The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

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Who are the top three strongest characters in the Kevin Gibes Inflated Universe (KGIU) canon?

  • Gash Coyote

    Votes: 103 4.5%

  • Rioley

    Votes: 279 12.1%

  • Penis

    Votes: 417 18.1%

  • Loathsome Dung Eater Jen

    Votes: 300 13.0%

  • Boner

    Votes: 300 13.0%

  • Kevin Gibes

    Votes: 684 29.7%

  • The Elusive Earl

    Votes: 716 31.0%

  • Landon Hiscock

    Votes: 266 11.5%

  • The Korps LARP Brigade

    Votes: 205 8.9%

  • Kiwifarms Militia

    Votes: 1,149 49.8%

  • Kindness

    Votes: 669 29.0%

  • Trans Cucumber The Child Abandoner

    Votes: 313 13.6%
  • Total voters
    2,306
Gril cock down
Lone Dialator
The Hurt locker already works pretty well
Men who stare at alpacas
American seether
Did I miss any?
 
LooneyTroons said:
Hmmm, out in the middle of fuck off no-where you say? Tell me then sir, does that mean you brought those rifles across state lines? Just as well this shit never happened otherwise you might have some explaining to do.
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It ain't illegal to bring guns across state lines with the exception of Class III items, which none of their stuff is.
 
Weeb Slinger said:
If there is space in the TV schedules for shows where teams of ghost hunters, wearing night-vision goggles, stumble around in the pitch black, inside derelict mental institutions, then there is surely also space for a reality show where the Tranchers carry out armed extractions of vulnerable trans individuals from hostile situations.

It would need an unwieldy and ambiguous title that wouldn't alienate the boomer demographic – something like 'Gender Rescuers'. The format would be a fusion of 'Most Haunted' and 'Dog the Bounty Hunter'.

The episode structure practically writes itself: You base the show on the Unicorn Ranch, which allows for any shortfall in the running time to be filled with shots of the alpacas. This also provides a basis for story arcs to bookend the episodes, along with plenty of saccharine moments, for example, a ewe rejecting her lamb because she identifies as a male sheep.

We get to witness the Tranchers' ongoing efforts to fortify their ranch against an impending attack from the local white supremacist groups, who have unified themselves around a mysterious and charismatic leader, named Earl, who is very much the Professor Moriarty of the show.

Phillip is filmed screwing offcuts of wood to the inside of a car's doors “to make the vehicle bulletproof”. There follows a discussion regarding the grade of chicken wire that would be required to protect the wind-shield – the holes need to be just large enough the catch bullets and stop them from passing though.

After a few minutes of a side-story, where one of the Tranchers attempts to source a replacement stove nob from an auction website, disingenuously called SHEbay, the show moves up a gear: In the Unicorn Ranch Situation Room (already sinking on its foundations in one corner) one of the senior Tranchers briefs the extraction team on their mission. These sorties mostly entail breaking a captive troon out of a rural property, all of which have ridiculous names like 'Broken Buck Ranch'. Photos of the kidnappers are shown, pixelated to avoid legal action, and also because, like every human threat to the ranch in this show, they don't fucking exist. There are some cautionary words of warning regarding intelligence that suggests Earl may be on site, and that everyone should take extra. care. This is followed by a visit to the Quartermaster, where everybody gears up.

The missions themselves all take place after dark and consist shaky, black and white headcam footage, taken at odd angles, with long reconnaissance shots being filmed on 'Sniper cam' - literally a sniper scope.

The show will develop its own lexicon: “We got a cis by the north-east perimeter wall. I can scope two cis loitering by the red pick-up.”

At some point, one of the rescuers will claim to have seen Earl and there will be a futile attempt to identify him:

“Bonnie, we need to see his face. Can you get in for a closer look?”

“Negative, there's a wooden beam in the way.”

There is always a wooden beam, or some other conveniently-placed object, blocking the view of Earl's face.

When things inevitably kick off there will be a lot of breathless running between cover, firing into the air at nothing, and a level of urgency that far exceeds that which the situation demands.

Back at the ranch everybody hugs and there are some affirming words from Phillip about how “everyone did good out there today.”

I envisage a season finale where the Trancher's receive word that Earl intends to attack Unicorn Ranch. Faced by overwhelming numbers, Phillip makes the hard decision to evacuate. He calls upon the people who the Tranchers have rescued to assist in an alpaca drive, through a dangerous valley, to a secret safe space.

