get on with the pain.
Chapter Eighteen - Sunflower Fields
Thoughts: all of these "tests" are nothing more than cheap filler content to make the book longer than the plot will allow. Nothing happens in this chapter aside from the siblings being mildly inconvenienced due to their own incompetence. It's riveting.
Coping mechanism: I did a quick Google search and apparently there's a drink called a "Sunflower Highball" that's basically a Screwdriver with some vanilla liqueur in addition to the vodka. Whatever, it's a theme drink, so down that fucker with a vengeance.
Chapter Nineteen - The Pond of Bacchus
Thoughts: I have no idea what the fuck the Tesches think the Greek/Roman god of wine and debauchery has to do with a tar pit, but considering the fact that the whole thing reads like one giant euphemism for an unhappy bukkake I guess it makes sense. Also, in case you haven't noticed, I've been making up character voices on the fly. So you can thank my rusty improv skills for the "slow in the mind" dove minions.
Coping mechanism: offer Dionysus your apologies for this travesty by drinking goblets of wine and having an orgy.
Chapter Twenty - The Third Eye
Thoughts: I really have to wonder how much of this book was actually written by grandpa Tesch. This chapter reads too preachy to have been written by Gloria, though Joey's hilarious list at the end of the chapter does sound like the priorities of an eight-year-old. Though the idea that Joey ever cared about books is enough to shatter my already thin suspension of belief.
Coping mechanism: I see you're still busy with the wine induced orgy. I'll check back later.
Chapter Twenty-One - The Iron Curtain
Thoughts: I think this is my favorite chapter. It has everything: utter incompetence on the part of our "heroes", endless whining for someone to come and save them, bickering, forced moments of "enlightenment", and that fucking title. I also know a few engineers who'd probably have some things to say about the structural integrity of this "Iron Curtain"...
Coping mechanism: consume your weekly ration of vodka in remembrance of the glorious Communist regime.
Chapter Twenty-Two - Deception &/or Temptation
Thoughts: Libertine is the most blatant Deus Ex Machina since those eagles in Lord of the Rings. He/she/it should be hailed as the goddamn hero instead of these two imbeciles. It also goes to show just how weak the writing is when you rely on constant verbal exposition instead of conveying information through more organic means. "Show, don't tell" is the golden rule of writing. The Tesches, as expected, have shit all over it.
Coping mechanism: fuck it, do you guys have any absinthe?
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Wait, she - she just went down and stuck her finger in a foreign substance of black slime? What organically-based actual human would---
Oh... oh, right. Tesch fiction.
ETA: Incidentally, didn't a similar scene happen in The Never-Ending Story?
Oh... oh, right. Tesch fiction.
ETA: Incidentally, didn't a similar scene happen in The Never-Ending Story?
- Joined
- May 20, 2014
I used to
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2014
Yes, any you may have as much of it as you need.
How you can read that without your brain melting is beyond me.
I think she was the script writer for those scientists in Prometheus...
- Joined
- Oct 9, 2013
Gloria's Dad has trump hair. I love it.
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2014
Trump hair, fake house, fake work ethos, fake life, livin' the lying voca ~ Gloria stands tall as a testament to everything that is manufactured and hollow.
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2013
Hurrah!
Sounds like a Harvey Wallbanger.
Legend has it that this was created by a bardender out in Hawaii named Harvey who liked to make himself an Italian Screwdriver as he called it. It was vodka and orange juice but he then floated half a measure of Galliano on top. One day he made himself one too many and as he walked home he was bouncing and banging on the walls as he did. Hence the name. Modern versions usually don't go for the float and just mix it in. [/QUOTE]
But great work on this. I think I'm going to try to match you drink for drink because even just listening to read it is an exercise in patience.
But great work on this. I think I'm going to try to match you drink for drink because even just listening to read it is an exercise in patience.
That house is "Julian's" house My question is who is Julian and what does he think about this weird family taking pictures in front of his house all the time?
I wish the guy who broke the news about their foreclosure would come back, there are so many questions...
