💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[The Neutral Observer]

the lasagna video reminded me of jack's lazy man's tacos nachos

https://youtube.com/watch?v=zHy7pM0U49w

I remember that one. That's my favorite thing about the Lazy Man's recipes, especially the older ones: he doesn't actually make the thing he claims he is. I mean, I guess beef nachos could be described as a lazy alternative to tacos, but tacos are pretty lazy already, unless you go the extra mile and make your own shells. I've never done that, so I can't comment on the difficulty of doing that.

He also, notably, didn't season the meat, at least on camera. It's possible he did off screen...or at least I hope he did, because otherwise those would have been some pretty bland nachos.

Did he really try to get on the Food Network? The chefs that have shows on there are these huge celebrity chefs that have restaurants all over the world.

A YouTuber has no shot of getting his own show on there. Even someone as big as Babish would have trouble getting on.

Yes, he did. He even called the network on the Lazy Man's Pork Chop episode. Whoever answers the phone, upon hearing that he wants to pitch a show, immediately ends the conversation by dumping him to an automated message. Later on, I think in a product review for some George Foreman style grill, he offhandedly mentions that he was not picked for the Food Network.

 

[Aaway]

I remember that one. That's my favorite thing about the Lazy Man's recipes, especially the older ones: he doesn't actually make the thing he claims he is. I mean, I guess beef nachos could be described as a lazy alternative to tacos, but tacos are pretty lazy already, unless you go the extra mile and make your own shells. I've never done that, so I can't comment on the difficulty of doing that.

He also, notably, didn't season the meat, at least on camera. It's possible he did off screen...or at least I hope he did, because otherwise those would have been some pretty bland nachos.



Yes, he did. He even called the network on the Lazy Man's Pork Chop episode. Whoever answers the phone, upon hearing that he wants to pitch a show, immediately ends the conversation by dumping him to an automated message. Later on, I think in a product review for some George Foreman style grill, he offhandedly mentions that he was not picked for the Food Network.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_WRC7HXBJpU

the sauce commercial in the middle of every CWJ video era was jack's prime

 

[The Neutral Observer]

the sauce commercial in the middle of every CWJ video era was jack's prime

That eventually culminating him to going on the West Texas Investors Club to get money to expand his business. I haven't seen the entire episode of him going on that show, but I read an article about it, and if I recall they found his BBQ sauce to be average.

A lot has been made about his BBQ sauce, but I don't see people talk about his Gourmet Seasoning very much, which I always found the more amusing, with its four ingredients, one of them being unspecified spices. The only time I've ever seen him use the Gourmet Seasoning was on one of the chickens in the Bag N' Season McCormick video, in which even he admitted the other chicken looked more "attractive". Ironic, considering the one that got the McCormick seasoning was the one that leaked blood.

 

[JackDavis]

[Calphalon Counter Oven Review- PRODUCT REVIEW]
Original: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=my41JJo8HHw
Archive (480p):

Going back to this video, it really bugged me. I love oven baked wings and when done right they're almost as good as deep fried.
He really doesn't understand why he does things. He just half ass reads a recipe online (or in this case from his friend) and poorly repeats them.
Baking powder is put on wings to lower the pH since it's a base. The lower the pH, the faster food browns. If you want a cheat for french onion soup, add some baking powder to the onions and they'll brown in half the time.
An enemy to browning is moisture. The video says "you must pat dry wings for maximum crispness". Yes, but you also have to let the wings dry out before you put them in the oven. He and Tamtam's wings look like they're caked in elmer's glue.

They're not going to crisp up when they're so wet. The one time using the word wet to describe meat is correct and he misses out on it.
I leave my wings on a baking rack over night to let them dry out as well as they can.
After they're dried out, you bake them at about 250F for half an hour to cook them through then turn up the heat to about 425F to get them extra brown. It looks like Jack cooked them at 500F for 5 minutes. What the fuck is this?

And what was his review on how the oven handled air frying wings? The whole review: "That mixture came out really good." *SUCKS FINGER* *SUCKS OTHER FINGER* He puts up some text about how Calphalon doesn't advertise it as an air fryer, okay so how well did it do baking the wings on an air frying rack with the convection fan blowing if you want to get pedantic.
And another thing that grinds my gears, he's always telling me what the fuck to do. "Try this recipe out." "Mix honey, sriracha, bbq sauce" "enjoy the wings"

 

[Lenzperkins]

For someone who says he doesn't talk politics, or force his views on others, Jack sure is opininated. Don't tread on me! Don't mess with my beef!

 

[The Cum Consumer]

For someone who says he doesn't talk politics, or force his views on others, Jack sure is opininated. Don't tread on me! Don't mess with my beef!
View attachment 1518148

Man, he really gets upset when people even slightly imply that living on an all-meat diet is bad for you. How does he not get bored of meat either? Like, with the way he eats meat, I would reduce my consumption just so I can try something new.

 

[Whatthefuck]

For someone who says he doesn't talk politics, or force his views on others, Jack sure is opininated. Don't tread on me! Don't mess with my beef!
View attachment 1518148

Someone is TRIGGERED! Jack is such a pussy. I swear to the God he believes in I've never seen a bigger fucking man-baby.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

For someone who says he doesn't talk politics, or force his views on others, Jack sure is opininated. Don't tread on me! Don't mess with my beef!
View attachment 1518148

So what if they change the dietary guidelines? It's not like he's following them anyway.

 

[Xolanite]

For someone who says he doesn't talk politics, or force his views on others, Jack sure is opininated. Don't tread on me! Don't mess with my beef!
View attachment 1518148

Geez, jack, no one‘s forcing you to follow the guidelines lul.

