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💼 CareercowJack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
@Shartavius already got most of it, but I did want to point something out. Restaurant porkchops, 2 for $38, he could have used an example of doing them at home 2 for $7. But since this is fatty, you know he ate 4 for them, and had 2 for Tammy. The takeaway here is that he'd order four for $76 if Tammy would let him.
So this spastic retard plans on making a "cooking 101" series for those who have never cooked a proper meal. I'm definitely excited to see how this turns out, since he can't grasp the ABCs of cooking if he life depended on it. I'm not exaggerating when i say that my students, ages ranging from 8-16, outcook this fool in every aspect
In few weeks the youngest show more technique than this bumbling idiot did in 20 years. And he wants to "teach" people! He could do a great service on this future series if he placed a disclaimer telling people to do the very opposite
If i was a little more dedicated, i'd alog him like they did to Phil and make a "This is how you DON'T cook" series
Amazing news flash. I had no idea it was cheaper to cook food at home than eat at a restaurant. Fat fucking retard. Also where was he eating where an order of two porkchops was $38?
Looking up restaurants in his area, $13-15 for a meal with a porkchop and some sides, plus tax and tip would easily bring it to $18 or more per plate. Even though he's got a texas roadhouse in his area that'll do a single for $14.50 or double for $17.50. It looks like grocery items are taxed at half rate in TN, and his brain can't fathom that at a restaurant he's paying for someone else's labor(because he's never done any himself).
That's how you get Fatty whining about $38 for 2 porkchops.
Amazing news flash. I had no idea it was cheaper to cook food at home than eat at a restaurant. Fat fucking retard. Also where was he eating where an order of two porkchops was $38?
I've had two hardwood-grilled pork chops for $34 before. Though it did come with mah' potatoes and beans. It wudn't no chili's, but it wasn't exactly high class either.
So this spastic retard plans on making a "cooking 101" series for those who have never cooked a proper meal. I'm definitely excited to see how this turns out, since he can't grasp the ABCs of cooking if he life depended on it. I'm not exaggerating when i say that my students, ages ranging from 8-16, outcook this fool in every aspect
In few weeks the youngest show more technique than this bumbling idiot did in 20 years. And he wants to "teach" people! He could do a great service on this future series if he placed a disclaimer telling people to do the very opposite
If i was a little more dedicated, i'd alog him like they did to Phil and make a "This is how you DON'T cook" series
I really wanna see Jack's basic "cooking tips for beginners" when half his body doesn't work. How to push buttons on gook-o-matic whisker? How to temp something by dipping your nose into it like a fuckin' goose? How to julienne a potato by smashing it with a rolling pin??
He'll just do a rug pull and have Tammy do everything while he narrates.
Also whenever jacko wears that hat it reminds me of Ice Cube in Barbershop.
Looking up restaurants in his area, $13-15 for a meal with a porkchop and some sides, plus tax and tip would easily bring it to $18 or more per plate. Even though he's got a texas roadhouse in his area that'll do a single for $14.50 or double for $17.50. It looks like grocery items are taxed at half rate in TN, and his brain can't fathom that at a restaurant he's paying for someone else's labor(because he's never done any himself).
That's how you get Fatty whining about $38 for 2 porkchops.
You pay for the convenience of it. I have no issue with paying for a restaurant meal but it always comes down to the fact that I don't feel like cooking or Mrs. Sebben wants to try a new place she heard of.
I laugh pretty easily at Jack's typos; because I know they're due to his phone not understanding his slurred, cookie monster dictation. He definitely yelled "Goo" at his phone and tweeted it due to being physically incapable of proofreading, either.
1. Asking God what happens when you die is probably the most useless of questions. If you're in the position to ask, you're already dead.
2. When Jesus was saying that only the Father knows, it was about when He was going to be returning.
Then again, I might be wrong. I haven't had a Scofield Bible read cover to cover to me a dozen times by a priest that part times as a faggot pedophile murderer.
