- Joined
- Nov 11, 2014
This looks like Jack took a picture with someone with severe Down's Syndrome the second his tard wrangler stepped away.
💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
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This looks like Jack took a picture with someone with severe Down's Syndrome the second his tard wrangler stepped away.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Well, like I said, the kind of person who would unironically watch Jack Scalfani for eight years.
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2018
Zero help from the wife on camera for this video. That burger looked dry, not the least bit appetizing.
Eljudnir
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2020
Yes and no. It has a different flavor than regular ground, just like ground chuck tastes different than ground brisket, for instance. Plus, some ground is made from trimmings that would otherwise be tossed out. This is part of you'll always get some ground when you buy a quarter, half, or whole cow. This stuff also has more fat in it which makes it quite forgiving if you happen to overcook it. Yeah, you could order ground chuck or whatever with extra fat to give it a very large fat percentage but we know Jack would never do that and it'd also be pretty antithesis to his show.
This video is interesting in that if he showed any sort of restraint, the burger could have been fairly decent.
Holy shit, the amount of garlic and onion powder (garlic salt?) that he used was ridiculous.
I hate binders like breadcrumbs in burgers but I've seen a few places do it for some reason. Yuck. J. Kenji Lopez-Alt brought up before why burgers should be seasoned after forming the patty. Seems doubly so for shoving all that stuff in there. Teriyaki burgers are a thing but good teriyaki is more a finishing sauce than something to incorporate in.
Speaking of the sauces... again, with some restraint, it could be almost good. He's not completely ignorant about basic ethnic cuisines. He just sucks at cooking the stuff and seems to have a penchant for the shitty and watered down basic bitch dishes. Mayo-chup is a thing, Sriracha-mayo is a thing, Sriracha-hoisin in a thing. Hell, people call hoisin "Chinese ketchup" so that and ketchup could almost be a not disgusting thing. The combination is mind blowing. At first I tried to think of why he'd use ketchup and I realized tomato beef is a combo in some Chinese cuisine but I think that's giving him too much credit. Also, who uses Red Rooster Louisiana hot sauce in pho?
Of course, because of too much good will, I figured he'd use water chestnuts like a combo pickle-lettuce. They're pickle sized and have a vaguely lettuce type mouthfeel. Instead it's just water chestnuts flavored like the meat... So it's just crunch. Then he adds shredded slaw stuff with a sesame vinaigrette. So that just ends up bringing the acid you'd get with a pickle along with the lettuce. The water chestnuts are totally unnecessary now. Pickling the water chestnut or using a daikon (or even just radish) and carrot pickle like a bahn mi would be pretty cool, actually. Do that with a proper patty, an Asian bread, and just hoisin-Sriracha and the burger would be tasty (even if mixing those two sauces in pho are pretty iffy imo).
Speaking of bread... I see a couple easy options if he wanted to keep it burger-like and therefore not using something like a baguette or Hokkaido milk bread. The first bun-like shape would be a mantou/bao style steamed roll. If you want to keep it sweet, a bolo bao roll would have been perfect.
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2020
The guy looks a little bit like your profile picture.
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2017
Kinda OT but the definitive breakfast sandwhich is a monte christo. It's 2 slices of pan-fried french toast with ham, turkey, and a cheese of your choice melted into it, usually served with a jam for dipping or drizzled with a maple syrup. I also recommend adding a touch of cinnamon to the egg mix used for the french toast.
Back on topic, you really can't just brute force any regions cuisine into a burger. When you toss fucking water chestnuts over ruined wagyu and put it between a bun with condiments that do nothing but make a mess of an already garbage flavor profile, you haven't made an "asian burger", you've made a incoherent mass of calories that is totally removed from the culinary techniques that make those ingredients "pop". It's like californians putting eggs on pizza and replacing the marinara, provalone, and mozza with fucking pesto and brie with artichoke or some shit. WHEN YOU REMOVE THE BASE INGREDIENTS BY WHICH A DISH IS DEFINED, IT IS NO LONGER THAT DISH YOU INGRATES. I'm happy my state is on fire 3/4th's of the year.