 

[Aaway]

For someone who says he doesn't talk politics, or force his views on others, Jack sure is opininated. Don't tread on me! Don't mess with my beef!
View attachment 1518148

lol of course jack the dumbshit boomer saw the headline and took this as "the government is gonna try to limit how much meat you can eat."

this is the same guy who said he'd have no reason to live if he couldn't eat meat, so god knows he won't shut up about this for a while

 

[The Cum Consumer]

this is the same guy who said he'd have no reason to live if he couldn't eat meat, so god knows he won't shut up about this for a while

Which video does he say that?

 

[Aaway]

Which video does he say that?

had to do some digging in this thread, but i found it. it was in a facebook post last year

 

[AnOminous]

Man, he really gets upset when people even slightly imply that living on an all-meat diet is bad for you.

He's like the carnivore equivalent of a fucking vegan. He not only eats nothing but meat, usually raw and bloody or deep fried, and on top of that, can't go a sentence without ranting about how he is constantly shoving as much meat into his mouth as he can possibly fellate, then deep throat, then vore to death as it bleeds torrents of blood, mooing in fear.

Meanwhile despite insisting this is completely healthy and KEEEEEEto, he is practically dead and only has one functional limb left.

 

[Coach McGuirk]

For someone who says he doesn't talk politics, or force his views on others, Jack sure is opininated. Don't tread on me! Don't mess with my beef!
View attachment 1518148

This man who just recently drank butter soda is complaining about the evils of carbs and sugars, I swear the part of his brain that allows him to be self aware must have been taken over by his unending hunger.

 

[Gaius Caesar]

That eventually culminating him to going on the West Texas Investors Club to get money to expand his business. I haven't seen the entire episode of him going on that show, but I read an article about it, and if I recall they found his BBQ sauce to be average.

A lot has been made about his BBQ sauce, but I don't see people talk about his Gourmet Seasoning very much, which I always found the more amusing, with its four ingredients, one of them being unspecified spices. The only time I've ever seen him use the Gourmet Seasoning was on one of the chickens in the Bag N' Season McCormick video, in which even he admitted the other chicken looked more "attractive". Ironic, considering the one that got the McCormick seasoning was the one that leaked blood.

According to the FDA labeling requirements, "spices" could be any one of these:

21 CFR § 182.10 - Spices and other natural seasonings and flavorings.

www.law.cornell.edu

It'd of course be helpful to know what actual spices were in the Gourmet Seasoning but I imagine Jack didn't want anyone stealing his trade secrets, after all with chicken like that who wouldn't want to copy him?

 

[Marissa Moira]

That's the General Tso's chicken video. A classic, where he creates a non-Newtonian fluid.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=j9kwmXwLTNo

Just look at his amazement that the end result wasn't a horror show, he genuinely impressed himself.

 

[JackDavis]

Kamala Harris: 5'3 135lbs, 0 strokes, 4 functioning limbs
Jack Scalfani: 5'6 300lbs, 2 strokes, 1 semi-functioning limb

Oh yeah Jack, I'm sure you have all the answers when it comes to diets. You look fucking wonderful since you started that keto diet.

 

[Zhoban]

Man, he really gets upset when people even slightly imply that living on an all-meat diet is bad for you. How does he not get bored of meat either? Like, with the way he eats meat, I would reduce my consumption just so I can try something new.

That's not to mention that the price of meat is exorbitant with the pandemic; a brisket that would typically sell for $50 now costs $150. If losing functionality of your body and constantly being coated in beef residue isn't a turnoff, wouldn't smashing your now-unemployed wife's bank account be one?

I'm also vividly aware that we're talking about Jack, who is perpetually attempting brisket cooks and has to date cooked one that wasn't pink on the inside.

Kamala Harris: 5'3 135lbs, 0 strokes, 4 functioning limbs
Jack Scalfani: 5'6 300lbs, 2 strokes, 1 semi-functioning limb

Oh yeah Jack, I'm sure you have all the answers when it comes to diets. You look fucking wonderful since you started that keto diet.

There's no way Jack only weights 300 pounds.

 

[Aaway]

Kamala Harris: 5'3 135lbs, 0 strokes, 4 functioning limbs
Jack Scalfani: 5'6 300lbs, 2 strokes, 1 semi-functioning limb

Oh yeah Jack, I'm sure you have all the answers when it comes to diets. You look fucking wonderful since you started that keto diet.

haha i always forget jack is a manlet

minus the muscle of course

 

[The Wizard]

That eventually culminating him to going on the West Texas Investors Club to get money to expand his business. I haven't seen the entire episode of him going on that show, but I read an article about it, and if I recall they found his BBQ sauce to be average.

A lot has been made about his BBQ sauce, but I don't see people talk about his Gourmet Seasoning very much, which I always found the more amusing, with its four ingredients, one of them being unspecified spices. The only time I've ever seen him use the Gourmet Seasoning was on one of the chickens in the Bag N' Season McCormick video, in which even he admitted the other chicken looked more "attractive". Ironic, considering the one that got the McCormick seasoning was the one that leaked blood.

View attachment 1516748

Its not just one single thing about this, but the combination of it all, that makes this my favorite of the Best Sauces labels.

• "Spices" is the final ingredient, while salt is the first. Quite a lot, too, compared to most seasonings (to my knowledge). Still, assuming there's no sodium in the other ingredients, you're looking at almost 1/4 of your serving being made up of salt.
• Matthew 14:13-21 on the side. I'm not really sure what Jack was trying to say with this. Go to remote places, and they'll give you free food if you complain?
• "Season generously"