Jack deleted the video, perhaps because he fucked up and revealed "Mrs. X"'s identity. The fat retard can't figure out how to work a video editor, so the fade effect disappears at the very end of the video:
She also commented on his Facebook and he responded confirming that she is the mystery guest:
Fortunately another dedicated Foodjack archived the video:
34:32
I know nobody here needs to hear this, but this is a great reminder to never get involved with Jack using your real identity. He will find a way to fuck up and dox you.
Yes, please warn us, Tennessee ur-Karen who doesn't want to reveal her identity, we trust you implicitly in the name of Jesus, unless he's worried about doxxing too.
He apologizes and brushes the dandruff off his shirt. He then pulls the nearly vampire fighting-sized cross out from under the shirt, as if anyone, including Jesus, cares if it's not showing 24/7.
Jack claims he was eight minutes late to the stream because he was "researching" where to buy goat, the meat his adoring Xitter public "overwhelmingly" voted for him to cook to kick off Barbecue Season or Barbecue Month or whatever current distraction from imminent death he's pursuing.
Jack: [Turns out] I could buy it literally right next door -- at the farm -- but they want me to buy the whole goat. But I just want a package or two -- not the whole goat! That's probably, like, 200 bucks!
What do you care? It's not your money. You're disabled and never had a real job or savings or income even when your body worked properly. It's your wife's money. And you'd write it off as a business expense anyway. Get the whole goat! Be a man!
3:05
Jack: I found three places that sell goat, but they're all the way down in Nashville in the international markets. I'm like, "Yuck. We'll run in, we'll grab our goat, and we'll run out. We'll drive back into the hills."
The ironic thing is Jack thinks the very people he denigrates don't think yuck when they see him -- an American stereotype so garish it does a disservice to all of us who aren't morbidly obese, fish-eyed, and wheelchair-bound from a lifetime of Fast Food Wars.
I'm a big country boy. I really dislike going downtown now. It's not like it used to be. It used to be totally empty. Now it's, like, overbuilt. It's way crazy.
Nashville was recently "named by U.S. News and World Report as one of the most desirable cities to live in the country" -- and with a cost of living and a job market both better than the national average, it was voted America's favorite big cityBY Americans.
But no, we're all supposed to take the word of a literal drooling coward who runs scoots away crying if he has to interact with anyone below the red line on Peter Griffin's color swatch.
3:42
Jack: There's no real cool places to live anymore in the U.S.
The least googled state is Wyoming -- and it's in the bottom 20% nationally in terms of healthcare quality.
Good luck with that, manlet who's had five strokes and is now extraordinarily crippled.
The largest ancestry groups in Wyoming are German, English and Irish. Jack is 62% Italian and at his best looked like an Arabian hunchback. Good luck with this!
4:48
Jack: I live in the country, but I can get all the luxuries I want. If I want to go see a show or a hockey game or baseball or football, I'll drive downtown for the one day. But overall, it's all here. I love it. High-speed internet. We got family around. Pretty cool.
For someone who spends a great deal of his (extremely limited) time (left on earth) pretending he's a member of a dying breed -- one of the last real, true, red-blooded, meat-eating American patriots -- all he's done in seven minutes is say:
He won't buy meat from a farm;
He'll run in fear from establishments that aren't in the middle of Bumfuck, Nowhere;
There's no good places left to live in America;
And he has no idea how baseball works
Homelander would laser him in fucking half.
7:44
Jack: Personally, I hope the Lakers get rid of LeBron. I've never been a fan of the Lakers since they drafted LeBron. I just think he didn't do the team well. That's personal beef.
Jack quote-unquote beefing with LeBron is like an ant beefing with a human being.
Also, Jacks knows no ball. We knew this, but I'm always sort of shocked at how poorly he even pretends to know ball for someone so committed to the bit of appearing manly.
It's dumb to even type out, but LeBron was not "drafted" by the Lakers (they acquired him via free agency) and if you want to think "he didn't do the team well," fine (whatever that means), but he won them their first and only championship since Kobe retired. Ball he does not know! I stand by this.