Edit: Jack probably doesn't care, all is but mass to be absorbed into the gunt. And his viewers are eating for two: Themselves, and whatever sibling they absorbed in-utero to get that extra chromasome.
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Aaway
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2016
yeah i was gonna say it looks like he's at a hospital
the entrance definitely looks like one and the valet stand gives it away
- Joined
- Dec 16, 2019
Got that good Hispanic Dennis Radar look going on.
captkrisma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Jack saying water chestnuts have no flavor, like tofu, tells me that Jack has never had properly cooked water chestnuts or tofu.
Ira the Weatherman
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2019
I know Jack should be the focus of our mockery, but Tams seriously looks like a dude in this picture. I'm getting real 'Beatles back-up drummer' vibes from her.
Whatthefuck
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2017
I'm still stuck on this Asian Burger. I guess we should be glad he didn't call it Oriental for starters. How would you not include Chinese 5 spice or chili oil or gochjang? There are soooo many facets to Asian cuisine and he came up with Asian slaw and hoisin sauce? Did he even use soy sauce? There are many cultures that include ketchup in their meals, but Asian cuisine isn't one of them.
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
While I could try to do an autopsy on this shitshow of a meal, @Eljudnir did it well enough for my tastes. He describes clearly the ideas that could work in the dish and how Fat Jack fucked it up. He gave Jack a wee bit too much leeway here, but he explained how and why the idea was salvageable.
Ignore that I coincidentally have no desire to make another autopsy of Fat Jack cocking up a basic dish. I really don't feel like burning some time watching this obese slug mix in mounds of mayo with soy sauce. I'll only state that his burgers look fucking scorched, and that the buns surprised me by NOT being Hawaiian Diabetes Rolls. Only the dense calorie bombs that brioche rolls always are.
Instead of an autopsy, here's like three ideas I had for three different styles of burger that could hail from Asia, based on different culinary traditions as best as my sleepy brain can concoct.
Ingredients
1. 4 ounces of ground chicken (or turkey or lamb)
2. 1 tablespoon of ghee (or clarified butter)
3. 2 tablespoons of crumbled paneer cheese
4. 1 cup spinach, shredded
5. 1/4 cup of cashews, finely chopped
6. 1 small red onion
7. 1 tablespoon of greek yogurt (unflavored)
8. cardamom
9. cinnamon
10. ground ginger
11. nutmeg
12. salt
13. pepper (freshly ground)
14. cumin
15. chili powder
16. turmeric
17, garlic powder
18. Bird's eye chilis (optional)
19. naan bread
Directions:
1. Set your oven to a medium-high heat.
2. As the oven warms up, create a quick and dirty korma sauce by mixing in some of your finely chopped cashews, and all spices into your yoghurt to let the flavors mingle.
2b. The trick is to aim to get the yogurt to come out yellowish in color, as korma is loosely yellow in color. Feel free to experiment and taste as needed until you have a blend you like.
3. Slice onions into thin rings or finely minced depending on your preference.
4. Crumble your paneer (or cottage cheese) into lumps.
4b. Alternatively, you may grill them in a small disk in a skillet with ghee, as paneer will not melt.
5. Using a skillet, put in a spoon's worth of ghee, which will serve as a fat to bolster the chicken's low fat content.
6. Form your chicken into a meatball after mixing it in with salt, pepper, garlic, and nutmeg.
7. Smash your chickenball into a patty on the eated skillet with a cold spatula, as smash burgers are the most efficient method.
8. Begin positioning your naan bread , topping the bottom section with the bootleg korma paste you created as a sauce.
9. Flip the smashburger when the patty whitens. Do not put the paneer onto the meat, as it will NOT melt.
9b. Rule of thumb for those not used to poultry is about a minute or so longer than you would a beef burger.
10. Give the second side about 90 seconds to two minutes before taking it off of the skillet.
11. Assemble the sandwich, placing the bottom of the patty on the korma bootleg, the paneer on top of the patty, and top with spinach and chopped cashews. Feel free to add deseeded chilis for heat if desired.