I wish the guy who broke the news about their foreclosure would come back, there are so many questions...
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2015
Fake family, perhaps? Is the woman with them her mother, or someone else?
IIRC, didn't someone post Daddy Tesch's OKCupid or eHarmony profile a while back? If Daddy is back on the market, why would he pose for a "happy family" pic with the ex-wife?
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kiwifarms.net
The initial recording isn't what gets to me, it's the editing process. Each post in the series represents hours of work; most of it spent listening to this bullshit over and over again. The end result is completely worth it, but that doesn't make the process any easier.
I suggest signing up for that liver transplant list right now. The sooner you get on it the better.
Gloria's Dad has trump hair. I love it.
The Tesches are photoshopped into this picture.
For one their feet are conveniently cropped out of the photo, which eradicates the issue of "floating", though you can still tell that Gloria's feet are a couple inches off the ground. Also, considering the angle of the Sun, the Tesches should cast some sort of shadow on the ground, but they don't. In addition there's no light hitting the tops of their heads.
Goddamn, just look at the scale, too. These people are midgets if this photo is real (and it's not). Compare this shot from farther away:
Look at the size of the car compared to its distance from the front door. Now look at the size of the front door in the photo with the family compared to the size of, say, Gloria's mother in foreground. Their height has been reduced in a vain effort to keep them entirely in the shadows in order to eradicate the whole lighting problem. Except it's still just a simple copy/paste job so the highest grade I can give them is a C-.
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2015
@IJustWantToSeeAttachments Can you copypasta and repost that in the Gloria wiki article topic? I swear I'll get to it soon... I'm working on it...
I figured out who Julian is! His name is Julian Hartzog and he's associated with Wearable Art, those metal dresses Gloria has been modelling lately. You can see here that his profile banner is the house they keep taking pictures in front of.
https://www.facebook.com/julian.hartzog
There are a lot more pictures of the house on Facebook and it's probably where a lot of her photos are taken. It's a really nice house.
Honestly this whole modelling thing seems off. This has been going on for months, the car photo was 10 weeks ago. She's shooting at this house all the time and even goes to parties at it with her parents. ??? it's fucking weird. Especially since it's not even like it's a brand, you are never going to buy dresses like those anywhere. I guess its some old rich dudes project idk I got bored after I figured out who he was.
Edit: Check out this random sperg. He comments occasionally on Gloria's pics, asking to "shoot ASAP." Not sketchy at all!
https://www.facebook.com/julian.hartzog
There are a lot more pictures of the house on Facebook and it's probably where a lot of her photos are taken. It's a really nice house.
Honestly this whole modelling thing seems off. This has been going on for months, the car photo was 10 weeks ago. She's shooting at this house all the time and even goes to parties at it with her parents. ??? it's fucking weird. Especially since it's not even like it's a brand, you are never going to buy dresses like those anywhere. I guess its some old rich dudes project idk I got bored after I figured out who he was.
Edit: Check out this random sperg. He comments occasionally on Gloria's pics, asking to "shoot ASAP." Not sketchy at all!
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kiwifarms.net
Considering the fact that the Tesches were photoshopped into that photo I'd say it's a safe bet that her parents have never even seen the house in person let alone attended a surprisingly vacant party.
Remember, Gloria is a small time con artist, and the Wearable Art gig was months ago (which lines up with when the car photo was taken). If I had to guess, I'd say that she's only been to the house on a couple of occasions for "work" related meetings/photo shoots and she stocked up on photos of both the house and her rental car parked in front of it. So now she just doctors an unreleased photo when she's trying to keep up the illusion that she lives in a nice house instead of what is probably a cramped apartment.
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2014
We've already determined there is nothing sketchy about the company she keeps through her modeling gigs and to say otherwise is just wishful thinking by perverts.
EDIT: Getting voted autistic by wishful thinkers. No. Gloria is a good girl who believes in jesus.
EDIT EDIT: Vote me autistic all day pervs, It won't change Gloria's moral upbringing and make your sick fantasies a reality.
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