Moreover, Jack is lying by omission. He's still just butt-hurt that LeBron clowned Trump that one time. But he'll never admit this, just as he'll never admit the main reason he "beefs" with "cities" -- whole fucking cities! American cities as a general concept! -- is the fact they tend to reject Trump and lean purple or blue.
9:34
After thinking out loud about how he needs to research the most popular way to prepare goat...
Jack: [reading the chat] "I had goat curry once." ... Oh, that's interesting! That is very interesting!
Is "international" the new way to refer to people who aren't from the U.S.? How does Jack know the butcher isn't from the U.S.? Does Jack think any person who sells a specific product must really like said product and be incapable of selling it purely to make a profit, as they run a business?
Many questions.
I'm guessing the butcher is probably going to be Middle Eastern -- because they know how good that meat is and they eat that meat.
Dude, the butcher could be fucking Texan considering Texas accounts for like a third of America's goat meat production. (Old but interesting map!)
Also, I searched for butchers that sell goat meat near Jack's (publicly available) address. I did this because my drinking has deepened (it's a 24-ouncer with an 8% ABV) and I have way too much time on my hands.
I have no idea who runs these operations, but they have names like Holt's Hometown, Frost Meats and Tennessee Grass-Fed Farms. These names do not scream Bahrain or Yemen to me. Also, I saw zero of the common aesthetic of Middle Eastern businesses, and only pasty white people appeared in the photos.
At this point I'm starting to think he just wants to buy a goat from a Middle Eastern man. Which, fine, cross it off the bucket list. Who doesn't, am I right! But it's OK to just admit this.
10:25
Jack: I ain't buyin' a whole goat -- I want one that's already been butchered! I don't want to just go, "Hey, come here, little goat. How you doin'? I'm naming you Joe and chopping you up into bits!" Kind of morbid.
For starters, we all know he'd name the goat Jack.
Secondly, while normally I wouldn't blame someone for just wanting a simple package of meat and not a whole damn animal, I'm going to hold an obnoxious carnivore larper to a different standard.
Isn't farm-to-table -- or hunt-to-table -- the whole point? Well, that's what that looks like. It looks like tender, loving care for animals -- which, yes, sometimes results in their being named -- before the dark but life-giving business of butchery, because a well tended animal is healthier to consume.
Buy the whole damn goat, pussy!
10:58
Jack: I like yellow curry. I don't know what you like, but I'm a yellow curry guy.
Yellow curry is delicious, but yellow is also Jack's favorite color so I'm choosing to believe that that's the reason he likes it, and I'm adding it to the list of reasons I think he's a fucking moron who deserves only the worst things to happen to him.
11:26
After someone in chat asks if goat is red meat...
Jack: Hey Grace, can you hear me?
Grace, His AI: [Britishly] Loud and clear, Jack. What's on your mind?
Jack: Is goat red meat?
Grace: Ah, the classic goat debate. Technically, yes, goat is classified as red meat. It's similar to lamb or beef in that sense. But hey, if you're cooking it, the main question is, "What's for dinner!"
It takes an extremely lame asshole to try to feel big or look cool by talking down to an AI.
I know it's small, but I swear this reminds me of the tone he took in his early videos with child-aged Junior. Where no matter what Junior did -- lean, yawn, eat, not eat, smile, not smile, laugh, not laugh -- Jack scolded him and told him to do the opposite. Remember too how Jack treated his elderly mother: so poorly it led Garrett to openly call him "retarded" in public, in front of a family friend.
Jack's always been very eager to assert authority over those he perceives to be easy to dominate. Children. Old people. Now we know that he extends this to the fake, female-coded, digital help, as well. Sad.
11:55
Jack: So yeah, I guess it's red meat! I didn't know that! Which, I don't care. Red, white, yellow. As long as it's not brown because it's going bad.
Imagine publicly harping on how you're going to prepare a certain kind of meat, and you don't even know technically how the meat is classified. Probably the biggest first step to creating a mental model of how you're going to approach it.
Raw meat, especially of the kind we'd most often encounter in the West, turns brown because it's oxidizing, not necessarily because it's inedible and gone bad. A nitpick, yes, but Jack deserves no grace.