1. 4 ounces of ground chicken (or turkey or lamb)
2. 1 tablespoon of ghee (or clarified butter)
3. 2 tablespoons of crumbled paneer cheese
4. 1 cup spinach, shredded
5. 1/4 cup of cashews, finely chopped
6. 1 small red onion
7. 1 tablespoon of greek yogurt (unflavored)
8. cardamom
9. cinnamon
10. ground ginger
11. nutmeg
12. salt
13. pepper (freshly ground)
14. cumin
15. chili powder
16. turmeric
17, garlic powder
18. Bird's eye chilis (optional)
19. naan bread
Directions:
1. Set your oven to a medium-high heat.
2. As the oven warms up, create a quick and dirty korma sauce by mixing in some of your finely chopped cashews, and all spices into your yoghurt to let the flavors mingle.
2b. The trick is to aim to get the yogurt to come out yellowish in color, as korma is loosely yellow in color. Feel free to experiment and taste as needed until you have a blend you like.
3. Slice onions into thin rings or finely minced depending on your preference.
4. Crumble your paneer (or cottage cheese) into lumps.
4b. Alternatively, you may grill them in a small disk in a skillet with ghee, as paneer will not melt.
5. Using a skillet, put in a spoon's worth of ghee, which will serve as a fat to bolster the chicken's low fat content.
6. Form your chicken into a meatball after mixing it in with salt, pepper, garlic, and nutmeg.
7. Smash your chickenball into a patty on the eated skillet with a cold spatula, as smash burgers are the most efficient method.
8. Begin positioning your naan bread , topping the bottom section with the bootleg korma paste you created as a sauce.
9. Flip the smashburger when the patty whitens. Do not put the paneer onto the meat, as it will NOT melt.
9b. Rule of thumb for those not used to poultry is about a minute or so longer than you would a beef burger.
10. Give the second side about 90 seconds to two minutes before taking it off of the skillet.
11. Assemble the sandwich, placing the bottom of the patty on the korma bootleg, the paneer on top of the patty, and top with spinach and chopped cashews. Feel free to add deseeded chilis for heat if desired.
Ingredients
1. 3 ounces of wagyu beef (80/20 will still do if you can't be fucked to pay for it)
2. 1 ounce of pork
2. several shiitake mushrooms
3. 2 strips of konbu
4. 2 spring onions
5. 1 white onion
6. 1 egg
7. panko breadcrumbs
8. salt
9. black pepper, freshly ground
10. Worcester sauce
11. Ketchup
12. A neutral oil (canola is a good option)
13. Rice buns
14. 1 small tomato (optional)
15. Sesame oil (optional)
Directions:
1. Heat the oven to a medium-high heat, and lace the skillet with the neutral oil.
2. Slice apart the white onion into a fine mince (or pulse with a blender).
3. Slice apart all but two of the shiitake mushrooms into fine mince as well. The other two will just be sliced into slices, barring the stem which is cut off.
4. Place the onion and mushroom mince into the hot oil, adding in salt and pepper as needed.
5. Sautee until browned and softened, then take off the heat and put in the freezer or fridge until it is cool.
6. When cooling has finished, place the onion-shroom mix into the bowl alongside the freshly cracked egg and the panko bread crumbs, stirring into a mush that is shoved away from the center.
7. Pulse the dried konbu into a powder via blender.
8. Place both meats in the center and pour in a pinch more salt, pepper, and now the dried konbu powder.
8b. If you wish, a small dash of worcester sauce or sesame oil may be added into the mix during this time.
9. Mix well, and form a patty once all ingredients are incorporated, making a divot in the center. The burger should be around at most an inch thick.
9b. At this time, if you wish, you may take the small tomato and slice into slices, so you can sundry the via oven.
9c. If you do sundry the tomatoes, blend them into a pulp with sesame oil or canola oil, and then place into the ketchup.
10. Take a clean skillet and lace with canola oil, and place patty in when oil is heated.
11. While the first side cooks, chop the spring onions' leaves into a garnish, and also mix the Worcester sauce and ketchup together.