This cliff-hanger, which will see the Tranchers, their livestock, and their poor abandoned lamb, homeless, will open the door to a second season.

I would watch the shit out of a show like this, and I am sure many others would too. The Tranchers would b happy too, as they could continue their grifting, at least until some form of scandal results in a prominent member of the team going to jail.
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A friend of mine has an interesting loss on this wonderful idea.

Earl's identity must be shrouded in mystery, but he has a prosthetic left hand.

The local sheriff's face is mostly obscured by giant sunglasses, a hat, and a COVID mask, and in one scene he is wearing an oddly abbreviated uniform, almost like a stripper's version of a sheriff's uniform.

Earl is actually Buster Bluth, the sheriff is Gob, and this was the next season of Arrested Development.
 
Sleazy Car Salesman said:
It ain't illegal to bring guns across state lines with the exception of Class III items, which none of their stuff is.
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There are certain formalities you need to adhere to, though, especially if traveling through certain (*cough* New York) states. They didn't say they actually crossed state lines anyway, though, just that they rescued someone from fuck-off nowhere, which only means they drove from the fuck-off nowhere they're at to the fuck-off nowhere this fantasy supposedly occurred.
 
Law said:
Each and every Trancher is a 100% true and authentic transwoman. This thread is a great way to learn about how transwomen look and behave.
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IDK, maybe I just get outside more, but... No. Troons like the Tranchers don't really want to be women of any sort; they loathe women. You can see it in everything they do that this is what's fueling their AGP fetish, part of the LARP is the whole pretense of being a transwoman so they can justify berating women who don't want a fucking dudebro in what's supposed to be women's spaces and harassing women and generally being sex pests.

Troons are basically seriously off-brand and suspicious bonbons where the outer candy shell of LARPing-as-a-woman covers a thick layer of munchiness surrounding a liquor center of seething Incel misogyny. (The sweetness is, of course, antifreeze.)

I've fucking seen troons like the Tranchers peak trans trannies. It's honestly going to be pretty entertaining to see how it all falls out--if it'll be grasped that you do not ever need numbers badly enough for it to be worth putting up with an infestation of predatory assholes, before the parasite load manages to kill the movement.

CryoRevival #SJ-112 said:
Look at their storefront:

Holy shit I thought that they would have gotten this sorted out.

What intrigues me is that they have removed the Soundview Mill supplier note. I know if I were a fibre miller I wouldnt want my name on that shit, maybe they only agreed to actually spin the yarn in that sorry state (maybe the tranch refused to pay extra for extra scouring). But it does raise questions. I wonder if the miller wanted their name taken off this subpar product because of that...

If the mill had severed ties with them I think that we would see transphobia posts, not what we saw as I doubt they have the forebearance to avoid souring relationships with the only 30 alpaca fleece mills in the country. But it would explain why they got a shipment 3 months early.

Does fleece length have any connection to what thickness of yarn it can be spun into? That could explain the choice of thicker yarns.
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Yes. Fiber length severely impacts how fine a yarn it can be spun into, as well as the quality; there's a handful of fibers that break this rule, and they're very labor-intensive to produce.

It's important to note that fiber length for animal fibers is a product of how often you shear the animal (alpaca it's once a year, right after winter), genetics, and health. Things like vet bills and maintaining good feed (and good water) will severely impact the condition of the animal's coat. It's also why, if you're buying alpaca for any purpose other than 'pet'? You buy for quality.

Of course, the Tranchers over at Tenacious Unicorn Ranch managed to screw this up. Their land & animals would be in a lot better state if instead of buying LOTS of low-quality (if cute) alpaca, probably for more than those animals were worth, they'd instead just bought a handful and let the herd organically grow.
 
So arent trannys lazy? like who would want to work on a ranch where you have to do shit everyday for hours on end
 
Rainbow Frog Army said:
IDK, maybe I just get outside more, but... No. Troons like the Tranchers don't really want to be women of any sort; they loathe women. You can see it in everything they do that this is what's fueling their AGP fetish, part of the LARP is the whole pretense of being a transwoman so they can justify berating women who don't want a fucking dudebro in what's supposed to be women's spaces and harassing women and generally being sex pests.

Troons are basically seriously off-brand and suspicious bonbons where the outer candy shell of LARPing-as-a-woman covers a thick layer of munchiness surrounding a liquor center of seething Incel misogyny. (The sweetness is, of course, antifreeze.)

