The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[RodgerDodger]

Kevin cracks all the eggs as soon as they are brought in, so they have to be processed really quickly.


View attachment 2367441

"I was promised lush meadows! Now look at this!"

It's like they sold an old nuclear test site to troons. I guess that's one way to deal with toxic waste. And it effectively disincentivizes actual people from going anywhere near it.

 

[break these cuffs]

Also, I missed that in Colorado, only a handgun can be actually loaded.

Incidentally, this is what the NRA has to say on the subject:

Driving With Guns: How To

Just because you’re hitting the road doesn’t mean your right to self-defense must take a hike.

www.nrafamily.org

Also, fun fact:

Guns in Vehicles in Colorado | Giffords

In Colorado, a person may carry a concealed firearm, regardless of a permit, while in a private automobile or other private conveyance, for lawful protection while traveling.

giffords.org

Colorado sounds pretty based in some ways.

>laughs in constitutional carry

 

[Cum Addict]

Is that fucking stuffing? Who the hell serves stuffing for breakfast?

edit: According to @Hollywood Hulk Hogan that's supposed to be eggs. If those are eggs...

looks like some kinda fucked up sausage and eggs combo, imagine it’s filling for the tortillas on the left?

 

[Meriasek]

View attachment 2357595

I love it when a GRS comes together.

 

[Cycleye]

Kevin cracks all the eggs as soon as they are brought in, so they have to be processed really quickly.


View attachment 2367441

"I was promised lush meadows! Now look at this!"

WTF is that thing lying in front of the animal? The thing that looks like a snake.

 

[Grub]

My brain can't comprehend this thread....

Troon patrol swatted out in tacticool gear and starwars hat from a unicorn fairy tranny ranch full of troon alpaca abusing marine larpers.

How is this a thing that actually exists??

Can I just go back to the world where alpaca abusing marine larping tranny fairy ranchers don't exist....

 

[Fareal]

I find all the Tranch Davidian shit funny right up until people post pictures of the alpacas. Then I feel very sad. Idgaf about the trannies, but the alpacas deserve to be taken care of properly.

 

[Search]

Ok, this is the story how I perceive it:
Some random tranny contacted them and told that his voice was dropping.
As we all know that is a red alert situation so a squad of troons was dispatched from the Tranch to deliver HRT shots before it is too late.

Why guns? Because amhole.

 

[Meiwaku]

The Last of the Troonhicans
The Dilation Dozen
All Quiet on the Women Front
Full Mediocre Jacket
The HRT Locker

Spoilered the Original movie just in case someone doesn't know

• Saving Ryan's Privates
• Alpacalypse Now (someone has made a poster for this already)
• Zero Dark 41
• Cope & Glory
• Come & Seethe (alt: Cope & Seethe, Cope & See)
• Starship Troonpers
• Black Unicorn Down
• Das Troont
• An Occurance at Alpaca creek Bridge
• The Big Red Hon
• The Life & death of colonel Brick
• The Steel Dilator
• Platroon
• The Dirty Dozen (this one is fine as is, The polycule however is "the flirty dozen")
• The Gibes at Midnight
• The Burmese Larp
• War Unicorn
• Grand Illusion (this one is also fine as is)

Spoiler: Movies Parodied

Saving private Ryan
Apocalypse Now
Zero dark 30
Hope & glory
Come & See
Starship troopers
Black Hawk Down
Das boot
An occurrence at owl Creek bridge
The big red one
The life and death of col. Blimp
The steel helmet
Platoon
The dirty dozen
The chimes at midnight
The burmese harp
War horse
Grand Illusion

 

[break these cuffs]

Ok, this is the story how I perceive it:
Some random tranny contacted them and told that his voice was dropping.
As we all know that is a red alert situation so a squad of troons was dispatched from the Tranch to deliver HRT shots before it is too late.

Why guns? Because amhole.

The other likely scenario is that the gfm is failing so they decided to spice things up. Maybe a bill is coming due or maybe one of them can think beyond their next sorry excuse for a range session.

 

[Weeb Slinger]

If there is space in the TV schedules for shows where teams of ghost hunters, wearing night-vision goggles, stumble around in the pitch black, inside derelict mental institutions, then there is surely also space for a reality show where the Tranchers carry out armed extractions of vulnerable trans individuals from hostile situations.

It would need an unwieldy and ambiguous title that wouldn't alienate the boomer demographic – something like 'Gender Rescuers'. The format would be a fusion of 'Most Haunted' and 'Dog the Bounty Hunter'.

The episode structure practically writes itself: You base the show on the Unicorn Ranch, which allows for any shortfall in the running time to be filled with shots of the alpacas. This also provides a basis for story arcs to bookend the episodes, along with plenty of saccharine moments, for example, a ewe rejecting her lamb because she identifies as a male sheep.