11b. This can be done before cooking the patty if needed.
12. Flip patty when the sides brown.
13. Wait for 5 or so minutes, and the other side will finish.
14. Place finished burger onto rice bun, and top with the remaining shiitake mushrooms and the mixed sauce. Garnish with the green onions.
1. 3 ounces of wagyu beef (80/20 will still do if you can't be fucked to pay for it)
2. 1 ounce of pork
2. several shiitake mushrooms
3. 2 strips of konbu
4. 2 spring onions
5. 1 white onion
6. 1 egg
7. panko breadcrumbs
8. salt
9. black pepper, freshly ground
10. Worcester sauce
11. Ketchup
12. A neutral oil (canola is a good option)
13. Rice buns
14. 1 small tomato (optional)
15. Sesame oil (optional)
Directions:
1. Heat the oven to a medium-high heat, and lace the skillet with the neutral oil.
2. Slice apart the white onion into a fine mince (or pulse with a blender).
3. Slice apart all but two of the shiitake mushrooms into fine mince as well. The other two will just be sliced into slices, barring the stem which is cut off.
4. Place the onion and mushroom mince into the hot oil, adding in salt and pepper as needed.
5. Sautee until browned and softened, then take off the heat and put in the freezer or fridge until it is cool.
6. When cooling has finished, place the onion-shroom mix into the bowl alongside the freshly cracked egg and the panko bread crumbs, stirring into a mush that is shoved away from the center.
7. Pulse the dried konbu into a powder via blender.
8. Place both meats in the center and pour in a pinch more salt, pepper, and now the dried konbu powder.
8b. If you wish, a small dash of worcester sauce or sesame oil may be added into the mix during this time.
9. Mix well, and form a patty once all ingredients are incorporated, making a divot in the center. The burger should be around at most an inch thick.
9b. At this time, if you wish, you may take the small tomato and slice into slices, so you can sundry the via oven.
9c. If you do sundry the tomatoes, blend them into a pulp with sesame oil or canola oil, and then place into the ketchup.
10. Take a clean skillet and lace with canola oil, and place patty in when oil is heated.
11. While the first side cooks, chop the spring onions' leaves into a garnish, and also mix the Worcester sauce and ketchup together.
11b. This can be done before cooking the patty if needed.
12. Flip patty when the sides brown.
13. Wait for 5 or so minutes, and the other side will finish.
14. Place finished burger onto rice bun, and top with the remaining shiitake mushrooms and the mixed sauce. Garnish with the green onions.
Ingredients
1. 8 ounces of 80/20 beef (or pure ground pork)
2. 1 daikon radish, peeled
3. 1 large carrot, peeled
4. cilantro, fresh
5. 1 cucumber
6. 2 bird's eye chili, deseeded
7. sugar
8. salt
9. white vinegar
10. water
11, black pepper (freshly ground)
12. 1 clove of garlic, crushed
13. 1/2 cup of hoisin sauce
14. 1 tablespoon of sriracha sauce
15. 1 cup of soy sauce
16. 1 tablespoon of honey
17. 2 boule style baguettes or 1 baguette
Directions:
1. Slice the peeled carrot and daikon into long rectangular blocks; you are aiming for a shoestring fry level thickness for the slices.
2. Mix with sugar and salt and keep doing so until a pool of fluid comes out.
3. Wash said fluid off of your veg, and then let stew in a mixture of vinegar, water, salt and sugar (several teaspons of the former, a tablespoon or two for the latter) for two hours at room temperature.
3b. Make sure all the vegetables are covered, as this is a quick and dirty way to get a pickled flavor.
4. Prepare the marinade for the meat, which is comprised of the mix of hoisin, soy, honey, crushed garlic, and sriracha sauce.
5. Let the meat stew and know these flavors for an hour or two.
6. Form miniature patties of about 1 - 2 oz each (1/2 to 1 ice cream scoop's worth) and then grill on the skillet.
6b. As these mini patties cook, cut your baguette in half and dig out a small amount of space for the rest of the meal.
