💀 Horrorcow Dave Rivera / airbagged / Kate Bush's Tampon / abadwind / Akoujin / linktothepabst / pookey_blow - Decades of a mental delusional soy-parasitic schizophrenia creep. Antifa terrorist, serial stalker, beta male ally, simping & beta cuckoldry, woke orbiter of DEI & SBI, crossdresser, death fetish spammer, Alyssa Mercante's favorite tampon.

Hello, folks.

I’ve decided that I’ll be stepping away indefinitely from being public on the internet. For the sake of my physical and mental well-being but more importantly for the sake of those close to me. This has been a decision I’ve gone back and forth on since the beginning of the year, and no single incident caused it.

But first, a few things to address. I had a semi-secret VTuber account. I started streaming in late 2024, after roughly half a year being public as NBinted. I kept it relatively low profile on purpose. I didn’t think I was good enough yet to be streaming in front of as many people as I had following me here. I could’ve easily done drama react slop as Bint and been far more successful, but I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to actually make stuff and have fun. I love VTubers and VTubing, and I didn’t want to risk shitting up the scene any more than I do by tweeting. Anyone who knows me knows there are far more VTubers I love than VTubers I don’t. It was an escape for me during the dark days of the pandemic. I enjoyed it, and I was excited to make more stuff in a space where I was separate from drama.

I had a collab server for my one year anniversary. This was not a secret group chat “clique” where I plotted the downfall of VTubers I didn’t like. This chat was me planning events and hanging out with people. The people in that chat are their own people, with agreements and disagreements with what I say and do. We hung out for fun casual streams, and nothing else. Screenshots will be included in the replies, with names redacted.

One of those people who’s given me permission to name them is Keniisu. I consider Keniisu a friend. However, he more than anyone else has voiced his disagreements with how I do things. We’ve argued a bit at times even. He most definitely didn’t approve of my trash talking and more mean-spirited posts. He’s his own person, and one of the most genuine and honest people I’ve met here. He came into my anniversary stream for about 30 minutes, and we talked about our experience with books related to mental health and the self-help industry. Our only other collab was an Uno stream. He’s aware that I’m making this statement. He’s also making his own. Regardless of what it says, I don’t want anyone else dragged down by what I’ve said or done. My actions are my own.

There are things I stand by and there are things I deeply regret. Among those is how I spoke about Sayu and Doki. My opinion at the time was that though I felt for their pain, I thought that they were jerks who benefited from hatred. Though as the scene has gotten worse, I realise that they were both genuine people just doing their best. I’ve addressed this more times than I can count. Though the truth always takes longer to explain than a lie. The people who bring it up the most aren't really interested in the truth or in the well-being of either of these VTubers. I said what I said about them to a much smaller audience than I have now, though they were still mean spirited posts.

With that said, I have never once shared dox info on either Sayu or Doki or supported others for doing so. My comments about “the consequences of Sayu’s actions” were to do with how I felt about her being terminated by Niji (which isn’t how I feel now). Furthermore, I have never EVER said that Doki deserved what she went through. I’ve always said the complete opposite of this even at my most negative. And as someone with my own heavy mental health struggles, it’s upsetting and disingenuous to be accused of that. But I still feel a lot of guilt about how I spoke, and for that I’m sorry. I’ve carried that guilt with me for some time.

I don’t know if I’ll ever come back. If I do, I won’t be doing what I do now. I’ll leave scuffles with streamers to other people. Thank you to those who supported me. It meant the world to me. Thank you to those who were genuine with me too, even if we didn’t get along. If you truly care about making this space a more loving place and putting in the work, I support you. That isn’t just about me, and there are better kinder people who do far more than I’ve ever done.

As much as there are things I love in the VTuber community, I’ve grown to be very anxious and miserable. I don’t have it in me to keep doing what I’ve been doing the last couple years, and for whatever good I’ve done I don’t want to cause hurt any longer. I don’t want to act and speak impulsively in ways that don’t align with my values or the world I want. For some it’s good news that I’m leaving and for others I know I may be letting them down. The world is in a dark place, but I don’t want to be consumed by that darkness.

I’ll be making this account private shortly. If you want to reach out, DMs will be open.

Take care.

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And a bonus meme just for lulz.

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