We get to witness the Tranchers' ongoing efforts to fortify their ranch against an impending attack from the local white supremacist groups, who have unified themselves around a mysterious and charismatic leader, named Earl, who is very much the Professor Moriarty of the show.

Phillip is filmed screwing offcuts of wood to the inside of a car's doors “to make the vehicle bulletproof”. There follows a discussion regarding the grade of chicken wire that would be required to protect the wind-shield – the holes need to be just large enough the catch bullets and stop them from passing though.

After a few minutes of a side-story, where one of the Tranchers attempts to source a replacement stove nob from an auction website, disingenuously called SHEbay, the show moves up a gear: In the Unicorn Ranch Situation Room (already sinking on its foundations in one corner) one of the senior Tranchers briefs the extraction team on their mission. These sorties mostly entail breaking a captive troon out of a rural property, all of which have ridiculous names like 'Broken Buck Ranch'. Photos of the kidnappers are shown, pixelated to avoid legal action, and also because, like every human threat to the ranch in this show, they don't fucking exist. There are some cautionary words of warning regarding intelligence that suggests Earl may be on site, and that everyone should take extra. care. This is followed by a visit to the Quartermaster, where everybody gears up.

The missions themselves all take place after dark and consist shaky, black and white headcam footage, taken at odd angles, with long reconnaissance shots being filmed on 'Sniper cam' - literally a sniper scope.

The show will develop its own lexicon: “We got a cis by the north-east perimeter wall. I can scope two cis loitering by the red pick-up.”

At some point, one of the rescuers will claim to have seen Earl and there will be a futile attempt to identify him:

“Bonnie, we need to see his face. Can you get in for a closer look?”

“Negative, there's a wooden beam in the way.”

There is always a wooden beam, or some other conveniently-placed object, blocking the view of Earl's face.

When things inevitably kick off there will be a lot of breathless running between cover, firing into the air at nothing, and a level of urgency that far exceeds that which the situation demands.

Back at the ranch everybody hugs and there are some affirming words from Phillip about how “everyone did good out there today.”

I envisage a season finale where the Trancher's receive word that Earl intends to attack Unicorn Ranch. Faced by overwhelming numbers, Phillip makes the hard decision to evacuate. He calls upon the people who the Tranchers have rescued to assist in an alpaca drive, through a dangerous valley, to a secret safe space.

This cliff-hanger, which will see the Tranchers, their livestock, and their poor abandoned lamb, homeless, will open the door to a second season.

I would watch the shit out of a show like this, and I am sure many others would too. The Tranchers would b happy too, as they could continue their grifting, at least until some form of scandal results in a prominent member of the team going to jail.

 

[Hell yeah dude]

Spoiler

 

[DemonicMustache]

It's not going to end in a Waco style siege. More than likely, the Tranch will wither and die, and the troons will couch surf to the four winds, leving behind a miniature desert, a mountain of alpaca carcases, and a dark legend among the locals.

This. It'll die out like most Commie inspired Utopias. The only "what if" factor in my book is a "war" with another militia, but I seriously doubt that would happen.

These guys aren't
1. running a religious cult (David Koresh, YFZ ranch);
2. gun running (Ruby Ridge)
3. Militant Anti-Jim Crow (Black Panthers)
4. Marxist Revolutionaries (Weather Underground)
5. Racist Terrorists (Ku Klux Klan)
6. Running an underground radioshow and feuding with neighbors (William Cooper)

These dudes are eunuchs with a gun fetish. They have not underlying ideology a part from sexual perversion. They aren't trying to overthrow the government. Hell, if anything, they are pro-government all the way. This is just a harmless LARP. Entertaining, but pointless.

 

[Humbert Humbert]

More on their departing trans sisters.

Spoiler: Full image

Also:

Spoiler: Full images

More content

Spoiler: Yarn and alpacas, and Penny

Yarn dropped.

Spoiler: Full images

Spoiler: Full images

Bonus:

Spoiler: Full image

Alright I’ll stop shitting up the thread with boring updates, or at least not twice in less than 7 hours again (provided they don’t do more retarded shit).

Edit: ninja’d, oof.

 

[AprilRains]

If there is space in the TV schedules for shows where teams of ghost hunters, wearing night-vision goggles, stumble around in the pitch black, inside derelict mental institutions, then there is surely also space for a reality show where the Tranchers carry out armed extractions of vulnerable trans individuals from hostile situations.

It would need an unwieldy and ambiguous title that wouldn't alienate the boomer demographic – something like 'Gender Rescuers'. The format would be a fusion of 'Most Haunted' and 'Dog the Bounty Hunter'.