7. Flip the patties when the edges turn brown (it will be quick due to their small size), and continue to cook them for another minute.
8. Place the burger patties on the baguette first, and then top with your pickled daikon and carrot mix. Make sure all parts of the sandwich has something.
9. Slice your cucumber into disks or into strips and top the pickled mix.
10. Add in fresh cilantro on top, alongside with diced and deseeded bird's eye chilis.
1. 8 ounces of 80/20 beef (or pure ground pork)
2. 1 daikon radish, peeled
3. 1 large carrot, peeled
4. cilantro, fresh
5. 1 cucumber
6. 2 bird's eye chili, deseeded
7. sugar
8. salt
9. white vinegar
10. water
11, black pepper (freshly ground)
12. 1 clove of garlic, crushed
13. 1/2 cup of hoisin sauce
14. 1 tablespoon of sriracha sauce
15. 1 cup of soy sauce
16. 1 tablespoon of honey
17. 2 boule style baguettes or 1 baguette
Directions:
1. Slice the peeled carrot and daikon into long rectangular blocks; you are aiming for a shoestring fry level thickness for the slices.
2. Mix with sugar and salt and keep doing so until a pool of fluid comes out.
3. Wash said fluid off of your veg, and then let stew in a mixture of vinegar, water, salt and sugar (several teaspons of the former, a tablespoon or two for the latter) for two hours at room temperature.
3b. Make sure all the vegetables are covered, as this is a quick and dirty way to get a pickled flavor.
4. Prepare the marinade for the meat, which is comprised of the mix of hoisin, soy, honey, crushed garlic, and sriracha sauce.
5. Let the meat stew and know these flavors for an hour or two.
6. Form miniature patties of about 1 - 2 oz each (1/2 to 1 ice cream scoop's worth) and then grill on the skillet.
6b. As these mini patties cook, cut your baguette in half and dig out a small amount of space for the rest of the meal.
7. Flip the patties when the edges turn brown (it will be quick due to their small size), and continue to cook them for another minute.
8. Place the burger patties on the baguette first, and then top with your pickled daikon and carrot mix. Make sure all parts of the sandwich has something.
9. Slice your cucumber into disks or into strips and top the pickled mix.
10. Add in fresh cilantro on top, alongside with diced and deseeded bird's eye chilis.
There, three different "AwEsOmE aSiAn BuRgErs" that each have their own style and taste.
captkrisma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Well...it looks like Facebook wasn't able to wrangle Jack's page back from the scammers that he willingly gave admin rights to. He admits defeat and started up a private facebook group.
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2019
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2019
Ye...that is not a guy you want to buy a used car from thats for sure.
- Joined
- Jun 7, 2020
He's milking this surgery. He's in a wheelchair, but in movie theaters, he is able enough to get up and sit in the big chairs at the movie theater.
John Carmack
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 19, 2017
Matt Damon is looking like shit these days.
- Joined
- Dec 11, 2013
There's a thing I remembered from years back. We talk about Jack having a Wendigo spirit inside him that demands to be fed. One of the aspects of somebody who could become a Wendigo was if they ate fats all by itself. So if a person ate butter without the bread or anything and would just scoop it up to eat that was supposed to be a sign of them turning into a Wendigo. Which reminded me of this video Jack made for the Mayonaise cake: https://youtu.be/UHStuZb6u3w?t=96
What does he do? He eats a spoonful of mayo. What is mayo? Egg yolks and some kind of oil like olive or canola.
We have proof that he is a Wendigo and he's fattening up Tammy, Jack Jr and Tammy Jr so he can eat them all later.
What does he do? He eats a spoonful of mayo. What is mayo? Egg yolks and some kind of oil like olive or canola.
We have proof that he is a Wendigo and he's fattening up Tammy, Jack Jr and Tammy Jr so he can eat them all later.
Aaway
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2016
looks like some sort of bowling-related award. i'm guessing jack and tammy were once in a bowling league?
funny as hell when you consider jack looks like a bowling ball these days