12:27
Someone In Chat: Thanks for getting straight to the point with the pork chop video. Too many YouTubers waste time smiling and having a good time in the kitchen!
Jack: Yeah, I try! No lie. Hey, you guys are busy. You're streaming. You're doomscrolling [obviously a new word he just learned and wants to repeat]. You ain't got time to watch a 15-minute video. I try to keep 'em between 5 and 10 minutes.
Jack: Goat is a little hard to find in this area. But it's not impossible. I'll go drive for it. I know there's some places in Kentucky that I can drive up to. I don't care!
You should care because you aren't the one driving! You're crippled and you can't drive anymore, so you should care that anyone would sacrifice their time and energy to drive you to a different state just so you can make a trash video of trash food that no one but trolls will watch!
This man has no friends. Zero. Only a wife, two sons, a daughter-in-law, and a grandson. That is it. The grandson's a baby who will never know him; one son lives on the opposite side of the planet by choice; the wife visibly detests him; the DIL is visibly freaked out by him; and the one son he's OK with keeps his distance.
He should treat those few remaining stalwarts in his life like treasure. Instead he does the opposite: He runs them ragged for his larp and openly thinks nothing of it. Incredible.
16:35
Someone In Chat: You still use AI, Jack? Thought you are anti-AI now.
Jack: No, it's not that at all. It's like... Let's see... Let's say... I want to give a good example. I still use AI like I use Google.com. For research only.
This is a blatant lie. He obviously uses it for his video titles, video descriptions, video thumbnails, and probably at least some of his social media posts.
Hat-tip here to a YouTube channel doing good work cataloguing Jack's hypocritical usage of AI.
But I can give it up. They can take it away. They can make it illegal. It could be destroyed tomorrow. I'd be fine. I don't rely on it at all. For nothin'.
That's important to you guys, so I'm going to try to make sure the pictures have real food in it that I made. Every so oft... No, I'm not going to say it. I'm just going to try. That's all.
Against his will, a few bits of truth have bubbled out:
"That's important to you guys"
It's not important to him. He doesn't care. But he knows the zeitgeist hates AI, and that's more or less the only thing keeping him even the tiniest bit shame-having as a creator.
"I'm going to try to make the pictures have real food in it that I made"
As a wise little green dude once said, "There is no try. Only do." You either make the food and take a picture of it or you don't. There's no in-between, and the only reason to vacillate is because you know you've already violated this rule and/or know you will violate it in the future -- if only because you can't fucking cook.
"Every so oft..."
Do I even need to say it? He almost admits that he does use AI. It's halfway out of his mouth. But he senses how hard it's going to be to do the tap-dance and come out looking good on the other side, so he backs away totally.
18:55
After telling us the whole AI debate is better suited for F As In Frank, where he'll be hosting a Mystery Guest whom he immediately doxxed, because he's stupid, Jack explains he has to be super careful with his words because...
It's a crazy world. The internet is judge, jury and executioner. You slip up, you say one wrong thing... Been there. Done that. And they blow it up, and the next thing you know, they've taken your one thing and moved on and blown it up even more to where it's not even real anymore. It's like, "No, I didn't do that."
Jack Scalfani strangled his minor son to the point the child's nose bled, the technical term for which is "epistaxis" and is a critical medical emergency when it follows strangulation.
Jack: Tammy wants to go [on a] cruise back in Alaska. I think that's not til 2030. So, we're inviting a lot of couples. We're inviting a lot of family. We're trying to bring as many people as possible -- that's why it's pushed out so far.
Jack deleted the video, perhaps because he fucked up and revealed "Mrs. X"'s identity. The fat retard can't figure out how to work a video editor, so the fade effect disappears at the very end of the video:
I know nobody here needs to hear this, but this is a great reminder to never get involved with Jack using your real identity. He will find a way to fuck up and dox you.
There are cheaper models and even if you have no smoker at all you could substitute with an oven. I'm just baffled as to what gave him the idea to smoke a pork chop, I can only imagine that would end up drying it out being such a thin piece of meat.