The episode structure practically writes itself: You base the show on the Unicorn Ranch, which allows for any shortfall in the running time to be filled with shots of the alpacas. This also provides a basis for story arcs to bookend the episodes, along with plenty of saccharine moments, for example, a ewe rejecting her lamb because she identifies as a male sheep.

We get to witness the Tranchers' ongoing efforts to fortify their ranch against an impending attack from the local white supremacist groups, who have unified themselves around a mysterious and charismatic leader, named Earl, who is very much the Professor Moriarty of the show.

Phillip is filmed screwing offcuts of wood to the inside of a car's doors “to make the vehicle bulletproof”. There follows a discussion regarding the grade of chicken wire that would be required to protect the wind-shield – the holes need to be just large enough the catch bullets and stop them from passing though.

After a few minutes of a side-story, where one of the Tranchers attempts to source a replacement stove nob from an auction website, disingenuously called SHEbay, the show moves up a gear: In the Unicorn Ranch Situation Room (already sinking on its foundations in one corner) one of the senior Tranchers briefs the extraction team on their mission. These sorties mostly entail breaking a captive troon out of a rural property, all of which have ridiculous names like 'Broken Buck Ranch'. Photos of the kidnappers are shown, pixelated to avoid legal action, and also because, like every human threat to the ranch in this show, they don't fucking exist. There are some cautionary words of warning regarding intelligence that suggests Earl may be on site, and that everyone should take extra. care. This is followed by a visit to the Quartermaster, where everybody gears up.

The missions themselves all take place after dark and consist shaky, black and white headcam footage, taken at odd angles, with long reconnaissance shots being filmed on 'Sniper cam' - literally a sniper scope.

The show will develop its own lexicon: “We got a cis by the north-east perimeter wall. I can scope two cis loitering by the red pick-up.”

At some point, one of the rescuers will claim to have seen Earl and there will be a futile attempt to identify him:

“Bonnie, we need to see his face. Can you get in for a closer look?”

“Negative, there's a wooden beam in the way.”

There is always a wooden beam, or some other conveniently-placed object, blocking the view of Earl's face.

When things inevitably kick off there will be a lot of breathless running between cover, firing into the air at nothing, and a level of urgency that far exceeds that which the situation demands.

Back at the ranch everybody hugs and there are some affirming words from Phillip about how “everyone did good out there today.”

I envisage a season finale where the Trancher's receive word that Earl intends to attack Unicorn Ranch. Faced by overwhelming numbers, Phillip makes the hard decision to evacuate. He calls upon the people who the Tranchers have rescued to assist in an alpaca drive, through a dangerous valley, to a secret safe space.

This cliff-hanger, which will see the Tranchers, their livestock, and their poor abandoned lamb, homeless, will open the door to a second season.

I would watch the shit out of a show like this, and I am sure many others would too. The Tranchers would b happy too, as they could continue their grifting, at least until some form of scandal results in a prominent member of the team going to jail.

Proposed episode title: "I'm Gonna Give You Succor".

 

[Popcorn]

Hahahaha they did a special ops extraction mission to save a high value "sister" from a "white supremacist" compound?

Far more likely that they just picked up some unemployed unwashed basement dwelling fuckup from his parents house

 

[AssignedEva]

If there is space in the TV schedules for shows where teams of ghost hunters, wearing night-vision goggles, stumble around in the pitch black, inside derelict mental institutions, then there is surely also space for a reality show where the Tranchers carry out armed extractions of vulnerable trans individuals from hostile situations.

It would need an unwieldy and ambiguous title that wouldn't alienate the boomer demographic – something like 'Gender Rescuers'. The format would be a fusion of 'Most Haunted' and 'Dog the Bounty Hunter'.

The episode structure practically writes itself: You base the show on the Unicorn Ranch, which allows for any shortfall in the running time to be filled with shots of the alpacas. This also provides a basis for story arcs to bookend the episodes, along with plenty of saccharine moments, for example, a ewe rejecting her lamb because she identifies as a male sheep.

We get to witness the Tranchers' ongoing efforts to fortify their ranch against an impending attack from the local white supremacist groups, who have unified themselves around a mysterious and charismatic leader, named Earl, who is very much the Professor Moriarty of the show.

Phillip is filmed screwing offcuts of wood to the inside of a car's doors “to make the vehicle bulletproof”. There follows a discussion regarding the grade of chicken wire that would be required to protect the wind-shield – the holes need to be just large enough the catch bullets and stop them from passing though.