I've fucking seen troons like the Tranchers peak trans trannies. It's honestly going to be pretty entertaining to see how it all falls out--if it'll be grasped that you do not ever need numbers badly enough for it to be worth putting up with an infestation of predatory assholes, before the parasite load manages to kill the movement.


Yes. Fiber length severely impacts how fine a yarn it can be spun into, as well as the quality; there's a handful of fibers that break this rule, and they're very labor-intensive to produce.

It's important to note that fiber length for animal fibers is a product of how often you shear the animal (alpaca it's once a year, right after winter), genetics, and health. Things like vet bills and maintaining good feed (and good water) will severely impact the condition of the animal's coat. It's also why, if you're buying alpaca for any purpose other than 'pet'? You buy for quality.

Of course, the Tranchers over at Tenacious Unicorn Ranch managed to screw this up. Their land & animals would be in a lot better state if instead of buying LOTS of low-quality (if cute) alpaca, probably for more than those animals were worth, they'd instead just bought a handful and let the herd organically grow.
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To be fair to them, they were literally given half their herd. But I agree on that front. They are still producing some (limited) fingering grade yarn, but given it started at low stock so I would be interested to know how many units they actually have for sale...

It does still shock me that a mill would deliver product in that state with their name on it if redacted. I suppose they cant afford to be picky... I guess they need to be thankful for the business they get and make peace with the 'shit in shit out' model like software devs do.
 
CryoRevival #SJ-112 said:
To be fair to them, they were literally given half their herd. But I agree on that front. They are still producing some (limited) fingering grade yarn, but given it started at low stock so I would be interested to know how many units they actually have for sale...

It does still shock me that a mill would deliver product in that state with their name on it if redacted. I suppose they cant afford to be picky... I guess they need to be thankful for the business they get and make peace with the 'shit in shit out' model like software devs do.
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I'd have outright refused the gift, especially since it's probably accelerating the plummet in fiber quality because that's too many animals in too little space...and they probably couldn't afford decent care even if they weren't pretty much spending the money mostly on themselves.

I'm pretty sure the mill is just going with "Pay us before we process it" with that 'shit in, shit out' model, and probably part of the agreement is a clause requiring their name not be mentioned. Odds are that the money still would be better if the wool was of decent enough quality that the mill would just buy it from you, instead of charging you money to process it...
 
behindyourightnow said:
I am by no means a regular on this thread, so I am curious: do they even have a dedicated social media/PR person? Not even someone they hire, just someone there who takes on the role informally. There's one guy who just sits around and tweets all day, isn't there? Have they ever sat down together and talked together about their brand image, mission statements, that kind of thing?
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No they do not, since you aren't a regular around here I'll just let you know that this entire thread in microcosm is just endlessly repetition of the phrase "They cannot possibly be that retarded." quickly followed by the tranchers demonstrating that, yes, they are absolutely that retarded.
 
Weeb Slinger said:
This cliff-hanger, which will see the Tranchers, their livestock, and their poor abandoned lamb, homeless, will open the door to a second season.
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Man, after reading that screenplay, I’m really disappointed that this isn’t a thing. Hell, I’d film it for free. I have no experience whatsoever in film and directing, but the farmers don’t have experience in farming (presumably, based on how it’s going right now), so it works out.
 
CommonSenseWYAHoney said:
Man, after reading that screenplay, I’m really disappointed that this isn’t a thing. Hell, I’d film it for free. I have no experience whatsoever in film and directing, but the farmers don’t have experience in farming (presumably, based on how it’s going right now), so it works out.
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It needs a genuine genius director, like whoever directed Who Killed Captain Alex.
 
CommonSenseWYAHoney said:
More on their departing trans sisters.
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Alright I’ll stop shitting up the thread with boring updates, or at least not twice in less than 7 hours again (provided they don’t do more retarded shit).

Edit: ninja’d, oof.
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I would first like to say that that thing in the first tweet looks like a fucking shack for hay not a single goddamn person could even possibly live in, it looks just way too small. Even then why would they put them there and not in the house for extra safety anyway? Like if they have just been attacked and somehow lived dont you think those "white supremacists" would want to finish off the job? Also those photos showing the farmland look semi green but they look very much not well managed plus one bail of hay? What the fuck where is the rest of the hay?
 
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