After a few minutes of a side-story, where one of the Tranchers attempts to source a replacement stove nob from an auction website, disingenuously called SHEbay, the show moves up a gear: In the Unicorn Ranch Situation Room (already sinking on its foundations in one corner) one of the senior Tranchers briefs the extraction team on their mission. These sorties mostly entail breaking a captive troon out of a rural property, all of which have ridiculous names like 'Broken Buck Ranch'. Photos of the kidnappers are shown, pixelated to avoid legal action, and also because, like every human threat to the ranch in this show, they don't fucking exist. There are some cautionary words of warning regarding intelligence that suggests Earl may be on site, and that everyone should take extra. care. This is followed by a visit to the Quartermaster, where everybody gears up.

The missions themselves all take place after dark and consist shaky, black and white headcam footage, taken at odd angles, with long reconnaissance shots being filmed on 'Sniper cam' - literally a sniper scope.

The show will develop its own lexicon: “We got a cis by the north-east perimeter wall. I can scope two cis loitering by the red pick-up.”

At some point, one of the rescuers will claim to have seen Earl and there will be a futile attempt to identify him:

“Bonnie, we need to see his face. Can you get in for a closer look?”

“Negative, there's a wooden beam in the way.”

There is always a wooden beam, or some other conveniently-placed object, blocking the view of Earl's face.

When things inevitably kick off there will be a lot of breathless running between cover, firing into the air at nothing, and a level of urgency that far exceeds that which the situation demands.

Back at the ranch everybody hugs and there are some affirming words from Phillip about how “everyone did good out there today.”

I envisage a season finale where the Trancher's receive word that Earl intends to attack Unicorn Ranch. Faced by overwhelming numbers, Phillip makes the hard decision to evacuate. He calls upon the people who the Tranchers have rescued to assist in an alpaca drive, through a dangerous valley, to a secret safe space.

This cliff-hanger, which will see the Tranchers, their livestock, and their poor abandoned lamb, homeless, will open the door to a second season.

I would watch the shit out of a show like this, and I am sure many others would too. The Tranchers would b happy too, as they could continue their grifting, at least until some form of scandal results in a prominent member of the team going to jail.

I love this idea. There could even be an animated spinoff (made by Schmorky)

 

[Cycleye]

Spoilered the Original movie just in case someone doesn't know

• Saving Ryan's Privates
• Alpacalypse Now (someone has made a poster for this already)
• Zero Dark 41
• Cope & Glory
• Come & Seethe (alt: Cope & Seethe, Cope & See)
• Starship Troonpers
• Black Unicorn Down
• Das Troont
• An Occurance at Alpaca creek Bridge
• The Big Red Hon
• The Life & death of colonel Brick
• The Steel Dilator
• Platroon
• The Dirty Dozen (this one is fine as is, The polycule however is "the flirty dozen")
• The Gibes at Midnight
• The Burmese Larp
• War Unicorn
• Grand Illusion (this one is also fine as is)

Spoiler: Movies Parodied

Saving private Ryan
Apocalypse Now
Zero dark 30
Hope & glory
Come & See
Starship troopers
Black Hawk Down
Das boot
An occurrence at owl Creek bridge
The big red one
The life and death of col. Blimp
The steel helmet
Platoon
The dirty dozen
The chimes at midnight
The burmese harp
War horse
Grand Illusion

The Pianis
The Alpaca Hunter
The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas (original title fits this lot)
Hacksaw Ridge (fits again)
Empire of the Bum (cert 18 )
The Imitation Game (another original title fits)
American Snipper
The Dirty Half Dozen
Had and Have Not
A Fistful of Dilator
Troona! Troona! Troona!
Bloody Everyday
M.A.A.M
Furry
Legends of the Fallus
The Tranny

 

[Popcorn]

More content

Spoiler: Yarn and alpacas, and Penny

Yarn dropped. View attachment 2367812View attachment 2367801

Spoiler: Full images

View attachment 2367806View attachment 2367802
View attachment 2367807

View attachment 2367815

Spoiler: Full images

View attachment 2367805View attachment 2367804View attachment 2367810View attachment 2367809View attachment 2367808

I'm a retard for double posting I know, but that yarn looks like shit, look at how it's spun. It's uneven as fuck, lumpy, and it looks like it wasn't properly plyed together in places. Also of course it's bulky, whatever poor mill they got to spin their shitty wool probably can't spin anything finer / actually usable from the wool they were given.

The money in small batch alpaca yarn like this is in sock and lace weight yarns, not bulky yarns. They'd know that if any of them actually had any background in fiber.

Also these fuckers are so incompetent that they couldn't get their animals a bale feeder?

 

[DocMorbis]

Wish their car broke down in the "Den of White supremacy" then we could get the autistic remake of Behind Emeny Lines.